It was so terribly cold. Snow was falling, and it was almost dark, when out of the blue, my wife called me at work. "We're going to Niagara Falls for the weekend. I got us an awesome deal!"
We had both been working at our first "full-fledged" jobs for a year and had reached that moment after graduation when you suddenly realize you can't make that impact on the world your student enthusiasm once promised. At first, I just sighed. It was the dead of January, and I had already expended all my energy on a week of inconsequential stress. I just wanted to collapse on the couch for two days. Sarah felt a similar weary exhaustion. I could tell. Her tone was more hopeful than excited, but she had dreaded the routine we were sinking into and was trying her best to pull us free.
I looked to the ceiling and adjusted my telephone headset. At that time I was working at Stats Canada on the tele-query desk. I took a deep breath and, as convincingly as possible, said, "Sounds good." I don't think she bought it, but we went nonetheless.
This was Niagara Falls before the casinos when there was a very distinct off-season. When we got to the hotel, we were given the details of our "lovers' special". One dinner to be used either Friday or Saturday, two breakfasts, a roll of tokens for the arcade, 10% off some "4D" movie ride experience, and a 2-for-1 coupon to Max Tussaud's. I guessed it was Madame's nephew? We also got a bottle of sparkling wine in our room and chocolate treats on our pillows. I was impressed. It sounded good.
When we got into our room and saw the "bottle" of wine - basically an aeroplane-sized glass and half - and the chocolates - "fun wrapped" Oh Henry's left over from Halloween - we both started to laugh. The tone for two wonderful days had been set. We decided to cash in on our dinner coupon right away.
The restaurant off the lobby had hopes of being better. There were huge panoramic windows that promised a view of the gorge. Unfortunately, they had some winter moisture problems that day, and it felt like we were defrosting amid the dripping streaks and foggy patches. The decor was your standard booths and tables though the "romantic" lighting was unique. Dollar store battery-powered tea lights were lodged inside thick tumbler glasses and shed a muted pleasantness in a "what a great idea for a craft" sort of way. I had a feeling they were created by our waitress since she was the one who always seemed to be fussing with them. Only one other couple was in the dining room, so she attended to us immediately.
"Can I get you something to start?"
"Sure." "Thank you, that would be nice." We both responded simultaneously.
"And what would the lady like this evening?"
Sarah smiled at the flattery. "I think I'll have a glass of white wine." She glanced over at me to see my reaction. This was a subtle cue of the mood to follow. Diet Coke was usually the beverage of choice. She didn't normally drink alcohol. One glass numbed her nose and made her giggle far too easily. When she did drink, however, it meant she was comfortable with my company and open to anything to follow. I raised my eyebrows in a debonair way.
"And for the gentleman?"
"Do you have Foster's on tap?"
"Yes we do."
"I'll have a pint please."
Sarah smiled at the happy memories I invoked. At university, Foster's was my signature beer. It was at a time when Crocodile Dundee was a known name, and Australia was inexplicably cool. 15 cent buffalo wings and a pitcher of Foster's was the Tuesday night special at the London Arms pub. There the Classics Club would meet and, as a group, circle the wagons and drink ourselves into extroverts.
As soon as the waitress left, Sarah smiled at me. She reached out and held my hand across the table. With my gaze on hers, she slipped her foot from her shoe and slowly began sliding it up my pant leg.
"I got a pedicure this morning." She announced seductively.
I nodded and pretended I didn't notice her invitation. "What colour?" I asked.
"I'm not telling." She teased. "You'll just have to find out later." Her devious little smile was gorgeous.
"Mmmm. I can't wait."
When the waitress returned with our drinks, we immediately retreated to our personal spaces as if we had been discovered by the chaperone. Sarah opened the menu and began to salivate at the variety.
"Can we add an appetizer to the package dinner?" Her question seemed innocent enough.
"You're on the package?" Our friendly waitress disappeared, and we were no longer a lady or a gentleman. She ripped the menu out of Sarah's hand and took mine before I had even opened it. She then scurried to her podium and brought back a tattered, grease-stained, photocopied page that we had to share. We both burst out laughing.
The waitress was flustered that we were not as bothered as she was. "The drinks are NOT included!"
"What choices do we have?" I asked, expecting the usual chicken or fish. I had been on many packages before with my parents.
"Coffee or tea." The waitress snapped.
Sarah and I looked at each other in amused disbelief.
"I'll have coffee please." I didn't even flinch at the ridiculously limited package. I was eager to get my order in early.
"And I'll have the tea!" Sarah followed my lead. "Can I have some milk with that?"
"Yes." The waitress snarled.
"Fantastic!" I enthused.
"Yes, great! I'm glad we got the package, Honey." Sarah joked.
The waitress stormed off and returned sometime later with our lettuce-only salads drowned in Kraft's Italian dressing and our chewy chicken dinners, which she had thoughtfully allowed to cool. She tossed the plates on the table and left us to peacefully devour our deal. We didn't see her again until we requested the bill. For some reason, we found it amusing to leave a generous tip, which of course, defeated the purpose of the package, but we didn't care. It was fun.
The rest of the holiday was marred with similar off-season products and services. The wax museum was only half open, so we couldn't see the pop stars of the seventies. I didn't think it was a problem, but Sarah pouted playfully. She really wanted to see young Bowie. Meanwhile, the arcade was particularly stingy about spitting out coupons. So much so that Mike, the scraggly-haired repair guy, ended up escorting us from game to game and repairing the devices on demand. In no time, he was acting like an old drinking buddy. He joked and laughed, then, out of the blue, revealed that working at the Niagara Falls Fun Centre wasn't his career choice, that his dream was to be part of a travelling carnival. He desperately wanted to see more of the world, he explained and socialize with a greater variety of "wildlife." Mike winked at Sarah to punctuate his meaning, then began advising her on which games to play.
Sarah was partial to Skee ball and clearly had career potential in the sport, but Mike quickly pointed out that the token-to-coupon payout was not the best. In a furtive whisper, he revealed that The Storm Stopper was your best bet, provided the arcade had left it on its original factory settings. He assured us the ones here were "cool." The game had lights that ran around the outside in opposite directions and you had to hit the button at just the right spot to win. It looked impossible, but Mike was right; if you calculated tokens in versus coupons won, it was the best deal. It only took a little practice to win a minor jackpot every 5 or 6 times.
We would cheer each win as if Toronto had won the Stanley Cup. I would give a quick fist pump and a full lung "Yes!" while Sarah would jump up and down screaming, "WhoooHooo!" Of course, in the end, when we cashed in, "Mike's secret" only bumped us up from a key-chain flashlight to a "deluxe" nail beauty set. Mind you, it did come complete with clippers, scissors, a file AND a cuticle scraper. Not only that, it was all neatly packaged in a paisley-patterned pink and green plastic vinyl case. Mike was so pleased to give us our prize and to be honest, we were thrilled to win it if only to see his broad chicletted smile. It was more of a trophy than a grooming set.
That night, I made reservations for us at a fancy Chinese food restaurant - the Bamboo Garden. When we arrived, we had half-expected renovations of some sort. Instead, the place was immaculate. Gentle pools teeming with goldfish highlighted the epic black and red Ming dynasty decor. Real candles flickered on crisp white tablecloths. Again, the restaurant was virtually ours. The reservations on my part were entirely unnecessary. In fact, as soon as we entered, they knew us by name and guided us directly to our table. A live lounge piano caressed the air, its notes danced vaguely around familiar harmonies until finally, as if prompted by our presence, a song emerged immediately accompanied by the velvet voice of oriental karaoke. It was our song remastered

