Maricopa integrated health system my chart


2008.05.27 06:32 Astrology

Astrology is the study of the correlation between celestial movements and earthly events, and astrology is a community for sharing news and information about astrological topics. This is a community for discussing and learning astrology, not for personal chart and life questions.

2012.12.10 18:08 astrologue Ask Astrologers

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2011.07.21 04:13 All things related to birth control

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2023.06.04 06:56 lioran_waters My bad experience with the health system, being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and participating in a clinical trial

DISCLAIMER, I am not antivax, I believe vaccines are important and I believe in proven science. This is not meant to discourage people from trusting the health system, just to open your eyes for dismissal of symptoms.
In February of 2022, I had an Optic neuritis, which I previously had for about 12 hours, 2 months prior, So I was not worried about it too much. But 2 days later, not getting better, I managed to get a speedy appointment the following day.
The Doctor thought it was maybe just a crystal that had formed in my ear causing me to have spinning vision(I was not dizzy, it was just my vision that was constantly spinning). But she suggested that I get an eye exam at an optometrist, which I managed to get 2 days later. By that point my eyes were no longer shifting constantly but I had severe nystagmus.
The optometrist that examined me, seemed very concerned, she kept doing the nystagmus test. Which I filmed myself doing later, to see what she was seeing. My nystagmus was so severe, that my right eye would not move from the center point to the right at all, it could only move to the left.
I don't know if she had good connections with a friend or something, but she immediately called an ophthalmologist and booked me at another clinic in the same hour(which was very busy when I got there already).
The ophthalmologist did the same test, called the hospital and scheduled an MRI. I was with her when she did the phone call and she said an MRI for MS(multiple sclerosis) To which I told her my double cousin(100% blood related cousin) has MS. Being a bit concerned that maybe being from the same exact bloodline may have caused this. She told me it was unlikely to be MS due to my age.(I was 36)
So far so good.
2 weeks later I got the MRI, my eyes were very slowly recovering but definitely not ready for the outdoor yet. I didn't mind the MRI, just when I started hearing the sound I was like, is this an alarm? This is the perfect time for the end of the world to happen. The contrast was poorly injected, it was painful and uncomfortable. But I can take some pain.
Then I got called to meet a neurologist, exactly 1 month after my optic neuritis. Get there, meet the secretary, asks me a few questions then to the neurologist. I remember doing most the test a police would do to check if you're safe to drive + some extra to test my nerves sensitivity. Talked about medication, asked if I wanted to take the common medication, or if I want to be part of a clinical trial for a new medicine. Booked me for a lumbar puncture on my birthday. No diagnostic was given to me. Sent back to the secretary and I ask, So do I have MS or not? to which she said yeah you do have it. Which feels a bit weird to me, never really being told If I had MS or not, I had to ask for it.
Now at that point I had done my research online already and seen plenty of stuff so it didn't really come as a shocker. Just the way it was handled was a bit off. Also taking into account that I was having some major friend relations problem at that time so I didn't care one bit about the diagnostic, my mind was somewhere else.
I refused the clinical trial because I did not want to be given placebo(more on that later). But I decided to wait a bit to see how it would go. No medication was offered for my eyes, just MS medication to prevent relapse in the future. Which would mean becoming permanently modulo compromise, which is like immuno compromise but not as bad. So all the way to June where I was doing my best to get back on track, started biking again, which my vision made it hard to do but it was getting better.
Early July, my vision was almost fully healed things were doing great. But then my vision started becoming crappy again, I did not get a full optic neuritis, but my vision went back to how it was 3 month earlier. Combined with being Very tired for no reason. Which is a symptom of MS and can get quite severe. So I decide to go start medication, but I informed them that I do not want the double blind clinical trial because I do not want to end up on placebo. To which I am informed that there is no 100% placebo for this trial. You will be place on one that is already on the market(the one the neurologist wanted to give me) or a new one that's being tested 50/50.
I accept to be part of the trial, I was excited, I'm going to be part of a clinical trial, that's awesome. The trial was in Phase 3 so it wasn't completely untested. The nurse assigned to my case was surprised that I knew what phase 3 meant. I do not have education in the medical field, but I got some knowledge, I always like to learn how things work, that's just how my brain is, "oooh HOW DOES IT WORK?"
They get my blood work done, took about 1 week before I started the medication. The secretary told me I should notice a big difference the same day. Did not happen, no symptom no improvement. So now I was in a clinical trial for some medicine. I now had extra work every month and x4 the amount of MRI a year which were FULL brain scan, so they were all 1h30 in duration instead of 40 minutes.
1 month into the medication, still super tired for no reason, eyes still crappy, I stopped biking because it became too hard and I now have a new symptom which was pimple, like if I was a teenager again. Told the nurse assigned to my case, said that's probably not it since it's not in the list of symptoms. Months go by, I'm getting more and more tired, pimples are not going away, my stools are of muddy sand texture, my vision is still crap.
Got to 2023, so tired, can't cook, too demanding so I was eating once a day. My apartment is a complete mess, I can't clean it, too tired to do anything. Just play video game all day. I think I went 2 week without taking a shower at one point cause going to take the shower was too demanding. Sleeping and sitting down was the only thing I could do. I thought to myself, This is it for me, this is MS progressing and that's it, my life is over. I was done, and I had accepted it. Still meeting with the doctors for my blood work and all.
They were not alarmed by my state. I started feeling something in my throat when I swallowed, I had a new symptom at that point which were acid reflux, but I had no idea that's what it was and didn't pay attention to it, so didn't report it but I did report that it felt like something was stuck in my throat. Doctor said he was not worried about it, but booked me for a throat check up. Also said you can stop the medication for 1 week see how it goes.
I get my throat checked, the guy says there is nothing. Stopping the medication didn't do anything so I get back on it but few weeks later around mid March 2023, I had an anal pain that was slowly getting worse, probably done by the sandy stool. I ate 1 meal,Tomatoes, pork, and noodle that I over stuffed with salt which I never do.
BOOM, the next day the energy, oh my god. I was like, I am currently sodium deficient... ok I am done with this medication. I stopped it and the recovery over the following weeks was so big. I started to walk again, doing the grocery was not an herculean task anymore. My body wanted eat that pork meal I had before so bad for 3 weeks straight, I was at the grocery store and I was like "GIVE ME PORK, I WILL PAY FULL PRICE I DON'T CARE!" Which to me was a signal that I was deficient in much more than just sodium.
Now I am so much better I'm almost fully back to how I was before 2022, biking a lot, active healthy, beautiful stools.
Gathering the pieces now, judging by my stool and acid reflux, the medication had destroyed my digestive system, I know it had destroyed my gut bacterias since I was managing that pretty well prior. I am pretty sure I was not absorbing most of the nutrient i was eating and eating once a day did not help. But eating once is normal for me during winter when I'm less active.
It is now June 2023 and I feel great, my cardio is through the roof. It is such a contrast going from, My life is over, I can barely walk , I am now nothing but a burden on everyone around me. to Let's climb a hill on a bike!
Now why the negative title?
I felt that my symptoms were being dismissed, my health was clearly spiraling down really fast and I was probably very close to a point of no return. I had to be the one that says OK I'M DONE. Which I would expect them to do that before I did. This wouldn't be so bad if the medications just gave me pimples. But when the medication made the symptoms we're trying to solve Worse, that's pretty bad.
It felt like the blood work they were doing were not checking for my electrolytes. They were checking for my gut bacteria, but only at the start, middle and the end of the trial. Which I did not make it to the middle check. My pimples were dismissed, my throat problem were dismissed, my excessive sudden tiredness was dismissed. I did not feel listened to AT ALL.
I now suspect that the Covid vaccine gave me MS relapse at a long delay, MS being triggered by an over activated immune system and vaccine's goal being related to that. I had 3 vaccine and 3 relapse. First in December 2021, again in February 2022, then relapsed again in July, I had my 3rd shot in June. My family doctor said no, probably not, the neurologist said it could be possible but there is no way we'll ever know. So considering my condition, I am personally done with vaccine if I am risking getting MS relapse every time I get a vaccine, not risking it.
I do not plan to get back on medications for MS, I'd rather deal with relapse then deal with whatever that was. I lost trust in the system, but it sounds par for the course with my life. Looking back at my life and the theme with my involvement anything state run is... incompetency. Every problem in my body was caused by medicine except 1(clavical seperation) WHICH would have been made worse if I had that earlier, since they no longer give surgery for that after discovering the surgery is worse than natural healing.
Sucks to say that about people with decades of experience, but there was a few early signs that I could have noticed. Dismissal of the pimple, neurologist always being all over the place when talking, The secondary neurologist being visual flustered by the disarray of the whole thing, them switching my assigned nurse because they over booked the one I had, The whole thing didn't feel professional at so many step along the way.
Thanks to my mother I was able to go through this ordeal, if it weren't for her I don't know what would have happened to me, no car, couldn't walk, could barely cook for myself. It would have been so bad without my mother ready to bend backward for me.
If anyone cares about the trial name, and medications tested, I can dig that up and post it later. I still do not know which medication I was given out of the 2 since "my life was not in danger" which is a bit sus to me.
submitted by lioran_waters to DoctorMike [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 06:51 Kazoomers_Tale I can't stop coughing

I (15M) had a cold 4 weeks ago, nothing that bad, I got better after a week, but my throat still itches and I can't stop coughing since.
I have no allergies, no health problems, rarely get sick. My imune system is very good at it's job.
I make sure that I don't feel cold, or walk barefoot at home, Idk what this can be.
submitted by Kazoomers_Tale to AskDocs [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 06:34 FrostFireDireWolf Resupply update idea

So with the talks about jet boots. I'm thinking it could be way more.
So my idea is an additional slot in the load out. (Like a perk slot) but for an additional type of "resupply" that if you hit 5 again it will cycle to your chosen resupply. Of course i assume the boots them selves would need a slight tweak to balance this idea. But we can also use this system for additional nifty things.
Additional ideas for the system
A resupply pod that gives 75% but no health. 60 nitra
A resupply pod that full heals, but only 25% ammo for 30 nitra
A resupply pod that fully charges tools/mobility nothing else. 50 nitra.
A BIG flare box. For 40 nitra drop down a box that contains 4 heavy flares. (Heavy object) With a lifetime of 60 seconds once pulled from the box
Pick axe overcharge x4 (just like the machine event) 50 nitra
Rearm. Change primary/secondary weapon to another in your current load out slot 120 nitra
Just a quick off the top some ideas. Numbers wouldn't be final and need some additional balance.
submitted by FrostFireDireWolf to DeepRockGalactic [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 06:22 Ok_Nectarine2106 I wish I had someone, or ever had someone, that could tell me things would be ok without it having to be about god or something

