Why did bill paterson leave guilt
Did I handle this as poorly as I think I did?
2023.06.04 05:46 susansahverd Did I handle this as poorly as I think I did?
I had a guest booked for a one night stay. I messaged her the day of her check out and said “Good morning! When you check out today just lock up behind you and leave the garage door closed. No rush, you got there late yesterday and the housekeeper won’t be in until 1-ish.” (The housekeeper wasn’t actually due that afternoon, I said that to provide a general timeline about what I meant by “take your time”).
I see them leave around 12:50 on the ring doorbell and go about my day without thinking about it any further. I fail to disable their smart lock access at that time, having seen them leave.
Around 8 pm, I get a ring notification that there’s a person at the backdoor. I look and see that they’ve come back in and out and immediately get weirded out. I message her “Hi [name], did you return to the home this evening after check out?” No response. I disable their lock access.
Since I was out of town, I ask my dad to go check on the house immediately. He goes over there and their car is in the garage and their stuff is still in the home. He leaves right away without touching anything and lets me know it looks like they have failed to check out.
No response from the guest still, though not much time has passed. I told my dad to just hang out around the property and wait for them to come back while I file an Airbnb ticket. At this point I suspected that they were intentionally avoiding checking out/responding to me. I file the ticket and ask my dad to contact law enforcement, because when they returned I wanted them to be escorted in and out just to get their things.
By now I’m panicking and assuming the worst. I call my housekeeper who knows the place like the back of her hand. She offered to drive down and look inside to make sure everything inside was as it should be (the home is from 1860 and full of antiques I’ve cultivated over the last two years and precious to me). She and her husband come by, chat with my dad in the parking lot for a while, and then they enter the home.
This is where it gets super messy. As they go into the home, they forget to lock it behind them. Just about about at this exact moment, the guests return and enter the home. My housekeeper exits through the front door, walks around back, knocks, and tells them that she’s the housekeeper and that checkout was at 1. The man answers the door and is aggressive right off the bat. He tells her to “go the fuck away.” As this confrontation is happening, the wife texts me, simply: “yes” to my message from an hour and a half prior asking if she’d re-entered the home. I tell her “I’m sorry, that is not okay. You need to vacate the property.” And she says “I thought we had until tomorrow.” This exchange is happening as her husband is still speaking to my housekeeper at the door.
She asks my housekeeper to call me, and she and I have a conversation. She insists they thought they had until the next day, and that it was an honest mistake. I told her I hope she understands why it looked bad and why I became immediately concerned. She never expressed any surprise or remorse for being there at night 9 hours after checkout time without any communication. There was no apology about being there without a reservation. They said they were opting to pack up and leave.
My dad had called the police (as I had requested much earlier) at the time the guests had shown back up. When they did arrive, they stood by and kept the peace while the guests packed up and left.
My initial gut reaction at the beginning of this was that they were not trustworthy and that I was dealing with a bad situation. I am new-ish to Airbnb and nervous about my home. I have never had a guest do anything even remotely sketchy and didn’t have a lot of levelheadedness at the time. I don’t think I have a lot of tools in my toolbox yet for dealing with something outside the scope of the standard “check in, check out, no weirdness” script.
In retrospect, I acknowledge that if it truly was an honest mistake then I came in super hot. I brought in multiple people to the scene, assumed the worst, and escalated it so much further than it had to be.
On the other hand, though, I feel like not everything adds up. They were EXTREMELy aggressive when my people showed up. There was no communication, and I feel like it would extremely difficult to not realize for the entire duration of that time that you’d gotten the dates of your reservation wrong.
Obviously this is going to bring on a spiteful, hate-filled review no matter which way you slice it. I probably shot myself in the foot, and I’m upset about that. I feel a bit wishy washy on if I made the right call trusting my gut. I’m conflicted on whether or not they were taking me for a ride or if they made a legit booking mistake. Help! I truly need unbiased responses.
Please don’t be too mean, even if you think I’m a blundering idiot.
submitted by susansahverd to AirBnBHosts [link] [comments]
I see them leave around 12:50 on the ring doorbell and go about my day without thinking about it any further. I fail to disable their smart lock access at that time, having seen them leave.
Around 8 pm, I get a ring notification that there’s a person at the backdoor. I look and see that they’ve come back in and out and immediately get weirded out. I message her “Hi [name], did you return to the home this evening after check out?” No response. I disable their lock access.
Since I was out of town, I ask my dad to go check on the house immediately. He goes over there and their car is in the garage and their stuff is still in the home. He leaves right away without touching anything and lets me know it looks like they have failed to check out.
No response from the guest still, though not much time has passed. I told my dad to just hang out around the property and wait for them to come back while I file an Airbnb ticket. At this point I suspected that they were intentionally avoiding checking out/responding to me. I file the ticket and ask my dad to contact law enforcement, because when they returned I wanted them to be escorted in and out just to get their things.
By now I’m panicking and assuming the worst. I call my housekeeper who knows the place like the back of her hand. She offered to drive down and look inside to make sure everything inside was as it should be (the home is from 1860 and full of antiques I’ve cultivated over the last two years and precious to me). She and her husband come by, chat with my dad in the parking lot for a while, and then they enter the home.
This is where it gets super messy. As they go into the home, they forget to lock it behind them. Just about about at this exact moment, the guests return and enter the home. My housekeeper exits through the front door, walks around back, knocks, and tells them that she’s the housekeeper and that checkout was at 1. The man answers the door and is aggressive right off the bat. He tells her to “go the fuck away.” As this confrontation is happening, the wife texts me, simply: “yes” to my message from an hour and a half prior asking if she’d re-entered the home. I tell her “I’m sorry, that is not okay. You need to vacate the property.” And she says “I thought we had until tomorrow.” This exchange is happening as her husband is still speaking to my housekeeper at the door.
She asks my housekeeper to call me, and she and I have a conversation. She insists they thought they had until the next day, and that it was an honest mistake. I told her I hope she understands why it looked bad and why I became immediately concerned. She never expressed any surprise or remorse for being there at night 9 hours after checkout time without any communication. There was no apology about being there without a reservation. They said they were opting to pack up and leave.
My dad had called the police (as I had requested much earlier) at the time the guests had shown back up. When they did arrive, they stood by and kept the peace while the guests packed up and left.
My initial gut reaction at the beginning of this was that they were not trustworthy and that I was dealing with a bad situation. I am new-ish to Airbnb and nervous about my home. I have never had a guest do anything even remotely sketchy and didn’t have a lot of levelheadedness at the time. I don’t think I have a lot of tools in my toolbox yet for dealing with something outside the scope of the standard “check in, check out, no weirdness” script.
In retrospect, I acknowledge that if it truly was an honest mistake then I came in super hot. I brought in multiple people to the scene, assumed the worst, and escalated it so much further than it had to be.
On the other hand, though, I feel like not everything adds up. They were EXTREMELy aggressive when my people showed up. There was no communication, and I feel like it would extremely difficult to not realize for the entire duration of that time that you’d gotten the dates of your reservation wrong.
Obviously this is going to bring on a spiteful, hate-filled review no matter which way you slice it. I probably shot myself in the foot, and I’m upset about that. I feel a bit wishy washy on if I made the right call trusting my gut. I’m conflicted on whether or not they were taking me for a ride or if they made a legit booking mistake. Help! I truly need unbiased responses.
Please don’t be too mean, even if you think I’m a blundering idiot.
2023.06.04 05:45 underyoirskin If not borderline, than what?
I started my healing journey in the end of 2020. It was when I started therapy.
At first, I was doing therapy with an Psychoanalyst. After a few months, she said that I didnt have depression (that is what i always thought i had, since i was 11). I was sad and struggling, but the actual diagnose of depression, no, I probably didnt have - that is what she said. After a year with her, I changed to a Psychologist.
After two sessions the Psychologist said I probably had Bipolar Disorder. According to her, I was a person with a very white and black way of thinking, always hurting myself, and viewing things and people with extreme lenses - with a quick search i saw those were def bpd symptons. I stopped having sessions with her. The only good thing was that she pushed me to see a Psychiatrist. And that is what I did.
He told me I probably had Borderline Personality Disorder - in the first session. He prescribed me antidepressants and anxiolytics - i ended up never taking those.
The new Psychologist that i have to this day, says that she is not sure what i have. She doesnt like labels.
To this day, Im still very confused on what I have. And i still doubt that I have Bpd. Because I lack a lot of the symptons. But at the same time, If not Bpd, than what? I know that I have something, and Bpd is what I connect with the most.
Here is what happened with me and why I think I may have bpd:
As a kid, I went thru several traumas: i was in a car crash at 4 and i lost my brother in the accident. I remember almost everything of it. My parents never talked about it with me. I had to go thru grieve alone. At 5, my grandma sexually assaulted me. Twice. It took me years to realize what actually happened. I used to love her. My mom was also cold and distant, and im pretty sure i was neglected. I was a very lonely child; always playing alone, eating alone. Somehow I was always alone. Also, my parents used to fight a lot. I never saw the physical fights, but i could hear screams and things breaking. It was hell. I dont know if my dad used to beat my mom. But i think he did. What im sure is that he always cheated on her. I was bullied constantly by my "friends" between the age of 11 and 13. At 15 years old i moved to a totally different country and got bullied there too. I was alone with no friends in the first two whole years of high school.
I also went thru very toxic relationships. I was also toxic myself. If the person did something i didnt like or if i didnt feel loved enough, i would cheat. I cheated in all my relationships. I had a boyfriend that would threaten me, saying he would kill himself if i leave him. He would show me his cuts.
And in regards of the last boyfriend that i had (between 19 years old and 21), I also would cut myself so I could have his attention. I did that for him to care; for him to take care of me. We used to live in different cities, and every time he left i would feel like i was going to die. Literally. I told him that once. Once he left, I would be in bed all day. Crying. Grieving his imaginary death.
I also ended up very addicted to weed. That changed my life completly. i would said it saved me for a while; but then destroyed me. I had to move out of the country that i was living, drop out the university i was in and went back to live with my mom - all that to stop smoking. I was using other things to, but in a very unhealthy way (alone, in my room, over dosing): ectasy and ketamine. I also did mushrooms, which was actually good for me. But i was smoking weed every day, and using ectasy and ketamine and mushrooms, all in a period of time of 3 months or less.
Also, I always had compulsive eating... or i would either starve myself. But mostly eating till i get sick.
I do lack the agressive part of bdp, and this makes me doubt if i really have it.
If you have Bpd, please help me. I just want a light. I dont want to be confused anymore. I wanna know what i have so i can help myself better. Do you think I could have Bpd or something else? Or for sure is Bpd?
And if you have BPD, how do you experience it? How it is for you?
submitted by underyoirskin to BorderlinePDisorder [link] [comments]
At first, I was doing therapy with an Psychoanalyst. After a few months, she said that I didnt have depression (that is what i always thought i had, since i was 11). I was sad and struggling, but the actual diagnose of depression, no, I probably didnt have - that is what she said. After a year with her, I changed to a Psychologist.
After two sessions the Psychologist said I probably had Bipolar Disorder. According to her, I was a person with a very white and black way of thinking, always hurting myself, and viewing things and people with extreme lenses - with a quick search i saw those were def bpd symptons. I stopped having sessions with her. The only good thing was that she pushed me to see a Psychiatrist. And that is what I did.
He told me I probably had Borderline Personality Disorder - in the first session. He prescribed me antidepressants and anxiolytics - i ended up never taking those.
The new Psychologist that i have to this day, says that she is not sure what i have. She doesnt like labels.
To this day, Im still very confused on what I have. And i still doubt that I have Bpd. Because I lack a lot of the symptons. But at the same time, If not Bpd, than what? I know that I have something, and Bpd is what I connect with the most.