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A month ago, I felt sick and tired of myself limiting myself, feeling like I've stagnated in life as I hadn't gone anywhere with myself and felt that I've people pleased too much just to keep the peace so I've had enough and reached my limit. Combined with needing to take a holiday for years, I decided to chuck myself so far out of my comfort zone that I went on my first ever solo trip with minimal planning in a country where no one looks like me at all. - Had a few experience where once I entered, people were either friendly (50-60% of the time), or looked as if I had taken their partners or done something to them in their past life, or flat out vacated the area e.g. the pool. I had half board so I needed to go out everyday for lunch or starve and I managed to gain thicker skin throughout the day and needed to make the most of it by going out - I usually stay at home for a full week like a hermit so doing this for nearly a week straight was a mix bag of pride, nerves and also thoughts to face myself. Also during this time, I've had extreme ends of news that I considered to both good and bad , such as an offer and morbid death during my trip.
Since I've come back recently, I don't really care what people think to an almost far out extreme extent of my pre-trip self in most cases (nothing offensive, no worries, I still draw lines at the same of pre-trip me) yet believe it's better for me, I know there's definitely a balance to have and I'm actively working on it to be bit more tactful as I used to be as well. I also have this better sense of self-belief as I literally have evidence for it and it makes me swell up with emotions inside. I'm going through imposter syndrome thoughts with the positive news offer that I've got yet also telling myself that I will make sure I make the most of it as I don't want to revert to a self I no longer want to associate with much at all - but probably didn't hash out to myself on which specific parts which I now realised. Also noticed that I don't feel as much as I do generally, but when I do, it's more intense bursts of emotion
I've actually progressed better with my to-do's, done new things independently that old me would have never touched with a pole and just fully accepting that failing is fine (lot easier said than actioned) so not frozen by fear as much anymore in the pursuit of most goals. But if I ever feel like I'm slipping from this productivity, I feel mentally unsettled and also start to question my sense of self of who I am, an example is that a couple of days ago I literally did nothing the whole day, and even though I can accept it's because I've done quite a few things consecutively since I've come back, I still feel a part of me that's wondering why have I not done anything much that day and could literally feel my brain pulsing.
I didn't know what was an appropriate flair as it could be self-improvement in bettering myself for interactions and approaching life, or mental health as I don't know who I am as I don't see much of my old self, yet believe some new bits of me are good for me too. Would really appreciate any thoughts on what the heck I'm feeling so I can process this change of myself, thank you