Just a warning, if you're religious this may come across as insulting. I don't intend it that way at all, believe what you want if it's making you happy and you're not hurting anyone.
I'm sorry, but at this stage in my life I'm so tired of God having to be why anything happens. It would've been nice if god had done something the 15 hundred times I asked. The times I opened myself up, admitted I was wrong, and prayed and prayed for help. Could've made a follower out of me right then and there.
It would've been nice to get any sort of communication at all really. A sign, something. I was healthy. I was successful. I made a bad decision and got addicted to alcohol. I begged, and I mean in my living room on my knees begging for help. All that happened was I lost my job, insurance, and credibility. I lost everything, and I don't intend to blame that asshat upstairs. It's absolutely my fault, 100%. I'm just a bit pissed that everything has to be about them, and yet they can't be bothered to show up when I need them.
So I've been having pretty bad stress recently, and I opened up to someone about it, I told them it's been a battle to not drink every day for weeks now. "Did you talk to god about it?" Shut the actual fuck up, because that's never once in my life helped. If anything it's just opening up room for this "god" to play another joke with my life. I'd rather have a panic attack, leading into a heart attack than invite that thing in my life again. I don't need false hope, I don't want to hear about the fairies in the sky again, I don't need or want things that aren't helpful anymore. I don't want lies, I want answers.
So god if you give a shit and are actually hearing any of my prayers, I quit without you. I give you zero credit. I even went to one of your churches and had a pastor pray with me. But I have 20k in medical bills that I prayed for when they were at around 4k. Turns out my insurance randomly covers less now. Thanks a ton bud. I didn't receive wealth, or health, or peace. I received more and more challenges. And I've overcome all this shit without anh help from any god. You're telling me I should thank god for all the struggle I've beat my head through. I should thank god because the kind doctors and nurses helped me when I needed it? I should thank god for this sub and the people here who have given me advice for how to proceed so many times?
My dog has spoken to me more than god has if I'm being honest. Growing up, all those "spiritual moments?" I faked them because I thought the girl that played bass was hot. None of that was real. None of it is.
If you ask me, were alone on this rock. When you die nothing happens. You just stop existing. It's over. And all this barking at the sky asking for help is pointless. No one hears it, and all the results are either coincidence or further proof that's the truth. When you look at "answers" to prayers pragmatically you'll find that you should really be thinking either a system, or a person who did work in your favor.
I'm sorry, I had a panic attack today. My heart rate was like 170 for an hour, and I couldn't breathe. I was about to go to the doctor but it started to die down. And when I asked my mom for advice is was just to ask the unicorn fairy rainbow entity in the sky for help. I need real help, I'm sorry but I have to get real with life and stop playing pretend, or just get it over with and go into the abyss. I'm tired of fake, I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of asking for help and getting the equivalent of a block of flavorless, textureless, substanceless food "stuff" to eat.
I'm not gonna drink, I'm just mad and venting. If I end up in hell maybe me and Lucifer can figure something out where I can do their IT. He might actually say thank you or something idk. As for god, I never knew them. I tried going where they go, I tried speaking to them through their methods, I've tried. I'm too old to be barking up empty trees. This infinite, powerful, all knowing being has had 28 years to just give me even a grain of sand of evidence that they're even showing up. If I did this with work for 2 days I'd be fired. The fact that the crackhead down the street shows up for work more often than the literal god of the fucking universe.. just.. I'm done with it.
So I gotta find wahs to relax. I gotta learn to face my anger and emotions. I have to learn how to live in this world without relying on mystical beings that aren't there. The reality that were alone is scary, but I'm not gonna drink it away.
I'm sorry for the rant. Again, if you are religious and have found joy in that, I'm happy for you. I hope you can understand this is fairly personal, and just me ranting about my experience alone. I would hate to hear that something I said rocked someone's faith and ultimately ruined it. I'm just a bitter, angry, confused man trying to figure out how to not float through life in misery. Thanks for listening. Iwndwytd
submitted by Ok_Nectarine2106 to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 06:13 WoodpeckerIntrepid12 i was recently diagnosed with bpd

after years of being in the mental health system my new therapist sits me down and we start making a care plan. she then asks me what i’ve been told my diagnosis has been in the past. i tell her MDD, GAD, CPTSD, and emotional dysregulation disorder. she then asks me if i want to know what i’ve actually be diagnosed with. i say yes because all this time has been questions with no answers. the anticipation kills me as she starts saying “your principle diagnosis is bpd with traits of anxiety and OCD.” i ended up smiling and then it all crashed down. a few people have told me i probably have bpd from a hospital psychiatrist to my friends. but being officially told kind of is weird. i’m trying to process it. but amongst feeling numb and out of reality i don’t know where to go from here. i don’t know what i’m processing exactly. i’m in shock but not. i knew that i probably had bpd. but it just feels like i’m still joking about it. i’m just confused. how did everyone who was diagnosed deal with the diagnosis processing part ?
submitted by WoodpeckerIntrepid12 to BPDrecovery [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 06:11 No_Citron_4998 Is a low-fat high-protein diet ever bad for a dog? Need advice for suspected Lymphangectasia.

Hey fellow dog lovers,
I'm seeking some advice regarding my dog's health condition. He is a 2-year old male neutered morkie weighing 10lbs.
Recently, my dog has been experiencing fluid buildup in the chest cavity (pleural effusion) and abdomen (ascites). Despite undergoing diagnostic testing, the results haven't provided any definitive answers. However, I'm starting to suspect Lymphangectasia, a condition characterized by a compromised lymphatic system.
I want to provide the best care for my dog and I've come across the Canine Gastrointestinal Low Fat Dry Dog Food by Royal Canin. It's specifically designed to support dogs with gastrointestinal issues and has a low-fat high-protein formula. I'm contemplating switching my dog to this diet to see if it helps manage the condition.
But I'm curious to hear from the community: Is a low-fat high-protein diet suitable for dogs in general? Are there any potential drawbacks or considerations I should be aware of? I want to ensure I'm making an informed decision for my furry friend's health.
If anyone has experience or knowledge regarding Lymphangectasia or has insights into the effects of a low-fat high-protein diet on dogs, I'd greatly appreciate your input. Any advice, recommendations, or personal experiences would be incredibly valuable.
Of course, I'm consulting with my veterinarian, but I believe it's always beneficial to gather information and perspectives from fellow pet owners.
Thank you in advance for your help!
submitted by No_Citron_4998 to dogs [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 05:56 DARKSOULS103 Where would you put me politically?

I would like a universal healthcare with private, I'm pro free housing and to an extent would support decommodifying housing, pro universal income, pro automation and in general very pro technology, pro LGBT including letting trans kids transition and would even support some kind of system to punish parents who denied their kids trans affirming care, I'm pro military and pro cop tho I think we need some reworks for prison and cops in general but I think cops are needed in society...I want drugs to be decriminalized and legalized with support for addicts and a strong mental health healthcare...I think food and water should be provided to homeless people and I don't think people should have to work to live (within reason) if someone is just lazy I still think they deserve a roof/food/water and healthcare...I would want America to push to increase funding to public schools and make college affordable, I'm pro anti discrimination laws, I would consider myself a transhumanist. I go by she/her I'm a gay trans women (I think that's relevant) sorry about any Grammer errors I make!! In a perfect society in my opinion id let artificial intelligence take over for humans, artificial super intelligence is what I mean lol
submitted by DARKSOULS103 to VaushV [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 05:49 ExoXerxesTheXIII StarSeed Support... 1 year later...

The 🍓🌕 has me ready to go for it... If you are a StarSeed that wished to face Trauma, Grow, Heal, help someone else, build a community of support, meet Soul family/fragment or tribes then this should be a place for you.
It has been a dream of mine for these past 6 years to bring "us" together but being a baby StarSeed back then; I now see how naive I was to think that "we" are all so alike and could maybe drop most of our 3D biases, systems, cultures and lives to come together to help this 3D System of Reality Ascend...
It's just not that simple and since beggining my foray into Astrology and Natal charts; I've Learned a lot about us and how we Stunt us ourselves for incarnations at a time while refusing some of the most obvious Changes simply because it has become increasingly difficult to make most Changes at an individualized approach; we Focus on ourselves untill it becomes Spiritual Bypassing...
During our Life Reviews: we are either tricked into coming back or we decide to do this again based on some lvl or idea of failure and I am leaning towards of the opinion based on many Experiences, charts, discussions and incarnations along with many Intuitive sessions... So let's help each other by keeping each other honest based on an agreed upon standard, applying our Intuition in a group-effort while respecting the individualization of each of us in a realistic way yet moving towards a goal that benefits us all... 💚👽🖤
submitted by ExoXerxesTheXIII to starseeds [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 05:40 arfisti Online Courses

I’m planning on attending a CCC (De Anza most likely), but I don’t think I will be able to go on campus much due to health issues and transportation. I’m planning on majoring and transferring into CS and I’m able to study and learn on my own. I did get into a T20 for CS, but my mother has been depressed lately and she has no support system + I received no aid so I’m deciding to attend a CCC to save money and support my mom.
Is it possible to take all prerequisite CS courses online in community college?
submitted by arfisti to ApplyingToCollege [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 05:38 Repulsive-Outside493 Not getting any response. 200+ application. Looking for Software Engineer role. Only 2 interviews. Please let me know of any issues with my resume.