Here is what happened with me and why I think I may have bpd:
As a kid, I went thru several traumas: i was in a car crash at 4 and i lost my brother in the accident. I remember almost everything of it. My parents never talked about it with me. I had to go thru grieve alone. At 5, my grandma sexually assaulted me. Twice. It took me years to realize what actually happened. I used to love her. My mom was also cold and distant, and im pretty sure i was neglected. I was a very lonely child; always playing alone, eating alone. Somehow I was always alone. Also, my parents used to fight a lot. I never saw the physical fights, but i could hear screams and things breaking. It was hell. I dont know if my dad used to beat my mom. But i think he did. What im sure is that he always cheated on her. I was bullied constantly by my "friends" between the age of 11 and 13. At 15 years old i moved to a totally different country and got bullied there too. I was alone with no friends in the first two whole years of high school.
I also went thru very toxic relationships. I was also toxic myself. If the person did something i didnt like or if i didnt feel loved enough, i would cheat. I cheated in all my relationships. I had a boyfriend that would threaten me, saying he would kill himself if i leave him. He would show me his cuts.
And in regards of the last boyfriend that i had (between 19 years old and 21), I also would cut myself so I could have his attention. I did that for him to care; for him to take care of me. We used to live in different cities, and every time he left i would feel like i was going to die. Literally. I told him that once. Once he left, I would be in bed all day. Crying. Grieving his imaginary death.
I also ended up very addicted to weed. That changed my life completly. i would said it saved me for a while; but then destroyed me. I had to move out of the country that i was living, drop out the university i was in and went back to live with my mom - all that to stop smoking. I was using other things to, but in a very unhealthy way (alone, in my room, over dosing): ectasy and ketamine. I also did mushrooms, which was actually good for me. But i was smoking weed every day, and using ectasy and ketamine and mushrooms, all in a period of time of 3 months or less.
Also, I always had compulsive eating... or i would either starve myself. But mostly eating till i get sick.
I do lack the agressive part of bdp, and this makes me doubt if i really have it.
If you have Bpd, please help me. I just want a light. I dont want to be confused anymore. I wanna know what i have so i can help myself better. Do you think I could have Bpd or something else? Or for sure is Bpd?
And if you have BPD, how do you experience it? How it is for you?
2023.06.04 05:43 penbrok Dear reader,
I want to write in the style of Edgar Allen Poe.
Edgar, if I may be so bold, was a man who was defined by the pain he held for the women he loved, who left too soon.
In this way, while my love did not perish… she may be as such, but nevertheless, her loss has defined me as well.
I wonder if he ever felt… relief as he wrote. Writing his own “unsent letters” in the hopes that someone, somewhere, sometime would read them and he could connect with the loves of his life.
I wonder if he knew they would reach a beautiful woman who would’ve loved to just communicate with him once.
A woman… I would love to communicate with one more time…
But, You know me, the letters I write are more me than I am in “real life”. I am a jealous, bitter, scarred, and wounded man, who loves someone who left after I pushed her out. Some days I’m bitter… some days I accept things, all the days I love her, and I cannot stop.
It isn’t that I won’t, because, how do you stop being the person you grew into? I became so much more with her. How could I become lesser?
I’ve been working through my mind trying to accept her loss, accept my fault, and accept that I needed to move on.
I feel guilt, as one must feel after surviving a ship wreck. Could I have done more? Certainly, but I needed to save myself at the cost of things. I needed to save those I could, and though I believe I did my best, my heart wishes I could’ve saved more.
I mourn a life not lived, a woman that I loved and could’ve cherished for all days, and the ones yet to come. I mourn for who I could’ve been, and the “purpose” I’ve lost.
BUT, if there is one thing I’ve learned, as hard as it is to let go, holding on has troubles of its own. This work is dedicated to sb. Without you, I was lost, now, I always know the way.
Here is my attempt.
THE RELEASE OF FLIGHT
On the black wings of morpheus,
Through hollowed corridors of my mind.
Sits a wicked facsimile of a kind.
It rambles and bucks, riderless and alone,
But where between the foliage of knowledge
Only my wicked mind knows.
It’s claws and haws at the loss of more
It scrambles and barks at my door.
Begging to be free of the forced confinement
Subsisting only on the means assigned it.
Forever.
For it cannot be free unless I write it,
This ramshackle beast cannot deny it.
Only through a writers pen,
Can it ever be seen by my love again.
Only read by those who see it,
Only known by the one who needs it.
For love can never been kept inside,
It turns to a beast no one can hide.
So on these black wings I release
The love turned beast
to protect your peace.
So leave and change this beast of mine,
You were always born and made to fly.
Though you may be gone from this place,
The love you become can never be erased.
Sincerely.
submitted by penbrok to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
Edgar, if I may be so bold, was a man who was defined by the pain he held for the women he loved, who left too soon.
In this way, while my love did not perish… she may be as such, but nevertheless, her loss has defined me as well.
I wonder if he ever felt… relief as he wrote. Writing his own “unsent letters” in the hopes that someone, somewhere, sometime would read them and he could connect with the loves of his life.
I wonder if he knew they would reach a beautiful woman who would’ve loved to just communicate with him once.
A woman… I would love to communicate with one more time…
But, You know me, the letters I write are more me than I am in “real life”. I am a jealous, bitter, scarred, and wounded man, who loves someone who left after I pushed her out. Some days I’m bitter… some days I accept things, all the days I love her, and I cannot stop.
It isn’t that I won’t, because, how do you stop being the person you grew into? I became so much more with her. How could I become lesser?
I’ve been working through my mind trying to accept her loss, accept my fault, and accept that I needed to move on.
I feel guilt, as one must feel after surviving a ship wreck. Could I have done more? Certainly, but I needed to save myself at the cost of things. I needed to save those I could, and though I believe I did my best, my heart wishes I could’ve saved more.
I mourn a life not lived, a woman that I loved and could’ve cherished for all days, and the ones yet to come. I mourn for who I could’ve been, and the “purpose” I’ve lost.
BUT, if there is one thing I’ve learned, as hard as it is to let go, holding on has troubles of its own. This work is dedicated to sb. Without you, I was lost, now, I always know the way.
Here is my attempt.
THE RELEASE OF FLIGHT
On the black wings of morpheus,
Through hollowed corridors of my mind.
Sits a wicked facsimile of a kind.
It rambles and bucks, riderless and alone,
But where between the foliage of knowledge
Only my wicked mind knows.
It’s claws and haws at the loss of more
It scrambles and barks at my door.
Begging to be free of the forced confinement
Subsisting only on the means assigned it.
Forever.
For it cannot be free unless I write it,
This ramshackle beast cannot deny it.
Only through a writers pen,
Can it ever be seen by my love again.
Only read by those who see it,
Only known by the one who needs it.
For love can never been kept inside,
It turns to a beast no one can hide.
So on these black wings I release
The love turned beast
to protect your peace.
So leave and change this beast of mine,
You were always born and made to fly.
Though you may be gone from this place,
The love you become can never be erased.
Sincerely.
2023.06.04 05:42 Hellraiser833 The love of my life left me and Idk what to do
So my ex and I were long distance. And things were well. Till just a few weeks ago. She hadn't been able to text me or be there for me for like 2 months. The only time we were able to talk was like 4 sentences a day. She brought up that I don't deserve her and that I should find someone in my town. I always turned this down because I loved her. I tried and tried to save us but it felt like I was the only one doing something abt it. It felt like she wasn't giving me a choice. So we broke up, I've been just angry and sad because of it. Part of me understands why she did it but the other part doesn't. I'm so angry at her for what she did yet I can't get her off my mind. I asked if we could get back together. She declined. I have stopped talking to her. Idk if I should do something or just leave her. I feel like I can't leave her but she doesn't care at all abt me.
submitted by Hellraiser833 to Breakupadvice [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 05:39 camiam85 11 year old hospital bill
Recently someone called my office to verify my employment, I had taken the day off, this is a small business, my boss text me and told me about it. I had no idea why so the following day I got the number they called from and called back to ask why? Found out it was a debt collection group trying to garnish my wages from a hospital bill from 2011. I did in fact go to that hospital in 2011, I was in a car accident and went just to get checked out, it was a quick visit, in and out. In 2011 I was in a union and had some of the best insurance a union could buy, I don't ever remember getting a bill from this hospital after the visit, maybe I should have expected one but I guess I thought my insurance took care of it. Flash forward to now and I've gone back and fourth with the collection company about a payment telling them I'm not paying 3 times what the original amount for the visit was. It was a $800 bill in 2011 which I don't believe the visit was ran through my insurance, shouldn't have been that much. They tell me there is no way I didn't know about the bill because in 2015 they where garnishing my wages when I worked at a company I have never worked for. I've found all the documents posted online from this, me and another guy in my city share the same name (besides the middle name and variation in spelling) the online dockets have a different spelling also. I called the company and have a letter from their HR confirming I never worked there. They garnished the wrong person's wages... now last time I spoke to the collection group I had thought we came to an agreement that send me a bill for x amount and I'll pay the thing cause I am sick of dealing with this, but I asked them to send me the original bill from the hospital cause I still have questions about this as far as my insurance from back then and what was covered. I don't feel like the original bill was correct. 3 weeks go by and nothing in my mailbox last week the mail carrier walks in with a certified letter at my office, again small company I get handed a manilla envelope and read the name it came from and said nope, not signing this send it back. They brought it back a couple days ago and I again would not sign. We had came to a dollar amount I agreed to pay as Long as they could provide the original bill... they never sent it and chose to try to garnish my wages instead. Do I have a case to fight this in court?
submitted by camiam85 to legaladvice [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 05:38 ThrowRa230423 I (34f) found out my husband (35m) is sexting other women? Should I divorce him?
My husband (35m) and I 34(f) are married since 2 years and dated 6 years before that. Roughly 1 and a half years ago we moved from Europe to the States because he got a great job offer he couldn’t say no to. I was hesitant but wanted to support him. The first year was hell for me- I was homesick, missed my family and friends and felt lost. My husband loves his job and quickly made friends. I was stuck at home and lonely. It took a toll on our relationship. Things got better (so I thought) when I finally started working this year. But now I saw a text showing up on his phone and found out he is texting at least 3 different women since a few weeks. Some very explicit content and naked pics/vids and others like talking about daily stuff, like they were getting to know each other. I am heartbroken as I would have never expected him to do that. I trusted him 100% and for me this counts as cheating. I confronted him right away and he said he doesn’t know why he did it, he know he messed up but doesn’t know how to fix this… I don‘t know what to to and I am scared since I do not have a support system here in the states. Should I leave him and move back to Europe? Should we work it out? Please give me your input!
submitted by ThrowRa230423 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 05:32 Cleotaurus turning over
You caressing me made me think I was worth being caressed and I’ve wanted you to do it again since you stopped. I felt like you liked the body I was in. One I hadn’t yet truly appreciated on my own. Seeing myself through what I believed to be your view; that I’m beautiful, that you wanted who I was in all version of me since you took me in when I genuinely didn’t know what I was going to do with or do to myself.
You were the flower and I was a spider making a home out your petals. You never wanted me to describe you or us like this. That’s why you never picked my brain. Anything significant I feel I remember is exclusive to me and it feels like we were never anything or anywhere as who we really are together at the same time. You really do things with people all the time I just felt stupidly happy to be included. :( You’re just a regular person who’s experienced normal relationships so it’s something forgettable when there’s a pleasant normalcy about an interaction. I took the bad things you did as a reflection of my own insignificance and the good things you did as a reflection on your significance.
We never talked about much that mattered really, I guess is how you feel about me and the concept of life and why you don’t share yours with me. I wanted you to take me along by your side. I feel punished for things I couldn’t know at the time. Your enjoyment in life is private and I’m not someone you want to receive your happiness. You don’t want me in any realistic way and never did. It’s just sex. It’s just attraction and you never really cared much more than that. That’s why you grew frustrated instead of thought to touch base and soothe how I suppose you wanted me to treat you but I didn’t know you ever needed me more. How can I know when you need me to be there for you when you won’t even say it when your in the state? No one ever asks me for help. Do you think I don’t want to feel needed? It’s mind blowing how trash this has been this whole time dude. Obviously you think I did this shit on purpose when I had no idea how you interpreted interactions. You are avoidant. I wasn’t even anxiously attached to you and you were still avoidant with me for some reason. I was transparent with you more than with anyone. You knew the budding version of authentic me. It’s like the more I grew the less you wanted to be part of my life. You’re not here so I would say so.