Hi. So, I don’t know if anyone relates, but I have lots of physical health issues which cause me to be extremely tired all the time, have lots of joint, muscle and nerve pain, and give me lots of headaches among other things. I also have social and general anxiety (made worse by covid) and I have an eating disorder and adhd. Among other things, lol. But basically all of this mixed really messes me up, on a day to day I am tired, in some level of pain, can’t stand up or sit down for too long. Can’t do anything. I go bouldering with my girlfriend every week at most, but I’m so bad at it because I have fears of slipping and I have no upper body strength and so although I’ve been doing this for over a year, I am still on the beginner routes. Which makes me feel extremely anxious whenever I go because due to all of the above, I’m also quite over weight and I just think how ridiculous I must look to everyone when I’m there, this fat person trying to climb the same simple routes each week, and failing, and having panic attacks. But I enjoy the mental stimulation I get from it, the puzzle trying to figure it out. But I’m so bad at it, and I look ridiculous. And I can’t talk to my gf about it because she gets anxious and it triggers her off so I don’t have anyone to talk to about it and it just be (selfishly) about me, so I can process my emotions and someone can advise. I really can’t talk to anyone about all my problems tbh. Everyone around me either doesn’t get it, or has enough of their own problems to be able to take a moment to help me out sometimes. I spend most of my time helping everyone else. Ugh I’m losing focus of the topic sorry for rambling. I think what I’m trying to say is that I hate that my body is terrible, I hate that my brain makes me panic, and that it’s so hard for me to find something I can do and not feel shit about myself for even trying. I try skateboarding but I face the same issues and anxieties as with bouldering. But I want to do a sport, something my stupid brain doesn’t get bored of, or panic over, or that I’m too fat to do. I’m trying to learn how to swim but my brother almost drowned me as a kid so I’m petrified of putting my head under the water, even though I love being in water. It’s like a reflex at this point to panic, no matter the meditation or blowing bubbles etc. I need to find a sport I can do, I need to lose weight, I need to do something. I have no idea what. I’m also working class, so funds are limited.
Anyone have any ideas? Please.