Not getting any response. 200+ application. Looking for Software Engineer role. Only 2 interviews. Please let me know of any issues with my resume. submitted by Repulsive-Outside493 to u/Repulsive-Outside493 [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 05:23 dandinonillion bald Brynolf (HELP)

I’ve got a few hair and beard mods installed and went into creation kit to edit him to my liking, but after I save my changes and load the game he still looks like this. Any advice? The changes loaded once, and then I went back into CK to remove a moustache from Brand-Shei, and Bryn is back rocking the look of my ex-boyfriend’s dad.
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+Altered Spell Tomes for Spell Research
+Spell Research Patch Compendium Redux 357 patches
+Origins Of Forest - Lakeview Manor Patch
+Technicolor Alchemy - CACO - More Growable Plants Patch
+Complete Alchemy and Cooking Overhaul (CACO) and More Growable Plants SE compatibility patch
+SIC SE - Add-Ons and Patches
+CACO - Beyond Skyrim Bruma Patch
+Spell Research - Experience Book
+Spell Research
+kryptopyr's Patch Hub
+Bloodchill Manor (CC) __ CACO
+Cutting Room Floor __ CACO
+Opulent Thieves Guild - FPS Fix
+Opulent Thieves Guild - Sneak Tools compatibility patch
+Quaint Raven Rock - Ghosts of the Tribunal Patch
+More Growable Plants SE
+Cathedral - 3D Solstheim Grass
+SmoothCam - Octavian's Preset
+Pets of Skyrim - JK's Skyrim Compatibility Patch
+SmoothCam - Soft Preset
+WACCF Sneak Tools Patch
+Sneak Tools Embers XD Patch
+Sneak Tools SE Edition
+Wayfarer's Coat CBBE
+Wayfarer's Coat
+Sleeping Expanded - Animations and NPC reactions
+Archmage Apparel
+Ars Metallica - Smithing Enhancement
+Hunting in Skyrim - A Hunting Guild SE
+Diverse Werewolves Collection SE Player
+Diverse Werewolves Collection SE
+Werebeast GrowlVanilla Spruce-up
+Unleashed Sacrosanct and Growl Racial Abilities SE - (Werewolf and Vampire racial abilities for custom races)
+Growl and Sacrosanct Hybrid
+Gender-specific Werewolf Transformation Sounds (Vampire Lords optional)
+Elden Counter
+Wildcat - Combat of Skyrim
+Set of Skills
+ADXP I MCO ER rapiers (SCAR)
+Realistic Halberd Poleaxe Animation(MCO SCAR)
+Goetia Animations - Enchanted Staves
+Favorite Misc Items
+Simple Outfit Manager
+Hunting Grounds Outfit
+SIRENROOT - Patch 1.04
+SIRENROOT - Deluge of Deceit
+ADXP I MCO ER Spear Basic Animation (SCAR)
+Skyrim Spear Mechanic SE
+Cathedral - 3D Rocky Shores
+FurArmorSetSE(FrostFall Aware) ordinator
+High Poly Gleamblossoms
+Goetia Animations - Conditional Shouts
+HD Baskets Textures
+SCAR AE Support
+Trade and Barter - Patches
+Circlet USSEP Fixes
+Wintersun - Creatures
+Skyrim Immersive Creatures Special Edition
+Sunhelm Survival Patch for Hearthfire Extended
+Forsworn Dreadlocks for Beast Races
+Guild Leader Perks
+Hearthfire Carriage Destinations
+Hearthfire Improvements - A Lightweight Extension
+Better Dynamic Ash SE
+Hearthfire Shrines Expanded
+College Prestige Mage Outfit SE
+DX Necromancer Robes - SSE CBBE BodySlide
+DX Necromancer Robes - UNP
+Better Treasury House
+Illuminated Blue Palace Dome
+ENB Particle Lights - Dwemer Lanterns
+Unique Solstheim Grass
+Better beast race scars
+Reach Tree Replacer SSE
+Better fur - Fine clothes
+Beyond Skyrim - Bruma Upscaled Textures (BSBUT) Armour
+Beyond Skyrim - Bruma Upscaled Textures (BSBUT)
+Thundering Shouts
+Nibenean Armors and Outfit SE - UNP - UNPB - CBBE
+Technicolor Alchemy Overhaul - Unique Alchemy Plants for Skyrim SE
+Forsworn Fashions- More Variety for forsworn (Armor Pack- BHUNP CBBE 3BA and HIMBO)
+Wilderness Witch Outfit CBBE
+Wilderness Witch Outfit
+Unique Flowers and Plants SSE
+Imperial Fine Clothes
+Conditional Expressions - Subtle Face Animations
+Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions
+FurArmorSetSE - CBBE Bodyslide Conversion
+FurArmorSetSE - Muted Color Retexture
+FurArmorSetSE(FrostFall Aware)
+Cathedral - 3D Snow Berries
+3D Plants Patch - Snowberries
+Saints and Seducers Flora ENB Light
+(DISCONTINUED) CBBE Armour and Clothing Conversions for Beyond Skyrim - Bruma
+Rare Curios - BS Bruma Synergy Patch
+Cathedral - Armory - Gemling Queen Jewelry Patch
+2K Ring of Namira Retextured
+White Phial Replacer SE
+Stalhrim Source
+Bandit Lines Expansion
+2k Retextured Ring Of hircine
+Solstheim Lighthouse
+Wyrmstooth Upscaled Textures
+Missives - The Witcher Board HD
+Sovngarde HD
+Missives - Notes Retexture
+HD Sleeping Tree Sap Replacer
+HQ Tree Bark
+Arri's Snow Elf Ruins Retexture Special Edition
+VioLens - A Killmove Mod SE
+Cathedral 3D Mountain Flowers for Hearthfire
+Lux Via - Cathedral Mountain Flowers
+Hitting the Books - A Necromantic Grimoire Update
+Simple Bath for Bloodchill Manor
+Conditional Dog Barking (DAR)
+Werewolf Animation and Sneak Extension (DAR)
+Kaidan Lux
+Kaidan Inigo
+Kaidan 3dnpc
+Axarien's Animations - Lucien (DAR)
+Axarien's Animations - The Companions - Vilkas Farkas Aela (DAR)
+Axarien's Animations - Inigo (DAR)
+Skyrim Wayshrines - Immersive Fast Travel - SWIFT SE
+SUEMR SSE with Bijin AIO 2019 Support
+Black_Sacrament_Armor_V4-1_High Def_PortedSSE
+Immersive Sounds Compendium - PATCHES
+Enhanced Blood Textures
+Hunterborn SE MCM
+I'm Glad You're Here - a follower and spouse appreciation mod - SSE - Bard patch
+Skyrim's Got Talent - Improve As a Bard
+Immersive Vampire Clutter - Base Object Swapper (BOS)
+Moss Shaders Restored - Cut Content Restoration
+Realistic Skooma
+Daedric Shrines - All in One
+8K Night Skies - Stars and Galaxies - Cathedral Concept
+Breezehome by Lupus - Lux - Embers XD - Patch
+Breezehome by Lupus
+Simple Breezehome Garden
+I'm Glad You're Here - a follower and spouse appreciation mod - SSE
+Quest Outfit Replacers - Party and Radiant Raiment Fine Clothes
+Ordinator - Slower Leveling Speed and Increased Training Costs
+Growl - Werebeasts of Skyrim
+BA Bard Songs
+Colovian Leather Armor and Outfit SE - UNP - CBBE - Update
+Colovian Leather Armor and Outfit SE - UNP - CBBE
+Auto Input Switch
+Vampire Sun Damage Clothes Covering
+All Thieves Guild Jobs Concurrently
+Arena - An Encounter Zone Overhaul
+Immersive Load Screens for ArteFakes
+ArteFakes - Unique Artifacts Replacer animation
+ArteFakes - Unique Artifacts Replacer plugin
+ArteFakes - Unique Artifacts Replacer
+JK's Interiors Patch Collection
+Better Third Person Selection - BTPS
+Queen of the Damned - Deadlier Serana_SE
+Serana Dialogue Edit - Skyrim Special Edition
+Anima Nera - SerketHetyt's Serana Overhaul
+Respectable Inventory -- Well-Stocked Alchemists
+Character Creation Overhaul - Races - Birthsigns - Classes - Skills - Specializations - Attributes - update
+Character Creation Overhaul - Races - Birthsigns - Classes - Skills - Specializations - Attributes
+Smart NPC Potions - Enemies Use Potions and Poisons
+RUSTIC AMULETS - Special Edition
+Wintersun - More Patches
+Crimson Nirnroot Markers
+Bandolier - Bags and Pouches for NPC
+Bandolier - Bags and Pouches Classic
+Book Covers Skyrim
+Trade and Barter
+Tribunal Robes and Masks for SSE
+Volkihar Knight - Vampire Armor
+Sovngarde - A Nordic Font
+Triumvirate - Mage Archetypes
+The Midden - Expanded
+Stones of Barenziah Quest Markers
+Take a Seat - New DAR Sitting Animations
+Rudy HQ - Miscellaneous SE
+The Beauty of Skyrim - Caves and Mines
+Quaint Raven Rock Patch Collection
+Quaint Raven Rock - SE
+Ordinator - No Timed Block
+Valhalla Combat
+Sacrosanct - Vampires of Skyrim
+Run For Your Lives
+Prince and the Pauper SE
+Gemling Queen Jewelry SE
+Khajiit Will Follow - Fix
+Khajiit Will Follow
+Coats for Skyrim - UPDATED - SSE
+Bruma Signs SMIM patch - SE
+Wait Your Turn - Enemy Circling Behaviour
+Wealthy Marks - A Pickpocket Mod (SPID)
+Thieves Guild Dialogue Fix - USSEP Compatible
+Wear Multiple Rings
+Point The Way
+High Level Enemies
+Dirt and Blood - Dynamic Visual Effects
+Follower Trap Safety
+Immersive Khajiit Armor and Weapons - Rebalance and Integration
+Lunar Guard Armor
+VickusDickus' Khajiiti Apex Armory - skeleton
+VickusDickus' Khajiiti Apex Armory
+Payload Interpreter
+Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim - Ordinator
+Apocalypse Spells For NPCS
+Apocalypse - Magic of Skyrim
+Vanargand Animations - One Handed Power Attacks
+Goetia Animations - Sneak Magic
+Goetia Animations - Magic Spell Casting
+EVG Conditional Idles
+Gesture Animation Remix (DAR)
+Animated Armoury - DAR Version - New Weapons with animations
+Vanargand Animations - One Handed Mid Stance
+Vanargand Animations - One Handed Normal Attacks
+Vanargand Animations - Sneak Archery
+Lively Children Animations (DAR)
+NPC Animation Remix (DAR)
+Animation Motion Revolution
+MCO Universal Support
+Attack MCO-DXP
+The Companions - Earn your stripes
+Pickpocketing 5Ever
+Awesome Potions Simplified -ENB Lights
+Awesome Potions Simplified by Revoith
+Dawnguard as a vampire
+Improved Companions - Questline Tweaks
+Medieval Spirits
+Gildergreen Regrown
+Hearthfire Extended - Cutting Room Floor Patch
+Hearthfire Extended
+Coin Purse - An Overhaul For Skyrim
+Summermyst - WACCF Patch
+Summermyst - Enchantments of Skyrim
+Saints and Seducers - Growable Plants
+Opulent Thieves Guild Patch Collection
+Skyrims Unique Treasures
+True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay
+XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended
+Wintersun - Faiths of Skyrim
+Dragon Claws Auto-Unlock
+Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine
+Lind's Black Robes Revamp - Texture Replacer
+Moon Monk's Robes
+Skyforge Weapons - Reforged
+Inigo - Bloodchill Manor patch