You are the person who could have made me feel like fascinating creature who inhabits a pretty shell. The warmth lapsed and I was just a fantasy of couldve been to you.
Do you realise how your actions paint you? Do you know how I can boil this down to you never meaning what you say and just wanting me around to look at me? All you do is watch. For a long time it felt comfortable and I thought that’s what I wanted because that’s all you’ve ever done but that’s not true. When we were ‘friends’ once you touched me, when you were in a ‘relationship’ before you told me you liked me and were persistent about it. Yuck the way you get to just be objectively warranted in your feelings I’m crazy makes me so disgusted with being alive. You fucking suck. You fucking SUCKED as a friend. Yuck why the living fuck would you leave me, an effective emotional stranger to you, in your house unattended? You tell me to butt out but you put me at the epicentre of stuff that’s completely the opposite of where you want me to ideally be in your perfect little life. You just gaslight the fuck out of me. You just have your head so far up your own ass and it’s ineffective even talking about it with you because you are all ego when you feel threatened. I could unblock you but why? So you can think shits okay now when it’s not. I don’t want to comfort you about this you have a boyfriend for that. You have all you could want. I’m not it. I was the last to know.
submitted by Cleotaurus to UnsentLetters [link] [comments]
You were the flower and I was a spider making a home out your petals. You never wanted me to describe you or us like this. That’s why you never picked my brain. Anything significant I feel I remember is exclusive to me and it feels like we were never anything or anywhere as who we really are together at the same time. You really do things with people all the time I just felt stupidly happy to be included. :( You’re just a regular person who’s experienced normal relationships so it’s something forgettable when there’s a pleasant normalcy about an interaction. I took the bad things you did as a reflection of my own insignificance and the good things you did as a reflection on your significance.
We never talked about much that mattered really, I guess is how you feel about me and the concept of life and why you don’t share yours with me. I wanted you to take me along by your side. I feel punished for things I couldn’t know at the time. Your enjoyment in life is private and I’m not someone you want to receive your happiness. You don’t want me in any realistic way and never did. It’s just sex. It’s just attraction and you never really cared much more than that. That’s why you grew frustrated instead of thought to touch base and soothe how I suppose you wanted me to treat you but I didn’t know you ever needed me more. How can I know when you need me to be there for you when you won’t even say it when your in the state? No one ever asks me for help. Do you think I don’t want to feel needed? It’s mind blowing how trash this has been this whole time dude. Obviously you think I did this shit on purpose when I had no idea how you interpreted interactions. You are avoidant. I wasn’t even anxiously attached to you and you were still avoidant with me for some reason. I was transparent with you more than with anyone. You knew the budding version of authentic me. It’s like the more I grew the less you wanted to be part of my life. You’re not here so I would say so.
You are the person who could have made me feel like fascinating creature who inhabits a pretty shell. The warmth lapsed and I was just a fantasy of couldve been to you.
Do you realise how your actions paint you? Do you know how I can boil this down to you never meaning what you say and just wanting me around to look at me? All you do is watch. For a long time it felt comfortable and I thought that’s what I wanted because that’s all you’ve ever done but that’s not true. When we were ‘friends’ once you touched me, when you were in a ‘relationship’ before you told me you liked me and were persistent about it. Yuck the way you get to just be objectively warranted in your feelings I’m crazy makes me so disgusted with being alive. You fucking suck. You fucking SUCKED as a friend. Yuck why the living fuck would you leave me, an effective emotional stranger to you, in your house unattended? You tell me to butt out but you put me at the epicentre of stuff that’s completely the opposite of where you want me to ideally be in your perfect little life. You just gaslight the fuck out of me. You just have your head so far up your own ass and it’s ineffective even talking about it with you because you are all ego when you feel threatened. I could unblock you but why? So you can think shits okay now when it’s not. I don’t want to comfort you about this you have a boyfriend for that. You have all you could want. I’m not it. I was the last to know.
2023.06.04 05:27 kass_dowell He dumped me and I'm so lost
My (20M) boyfriend of one year dumped me (19F) 2 weeks ago. It completely blindsighted me. We were acting as usual and the morning of he told me i love you before he started work. then didn't respond to a few of my texts and showed up at my door asking me to come out and talk. he told me we needed to break up. He said he fell out of love with me a month ago. He said other things like he wasn't ready for a long term relationship, (although we had been dating for a year and talked about a future together on many occasions), that he feels like this relationship would keep getting worse, that he didn't want to put in the effort for long distance as I'm leaving for university again in the fall. we did long distance before and saw each other often with no issues.
we had a fight a month prior which some concerns were brought up that I apologized for. I asked if he could communicate with me when he's upset with me earlier because he had been resenting me on this for months. i came up with a plan to tackle the issue and thought we would work together as a team moving forward (agreed on by both of us) I know telling someone you don't love them anymore is hard, and he owned up to being wrong for holding it in before ending things. We haven't spoken since and he deleted me on everything. He said "i still think you're a good person and wish you the best." but that just cut deeper because that's so little to say after loving someone for so long.
He did/said some extremely hurtful things in the past to me, and this hurt even more. he helped me move into my apartment, let me drive him to and from work most days, I bought us lunch, and we slept together for the month leading up to the breakup. The day before the breakup he told me he had a great day because of me and was thankful i was with him. I feel so used and confused. I know he gave me reasons as to why but I'm going between anger and sadness. I feel like I was the problem sometimes, as he told me he felt like his happiness was dependent on me spending time with him. I feel like this is untrue (at least for me), I kept myself busy frequently. I've been having a tough time going through therapy for sexual violence and living with emotionally immature parents, but I've always tried to never impose on him. I really tried my best. I know people say I'll find someone who really values me, but the things he told me when he was angry are making it really hard not to reach out. I know both of us made mistakes. I guess the signs were there that he was disengaging. I just loved him so much that I didn't want him to leave me over something I could fix now that he told me about it.
I don't know what to do here. I'm living for myself and trying to be happy without him. I just needed to vent and maybe ask for some guidance on moving on. There's lots more to it so please ask any questions if needed! thanks in advance:)
submitted by kass_dowell to dating_advice [link] [comments]
we had a fight a month prior which some concerns were brought up that I apologized for. I asked if he could communicate with me when he's upset with me earlier because he had been resenting me on this for months. i came up with a plan to tackle the issue and thought we would work together as a team moving forward (agreed on by both of us) I know telling someone you don't love them anymore is hard, and he owned up to being wrong for holding it in before ending things. We haven't spoken since and he deleted me on everything. He said "i still think you're a good person and wish you the best." but that just cut deeper because that's so little to say after loving someone for so long.
He did/said some extremely hurtful things in the past to me, and this hurt even more. he helped me move into my apartment, let me drive him to and from work most days, I bought us lunch, and we slept together for the month leading up to the breakup. The day before the breakup he told me he had a great day because of me and was thankful i was with him. I feel so used and confused. I know he gave me reasons as to why but I'm going between anger and sadness. I feel like I was the problem sometimes, as he told me he felt like his happiness was dependent on me spending time with him. I feel like this is untrue (at least for me), I kept myself busy frequently. I've been having a tough time going through therapy for sexual violence and living with emotionally immature parents, but I've always tried to never impose on him. I really tried my best. I know people say I'll find someone who really values me, but the things he told me when he was angry are making it really hard not to reach out. I know both of us made mistakes. I guess the signs were there that he was disengaging. I just loved him so much that I didn't want him to leave me over something I could fix now that he told me about it.
I don't know what to do here. I'm living for myself and trying to be happy without him. I just needed to vent and maybe ask for some guidance on moving on. There's lots more to it so please ask any questions if needed! thanks in advance:)
2023.06.04 05:25 JaneD0eh I can’t say this here without hurting everyone so I’ll say it here under my anon account.
I’m always the forgotten family member. It has its perks, you get all the tea without it happening to you. No one blocks you on fb.
But it’s hilarious when they forget to tell you about parties that they’re planning. Though today I did speak up because I’m tired of being the forgotten child.
All I can assume is that my depressed ass was too crappy as a daughter for my own parents to want to treat me as theirs. This is why I hate family gatherings. I always leave them feeling like shit and hating myself.
Sorry I just know I have to get this out otherwise I’ll hate myself for a week. This way I can let it go until the next gathering. If they remember to tell me before my work schedule comes out.
submitted by JaneD0eh to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
But it’s hilarious when they forget to tell you about parties that they’re planning. Though today I did speak up because I’m tired of being the forgotten child.
All I can assume is that my depressed ass was too crappy as a daughter for my own parents to want to treat me as theirs. This is why I hate family gatherings. I always leave them feeling like shit and hating myself.
Sorry I just know I have to get this out otherwise I’ll hate myself for a week. This way I can let it go until the next gathering. If they remember to tell me before my work schedule comes out.
2023.06.04 05:25 lovehimorleavehim11 Need Some Clarity
Hi everyone, I'm hoping I can get some outside viewpoints to try and figure out if I'm being over-sensitive and selfish here, or if I actually have a valid reason to be upset.
So my MM (53) and I (38F) have been together 2 years. At 6 months he confessed his love for me, and since then he has talked about leaving his wife and our life together. Money is tight for him though, so there has been no headway towards that goal. He used to be amazing at communicating with me on our time apart, which made it easier to only see him 3-4 hours once per week. In the past year, however, he rarely texts or messages me, except for a good morning/good night text. We have had a few fights about his communication issues, and he will get better, but always goes back to not communicating.
So here is the main issue. His daughter got married yesterday. I have never met her, so it's obviously not a surprise that I didn't go to the wedding. It sucks though, because if he had started the process of divorce in the last 2 years, I might have been able to go as his girlfriend. But as he is still married, that didn't happen. He tearfully apologized to me that I will miss what is one of the biggest moments of his life, and acknowledged it was because he hasn't been able to divorce like he wants. Well, yesterday, unsurprisingly I didn't hear from him at all. He did call me for 15 minutes because he had to run to target by himself in the morning, and told me how nervous he was about his speech, and the timeline of the days events. I calmed him down, and he hurriedly said goodbye when he got home, telling me he would be thinking of me throughout the day. But then...nothing. No texts about how his speech went, how his daughter looked, no pictures of anything.
I know that I am probably being selfish and unrealistic in wanting him to take even a few seconds just to include me in any small way. He didn't even send me a picture of himself, let alone anything to do with the wedding. Did not tell me how his speech went, didn't tell me how it was seeing his daughter in her wedding dress. I felt more of a side piece yesterday than ever before. If someone loves you, wouldn't they want to include you in such an important life event in any way possible? You can't be there, well here are a few pictures/messages to let you know how it is going.
Am I being overly sensitive about absolutely no contact? I know it was a big day, stressful and busy, but absolutely nothing? I was devastated already that I didn't get to be there for such an important day in his life, and he obviously didn't seem to miss not having me there. Today he finally sent me a picture from the wedding, and told me that he thought of me often yesterday. But I can't help feeling that if he had actually thought of me, why couldn't he include me in some little way? If I am the love of his life as he says, it sure didn't feel like it. I felt like a discarded piece of nothing.
I feel like I may be over sensitive about this, as I am angry with him about his lack of communication and movement forward towards being with me legitimately. And maybe I was expecting too much to assume that he would want to send me anything yesterday, and he did call me in the morning because he had to run to target to get something for his daughter. But I feel like I was absolutely nothing to him on one of the biggest days of his and his daughter's life. So just trying to get some outside opinions on this, this feels like the last straw for me in this relationship. But I don't want to throw it away if I am being too sensitive.