Hi, So I have a little question regarding the car inspection.... I kinda fucked up.. a little less than3years ago I left belgium for what should've been 6months, as you might be able to deduce I've now been gone for almost 3 years, I'm coming back soon for a limited time to really end my belgian ties and get rid of my car which I still own, I still pay road taxes, still pay for my insurance, however the car hasn't been used in the time i was gone. It just stood in my retired parent's drive way.. As i was discussig this with my father he reminded me that not only hasn't the car left the drive way in 3 years it also hasnt gone through the car inspection for all that time. Now I'm wondering what my options are. What happens if I go to the car inspection place after all this time? I'm guessing I'm going to be fined but how much would it be? I honestly also don't know if it could still pass the inspection at this point. My dad used to be a mechanic so everything is in working order but it is a diesel engine and I'm not sure it could pass the new standard of the pollution test, and if it wouldn't pass how could I go about selling it? I'm not interested in getting a lot if even any money from it, but right now it's draining my income which is just pointless. Anyone knowledgeable about this? Thanks in advance. (Also yeah I know I f'd up, just never expected to be gone this long, and eventually it just kinda all slipped my mind)

Just the title. Sometimes I forget how much subterranean work women have to do just to exist in this world without triggering the Fragile Male (TM), a widespread category that takes offense in women simply existing. Just this week I had:

• Usual Truck Driver who fucking tailgates me (I was looking for a parking spot and going maybe 5 km/h below the maximum speed limit) and behaves like an arrogant ass. I usually am forced to forgo what I was doing and start going faster because I know that if I don't there's a 60% possibility it will result in a nasty encounter. This time I decided to stand for myself and kept going at a reasonable pace: result? I find a parking spot, lose the tailgater at a stop, and even if it took him 20 seconds to catch up, he stopped middle of the road, blocking traffic, to get off and scream abuse at me. For no other reason that I was "a woman driving slow", to paraphrase the profanities.
  
• I was in line at a supermarket and another cash register opened: the cashier said to form a new line respecting the order of the first line. I was about to put myself in line when a man cut the whole line and stepped right in front of me (but not in front of the buff dude who had been in front of me in the previous line lol), all while yapping that his friend had one thing and even if they were last they had a right to cut the line. I was pissed but tried to keep it to myself (I also had like 2 things so yeah). Nope, no chance. My face must have betrayed me (wasn't even looking in their direction) because first dude still felt the need to remark on my "resting bitch face".
  

Which probably I have, but why the constant need to humiliate women? Aren't we allowed a single "rogue" emotion??? Do we have to constantly check how we drive, how we look, what emotion shows, so we don't become the target of entitled assholes' mockery? I swear I've made an art out of avoiding eye contact when I perceive a man is belligerent, I have a sixth sense for weirdos, can sneak out of situations I perceive can become nasty, adeguate my face/demeanoactions to limit the angering effect they might have on Angry Men TM. And I know how to do all this through years of nasty encounters, assuaging what is going on, it's a fucking survival strategy. I'm just a person living in a city, I shouldn't have to do this on auto pilot and feel anxious if I slip up a little bit, but inevitably I'll be reminded that slipping up can result in a confirmation that I was doing all that survival shit for a good reason. But it's exhausting to live like this. It makes me feel like I'm guilty of existing as a woman.