+Cult of the World Eater - Dragon Priests Buff Alduin
+Deadly Dragons
+SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution
+RUSTIC SOULGEMS - Special Edition
+Face Discoloration Fix
+Miscellaneous Embers XD Patches
+Vanilla hair remake SMP compatibility
+Vanilla hair remake SMP
+ShowRaceMenu Alternative - Lux patch
+ShowRaceMenu Alternative
+Tempered Skins for Females CBBE
+Vanilla hair remake SMP NPCs (real hair)
+Superior Lore-Friendly Hair - HD textures
+VHR - Vanilla Hair Replacer
+Barbarian Bodypaints - Racemenu Body and Head Overlays for UUNP CBBE and Males
+Beards of Power - Sons of Skyrim - Vanilla Hair Remake SMP
+Beards of Power - Sons of Skyrim
+Normal Vampire Face For High Poly Head
+Whiter Teeth for ALL (SE)- Orc Khajiit Argonian Werewolf
+BeastHHBB - Khajiit and Argonian content - player character and NPC replacer addon
+BeastHHBB - Khajiit and Argonian content - player character and NPC replacer
+Khajiit Aesthetics Compilation - Hair Eyes Fangs
+Better Beast vampire fangs - fixes and adjustments - Argonian and Khajiit
+Kala's Eyes- Beast Race Edition Khajiit Argonian
+The Witcher 3 Eyes SE
+Vanilla Warpaints Absolution
+Apachii Sky Hair SSE
+CoverKhajiits - Face Textures 4K SE
+Pretty Khajiit SE
+The Eyes Of Beauty SSE
+Total Character Makeover
+Weathered Nordic Bodypaints -Special Edition- RaceMenu Overlays and Warpaints
+Beast Race Bodypaints SE -Khajiit and Argonian Themed Bodypaints Facepaints RaceMenu Overlays-
+Community Overlays 2 (31-50) Bodypaints Warpaints Tattoos and more made for the Community (Special Edition)
+High Poly Head SE
+BodySlide and Outfit Studio
+Caliente's Beautiful Bodies Enhancer -CBBE-
+Xelzaz' Telvanni Spellsword Armor Enhanced
+Xelzaz - Custom Fully Voiced Argonian Telvanni Follower - Wyrmstooth
+Xelzaz - Custom Fully Voiced Argonian Telvanni Follower
+Lux Via Wyrmstooth
+Remiel-Custom Voiced Dwemer Specialist and Companion
+Lucien - Immersive Fully Voiced Male Follower - Bruma
+Lucien - Immersive Fully Voiced Male Follower - Curios
+Lucien - Immersive Fully Voiced Male Follower - S+Zombies
+Lucien - Immersive Fully Voiced Male Follower - Saints
+Lucien - Immersive Fully Voiced Male Follower
+Daughter of Valenwood - An Auri Replacer
+Song of the Green (Auri Follower) - Inidog
+Song of the Green 3dnpc
+Song of the Green Auri
+Kaidan 2 Weapons Revamped - Katana Bow and Quiver with Arrows
+BWB Kaidan
+Kaidan 2
+Interesting NPCs SE (3DNPC) - Rumarin Solstheim
+Interesting NPCs SE (3DNPC) - Cutting Room Floor
+Interesting NPCs SE (3DNPC) - AI Overhaul
+Interesting NPCs SE (3DNPC)
+Opulent Thieves Guild
+Ordinator for Spell Perk Item Distributor
+JK's Skyrim - Thunderchild patch
+Thunderchild - Epic Shouts and Immersion
+JKs Skyrim - AI Overhaul SSE Patch
+JK's Skyrim
+Lanterns Of Skyrim II
+Real 3D Walls
+Solstheim landscape and furniture
+Rudy HQ - Nordic Ruins SE
+-Skyrim 202X 9.0 - Architecture
+-Skyrim 202X 9.0.1 - Other
+Skyrim 202X 9.0 - Landscape
+Skyrim 202X by Pfuscher - Formerly 2020
+Books of Skyrim SE
+Colovian Noble Clothes
+RUGNAROK - Special Edition
+PELTAPALOOZA - Special Edition
+Dark Brotherhood Robes Replaced
+Dark Brotherhood Enchantments Improved
+4thUnknown - Ancient Shrouded Armor Replacer
+Dark Brotherhood Armor SE
+Cathedral - Armory update
+Cathedral - Armory
+aMidianBorn Book of Silence SE
+Fashions Of The Banditry- A bandit-focused Armor Pack (BHUNP-CBBE-3BA-HIMBO) CBBE
+Fashions Of The Banditry- A bandit-focused Armor Pack (BHUNP-CBBE-3BA-HIMBO)
+Artesian Cloaks of Skyrim
+Cloaks of Skyrim HD SSE
+Winter Is Coming SSE - Cloaks Patch
+Cloaks of Skyrim SSE
+Vampire Royal Armor Replacer HDT-SMP Cape
+HDT-SMP for Cloaks and Capes
+Winter Is Coming SSE - Cloaks
+Faster HDT-SMP
+Nightingale Hall Restored - Karliah As A Follower
+Black Mage Armor SE
+Mage Outfit Texture Overhaul - Schools of Magic SSE (Revised ESP Only) - WACCF
+Mage Outfit Texture Overhaul - Schools of Magic SSE (Revised ESP Only)
+Mage Outfit Texture Overhaul - Schools of Magic
+Hunterborn Ordinator Bone Arrow patch
+Campfire Patch for Water-Borne Diseases for SunHelm
+SunHelm Survival - Compatibility Patches
+Skills of the Wild - New Campfire Survival Skill Trees
+SunHelm - Creation Club Farming Patch
+Water-Borne Diseases for SunHelm
+SunHelm Survival
+Warm Drinks SSE - Simple Tea And Coffee Recipes - for Campfire
+Campfire - Complete Camping System (Supports Skyrim VR)
+Ordinator - Rat king - Other Creatures
+Ordinator Beyond Skyrim Patch
+Ordinator - Perks of Skyrim
+Skyrim 3D Trees and Plants - CACO Patch
+Complete Alchemy & Cooking Overhaul
+At Your Own Pace - Main Quest
+At Your Own Pace - Thane Overhaul
+Defeat the Dragon Cult
+Weapons Armor Clothing and Clutter Fixes - CBBE Patch
+Player Blink Fix
+Teldryn Serious - A Teldryn Sero Backstory Quest SSE
+Immersive College NPCs - No Saarthal (Compatibility for Ryn's Saarthal)
+Immersive College NPCs
+Ryn's Ustengrav
+Ryn's Saarthal
+The Brotherhood of Old - Dark Brotherhood Continued
+Ryn's Bleak Falls Barrow
+Magical Blackreach
+JK's Silver-Blood Inn
+JK's The Bannered Mare
+JK's The Winking Skeever
+JK's Warmaiden's
+JK's The Drunken Huntsman
+JK's Sleeping Giant Inn
+JK's Radiant Raiment
+JK's Arcadia's Cauldron
+JK's Belethor's General Goods
+JK's Dragonsreach
+JK's Angeline's Aromatics
+JK's Bits and Pieces
+JK's Blue Palace
+JK's Candlehearth Hall
+JK's Elgrim's Elixirs
+JK's White Phial
+JK's Mistveil Keep
+JK's New Gnisis Cornerclub
+JK's Sadri's Used Wares
+JK's Palace of the Kings
+JK's The Temple of Mara
+JK's The Pawned Prawn
+JK's The Bee and Barb
+JK's Arnleif and Sons Trading Company
+JK's The Hag's Cure
+JK's Understone Keep
+JK's Jorrvaskr
+JK's Riverwood Trader
+JK's Temple of the Divines
+JK's Temple of Talos
+JK's Temple of Kynareth
+JK's Temple of Dibella
+JK's Haelga's Bunkhouse
+JK's High Hrothgar
+JK's Castle Dour
+JK's Septimus Signus's Outpost
+JK's The Bards College
+DLC Content
+Realistic Conversations
+Relationship Dialogue Overhaul - RDO SE
+AI Overhaul SSE
+Cutting Room Floor - SSE
+Fuz Ro D-oh - Silent Voice
+Unlimited Bookshelves
+Practical Patches-Replacers for Skyrim 3D Trees and Plants - Nightshade
+3D Plants Patch - Tundra Cotton
+3D Plants Patch - Lavender
+3D Plants Patch - Nirnroot by Mari and Rudy's Light
+Practical Patches-Replacers for Skyrim 3D Trees and Plants - Mountain Flowers
+3D Plants Patch - Deathbell with Rudy's Purple Light
+Cathedral - 3D Clover Plant
+Cathedral - 3D Thicket and Dead Shrub
+Cathedral - 3D Grass Library
+Cathedral - 3D Thistle
+Cathedral - 3D Mountain Flowers
+Cathedral - 3D Tundra Cotton
+Cathedral - 3D Deathbell ENB
+Cathedral - 3D Deathbell
+Cathedral - Mushrooms
+Origins Of Forest - 3D Forest Grass
+Immersive Sounds - Compendium
+Lux Via
+Embers XD
+Wet and Cold SE - Cathedral Weathers Patch
+Wet and Cold SE
+Rudy ENB Cathedral Weathers ADDONS and REQUiRED Files
+Cathedral Weathers and Seasons
+Whiterun Objects SMIMed (and fixes too)
+Armor and Clothing Extension
+Weapons Armor Clothing and Clutter Fixes
+RUSTIC CLOTHING - Special Edition
+Guard Dialogue Overhaul SE
+Obsidian Mountain Fogs
+Water for ENB
+ENB Light Inventory Fix (ELIF)
+Bright Snow Fix for ENB
+Bright Waterfall Fix for ENB
+ENB Helper SE
+ENB Light
+Less Distracting Blowing Snow Effects for ENB Particle Patch
+Enhanced Volumetric Lighting and Shadows (EVLaS)
+Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods
+No Grass In Objects
+Static Mesh improvement Mod - SMIM - Quality Addon
+Skyrim 3D Trees and Plants
+Cathedral - Plants
+Landscapes - Cathedral Concept
+Static Mesh Improvement Mod
+Mfg Fix
+NORDIC UI - Miscellaneous Patches
+Nordic UI Active Effects for SkyUI SE
+SkyUI Weapons Pack SE
+Expanded Dawnguard Map Markers
+NORDIC UI - Interface Overhaul
+iHUD and True HUD Patch
+TrueHUD - HUD Additions
+Immersive HUD - iHUD Special Edition
+Beyond Skyrim - Bruma DLC
+Beyond Skyrim - Bruma
+Beyond Skyrim - Assets
+A Clear Map of Skyrim and Other Worlds
+Lore-Based Loading Screens
+Survival Control Panel
+Scrambled Bugs
+JContainers SE
+DynDOLOD Resources SE
+Particle Patch for ENB
+Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch
+Skyrim Landscape and Water Fixes
+Unofficial High Definition Audio Project
+Spell Perk Item Distributor
+Sound Record Distributor
+MCM Helper
+powerofthree's Papyrus Extender
+powerofthree's Tweaks
+.NET Script Framework
+Unique Map Weather
+SSE Display Tweaks
+SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin)
+Scaleform Translation Plus Plus NG
+PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions
+Papyrus Tweaks NG
+Crash Logger SSE AE VR - PDB support
+Address Library for SKSE Plugins
+xEdit Output
*Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios
*Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish
*Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS
*Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode
*DLC: Dawnguard
*DLC: Dragonborn
*DLC: HearthFires
*Creation Club: ccbgssse003-zombies
*Creation Club: ccbgssse011-hrsarmrelvn
*Creation Club: ccbgssse012-hrsarmrstl
*Creation Club: ccbgssse057-ba_stalhrim
*Creation Club: ccbgssse058-ba_steel
*Creation Club: ccbgssse060-ba_dragonscale
*Creation Club: ccedhsse001-norjewel
*Creation Club: ccedhsse002-splkntset
*Creation Club: ccedhsse003-redguard
*Creation Club: cceejsse005-cave
*Creation Club: ccvsvsse003-necroarts
*Creation Club: ccvsvsse004-beafarmer
submitted by dandinonillion to skyrimmods [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 05:18 crazyhomlesswerido Hi I am stuck in rut