I appreciate any advice :(
submitted by lovehimorleavehim11 to theotherwoman [link] [comments]
So my MM (53) and I (38F) have been together 2 years. At 6 months he confessed his love for me, and since then he has talked about leaving his wife and our life together. Money is tight for him though, so there has been no headway towards that goal. He used to be amazing at communicating with me on our time apart, which made it easier to only see him 3-4 hours once per week. In the past year, however, he rarely texts or messages me, except for a good morning/good night text. We have had a few fights about his communication issues, and he will get better, but always goes back to not communicating.
So here is the main issue. His daughter got married yesterday. I have never met her, so it's obviously not a surprise that I didn't go to the wedding. It sucks though, because if he had started the process of divorce in the last 2 years, I might have been able to go as his girlfriend. But as he is still married, that didn't happen. He tearfully apologized to me that I will miss what is one of the biggest moments of his life, and acknowledged it was because he hasn't been able to divorce like he wants. Well, yesterday, unsurprisingly I didn't hear from him at all. He did call me for 15 minutes because he had to run to target by himself in the morning, and told me how nervous he was about his speech, and the timeline of the days events. I calmed him down, and he hurriedly said goodbye when he got home, telling me he would be thinking of me throughout the day. But then...nothing. No texts about how his speech went, how his daughter looked, no pictures of anything.
I know that I am probably being selfish and unrealistic in wanting him to take even a few seconds just to include me in any small way. He didn't even send me a picture of himself, let alone anything to do with the wedding. Did not tell me how his speech went, didn't tell me how it was seeing his daughter in her wedding dress. I felt more of a side piece yesterday than ever before. If someone loves you, wouldn't they want to include you in such an important life event in any way possible? You can't be there, well here are a few pictures/messages to let you know how it is going.
Am I being overly sensitive about absolutely no contact? I know it was a big day, stressful and busy, but absolutely nothing? I was devastated already that I didn't get to be there for such an important day in his life, and he obviously didn't seem to miss not having me there. Today he finally sent me a picture from the wedding, and told me that he thought of me often yesterday. But I can't help feeling that if he had actually thought of me, why couldn't he include me in some little way? If I am the love of his life as he says, it sure didn't feel like it. I felt like a discarded piece of nothing.
I feel like I may be over sensitive about this, as I am angry with him about his lack of communication and movement forward towards being with me legitimately. And maybe I was expecting too much to assume that he would want to send me anything yesterday, and he did call me in the morning because he had to run to target to get something for his daughter. But I feel like I was absolutely nothing to him on one of the biggest days of his and his daughter's life. So just trying to get some outside opinions on this, this feels like the last straw for me in this relationship. But I don't want to throw it away if I am being too sensitive.
I appreciate any advice :(
2023.06.04 05:24 sp-dino AITA for driving my drunk friend home
this is my first reddit post ever, so i’m gonna do my best providing all the details. so it’s started a little over a month ago, during prom night. our prom group was me, my best friend of 10 years, and her two other friends. prom was a nightmare trying to plan and me and my best friend got into alittle bit of an argument while planning it but nothing big. and we planned to go to a house party after prom, and i was gonna be dd (designated driver) because my friend and her other friend wanted to drink. one of the girls in the group wasn’t getting a ride home from me so i was in charge of getting two girls home, one of which being my friend. all three of us were supposed to have a sleep over after wards so it wasn’t a big deal for me to be dd. the party was supposed to end at 2am and we all agreed that we would leave by then. well around 2 am, everyone starts leaving and i began to get bored and hungry. but the two girls are still having the time of their life and they ask me if i’m ready to go, and i tell them “yes i am but if y’all are having fun, we can stay a little longer”. another 30 minutes go by and i’m trying to get them to start getting ready to go. and they refuse to leave. and at this point they are wasteddd and i don’t know what to do. so i just wait. FOR HOURS. finally i’m so hungry that i go ahead and leave to go get food, and i tell them that i will be right back, im gonna go get food. right when i get into the drive thru line, they start blowing up my phone saying they are now ready to leave and getting mad at me for leaving them. so i head back and pick them up and IMMEDIATELY they refuse to talk to me and are acting incredibly bitchy. but i ignore it and just keep talking to them in the car (bc it is a 30 minute drive) and it is now 4 in the morning. they start complaining about being hungry so i give them my food and ask them to please not make a mess, which apparently didn’t matter bc they got it all over my seats. so i was just upset and wanted to go to my own home and when i dropped them off i told my best friend that i wasn’t feeling up to a sleep over and just wanted to go home. she then got sooo mad at me and couldn’t believe i was “ditching her”. her mom was awake when we got there and she kept asking me if i was okay. eventually i got home which was another 30 minute drive. i was upset bc i felt like my time wasn’t valued and i felt disrespected. but later the next day, my friends mom texts me and asks me how i’m doing and says i looked upset the night before. and all i told her was that i felt like i was put into a shitty situation. later on, my friend texts me asking how i was put into a shitty situation and i told her exactly how i felt. she then proceeded to go off on me about how immature and selfish i was. saying things like i should be grateful she even let me come to the party and saying i should have just left. i didn’t understand this because SHE WAS WASTED. i made sure she got home safe. she said i was trying drag down her fun but the whole time i was waiting on her, i was in another room or outside. not once did i try to ruin her night, when she was ruining mine. so we fought a little back and forth and did not speak to each other for over a month. but in this time she had her graduation and her grad party. i felt like i was missing a big milestone for her and really did miss her a lot. i had multiple nightmares about her in this time and would have panic attacks. she was my best friend for 10 years and was once my step sister as well (not anymore). so last night, i texted her basically saying i wanted to get past this and that i loved her. i said she can take all the time she needs but that i wanted to talk this out and move past it. i thought i was being the bigger person but noooo, she took it very poorly. she said i should apologize after everything shes done for me. she said i gave up our friend ship and that i was immature and selfish. but i honestly don’t understand why i should apologize, im the one trying to salvage this relationship, not ruin it. i wanted to understand her perspective because i truly don’t understand why i could be in the wrong. but maybe i am? am i the asshole? whether i am or not, i’m not gonna continue to fight for a friendship that is clearly not wanted.
submitted by sp-dino to TwoHotTakes [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 05:22 roomfullofniccage 29M. Hitting my head against the wall with what to do next and way too many conflicting thoughts as to what to do.
-Degree in music (some of you already know where this is going).
-Working in an unrelated field (shipping) and have been with the company for 7 years. I hate the job. I don't care for finding meaning or purpose in my work but holy shit I don't want to beat my body up for a living. My coworkers in their 40s and 50s have multiple joints replaced over the course of their time at this job and I don't want that to be me. Unfortunately for me I am a workaholic and I'm okay with that so I'm working 60+ hours a week with a solid amount of overtime, which leaves little in the way for other things (going back to school, minimal hobbies, etc.)
-I'm 29. A lot of my friends have gotten married, bought houses, are planning their families, and moving on to better things. Please don't give me the whole "stop comparing yourself" line because you absolutely should be comparing yourself to your peers. I wholeheartedly disagree with the idea that you should be individualistic in your approach to your professional life. You need to be comparing yourself to your communal circles. And in my doing so I have found some new maniacal urge to make as much money as they do and to stop doing my current job.
-Why do I like music as much as I do? Turns out I have a knack for being in front facing public roles. I like being in charge of a moment that a lot of people experience. I get it from my parents. Both of them are pastors and I frequently saw them preach growing up so it's in me somewhere because monkey see monkey do. Back in college I chewed around music therapy for a while but decided against it because it would've required more schooling as my school didn't have a music therapy program. In high school my best classes, academically and intellectually, were my health science classes. I fucking loved those classes everyday. But that was high school. How much carryover it has for an old man like me? No idea.
-My current job did give me a 401K which gave me a love for financial markets. I see my music training kick in hard when I look at annual reports for publicly traded companies. Would I like to move into a finance role? Ideally yes but I don't know how to go back to school for that seeing as how I work as much as I do (it's an hourly role so working less financially hurts me).
I'm so fucking angry that my life is nowhere near what I wanted it to be when I was 21. I'm fine with being angry. What I'm not fine with is feeling like an embarrassment in my friend group because I'm almost 30 doing nothing worthwhile whereas others in my friend groups have created stable lives for themselves. And yes I know that I do sometimes get rosy pictures of their lives. But also consider this: I want some of their problems too. I'm not naive. You have to pick and choose your problems. I want some of their problems. I'm okay with some headaches. I'm not okay with my current headaches. I don't know what to do and how to begin changing into a path that allows for me to have a better life/a life that isn't a fucking joke.
submitted by roomfullofniccage to findapath [link] [comments]
-Working in an unrelated field (shipping) and have been with the company for 7 years. I hate the job. I don't care for finding meaning or purpose in my work but holy shit I don't want to beat my body up for a living. My coworkers in their 40s and 50s have multiple joints replaced over the course of their time at this job and I don't want that to be me. Unfortunately for me I am a workaholic and I'm okay with that so I'm working 60+ hours a week with a solid amount of overtime, which leaves little in the way for other things (going back to school, minimal hobbies, etc.)
-I'm 29. A lot of my friends have gotten married, bought houses, are planning their families, and moving on to better things. Please don't give me the whole "stop comparing yourself" line because you absolutely should be comparing yourself to your peers. I wholeheartedly disagree with the idea that you should be individualistic in your approach to your professional life. You need to be comparing yourself to your communal circles. And in my doing so I have found some new maniacal urge to make as much money as they do and to stop doing my current job.
-Why do I like music as much as I do? Turns out I have a knack for being in front facing public roles. I like being in charge of a moment that a lot of people experience. I get it from my parents. Both of them are pastors and I frequently saw them preach growing up so it's in me somewhere because monkey see monkey do. Back in college I chewed around music therapy for a while but decided against it because it would've required more schooling as my school didn't have a music therapy program. In high school my best classes, academically and intellectually, were my health science classes. I fucking loved those classes everyday. But that was high school. How much carryover it has for an old man like me? No idea.
-My current job did give me a 401K which gave me a love for financial markets. I see my music training kick in hard when I look at annual reports for publicly traded companies. Would I like to move into a finance role? Ideally yes but I don't know how to go back to school for that seeing as how I work as much as I do (it's an hourly role so working less financially hurts me).
I'm so fucking angry that my life is nowhere near what I wanted it to be when I was 21. I'm fine with being angry. What I'm not fine with is feeling like an embarrassment in my friend group because I'm almost 30 doing nothing worthwhile whereas others in my friend groups have created stable lives for themselves. And yes I know that I do sometimes get rosy pictures of their lives. But also consider this: I want some of their problems too. I'm not naive. You have to pick and choose your problems. I want some of their problems. I'm okay with some headaches. I'm not okay with my current headaches. I don't know what to do and how to begin changing into a path that allows for me to have a better life/a life that isn't a fucking joke.
2023.06.04 05:21 smalltown_dreamspeak I need a little encouragement, please!
I recently got a better job and moved out of my parents' house. I worked really, really hard to get to this point.
My entire life, up until now, has been marred by poverty (and unwell parents, and my parents' legal issues). I grew up hearing "no" so often that I learned just not to ask for anything. When I started working as a teen, 100% of my paycheck, for years, went straight back to the household, and even when my parents were financially stable enough not to need ALL of my income, they still often needed SOME of it, or would need help with the mortgage, bills, etc. I have never, in my life, felt financially stable or secure. I was never able to save, because my parents would encounter some issue and end up needing most/all of my savings.
A couple of years ago (when mandates due to the pandemic started being lifted), I started developing the terrible habit of knowing that if I spent my money ASAP, I would not have any to give to my parents. At least then, I would be able to enjoy (with guilt) the work I'd put forth. I still gave my parents a lot of money, but I was able to do things like eat out, buy pretty clothes, go drinking, etc.
Now that I'm out of the house and trying to be independent, I have ~$7k in credit card debt. I'm very lucky in the sense that my mother worked her ass off to instill the wisdom in me that bills CANNOT go unpaid and CANNOT be paid late- consequently, my credit score is in the 700s and my overall credit usage is low compared to how much credit I have. Considering this is my total debt after years of horrible habits, I'm doing really good. In a lot of ways, my mom did the best with what she had and taught me some really good habits when it comes to keeping my life together.