I am homeless right now and I don't need to be I have money to get out of it at anytime I just keep finding that everyday I say I going to get off the streets and then night comes and i back on the streets again because i did none of the work i need to get out of homelessness like move to a.cheaper cost of living city because where i one of the most expensive in the country but it is litterly like i dont care and i have just given up. Like it doesn't matter. I even have health problems which would be severed better by sleeping inside but don't care i just given up. I tried mental health and I hate the system and have been abused by it many times so I avoid it like the plaque. I don't know how ton pull myself out and get out of the rut i am in. Start over again. Iam autistic adhd ocd. I have no family they left a long time ago because of my autism and no real people in my life. I am so sick of this and yet feel so stuck all at the same time.
The world I know is filled with people judging me and telling me to leave. No one really making me feel like I matter. My whole life I know judgement rejection and hate and love compassion and kindness of any kind seemed to be the lie.
submitted by crazyhomlesswerido to homeless [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:48 Mobile-Escape-9766 Darrell Brooks. and his Mother and Grandmotherr- a family of deflecting societal vampires.

Darrell's family are experts at benefiting the few at the cost of draining/damaging the people around them, and society at large,
In Grandma "Dr" Mary Edwards example..6 people are killed, dozens, if not hundreds of families are devastated. And thousands of others are in some way, and to some extent, damaged. Including the entire city of Wauchesha and countless other people. While the good "Dr." Mary Edwards and her "mental health couseling/live coach" business benefit from free worldwide advertising and publicity. Very discusting.
And they justify this by claiming to be innocent, helpless, victims of mental health issues, and who knows what else. For example Darell's Mom Dawn Woods claims Darrell was a victim uf an unfair trial that was pre-ordained, and that is why he recieved 6 consecutive life sentences + 1000 years. Yes indeed. Well I watched the entire trial and have seen many articles, stories, youtube channels depitions and opinions and many other things and I think we can all agree that Darrell recieved one of the most fair trials in United State's history.
But in their sentencing statements, both Darrell's Mom and his Grandma again claim that their family are victims because they have lost so much. And it's all a result of Darrell's mental health . The GALL of these people is unfathomable!!! To say such a thing after what there innocent/victim of mental health son/grandson did to cause all this devastation only serves to minimize the pain of the real victims. The truly innocent people who were hurt, maimed, murdered and otherwise destroyed while simply getting together to watch a parade and celebrate the Christmas season.
In one of her interviews Darrells mom, Dawn Woods said mental health victims need medication and treatment when the sympltoms first appear (when Darrell was 12) or else the problem will fall thru the cracks.
Well, Mrs. Woods, your his mom. So why didn't you make sure that happenned? But she never got him help. Not then....not later, not ever. I guess because she couldn't afford it..based on her statement about how expensive mental health care is.
Well, It's probably fair to say (Darrell's favorite saying at the trial), that we all know mental health treatment is expensive. But wouldn't any good mom find a way to manage and otherwise take care of her child's problems in any way possible? Like by getting a second or even third job? And or possibly taking the time to research, knock on doors, or whatever it takes, to find programs or other solutions? Nope,.,she says it is societies fault for not having a better system to help those in need So I guess that means that the Waukesha attack/tragedy, is not in any way her fault or responsibility. It's societies fault- In other words, it's my fault. It's your fault. It's everyone's fault except hers.
And in her sentencing ,statement, Granny said she hopes Darrell will be placed in a facility where he can get the mental health medication and treatment that he needs. Which leads to the question...., if she is as good a mental health counseler as she surely must be to charge $65 an hou2 hour minimum for over the phone mental healh coaching, why didn't she help to manage Darrell's "mental health problems" before all this happened? And why can't she manage them now-insead of again relying on societies penal system. Which is funded by you guessed and me. In other words, even after all the kaos, carnage, and destruction Darrell caused, his family won't take any responsibity...nope!!! They want society-you and me- to do all the work.
This is just another example of self-induced victimization and deflection of personal responsibility. To put it simply, and Iknow this is a big pill to swallow; these people are vile and otherwise discusting leaches of society. Who simply steal to deposit into their emply/black hole lives, as much of the goodness from the world around them, that they possibly can.
submitted by Mobile-Escape-9766 to DarrellBrooksJr [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:46 MeetProfessional7254 I'm sure this post will have a lot of comments telling me how stupid , insignificant and in -competent I am but I believe certain programs in Canada are way to competitive.

So I had undiagnosed ADHD for a long time and I had a lot of family and relationship/money issues that got in my way for a long time/still are. I did half a dental hygiene program before that I left because it was not for me and now I am in a practical nursing program which I really like. So here are some things I deff understand. When your "career" involves taking care of others or impact the lives of other people , passing averages can't be a 50 , too much is at stake. My last program had a passing average as a 70 and my current has a passing average of 65. It effects peoples health and safety so I think that's fair.
As I am studying nursing , my career is very in demand we have a shortage. I want to add on my education in the future and am willing to put the work in but because I had a bad semester I don't think I will make the cut to bridge. It's really sad , as I will be a full nurse by the end of all this and because of a rough semester I am going to be told I am too incompetent to become a RN. I had a breakup with a kind person who turned vindictive and abusive after I left him , It caused me to sink into a depression. I am also recently diagnosed with ADHD so I am trying to figure out what medication works for me and I am dealing with my mentally ill mother who I am now taking a break from because I have no other choice but to focus on school. It's killing me , especially sense I may never get to add on what I have.
I have been speaking to my guidance counselor , she continuously tells me how bright I am and that I am more then capable of getting A's in both the BN and PN program but I'm being affected by my situation. I am not taking a leave of absence because a lot of my stress is coming from financial difficulties I need health insurance so desperately , I need to go to the dentist LOL. I had no debt before covid and my last program , I'm a single person and I need to hustle for myself especially with the cost of living with my housing crisis and cost of living in our country. I am almost finished my program and can see the finish line but it's sad to know I may never amount to what I could do to ridged entrance requirements of the schools in my country.
I used to live with a young woman from Australia who studied nursing in her country. Australia's health care system is very similar to ours and even has a better reputation with their mental health research/services (according to some instructors at my school) and when jobs are in demand over there they lower the entrance requirement averages but keep the necessary average to stay in the program the same. I think this makes a lot of sense because it allows people to enter a program where staff are needed to prevent shortages while keeping the average within the program the same to make sure safety and competence is upheld.
When I was looking at other programs like Social work and Radiography before entering my program I heard things like "I've been applying for 3 years and still haven't gotten in " regarding SW (bachelors not masters) and radiography " you should aim for a 90 at University level if you want to get in". Like , this is crazy? We are the most educated country in the world and our national salary is not even 60 k a year in Canada. So many highly educated people are working below their education level , going into dept. with very few options to effectively work full time while in school etc. Everyone I know adds on their education these days the vast majority of people are educated and we are loosing. Idk I just don't think we are doing everything right. I believe you need education to survive now a days in Canada (financially anyways for the most part) or receive some sort of specialty training. Its become a need and we are preventing people from contributing to society and helping themselves. We are not allowing people to have struggles and rise above them even if they want to. So what do you guys think about our education system? Do you think its effective?
For anyone who attacks me or others personally on this post you need to go somewhere else. If you are perfect and smart and raised all your kids while working and going to school full time , never experienced any stress and got a 90 good for you. I am not allowing anyone who comments to attack people and their situations (me or anyone else) . If you want to comment on our education system and your experience's without attacking anyone or telling everyone how superior you are be my guest. I am very curious.
submitted by MeetProfessional7254 to CanadaUniversities [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:28 chbmg Easy Fixes To Make Survivors and Demons Happy – Saber, Please Read

NOTE: This is a very long post. There’s a tl;dr summary at the bottom
This is coming from a long-time lurker, first time poster, and an Evil Dead fan for decades. For background, I have previous game dev experience, including Unity and Unreal, so I’m (mostly) not talking out my ass, and I've played both sides of this game roughly equally for more hours than I’d care to admit (primarily solo q, sometimes survivor with friends, and otherwise just playing demon when survivor queue times are high, as they have been many times since release). Usually, I just play whichever side has the lowest queue time.
Despite its flaws, this has been one of my favorite games of all time. The original development team was clearly passionate about the Evil Dead. The art, audio, and overall atmosphere are excellent and have superb attention to detail. I love all the random chatter from my survivor, the feeling of rushing through the woods as the Kandarian demon, and the intensity of a close game regardless of who wins. However, most of us would agree that this game has been held back by very poor "balancing" patches since release, as evidenced by polls on this subreddit confirming it is indeed the most frustrating problem.
We've endured shemps duping, brokenly OP characters, fear looping, and many other game-breaking exploits throughout. Bugs can be tolerable and are even to be expected, but the "fixes" almost always cause new issues and take far too long. It is painfully obvious that there has been very little time or effort expended on these issues by the post-release support team. Some patches have been so bad that they shouldn’t even make it to QA, let alone production – I’d be ashamed, esp. given that some of these issues can be fully and precisely patched in a few lines of code. I don’t need to see the source code to know that – even a rat’s nest of blueprints and disorganized C++ code can’t justify it.
I can only hope the skeleton crew that's continuing support for this game will take a few hours to address these issues. More importantly, I hope someone higher-up will recognize that this game still has millions of copies floating around and a lot more opportunities for profit, so it’s worth it to invest just a little time/thought into balance to keep new players and veterans happy. Frankly, each issue could be hammered out in minutes by someone familiar with the codebase, but I know it takes some time for building and testing across multiple platforms - days is fine, weeks/months is insane, esp. given the current state of the game.
I think it is important to first precisely define how the game is unbalanced, and how this imbalance can ruin the fun of many matches. Based on previous posts and my own personal experiences playing with friends and family at various skill levels, the following pattern becomes clear:
3+ Bad/Low-Level Survivors – Essentially 99% Demon Win
2+ Bad Survivors, All Others Decent to Excellent – Heavily demon-sided (~90% Demon Win)
1+ Bad Survivor, All Others Decent to Excellent – Somewhat demon-sided (~70% Demon Win)
All Survivors Decent, Not Very Cooperative/Sharing – About Equal (~50/50 on Win)
All Survivors Decent, Mostly Cooperative – Somewhat survivors-sided (~70% Survivor Win)
All Survivors with Good Skills/Teamwork/Knowledge – Heavily survivors-sided (~90% Survivor Win)
All Survivors with Excellent Skills/Teamwork/Knowledge – Essentially 99% Survivors Win
Note: Skills/teamwork/knowledge are not necessarily related to prestige level nor gameplay style, though usually survivors with prestige levels have stuck with the game long enough to at least be “decent” (even if they’re still not perfectly cooperative/sharing/etc.). This pattern is only somewhat altered by the demon’s skill level – new/low-level demons skew much more to higher survivor win rates in every scenario, and excellent high-level/prestige demons playing the current “meta” demon skew toward higher demon win rates. Any level 45+ demon that’s decent to good and usually plays non-meta demons like the current versions of Warlord or Necro (that’s me) will likely not skew these results.
I believe my personal experience is a microcosm of the overall balancing issue, and we’ve seen posts on this subreddit that consistently confirm the above pattern. It should be painfully obvious by now to anyone who’s played both sides long enough, and it should also be even more painfully obvious to any developers/publishers pouring over analytics data for the game. What adds insult to injury is that, at the more extreme ends of the pattern, a lot of toxicity emerges. Many survivors go into flashlight-clicky mode when they have the upper hand, and many demons retaliate by dancing with possessions over corpses or other means, whether it’s in the current match or against some innocent victims in the next match (I’ve sometimes been guilty too – I usually just take a break when toxic matches get to me and I turn toxic, but I’m truly sorry to anyone who’s had to deal with any of this crap from me)
Anyway, what will happen if the above pattern continues over time? Well, newer players who are consistently getting absolutely destroyed and possibly taunted at the same time (as either survivor or demon) will either (a) quit the game, or (b) get better. Now, run through that scenario while looking at the pattern and assume the game remains roughly in the current state. There will be more and more new/”bad” survivors quitting the game entirely, and a smaller portion that will only stick with the game if they level up and “git gud” over many hours (becoming good to excellent players). The same thing will happen to demon players. What happens when all we have left are good to excellent survivors and good to excellent demons? Well, check the chart again. Every match will be at least heavily survivor-sided if not a guaranteed win. Survivors get bored, even most masochistic veteran demon players give up, queue times for survivors reach new heights, and the game “dies.” This sequence of events has happened at various times in the game’s lifecycle, but I fear it’s headed toward extremes that will eventually make the game unplayable.
Obviously, it’s no fun to win virtually every time and it’s no fun to lose almost every time. Competitive games are most fun when you have close matches – ideally, there’d be a win rate of about 50% for either side. “But wait,” you say, “the pattern above indicates that there already IS a roughly 50/50 balance for that scenario!” And yes, that’s true. But how many matches are actually like that? How many matches have you personally played that felt close and competitive the whole time? It certainly wasn’t common when we had strong SBMM, and it isn’t common without SBMM either. Why? Because players who stick with the absolutely brutal intro to this game today are almost guaranteed to at least become good/high-level players with solid game mechanics/knowledge (though some will still become toxic/uncooperative teammates or toxic demons). Those who don’t become competent players are virtually guaranteed to quit in frustration, some after just the first several matches where they are either getting consistently annihilated by all the veterans, or clearly being “allowed” to win if the other side takes pity. In essence, the game is just plain brutal for HOURS on end for newer players and can become stale for solid veteran players. For veterans, we have survivors who team up with 3 other veterans (boring due to easy wins, low challenge), demons who can only win by repetitively attacking an inanimate stationary book (boring due to minimal ability to challenge survivors throughout match), or demons who see 2+ bad survivors and have to decide whether to let them win or immediately stomp them to move on (both of which can be boring due to low challenge, and frankly feel bad if harassing beginners). I absolutely LOVE any close matches, win or lose, but they are unfortunately exceptionally rare.
Clearly, the goal of balancing patches should be to make as many matches as close as possible. How? Well, it’s very simple – give beginners a chance and give veterans a challenge. Specifically, force or incentivize gameplay that elevates beginners, challenges veterans, prevents toxicity, and basically “evens the playing field” so that the chart above reads more like “20% through 80%” win rates for survivors rather than 1% through 99%. Thus, the fixes below mostly take aim at mechanics that are abused by veterans of the game or seek to better prepare beginners. Additionally, nearly each of the fixes below can be implemented with the equivalent of just a few lines of code.
I fully believe that this game can achieve a decent balance as a 4v1 asymm. It only seems impossible because the patches for balancing have often failed to address root causes and/or caused new issues. The game can be more welcoming for newcomers (both survivors and demons alike) while still having a lot of the same learning curves and leveling systems to reward higher level play without it becoming outright oppressive to either side.
Anyway, based on a lot of previous posts and my own observations, here are some easy fixes for the next patch:
1. Revert demon traps to their previous behavior (i.e. make it so possessed survivors can be walked into a trap) and fix the fear looping mechanic for SchemeBaal specifically
The latest "fix" for this had a workaround from the community within hours to fear loop survivors anyway and nerfed all other demons for no reason.
This can be easily resolved by reverting to the previous code/blueprints/whatever (or hell, going back to the previous build if necessary), and then implementing a simple solution for Schemer. This solution requires a scalpel, not a sledgehammer, so it should apply ONLY to Schemer. I can think of two easy possibilities, either of which would only need a few lines of code.
First possibility: If a survivor has set off a trap that was set by using the Schemer's special ability, then that trap now has a normal cool down and cannot be "reset" again by Schemer's current use of the special ability. This would allow Schemer to set a trap manually, possess a survivor, run them into it, get the trap reset immediately by their special ability, but then only run the survivor into the same trap a 2nd time. Thus, Schemer would still be the demon associated with traps and fear, but wouldn't be able to loop a survivor in one spot endlessly. A survivor that's slightly separated wouldn't necessarily immediately die, but a demon could still down a lone wolf by harassing, lowering health, raising fear, and then doing this method.
Second possibility: The trap setting special ability of Schemer could be disabled when Schemer possesses a survivor. This may nerf Schemer specifically a tad bit too heavily, but is still a far better fix than what we've got. It's also super easy to program with something like the following pseudocode:
If (demon.ability == true && == "Schemer" && demon.possessing == true)
demon.ability = false;
2. Implement a stamina cost for vaulting windows/railings (e.g. the stamina cost could be the same as dodging)
This helps keep gameplay fair for both sides. It's clearly unfair and unfun to have a demon that can easily fear loop a survivor to death even if their teammates aren't far away, and the same holds true for a survivor that can "loop" a demon and never die. Survivors can still use objects, dodges, and other means to postpone death if they're alone (as I've done myself and seen done as demon) but it's at least possible for a demon to get in an occasional hit and whittle down health (i.e. it cannot be done indefinitely, at least if vaulting also uses stamina). Alternatively, at least give demons the ability to vault all the same objects as survivors, such as railings, so a 1v1 chase is fair – it just doesn’t feel great when a survivor jumps over a porch railing and looks back to flashlight click your possessed unit, knowing that there’s somehow zero threat in this 1v1 encounter in a 4v1 game due to a simple exploit. Personally, I think just adding a stamina cost would be fine to try at least, and many others in this community seem to agree. Plus, it should again only be a few lines of code to adjust the stamina bavariable of a survivor whenever he/she vaults.
3. Edit the text for the "hints" when a match is loading. There are absolutely no CLEAR tips about giving the right resources to the right players, nor hints about any newer demons (i.e. the hints have never been updated)
Regardless of which side we've played, we all know solo q for survivors is a total crap shoot. None of us started playing this game knowing that we should be gathering supplies for ourselves AND our teammates, dropping shemps for support, dropping ammo for hunters, etc. Many players quit before learning these things and there is no in game explanation for them (besides one single vague tip I can remember about how you can share resources with teammates, but no clear indication of sharing based on class).
I think the lack of instructions for basic team play is one of the major causes of low player retention for the game. The tutorials are helpful for basic controls, but there needs be a lot more emphasis on the basics of this game that many of us on this subreddit take for granted.
I’d start by making sure the following tip text is the first to be shown to all players for a few matches after this is patched in:
“Stay close to your teammates and focus on the current objective to survive. Going off to loot alone is very dangerous”
(yes, veteran players can often get away with this, but man, it feels terrible playing on either side and watching someone just wander off to loot the whole game)
The other tips could be a lot more direct:
“Players should stay within the blue aura of leaders whenever possible to get additional buffs”
“Warriors should generally be given the best melee weapons but do little ranged damage”
“Hunters should generally be given the best ranged weapons but do little melee damage. Drop ammo for them if they ask”
“Support players are generally weakest, but can heal or shield all their teammates by using shemps and amulets near them. Drop spare shemps for support”
Now, the above “tip texts” at the loading menu are super quick and easy to add to the game. However, if the developers would like to go a little above and beyond, it would be amazing to add some additional text boxes within the game to warn players about bad choices. For example, there could be blinking text in the center bottom half of the screen for awhile if you’re carrying another survivor’s specialty weapon and they don’t have one (or if yours is a higher rarity). Also, there could be similar warning text that you’ve wondered more than, say, 100m from your team. Again, just trying to give simple, clear instructions to beginners (and those that are somehow still selfishly playing after reaching level 25+). And yeah, there are always arguments and exceptions to be made about how to play optimally, but some updated/clear tips could go a long way.
4. Implement a bonus XP on the results screen after a match is over that gives each side a bonus based on how many points the other side gained. Also, fix demon leveling based on survivodemon level
This one sounds a little weird and complicated, but it's really not. What I'm saying here is that veteran survivors should be rewarded for taking it easy on a baby demon, and a veteran demon should be rewarded for taking it easy on baby survivors.
Basically, regardless of which side you play or if you win or lose, I believe you should get a bonus XP based on how the other side did. For example, let's say you're a veteran pup player that gets matched to novice survivors and down them all with a power possessed basic before they even get the first map piece. In this case, those survivors will have very little points after the match (maybe even under 1000 per person) and the demon should get no bonus reward. The survivors here should at least get a bonus for enduring the slaughter and staying in the match. Let's say the demon takes it easy on them though, let's them progress, maybe even just throws AI at them (hell, I've personally spawned a boss and walked them to good crates when they're clearly new and can barely take on bots). Let's say they get 10k points per player this way - the demon now gets bonus XP for good behavior.