I think it's mostly just residual trauma of growing up living and breathing restriction, but now I am struggling SO bad with learning to just stay home during my off time, entertain myself, and practice healthy spending habits. All I want to do is go out and eat somewhere, drink myself silly, obtain some Trinkets(tm), and have a goodass time. I've forgotten how to tell myself "no" and the few times I do, I feel like it's somehow the end of the world. Like maybe I will get hit by a bus tomorrow and my life will have been capped off by the same resounding, suffocating NO that it's always been mired in.
Honestly I have done a really great job with the wisdom my mom taught me and my own work. My total living expenses per month now come out to around half (or less) of what I am projected to earn each month. This is absolutely the most "rollin' in it" I've ever been, and my current job is far easier than any other I've had. IF I really tried, my debt could be gone by the end of the year. All I have to do is exercise an ounce of restraint. (Even if I only cut out the drinking, that would probably solve 1/3rd of my debt, in and of itself).
But I am really struggling at this whole self-control thing. It's REALLY hard to invest in my future when before, I could never see a future worth investing in. Usually, I couldn't see a future at all. I've lived longer than I really thought I would. Kudos to mom and dad in that department.
Staying home feels like I've wasted a day. The boredom makes my skin crawl. I struggle to focus on any task that doesn't reward me with instant gratification. I stayed home today, fixed my own healthy food, sat outside, cleaned up the apartment, and the Sunday Scaries are threatening to fucking kill me.
How do you convince yourself that the future doesn't have to be swamped in debt?? How do you stay home and chill out?
I'm always anxious, always disappointed with myself, and the only things that I can do to keep from blowing my paycheck (and then some) is to focus on the intense shame of my debt being MY OWN fault. I'm the only one to blame.
I just. Need some encouragement to stay the fuck home, and doodle or watch TV or something.
I've worked really, really, really hard!!
submitted by smalltown_dreamspeak to povertyfinance [link] [comments]
My entire life, up until now, has been marred by poverty (and unwell parents, and my parents' legal issues). I grew up hearing "no" so often that I learned just not to ask for anything. When I started working as a teen, 100% of my paycheck, for years, went straight back to the household, and even when my parents were financially stable enough not to need ALL of my income, they still often needed SOME of it, or would need help with the mortgage, bills, etc. I have never, in my life, felt financially stable or secure. I was never able to save, because my parents would encounter some issue and end up needing most/all of my savings.
A couple of years ago (when mandates due to the pandemic started being lifted), I started developing the terrible habit of knowing that if I spent my money ASAP, I would not have any to give to my parents. At least then, I would be able to enjoy (with guilt) the work I'd put forth. I still gave my parents a lot of money, but I was able to do things like eat out, buy pretty clothes, go drinking, etc.
Now that I'm out of the house and trying to be independent, I have ~$7k in credit card debt. I'm very lucky in the sense that my mother worked her ass off to instill the wisdom in me that bills CANNOT go unpaid and CANNOT be paid late- consequently, my credit score is in the 700s and my overall credit usage is low compared to how much credit I have. Considering this is my total debt after years of horrible habits, I'm doing really good. In a lot of ways, my mom did the best with what she had and taught me some really good habits when it comes to keeping my life together.
I think it's mostly just residual trauma of growing up living and breathing restriction, but now I am struggling SO bad with learning to just stay home during my off time, entertain myself, and practice healthy spending habits. All I want to do is go out and eat somewhere, drink myself silly, obtain some Trinkets(tm), and have a goodass time. I've forgotten how to tell myself "no" and the few times I do, I feel like it's somehow the end of the world. Like maybe I will get hit by a bus tomorrow and my life will have been capped off by the same resounding, suffocating NO that it's always been mired in.
Honestly I have done a really great job with the wisdom my mom taught me and my own work. My total living expenses per month now come out to around half (or less) of what I am projected to earn each month. This is absolutely the most "rollin' in it" I've ever been, and my current job is far easier than any other I've had. IF I really tried, my debt could be gone by the end of the year. All I have to do is exercise an ounce of restraint. (Even if I only cut out the drinking, that would probably solve 1/3rd of my debt, in and of itself).
But I am really struggling at this whole self-control thing. It's REALLY hard to invest in my future when before, I could never see a future worth investing in. Usually, I couldn't see a future at all. I've lived longer than I really thought I would. Kudos to mom and dad in that department.
Staying home feels like I've wasted a day. The boredom makes my skin crawl. I struggle to focus on any task that doesn't reward me with instant gratification. I stayed home today, fixed my own healthy food, sat outside, cleaned up the apartment, and the Sunday Scaries are threatening to fucking kill me.
How do you convince yourself that the future doesn't have to be swamped in debt?? How do you stay home and chill out?
I'm always anxious, always disappointed with myself, and the only things that I can do to keep from blowing my paycheck (and then some) is to focus on the intense shame of my debt being MY OWN fault. I'm the only one to blame.
I just. Need some encouragement to stay the fuck home, and doodle or watch TV or something.
I've worked really, really, really hard!!
2023.06.04 05:20 princeofallcosmos92 I feel like I ran from one narcissist home and into another. I live alone now and I'm processing it all
I feel like you all are some of the only ones who can understand me.
My ex invited me to live with him and his mother and her boyfriend early on after I had a falling out with my parents (was living with them for a time after a different breakup a year and a half prior). They treated me in ableist ways after my adult autism diagnosis and said that I had the brain of a 14-year-old at 28 and had no right to come and go as I pleased, to do my own laundry, eat what I wanted, or see friends. My mom said I would be acting like a whore if I stayed overnight with him. I blew up at her and almost slapped her and they kicked me out. My mom acted like I went off on her for no reason and she never said she was sorry for anything she ever did to me. That interaction wasn't the first time I had been treated like that by far. That was just the first time I did anything more than yell back. I am in therapy and I regret going as far as I did that day and I am working on boundaries and emotions, but even the therapist agrees that she pushed me and I reacted after years of pent up hurt and abuse.
Anyway, saying all that is just to set up the kind of life I was escaping from and explain why I felt betrayed by my ex. When this relationship eventually failed, I eventually got a place of my own and I have a superficial and distant relationship with my parents. I don't have to think about their feelings anymore and I don't think they are capable of true introspection. The older I get, the more I see how much they didn't teach me much of anything and they were only really there financially. They praise themselves constantly just for providing basic needs and having a bit of money. I feel like I'm raising myself and approaching 30. It's hard for me to rely on people.
So, he offered me a place to stay with him and his mother and her boyfriend. I didn't want to look at it as him saving me, but some part of me probably felt that way as he got me out of an abusive situation. I was vulnerable and scared and grieving all over again about my parents, but I felt like I could never discuss how much pain I was in.
Every time I tried to talk about it and process my past, he would say I was too much and that I was out of there and I should be happy with what I had with him. I would talk about struggling to feel at home there or being bothered by clutter and trying to find solutions to clean it with him and he would just get mad. He forced me to name things I was grateful for when living there.
I started being more critical of the mess he made and I would get frustrated with him for shutting me out and telling me how he thought I should express myself. He told me his family overheard me talking about my past and they said it was unhealthy of me and that I wanted to live in the past or be toxic. No, I was just trying to talk with my partner about what I lived through and what I overcame in therapy. He then told me that they don't talk about mental illness because his grandmother has BPD and they don't want anything to do with it.
On top of them seemingly seeing me as a problem and not just a person who had seen some shit and was trying to move on and do better, they were very irresponsible about covid and they left the house while all of us had it. They even lost a family member to covid after attending a family wedding during a nationwide surge where nobody wore masks and they still acted like it was nothing. I shared with my ex that they were being incredibly irresponsible (and I lost a grandparent to covid) and he was angry at me for criticizing his family. He got very drunk sometimes and one day, he told me that his dad beat him up while drunk and that if he could forgive his dad, then I should forgive my mom. I told him that wasn't his choice to make and he was crossing a boundary by treating me that way.
Not long after, around the same time I had covid and I was rejected by the housing authority for an apartment over 18 fucking dollars, I punched pillows in frustration after yet another dumb argument with my ex. His mom heard and asked what the noise was and I said I was stressed from trying to find housing and being sick and had punched the pillows and I didn't mean to concern her and I was sorry. She just walked out.
He went to his mom and seemingly asked her to tell me to leave by the end of the month because he was tired of me. I was very scared because I didn't know how feasible that would be, and I was sad and anxious because I wanted my relationship to go back to how it used to be. I wanted to believe it would get better and if it was my fault, then I could change it. Luckily, I got a room in a house just down the street while I waited for an apartment to open up.
Even after that, I still fought for the relationship. I wanted the kind man who had "saved" me to come back. I realize now that he was probably just love bombing me and then got mad when I wasn't what he wanted or didn't do what he wanted.
He pushed me away even more after he had a sudden eye problem that turned out to be an MS attack. I wanted to blame his behavior on the illness and I hoped we could come to an understanding or something, but he left me anyway.
I had hoped to have fun with someone new and know a happy family after having to leave my dysfunctional one. I just ran into more dysfunction and I feel angry about thinking that he was going to be a safe person. I feel let down and lied to even though I have a partner that I have a healthy relationship with now.
That was a very hard thing to go through. While my parents never really apologized, they do act embarrassed when they realize I went through all of that without their help and they probably see now that I'm not mentally 14. I hope they feel stupid for it.
I tried to be friends with my ex. He seemed somewhat regretful at first, but I didn't want to sit around hoping for him to come back and I didn't like his mother, so I started dating again. After I got a new boyfriend, he asked out his other ex/our mutual friend...and he'd always told me that he just saw her as a friend and not to worry about her. So, I ended the friendship then. I've been able to see how dysfunctional he is since then and while I was critical, I did own up to my mistakes. I tried. And I really had hoped to be there for him during his illness diagnosis. I thought that would stop our bickering and bring us close, but it didn't.
I see now that he was toxic in a lot of ways. I'm much happier without him. I'm very happy with my new guy. But, thinking of my ex still fills me with resentment and bitterness. He has a new gf and I don't want him to be happy. He certainly didn't help me with happiness during a very hard time in life.
submitted by princeofallcosmos92 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
My ex invited me to live with him and his mother and her boyfriend early on after I had a falling out with my parents (was living with them for a time after a different breakup a year and a half prior). They treated me in ableist ways after my adult autism diagnosis and said that I had the brain of a 14-year-old at 28 and had no right to come and go as I pleased, to do my own laundry, eat what I wanted, or see friends. My mom said I would be acting like a whore if I stayed overnight with him. I blew up at her and almost slapped her and they kicked me out. My mom acted like I went off on her for no reason and she never said she was sorry for anything she ever did to me. That interaction wasn't the first time I had been treated like that by far. That was just the first time I did anything more than yell back. I am in therapy and I regret going as far as I did that day and I am working on boundaries and emotions, but even the therapist agrees that she pushed me and I reacted after years of pent up hurt and abuse.
Anyway, saying all that is just to set up the kind of life I was escaping from and explain why I felt betrayed by my ex. When this relationship eventually failed, I eventually got a place of my own and I have a superficial and distant relationship with my parents. I don't have to think about their feelings anymore and I don't think they are capable of true introspection. The older I get, the more I see how much they didn't teach me much of anything and they were only really there financially. They praise themselves constantly just for providing basic needs and having a bit of money. I feel like I'm raising myself and approaching 30. It's hard for me to rely on people.
So, he offered me a place to stay with him and his mother and her boyfriend. I didn't want to look at it as him saving me, but some part of me probably felt that way as he got me out of an abusive situation. I was vulnerable and scared and grieving all over again about my parents, but I felt like I could never discuss how much pain I was in.
Every time I tried to talk about it and process my past, he would say I was too much and that I was out of there and I should be happy with what I had with him. I would talk about struggling to feel at home there or being bothered by clutter and trying to find solutions to clean it with him and he would just get mad. He forced me to name things I was grateful for when living there.