I'd say that there should be a bonus XP for each player if the other side reaches a certain point threshold, say 30k, or if the survivors are wiped before first objective (as in, survivors get a bonus for enduring such a match and demon gets no bonus). This would help discourage immediately stomping new players and help retain them (remember everyone, this game will die if it's just a few hardcore people with long queue times all doing cheesy strats and stomping anyone who dares try joining as a newbie).
Anyway, in psuedocode, something like this could work:
If (survivor.totalscore >= 30000)
demon.bonusxp = 3000;
If (demon.totalscore >= 30000)
survivor.bonusxp = 3000;
[Loop thru survivors to apply bonus to each - obviously, these values can be tweaked]
Obviously, you may have survivors or demons who go AFK and then it may make it impossible for the other side to get a bonus. Therefore, there could also be some basic code for checking if someone is AFK (i.e. hasn’t not moved more than a certain small distance in a decent amount of time, hasn’t set a trap or possessed anything in a certain time, etc.). Frankly, I have no idea how we still don’t have AFK checks – just about any other online game I’ve ever played automatically disconnects you if you’re not playing.
As a bonus idea to this bonus idea, you could also cancel ALL XP points for a player for a round in which he/she is toxic, such as a check for repetitive flashlight clicking. I find this irritating whether I'm a survivor or a demon (and I def didn't deserve a bunch of XP the few times I've been guilty of it when I felt a demon was being toxic). I don't think there's an easy way to detect all toxic demon behavior with code, but it would be trivial to keep track of flashlight clicking in code. Maybe if a demon is "hovering" (dancing) directly over a dead body too long with a possessed unit or survivor, then they also have their XP completely canceled for the round - that would also be easy to check via code. The key to promoting good, non-toxic behavior would be to implement these checks without specifying precisely how many flashlight clicks count or how long dancing over a corpse counts – just note that specific toxic behavior will result in zero XP for the round for the offender and automate it in code.
Finally, as another incentive for fair play, the leveling up of demons should be dependent on the level of the survivors they are harassing AND on the demon’s current skill tree level. In other words, there should be modifiers so that new, low-level demons get leveled up more by the same actions as high-level demons, such as downing a player, and there should also be modifiers so that high-level demons cannot get leveled up as much by harassing low-level survivors, such as constantly downing a newbie, but can get slightly more leveled up by downing a high-level survivor. This goes back to the idea of elevating beginners and challenging veterans, esp. since it’s incredibly frustrating to be constantly singled out as a brand-new survivor. This could be something like:
Lvl 1-24: x1.5 for demon leveling up
Lvl 25-44: x1.3 for demon leveling up
Lvl 45: x1.1 for demon leveling up
P1+: x1.0 for demon leveling up
Survivor (being attacked, hitting traps, or otherwise affected by demon):
Lvl 1-24: x0.5 for demon leveling up
Lvl 25: x1.0 for demon leveling up
P1+: x1.1 for demon leveling up
Specific examples:
Lvl 10 demon somehow downs a P3 survivor – demon levels up 1.5 x 1.1 = 1.65 times as much as now
Lvl 45 demon downs a Lvl 4 survivor – demon only levels up 1.1 x 0.5 = 0.55 times as much as now
P5 demon downs a P5 survivor – demon levels up 1.0 x 1.1 = 1.1 times as much as now
5. Disable the ability to start both the dagger and pages objectives at the same time
This "split cap" method is usually only used by high-level teams and can be almost impossible to counter by anyone who isn't a very experienced demon, at least on certain maps or when these objectives are at certain locations. I've managed to counter it myself most of the time as demon, but it can be very hard to deal with, esp. given that survivors are resurrected after either objective finishes. Depending on the map and RNG (esp. light sources at objectives and other variables), it can be impossible to counter.
Basically, if the timer is running on either objective, it should be impossible to start the other objective. This still allows creative play by high-level coordinated teams (e.g. maybe Pablo hides at the next objective waiting to kick it off immediately while waiting for others to race there by car). It also feels a lot more fair, particularly to less experienced demons.
Again, this could be fixed in just a couple lines of code. Literally, just check if a timer is running for daggepages and if so, don’t allow interaction with the other objective.
6. Add a call out in the in-game communication wheel to say "demon is on me” or “I need help” for survivors
We know from polls on this sub that most people are dropping into solo q most of the time (I’m sure Saber’s own analytics could prove this too). Also, many people don't have or don't want to use a headset. These are just common facts for most online games.
I know some people have resorted to using the "need matchsticks" chat option to indicate they're being attacked by a possessed unit but this is frankly absurd. We need a simple chat option for survivors for this. Honestly, if the text for “I need matchsticks” were simply replaced with “I need help!”, I'd be satisfied because I often need help fending off a possessed unit or boss a lot more than I need matchsticks in solo q.
This should be easy to add to the game (it’s more than a few lines of code and would require minor image/text adjustments and possibly kicking off existing voice lines, but should still be doable). I’m pretty sure that most characters already have a voice line recorded that could work (I picture Scotty already literally saying “I need help”) and if not, we’ve already been shown that voice lines don’t really have to match their context anyway (I picture Mia saying “fire’s lit. Anybody needs fire, it’s here” when turning on her flashlight – so hell, just make that what she says when she uses “I need help” on the wheel – we’ve already accepted she’s crazy anyway and the text would be clear at least).
7. Keep car possessions consistent on all maps. Demons either can't possess them until they "spawn" when survivors are near (like Castle Kandar) or they can possess them at any time anywhere
Personally, I think that it should only be possible to possess cars when survivors have "spawned" them by being close to them like on the Kandar map. The method of flipping all cars on a map at the start of a match is generally only used by a few high MMR demons and feels cheesy to me (I also feel it's cheesy to drive 3 cars to each objective, but cars are always going to be divisive and they can also be used to cause a lot of damage at objectives at least).
I think car possession should've followed the lore of AvED, kept survivors inside, and done something different like having both driver and demon fighting for control of the vehicle, like maybe survivor controls keep randomly reversing while demon controls it normally and the driver tries to counter the demon driving until infernal energy runs out - survivors take a little damage whenever the car crashes. However, this idea is complex, so I'll stick to easy fixes.
No matter what, it just seems like the ability to possess cars should be consistent across all maps and it should be easy to implement, esp. since there's already code/logic for the two scenarios.
8. Add a single menu option at the main menu when choosing a game mode to select "random"
This could immensely help queue times. I know there are others like me who just want to play and don't care about whether they're survivor or demon.
This may take a tiny bit more work to implement than some of the pieces above (e.g. need a little artwork for the button, menu programming, some matchmaking programming, etc.) but it would help queue times, which have been problematic at various times in this game's life cycle.
9. Adjust RNG based on the overall levels of survivors
Again, this goes back to elevating beginners and challenging veterans. I’ve been in too many games with all prestige survivors that can split up and loot a large portion of the map without fear of consequence until each character has his/her own purple/gold specialty weapon (which also goes back to looping/vaulting endlessly and depends on map, demon character, etc.) – those games are a wash for demon. On the other hand, I’ve been in too many solo q matches where people are bringing grey weapons to defend the book and hobbling in without shemps knowing it’s just a slaughter. I’d really like to be in more balanced matches where veteran teams don’t all have perfect weapons for an easy win, and novice players don’t all hobble around with garbage for a guaranteed loss.
As a simple fix, it would make sense to simply increase the odds of chests being purple/gold if 2 or more survivors are under P1, and decrease those same odds if all survivors are P1 or above (in all other cases, odds can remain the same). And yeah, I know prestige does not perfectly equal pure skill, but odds are you’re at least “decent” at the game if you’ve made it that far (if not good or excellent). This RNG adjustment for chests could be multiplied by whatever Ed brings to the table. For example, if the decrease for all prestige players is to have 0.75x the amount of purple/gold chests and the increase Ed brings is 1.5x, then there would still be slightly more purple/gold chests on the map than normal even for all prestige players (and a lot more good chests for new players, who definitely could use the boost).
10. Give out more XP/SP – we need more double XP/SP events and there should be a bonus given to any low-level players (say, anyone who hasn’t gotten a single character to P1) to get and retain new players
This last point shouldn’t need much explanation. The community obviously overwhelming voted to have more double XP/SP events. It would take such an incredible number of hours to P5 every single character that I’d imagine only those who have literally played non-stop for thousands of hours since release could have done it already. For some, like me, who only took a brief hiatus from the game since release, it feels like a herculean task to even get 1 or 2 characters to P5 on either side. Such events literally help with balance by elevating beginners and they also give a reason for veterans to return. Queue times were noticeably lower during the last event, even though it was poorly announced, clearly timed to try and mess with TCM (which is just a bad look, esp. since there was nothing for this game’s own anniversary), and wasn’t even VISIBLE in the game menus. Despite all this, it was still a success. Saber, unless you’re actively trying to eliminate your player base, it makes no sense to not do these regularly. And since you timed it to try to pull attention away from TCM, it would seem as though you want to retain players (or you’re just petty, but I’m guessing you’re more motivated by profits than such emotional considerations).
Anyway, more XP/SP please. Also, please put some kind of indication that an event is planned and/or is actively occurring in your game. I mean, it could literally be a freaking sprite on the main menu screen with some text announcing a double XP event and the duration – this is really basic stuff.
Finally, I don’t think anyone here would argue with giving away a large number of spirit points to every newish player the next time they open the game. I think a one-time bonus of at least 100K would be very reasonable for anyone who has not reached P1 for any character. I personally know several people IRL who would be back to playing the game if this were done (and almost certainly give you money for DLC when they get a chance to actually enjoy the game in a semi-competitive way) – these people just don’t have the time or patience to grind through hours of straight losses to even have a chance.
Closing thoughts:
I know there are a lot of other great ideas from the community on future content for the game (maps, characters, etc.) so I've just tried to stick to simple, easy to implement fixes for the developers.
Saber, this game could still generate a lot of (mostly passive) revenue if you support it well. There are many of us who are ready to throw money at any random DLC or cosmetic (myself included as a huge Evil Dead fan). However, the fans will only stick around to throw money at the game if the basic fundamental gameplay is somewhat balanced and glaring exploits/bugs are addressed. Seriously, if it's tweaked to feel good to play either side without major exploits being used by anyone, I (and many others) would keep throwing money at literal outfit accessories that could be crafted by a single 3d artist - it should more than pay for servers and labor, at which point you're just watching the money roll in.
Anyway, I've tried to stick to easy fixes that could improve the game for both novices and veterans. It would be easy to just say "buff the other side" whenever queue times are long for one side. At this time, it's obvious that average to excellent demon players are at a disadvantage when compared to equally skilled survivor players (as evidenced by queue times). I also remember times when demon queue times were long and I just played survivor because a certain demon was overturned or using cheesy exploits, so more people wanted to play demon.
However, I've been honestly sad that playing either side has just not felt good lately. It doesn't feel good to sit in a long queue for survivor, and it definitely doesn't feel good to crush noobs or get crushed by full prestige teams on coms. I can count on one hand the number of fun/close matches I’ve played in the last several dozen – I’d love to play more like those. Even if none of the changes above happen, I'd at least enjoy receiving some love for the older demons so they're at least fun to play and a challenge to go against (Plaguebringer Witch getting her original movement speed back, Necro and Warlord getting some minor buffs in any areas since they're pretty universally considered weak right now, etc.) – I mention these buffs in case you want to fall back on the tired old “just buff the other side” method.
Saber, please implement some quick and easy fixes for this game . Even if you're just in it for the money at this point, I'm literally here wanting to throw more money at this game, but only if some basic balancing changes are made. If the next patch surgically tweaks some major pain points rather than bludgeoning fundamental gameplay elements, then I'll be here waiting to throw money at any random DLC you've got. Otherwise, I'll sadly have to find another game (as many others have or will, given the overall sentiments after this latest patch and some patches before it). You can still turn the ship around - you have 3 million copies of this game floating around. That's literally millions of fans who likely want to return to the game and throw money at DLCs if the gameplay experience is fun. It's up to you now.
Tl;dr Summary:
The game can be balanced by elevating novices and challenging veterans. Here’s how…
  1. Revert demon traps to their previous behavior (i.e. make it so possessed survivors can be walked into a trap) and ACTUALLY fix Baal specifically
  2. Make vaulting cost stamina
  3. Edit/create hints for new players at the match loading screen that are clear and direct
  4. Give out a bonus XP for "good behavior" (not demolishing newbies), cancel XP for “toxic behavior” (flashlight clicking as survivor, dancing on corpses as demon), level up demon based on levels of victims
  5. Do not allow dagger and pages objectives to run simultaneously
  6. Add a call out in the in-game communication wheel to say "I need help" for survivors
  7. Keep car possession rules consistent on all maps
  8. Add a "random side" menu option to be able to play either survivor or demon, whichever happens to get matched first
  9. Adjust chest rarity RNG based on the overall level of survivors
  10. More XP/SP events. Also, give a bonus 100K+ SP to anyone with zero prestige characters
submitted by chbmg to EvilDeadTheGame [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:25 alfadhir-heitir [03/06/2023] Today's Card - Five of Cups