I started being more critical of the mess he made and I would get frustrated with him for shutting me out and telling me how he thought I should express myself. He told me his family overheard me talking about my past and they said it was unhealthy of me and that I wanted to live in the past or be toxic. No, I was just trying to talk with my partner about what I lived through and what I overcame in therapy. He then told me that they don't talk about mental illness because his grandmother has BPD and they don't want anything to do with it.
On top of them seemingly seeing me as a problem and not just a person who had seen some shit and was trying to move on and do better, they were very irresponsible about covid and they left the house while all of us had it. They even lost a family member to covid after attending a family wedding during a nationwide surge where nobody wore masks and they still acted like it was nothing. I shared with my ex that they were being incredibly irresponsible (and I lost a grandparent to covid) and he was angry at me for criticizing his family. He got very drunk sometimes and one day, he told me that his dad beat him up while drunk and that if he could forgive his dad, then I should forgive my mom. I told him that wasn't his choice to make and he was crossing a boundary by treating me that way.
Not long after, around the same time I had covid and I was rejected by the housing authority for an apartment over 18 fucking dollars, I punched pillows in frustration after yet another dumb argument with my ex. His mom heard and asked what the noise was and I said I was stressed from trying to find housing and being sick and had punched the pillows and I didn't mean to concern her and I was sorry. She just walked out.
He went to his mom and seemingly asked her to tell me to leave by the end of the month because he was tired of me. I was very scared because I didn't know how feasible that would be, and I was sad and anxious because I wanted my relationship to go back to how it used to be. I wanted to believe it would get better and if it was my fault, then I could change it. Luckily, I got a room in a house just down the street while I waited for an apartment to open up.
Even after that, I still fought for the relationship. I wanted the kind man who had "saved" me to come back. I realize now that he was probably just love bombing me and then got mad when I wasn't what he wanted or didn't do what he wanted.
He pushed me away even more after he had a sudden eye problem that turned out to be an MS attack. I wanted to blame his behavior on the illness and I hoped we could come to an understanding or something, but he left me anyway.
I had hoped to have fun with someone new and know a happy family after having to leave my dysfunctional one. I just ran into more dysfunction and I feel angry about thinking that he was going to be a safe person. I feel let down and lied to even though I have a partner that I have a healthy relationship with now.
That was a very hard thing to go through. While my parents never really apologized, they do act embarrassed when they realize I went through all of that without their help and they probably see now that I'm not mentally 14. I hope they feel stupid for it.
I tried to be friends with my ex. He seemed somewhat regretful at first, but I didn't want to sit around hoping for him to come back and I didn't like his mother, so I started dating again. After I got a new boyfriend, he asked out his other ex/our mutual friend...and he'd always told me that he just saw her as a friend and not to worry about her. So, I ended the friendship then. I've been able to see how dysfunctional he is since then and while I was critical, I did own up to my mistakes. I tried. And I really had hoped to be there for him during his illness diagnosis. I thought that would stop our bickering and bring us close, but it didn't.
I see now that he was toxic in a lot of ways. I'm much happier without him. I'm very happy with my new guy. But, thinking of my ex still fills me with resentment and bitterness. He has a new gf and I don't want him to be happy. He certainly didn't help me with happiness during a very hard time in life.
2023.06.04 05:18 h3artbreak_weather Why is it so bad
I’m sorry I just had a horrible night and this is a pretty safe space for me to rant (if you’re a lurking troll who wants to tell me to get a different job and you don’t tip then just leave).
I had so many tables tonight, normal for a Saturday. I’m just angry at customers, the kitchen, and myself for working here. So I got fired from a fine dining place two training shifts in for extremely stupid reasons. I live in a smaller area so it’s been well known to be horrible to the staff. but the tips are AMAZING. So many people want to work there and end up getting sacked because the bitch owners just don’t like them for some reason. After I got this job, I wasn’t expecting this and they asked how much notice i would need for my old job so i had already quit my old place was left unemployed. I applied for every place I could see and got a job at a crappy place that weekend. I knew what i was getting into, but I need to save up money for school and was glad I just had a job before I was noticeably unemployed. I like this place in a lot of ways, great flexibility, good coworkers and nice managers, however the customers are ass.
It’s unlike any of the three restaurants I’ve worked at before. The customers are rude, demanding, and tip horribly! I do get pleasant customers and good tips some nights but I was shocked at how bad the tips were. “yOu MusT bE GiVinG bAd SeR-“ SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH i try my damn best, i do. that’s my job and i understand how frustrating it would be to get bad service. If I get happy customers, they get a good experience and i’m likely to get a good tip. win win. this is also not a me problem, the tips are ass for all my coworkers.
My first training shift was two older folks. I listened to them ramble and boxed their food, was polite and did well, zero tip. ZERO! my FIRST table and i have experience and never got a zero before. maybe a few bucks but not like that. Oh well it happens i tried to move on
Tonight wasn’t good and the kitchen was fucking up my orders and got multiple complaints and had to send back a bunch of stuff. I was getting like 5-10% tips all night. But it isn’t just on bad nights. I can give the best service and some people will still stiff. I did well on one table, they were paying with a $300 gift card and I got excited because normally people won’t be cheap with the tip on gift cards cause it’s not their bank account. $65 bill, $1.50 tip. INSANE! I was making more in tips doing takeout at my other restaurant. Again, I have some good nights but i have never worked at a place where people were so comfortable tipping NOTHING so OFTEN! “tHe EcOnOmY iS So bAd WhAt iF tHeY CaNt AfF-“ SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SPEAK i was a little bummed out and my coworker said “hey i’m sorry, the other night I had a $170 check, no tip. it happens it’s not even personal”
I’m sorry but if like you don’t have a lot of money, i notice a 10% tip on a pretty frugal bill i’ll let it go. if you can rack up the bills that some of these people do you can afford to fucking tip. Like a 15% tip on a $80 tab, a bit disappointing, but the way i get tipped is straight up insulting. Im really disappointed. i’m thankful I work in a place that isn’t toxic coworkers and i have some good nights. but oh my gosh i ran myself ragged tonight for $51 after a 4.5 hour shift. not that bad you say? guess how many tables i had.
Whatever I sound like a whiny bitch and I get tonight was kinda bad service but no tip on a fucking gift card to a table that got everything good? People will suck regardless and it’s wrong how much me and my coworkers get the short end of this. it’s like i either have to sacrifice money or my mental health to be able to have a job. sometimes both. “GeT a DiFfErEnT Jo-“ Trust me i tried. the economy sucks. you will find many people like me who apply and call and apply and call but no one will hire them. I’ll take a shittier job until I can find a better one. I know the tips aren’t linear and sometimes we have bad nights but this place shocked me and I just needed to rant thank you
submitted by h3artbreak_weather to Serverlife [link] [comments]
I had so many tables tonight, normal for a Saturday. I’m just angry at customers, the kitchen, and myself for working here. So I got fired from a fine dining place two training shifts in for extremely stupid reasons. I live in a smaller area so it’s been well known to be horrible to the staff. but the tips are AMAZING. So many people want to work there and end up getting sacked because the bitch owners just don’t like them for some reason. After I got this job, I wasn’t expecting this and they asked how much notice i would need for my old job so i had already quit my old place was left unemployed. I applied for every place I could see and got a job at a crappy place that weekend. I knew what i was getting into, but I need to save up money for school and was glad I just had a job before I was noticeably unemployed. I like this place in a lot of ways, great flexibility, good coworkers and nice managers, however the customers are ass.
It’s unlike any of the three restaurants I’ve worked at before. The customers are rude, demanding, and tip horribly! I do get pleasant customers and good tips some nights but I was shocked at how bad the tips were. “yOu MusT bE GiVinG bAd SeR-“ SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH i try my damn best, i do. that’s my job and i understand how frustrating it would be to get bad service. If I get happy customers, they get a good experience and i’m likely to get a good tip. win win. this is also not a me problem, the tips are ass for all my coworkers.
My first training shift was two older folks. I listened to them ramble and boxed their food, was polite and did well, zero tip. ZERO! my FIRST table and i have experience and never got a zero before. maybe a few bucks but not like that. Oh well it happens i tried to move on
Tonight wasn’t good and the kitchen was fucking up my orders and got multiple complaints and had to send back a bunch of stuff. I was getting like 5-10% tips all night. But it isn’t just on bad nights. I can give the best service and some people will still stiff. I did well on one table, they were paying with a $300 gift card and I got excited because normally people won’t be cheap with the tip on gift cards cause it’s not their bank account. $65 bill, $1.50 tip. INSANE! I was making more in tips doing takeout at my other restaurant. Again, I have some good nights but i have never worked at a place where people were so comfortable tipping NOTHING so OFTEN! “tHe EcOnOmY iS So bAd WhAt iF tHeY CaNt AfF-“ SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SPEAK i was a little bummed out and my coworker said “hey i’m sorry, the other night I had a $170 check, no tip. it happens it’s not even personal”
I’m sorry but if like you don’t have a lot of money, i notice a 10% tip on a pretty frugal bill i’ll let it go. if you can rack up the bills that some of these people do you can afford to fucking tip. Like a 15% tip on a $80 tab, a bit disappointing, but the way i get tipped is straight up insulting. Im really disappointed. i’m thankful I work in a place that isn’t toxic coworkers and i have some good nights. but oh my gosh i ran myself ragged tonight for $51 after a 4.5 hour shift. not that bad you say? guess how many tables i had.
Whatever I sound like a whiny bitch and I get tonight was kinda bad service but no tip on a fucking gift card to a table that got everything good? People will suck regardless and it’s wrong how much me and my coworkers get the short end of this. it’s like i either have to sacrifice money or my mental health to be able to have a job. sometimes both. “GeT a DiFfErEnT Jo-“ Trust me i tried. the economy sucks. you will find many people like me who apply and call and apply and call but no one will hire them. I’ll take a shittier job until I can find a better one. I know the tips aren’t linear and sometimes we have bad nights but this place shocked me and I just needed to rant thank you
2023.06.04 05:17 priincessuniicorn My Uncles Friend
This whole situation started when I was a teenager (I am now in my late 20's and I am a female). It was one small conversation that I had completely forgotten about until about 2 years ago. But in the past 2ish years more things have happened that have made me really think about that short conversation.
I was about 13 my mom and I had just moved back in with my grandma where my uncle was already living and at the time his friend was living with us as well. He was only staying for a few months, I never knew why I just knew he was staying there. But when my mom and I moved back in one day while the friend was out of the house my uncle sat me down and told me he didn't want me to be alone with his friend, and that I needed to call him if I found myself alone with his friend. Only about a week after my mom and I moved in, my uncle kicked his friend out. I was young and didn't think much about the conversation and had completely forgotten about it.
About 2 years ago my uncle very suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. And after he passed, his friend came back into my grandmas life. I think my grandma kinda used my uncles friend as a replacement for my uncle. And at first everything seemed fine. But after a few visits I started feeling weird around him and I didn't know why. Then I remembered that conversation my uncle had with me. But I tried to move past it because it was over 10 years ago that we had that conversation, and he is married to a lovely woman so I thought maybe things had changed.
He made a lot of dumb jokes that I never found funny but were always harmless like I would come home with a bowl with some snacks in it cuz my coworkers and I share our snacks with each other and he would ask where his share was, small stuff like that. But then he made some jokes about what I was wearing that felt a little uncomfortable but I was used to my family making similar jokes so I brushed it off. Things like "oh who are you trying to impress going out like that" and "you must be fighting off men left and right" and other similar comments. I started avoiding leaving my room at that point when he would come over but sometimes interactions with him were unavoidable cuz he would be here when I was getting home from work, or he would come over without warning.
Another bit of back story, I am engaged to a man who lives in a different country, and when I have gone to visit him I have fallen in love with where he lives. On top of that its more affordable and overall much safer for us to live there so we are working on me moving to be with him. Well I don't tell my uncles friend anything because he makes me uncomfortable but I know my grandma shares everything with him. So he knows about this situation. And he has on more than one occasion asked me why I was moving and I would explain that its because that's where my fiance lives and I absolutely love everything about where he lives, my uncles friend will always come back with "oh of course its for a boy" and has also made comments along the lines of "oh I guess you're in love... I just don't understand it but whatever" like he acts bothered that I am engaged and moving away. But again I would just hide myself away in my room and constantly convinced myself that I was reading into things and overreacting. I also knew I couldn't say anything to my grandma about it because my family is one of those "if you don't want comments you need to cover up" and I am not allowed to wear shorts around male family members because what if they look at me and have bad thoughts, then that's my fault.
Now all of these small instances were very uncomfortable but I just ignored them, hid in my room, did what I could to avoid the situations. Then something happened today and now I am just feeling icky. I went into work and my coworker told me how yesterday a man fitting the description to a T to my uncles friend came into my work in the afternoon after I had already left asking about me. And he knew details like what I looked like, where I lived, even details about my move to another country. And he made comments about being my uncles friend. Now I didn't hear any of this as I had already left for the day but my coworker is a very trustworthy person and doesn't just come up with stuff for fun, she will even be the first one to call someone out on their bs if she catches them lying so I trust that what she is saying is true. But he was saying how ever since my uncle has passed he has been trying to see me more and more cuz he just cares so much about me and he sees me as like his daughter.
That comment alone weirded me out because I have barely interacted with this man, and I avoid it at all costs so why does he feel that close to me?? He also started talking at length about my move to another country and he wouldn't leave the topic he just kept talking about how he doesn't get how I could fall in love with someone so far away and how I should just stay here and find someone here to fall in love with and other comments basically about how he doesn't approve of my move to be with my fiance. I didn't tell him where I worked but I know my grandma would have but it still weirds me out that he came into my workplace looking for me and then talking at length with my coworkers about my choices and my future and how he doesn't like it when I barely know him.
I just can't wait to get out of this house and far far away from him.
submitted by priincessuniicorn to creepyencounters [link] [comments]
I was about 13 my mom and I had just moved back in with my grandma where my uncle was already living and at the time his friend was living with us as well. He was only staying for a few months, I never knew why I just knew he was staying there. But when my mom and I moved back in one day while the friend was out of the house my uncle sat me down and told me he didn't want me to be alone with his friend, and that I needed to call him if I found myself alone with his friend. Only about a week after my mom and I moved in, my uncle kicked his friend out. I was young and didn't think much about the conversation and had completely forgotten about it.
About 2 years ago my uncle very suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. And after he passed, his friend came back into my grandmas life. I think my grandma kinda used my uncles friend as a replacement for my uncle. And at first everything seemed fine. But after a few visits I started feeling weird around him and I didn't know why. Then I remembered that conversation my uncle had with me. But I tried to move past it because it was over 10 years ago that we had that conversation, and he is married to a lovely woman so I thought maybe things had changed.
He made a lot of dumb jokes that I never found funny but were always harmless like I would come home with a bowl with some snacks in it cuz my coworkers and I share our snacks with each other and he would ask where his share was, small stuff like that. But then he made some jokes about what I was wearing that felt a little uncomfortable but I was used to my family making similar jokes so I brushed it off. Things like "oh who are you trying to impress going out like that" and "you must be fighting off men left and right" and other similar comments. I started avoiding leaving my room at that point when he would come over but sometimes interactions with him were unavoidable cuz he would be here when I was getting home from work, or he would come over without warning.
Another bit of back story, I am engaged to a man who lives in a different country, and when I have gone to visit him I have fallen in love with where he lives. On top of that its more affordable and overall much safer for us to live there so we are working on me moving to be with him. Well I don't tell my uncles friend anything because he makes me uncomfortable but I know my grandma shares everything with him. So he knows about this situation. And he has on more than one occasion asked me why I was moving and I would explain that its because that's where my fiance lives and I absolutely love everything about where he lives, my uncles friend will always come back with "oh of course its for a boy" and has also made comments along the lines of "oh I guess you're in love... I just don't understand it but whatever" like he acts bothered that I am engaged and moving away. But again I would just hide myself away in my room and constantly convinced myself that I was reading into things and overreacting. I also knew I couldn't say anything to my grandma about it because my family is one of those "if you don't want comments you need to cover up" and I am not allowed to wear shorts around male family members because what if they look at me and have bad thoughts, then that's my fault.
Now all of these small instances were very uncomfortable but I just ignored them, hid in my room, did what I could to avoid the situations. Then something happened today and now I am just feeling icky. I went into work and my coworker told me how yesterday a man fitting the description to a T to my uncles friend came into my work in the afternoon after I had already left asking about me. And he knew details like what I looked like, where I lived, even details about my move to another country. And he made comments about being my uncles friend. Now I didn't hear any of this as I had already left for the day but my coworker is a very trustworthy person and doesn't just come up with stuff for fun, she will even be the first one to call someone out on their bs if she catches them lying so I trust that what she is saying is true. But he was saying how ever since my uncle has passed he has been trying to see me more and more cuz he just cares so much about me and he sees me as like his daughter.
That comment alone weirded me out because I have barely interacted with this man, and I avoid it at all costs so why does he feel that close to me?? He also started talking at length about my move to another country and he wouldn't leave the topic he just kept talking about how he doesn't get how I could fall in love with someone so far away and how I should just stay here and find someone here to fall in love with and other comments basically about how he doesn't approve of my move to be with my fiance. I didn't tell him where I worked but I know my grandma would have but it still weirds me out that he came into my workplace looking for me and then talking at length with my coworkers about my choices and my future and how he doesn't like it when I barely know him.
I just can't wait to get out of this house and far far away from him.
2023.06.04 05:15 AutoModerator [Download Course] Chase Dimond – The Agency Acceleration Course (Genkicourses.site)
![[Download Course] Chase Dimond – The Agency Acceleration Course (Genkicourses.site)](https://external-preview.redd.it/tWCot4QD1BYZ3huSB7F8ZGCgYMG3kIYTdPJS_FyqtUU.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=36d75cc6a99e47b69c5d20145fb9a1700bfaae00 "[Download Course] Chase Dimond – The Agency Acceleration Course (Genkicourses.site)") | Get the course here: [Download Course] Chase Dimond – The Agency Acceleration Course (Genkicourses.site) submitted by AutoModerator to GetCoursesHQ [link] [comments] Our website: https://www.genkicourses.site/product/chase-dimond-the-agency-acceleration-course/ If your agency is making between $10-30k per month, you’re sitting on an absolute goldmine and you have no idea. After running my agency for 4 years, delivering over $100M worth of value to my clients, and generating 8 figures in total revenue, I’ve realized that any agency can be a massive business with the right mechanisms in place. When I began building my agency in 2018, it was a good business for me and my partner. It put food on the table, and we were able to help to grow other businesses that we were passionate about. We didn’t realize at the time that the only thing keeping us at the mid-6-figure per year mark was our own mental blockages. Just about any agency can be an 8-figure a year endeavor, especially if you do it the way that we’ve done it. Most agency owners in the $10-30k per month range operate within a freelancer mindset. You struggle with hiring, you struggle with building processes, and you struggle with scaling. You do not have a demand problem. For every agency, there are at least 500 potential clients with a problem that your agency can solve, and they’re willing to pay good money for you to do so. With the right offer, 100-200 clients will be enough for you to have an 8-figure a year company that will sell for a multiple that could be in the range of 6-12X. This course consists of 10 modules with text and video, plus 3 bonus modules that outline everything you need to know about:
At the $10-30k a month level with an agency, you’re currently working harder than you will be at $100k a month. The good news is, you’re only a few months away from hitting that target profitably if you do exactly what I outline in this course. After thousands of mistakes in the building process, I know exactly what I’d do if I had to start from zero. If you’re just starting, you have the opportunity to build everything right and avoid 90% of the mistakes that we made in the early days. Instead of taking 4 years to scale to ~8 figures like my team and I did, you could potentially do it in half the time. Before you buy, you need to understand this. This course will work for any agency in the digital space, but it is not for beginners. This is not to show you how to land your first client and find your niche. This will only work if you have at least 2-4 clients and you already understand your offer. My strategies for client acquisition, client retention, offer structure, team building, and systems will only work if you already have the foundations in place. If you’re above $60k a year but below $1M a year, this will work for you. Inside, I also share information about my agency that I’ve never shared before. I do a deep dive into everything that’s allowed us to scale from high-6-figures in 2019 to high-7-figures in 2021. Everything from the way you need to think about things, to the way you need to execute things. I leave nothing out of this. If you’re ready to scale your agency from $10-30k a month up to 6 figures a month, click below to get access to everything you’ll ever need today. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ If you're wondering why our courses are priced lower than the original prices and are feeling a bit suspicious (which is understandable), we can provide proof of the course's contents. We can provide a screenshot of the course's contents or send you a freebie, such as an introduction video or another video from the course, to prove that we do have the course. Should you wish to request proof, we kindly ask you to reach out to us. Please be aware that our courses do not include community access. This is due to the fact that we do not have the authority to manage this feature. Despite our desire to incorporate this aspect, it is, unfortunately, unfeasible. Explore affordable learning at Genkicourses.site 🎓! Dive into a world of quality courses handpicked just for you. Download, watch, and achieve more without breaking your budget. |
2023.06.04 05:12 Boudica2023 Why didn’t Carmela take that whole stack of cash?
This always bothered me. Why did she leave some behind? What happened here?
submitted by Boudica2023 to thesopranos [link] [comments]
2023.06.04 05:12 Unchained71 I was the primary caregiver, 24/7, for my grandmother for nearly the last 4 years...
There was no pay. My grandmother, a second mother growing up, had a pension from my grandfather and a little bit of savings. So, she was supposed to pay me herself. I wouldn't accept. Instead she covered my bills, mobile phone payment, and a few other things I might need. Then it add up too much. Didn't have a whole lot of bills. Well, until child support came after me again for an order that should have ended a couple years ago. And then my mom helped cover that. I could rely on my one aunt and my mother. Much of the other family didn't give a shit about her. 15 minutes away.
That's why it was left up to me.
So, to be able to be her caretaker, the apartment complex wanted me secondary on the lease.
Long story short, my grandmother passed very recently. I gave the complex 30 days notice that I would be moving out because I couldn't afford this (ridiculous) rent here. The office manager glazed right over the fact that she passed, almost a thoughts and prayer sort of thing, and then told me I owed them 60 days notice and that I was also responsible, financially, until the apartment was rented again.
I told him that this was bullshit. Flanagan, because that's what he sounded like, off The Simpsons I think, hung up on me. He then left a note at the door. He didn't knock and I didn't read it.
How much notice did I have before knowing my grandmother had passed?
Roughly 3 hours. She had only been put in the ground a few days before that notice.
We gave her four years of life that she wouldn't have otherwise had, paying the system to take care of her, exorbent amounts of money. She had been happy until the end with us. This whole system around family caregiving loved ones is parasitic, if not from one end, the other end. Like this goddamn lease that I had to sign.
submitted by Unchained71 to antiwork [link] [comments]
That's why it was left up to me.
So, to be able to be her caretaker, the apartment complex wanted me secondary on the lease.
Long story short, my grandmother passed very recently. I gave the complex 30 days notice that I would be moving out because I couldn't afford this (ridiculous) rent here. The office manager glazed right over the fact that she passed, almost a thoughts and prayer sort of thing, and then told me I owed them 60 days notice and that I was also responsible, financially, until the apartment was rented again.
I told him that this was bullshit. Flanagan, because that's what he sounded like, off The Simpsons I think, hung up on me. He then left a note at the door. He didn't knock and I didn't read it.
How much notice did I have before knowing my grandmother had passed?
Roughly 3 hours. She had only been put in the ground a few days before that notice.
We gave her four years of life that she wouldn't have otherwise had, paying the system to take care of her, exorbent amounts of money. She had been happy until the end with us. This whole system around family caregiving loved ones is parasitic, if not from one end, the other end. Like this goddamn lease that I had to sign.
2023.06.04 05:10 maddogg25 My elderly father killed himself on Wednesday.
My dad spent the past month and a half in the hospital. His body was filled with cancerous tumors. At 76 (would have been 77 in Aug.) it was a hard fight. The tumors were so bad, some were wrapped around blood vessels. After the first round of chemo, he seemed a lot better than before. Although we did not think he would make it thru aggressive treatment. Unfortunately he spent over a month laying in a hospital bed. He was weak. Barely able to walk anymore.
He originally was diagnosed with lymphoma in about 2012. Went thru radiation and entered remission. Never saw it coming again. My dad was extremely active for his age. He loved traveling and hiking and feeding wildlife. He always made sure he walked at least 1 mile/per day. He was even still doing this a few weeks before ending up in the hospital. He had been depressed for the past few years. Had a bunch of his intestines removed and ended up with an ostomy bag. He let it destroy his happiness. Felt too embarrassed to do the things he loved, never went hiking anymore. Said he was afraid the bag would leak in the middle of a trail. Stopped traveling as well. He used to spend the winters in Arizona so he could continue hiking. (We live in Michigan)
He was out of the hospital for less than a week. Myself or my siblings were dropping by everyday. He needed help with his medications. He started falling down a lot. I visited him on Tuesday for about 2 hours. He fell down answering the door for me. Told me he had fallen the night before and crawled to bed. This broke my heart. 2 months ago he was walking around completely normal. Said all the time he was ready to leave this life. Felt very fulfilled, like he had done all he wanted to do. He used to tell me he never understood what his dad meant when he’d say stuff like that, but now he did.
Woke up Wednesday morning to a group text sent to myself and my siblings from him. Said he was sorry but he couldn’t continue on like this and that his body was in the bathtub.
He shot himself in the head. My world turned upside down. I know he would want me to be okay. I know he would not have been happy living a life depending on other people. He had me pretty old, I’m the youngest of 8. I am 27 years old. Never really dealt with death before. Every day I have had a conflict of trying to just be happy with the long life he lived. I just think it’s a sad ending. I’m the last one to see him so I feel a bit of guilt as well.
RIP dad. I’ll spend every day missing you. Love you. I hope you are at peace. Please visit me soon in my dreams.
submitted by maddogg25 to offmychest [link] [comments]
He originally was diagnosed with lymphoma in about 2012. Went thru radiation and entered remission. Never saw it coming again. My dad was extremely active for his age. He loved traveling and hiking and feeding wildlife. He always made sure he walked at least 1 mile/per day. He was even still doing this a few weeks before ending up in the hospital. He had been depressed for the past few years. Had a bunch of his intestines removed and ended up with an ostomy bag. He let it destroy his happiness. Felt too embarrassed to do the things he loved, never went hiking anymore. Said he was afraid the bag would leak in the middle of a trail. Stopped traveling as well. He used to spend the winters in Arizona so he could continue hiking. (We live in Michigan)
He was out of the hospital for less than a week. Myself or my siblings were dropping by everyday. He needed help with his medications. He started falling down a lot. I visited him on Tuesday for about 2 hours. He fell down answering the door for me. Told me he had fallen the night before and crawled to bed. This broke my heart. 2 months ago he was walking around completely normal. Said all the time he was ready to leave this life. Felt very fulfilled, like he had done all he wanted to do. He used to tell me he never understood what his dad meant when he’d say stuff like that, but now he did.
Woke up Wednesday morning to a group text sent to myself and my siblings from him. Said he was sorry but he couldn’t continue on like this and that his body was in the bathtub.
He shot himself in the head. My world turned upside down. I know he would want me to be okay. I know he would not have been happy living a life depending on other people. He had me pretty old, I’m the youngest of 8. I am 27 years old. Never really dealt with death before. Every day I have had a conflict of trying to just be happy with the long life he lived. I just think it’s a sad ending. I’m the last one to see him so I feel a bit of guilt as well.
RIP dad. I’ll spend every day missing you. Love you. I hope you are at peace. Please visit me soon in my dreams.
2023.06.04 05:10 AutoModerator [Download Course] Csaba Borzasi – Breakthrough Conversions Academy (Genkicourses.site)
![[Download Course] Csaba Borzasi – Breakthrough Conversions Academy (Genkicourses.site)](https://external-preview.redd.it/BxW8s1YqP7HP49yN4wm_hQHXV7TZEGiZcjiFVrk0JwU.jpg?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=1a86845c4c577464ecbf9c835daa91153a21fded "[Download Course] Csaba Borzasi – Breakthrough Conversions Academy (Genkicourses.site)") | submitted by AutoModerator to HQCoursesGenki [link] [comments] Get the course here: [Download Course] Csaba Borzasi – Breakthrough Conversions Academy (Genkicourses.site) Our website: https://www.genkicourses.site/product/csaba-borzasi-breakthrough-conversions-academy/ What You Get:Module 1The Fundamental Principles of Direct Response CopywritingIn this foundational module, you’ll discover:
The Psychology Behind Persuasive Copywriting & Copy-ThinkingI promise you’ve never seen a more advanced masterclass in emotional response marketing before.In this module, you’ll discover:
The “No-Nonsense” 80/20 Marketing Research ProcessYes, yes – I know research isn’t the sexiest of topics out there…But it’s an absolutely essential aspect of creating winning marketing campaigns. So… To make this important topic as painless and swift as possible, I scoured through thousands of pages of my notes… Revisited scores of past projects I did with various clients… And analyzed how the best of the best copywriters did their own research… To come up with a totally UNIQUE blueprint for doing marketing research FAST, in a no-nonsense way. That’s why, in this module, you’ll discover:
The “Sacred Trinity”: Big Ideas, Headlines, LeadsThis is where the “rubber meets the road”…Because Module 4 is all about the highest-impact copywriting elements out there: Big Ideas, Headlines, and Leads… PLUS, how they actually relate to each other. So in this module, you’ll discover:
The “Golden Thread” That Connects Your Big Idea With Your OfferOnce you know the secrets of the “Sacred Trinity”, it’s time to connect these elements with your Offer.How? Module 5 reveals everything. Inside this game-changing masterclass, you’ll discover:
How to Make Your Competition Irrelevant by Using a Unique MechanismOur next topic is about Unique Mechanisms…Which are essential in today’s world of “high-market sophistication” audiences. During this module, you’ll discover:
Once Upon a Time, There Was a “StorySelling Masterclass” That RockedNext up, Storytelling on STEROIDS! (which I like to call “StorySelling”)In this module, you’ll discover:
How To Create An Offer So Irresistible… Only a LUNATIC Would Ignore ItOnce you have your “Big Idea”, Headline, Lead, Golden Thread, Unique Mechanism, and Stories…It’s time to finally create an offer they can’t refuse! So in Module 8, you’ll discover:
From “Master Structure” to Breakthrough CopyIn this strategic overview session, we’ll revisit the most important 80/20 principles of key topics like:
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ If you're wondering why our courses are priced lower than the original prices and are feeling a bit suspicious (which is understandable), we can provide proof of the course's contents. We can provide a screenshot of the course's contents or send you a freebie, such as an introduction video or another video from the course, to prove that we do have the course. Should you wish to request proof, we kindly ask you to reach out to us. Please be aware that our courses do not include community access. This is due to the fact that we do not have the authority to manage this feature. Despite our desire to incorporate this aspect, it is, unfortunately, unfeasible. Explore affordable learning at Genkicourses.site 🎓! Dive into a world of quality courses handpicked just for you. Download, watch, and achieve more without breaking your budget. |
2023.06.04 05:09 Nats_HellHole I doing much better then my father and it gives me a power trip
I’m really proud of myself and I don’t have anyone to share this with, and tbh I’m not sure where else to post this.
I 19 F moved out at 17 and cut contact with my fathers side of the family (they are very toxic and immature, they prefer drama over family’s health and happiness). I was living in hotels for months eventually got housing with a job, then had to leave cus corporate was crooked. At 18 I was renting an apartment, it was a shitty one but it worked out especially since I was in an expensive state. 3 weeks ago I left the state and now living in a completely different state far away from that shit hole. I have an amazing job, I make $10 an hour but killer in tips. I’m renting a 3 bed 2 bath house, got a new (used) car. Life is going amazing for me. I have the best partner, he’s loving, sweet, charming, funny, and so much more. Im not in poverty (for the most part) anymore. I’m proud of myself that I got this far, and that I’m doing better then many people in my family, it’s feels amazing.
Now for the part that gives me a power trip.
My father 43, he’s a man child. He doesn’t know how to take care of himself and had someone take care of him for years, be it my mother, sister, me or someone else. He is a failure of a father. He lives in the same house (his mother owns) doesn’t always pay rent, that his mother brought down to about $600-$1,000 when it should be about $17,000 give or take. He spends all his money on pizza and weed. He constantly asks his mommy for money. He was out of a job for month so my sister was paying the bills, and he was to lazy to find a job, got his mother to print resumes for him but he didn’t go out to apply or go online. Now my sister moved out (again) and he’s all by himself. For years he’s been going on and on about how he wants to move away from the family (his meth head sister lives in the basement, his mother lives literally across the street with his other sister and her family). Not only that he also says how he wants to leave the state, get far away from everyone (hell don’t blame him, I did). This man can’t save his money, isn’t finance smart or dependent, doesn’t even under stand the planing it takes to move to a different state. I saved up a lot and I went through most of it quickly cus it isn’t cheap going to a different state.
It brings me joy that I know this man is still miserably living in that same home with that toxic family. That he won’t be able to leave because of his stupidity and his refusal to get his act together. If he goes to live with one of his tiktok “friends” I’m sure they will see how piggy he is and how he isn’t independent and get sick of it, eventually I’m sure they will kick him out. He made my life hell, he made me miserable. It’s great to know I’m doing better then he is at life.
submitted by Nats_HellHole to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]
I 19 F moved out at 17 and cut contact with my fathers side of the family (they are very toxic and immature, they prefer drama over family’s health and happiness). I was living in hotels for months eventually got housing with a job, then had to leave cus corporate was crooked. At 18 I was renting an apartment, it was a shitty one but it worked out especially since I was in an expensive state. 3 weeks ago I left the state and now living in a completely different state far away from that shit hole. I have an amazing job, I make $10 an hour but killer in tips. I’m renting a 3 bed 2 bath house, got a new (used) car. Life is going amazing for me. I have the best partner, he’s loving, sweet, charming, funny, and so much more. Im not in poverty (for the most part) anymore. I’m proud of myself that I got this far, and that I’m doing better then many people in my family, it’s feels amazing.
Now for the part that gives me a power trip.
My father 43, he’s a man child. He doesn’t know how to take care of himself and had someone take care of him for years, be it my mother, sister, me or someone else. He is a failure of a father. He lives in the same house (his mother owns) doesn’t always pay rent, that his mother brought down to about $600-$1,000 when it should be about $17,000 give or take. He spends all his money on pizza and weed. He constantly asks his mommy for money. He was out of a job for month so my sister was paying the bills, and he was to lazy to find a job, got his mother to print resumes for him but he didn’t go out to apply or go online. Now my sister moved out (again) and he’s all by himself. For years he’s been going on and on about how he wants to move away from the family (his meth head sister lives in the basement, his mother lives literally across the street with his other sister and her family). Not only that he also says how he wants to leave the state, get far away from everyone (hell don’t blame him, I did). This man can’t save his money, isn’t finance smart or dependent, doesn’t even under stand the planing it takes to move to a different state. I saved up a lot and I went through most of it quickly cus it isn’t cheap going to a different state.
It brings me joy that I know this man is still miserably living in that same home with that toxic family. That he won’t be able to leave because of his stupidity and his refusal to get his act together. If he goes to live with one of his tiktok “friends” I’m sure they will see how piggy he is and how he isn’t independent and get sick of it, eventually I’m sure they will kick him out. He made my life hell, he made me miserable. It’s great to know I’m doing better then he is at life.