Noticed the last takes where focusing a little too much on my personal experience, which is isn't exactly what was intended for these readings. Will try and keep them abstract, as to allow each one to figure out how the information applies to themselves and their process on their own.
[Today's Card] 5 of Cups
The association between this card and Grief is such a long standing and accepted meaning that the 5 of Cups is known as "Grief" in some decks. Deepening this concept, we find an interesting doorway in to the deeper mysteries surrounding it's Astrology: Mars in Scorpio. Mars is the old ruler of Scorpio, which entails a connection to the Collective Shadow - the Shadow aspects and traumas hidden in our cultural psyche. While Grief is, indeed, a very strong emotion in this regard, it can be seen as the Messenger, which should not be mistaken for the Message.
Scorpio is all about understanding unconscious patterns and subconscious motivations and reasons. Oddly enough, Grief tends to be the easier emotion to run this process on. The process of mourning a loss, whether that's a loved one, a pet, a failed relationship or a project that didn't come to fruition, forces us to engage in what's commonly known as Emotional Alchemy. The alternative is staying stuck where we are, unable to move forward or find piece. Kübler-Ross' model of the Five Stages of Grief lays a clear outline of how to go about processing this emotion. I'm sure those well versed in Alchemy will surely find many parallels. While that exploration is outside the scope of this channel, the link is interesting, therefore relevant to mention.
Oddly enough, there are no "Five Stages of Sadness", "Five Stages of Resentment", "Five Stages of Fear" or "Five Stages of Hatred". One would expect that the process of dealing with Grief could be generalized to all the emotions perceived as negative or less than optimal. We can take this either as an indicator of the importance our society generally puts in handling Grief; as an indicator of how little our society is concerned with other types of "negative" emotions; or as an indicator of how Grief forces the Alchemical process. Personally, I'm inclined to take it as all three, with particular emphasis on the last two.
The Message of Mars in Scorpio would be one of exploring our unconscious and subconscious patterns and motives in order to figure out the mechanisms which govern our most primal impulses - of which negative emotions can be considered some of the greatest representatives. Emotional trauma, unlike physical trauma, gets stuck in the body - something a masseuse, a physiotherapist or an osteopath can easily attest. The process of unraveling and processing traumatic materials doesn't just free our mind and relax our nervous system: it literally allows our muscles to release tension which ultimately only serves postural and muscular problems, and adds up to a great waste of energy.
Combining this insight with the understanding of meridians, nadis and the physical pathways through which energy traverses our body, as found in the Yogic Sutras, Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurveda, can further reveal the importance of this type of integration.
[Expanding the Light] Judgement
The understanding of challenging emotions is deeply related to our ability to understand and make sense of them. The Archetype of the person who assumes a somewhat Olympic mission as a form to justify their trauma is one well known, and well explored, in our cultural heritage. Judgement comes to inform how important it is to properly evaluate these challenge emotions. A quick judgement, deeming them as positive or negative, is based off of an emotional reaction from our reptilian brain. As conscious humans, we're able to reach far higher degrees of sophistication, which'll ultimately allow us to derive further sense and meaning from said challenging experience. As a rule of thumb, any trauma contains a lesson, a nugget of wisdom. Traversing the trials and discomfort and reaching said nugget tends to void the traumatic experience from "negative" feelings. As such, we can consider the "negative" feelings and emotional homework/practice problems, which must be worked through/solved in order to reach new heights of Self-Knowledge
[Deepening the Shadow] Ace of Pentacles
Going back to literary Archetypes once again, the Archetype of the person who let their traumatic experience define them is also well known and explored. From the one that gets numb and starts floating through life, to the one who obsessively pursues the alleged purpose of their experience. As such, going through traumatic experiences entails a shift in our way of functioning and interacting with the World. It wouldn't be that far-fetched to assume that integrating a traumatic experience would entail a similar shift. In fact, everyone who has gone through the process of dissolving trauma knows just this. Considering the Five of Cups' Astrology is Mars in Scorpio, and given that Mars governs physical behavior, the pathway of expansion in this regard seems to be the acceptance of the molding and shaping that Life imposes on us through the various hardships and trials, which ultimately culminate in trauma - that may or may not be solved. Accepting and embracing this reality is the first step towards dealing with said material.
[Guiding Power] Knight of Swords
The mental prowess of the Knight of Swords, alongside his resolve and resilience, is important when approaching these matters. The general energy of this reading is quite heavy, befitting of Mars in Scorpio. As such, this Knight needs a much needed gush of fresh air. He's the certainty that a virtuous approach to the process will be sure to bring forth the best outcome - no matter how difficult or challenge the process itself is. While this may seem like unfounded optimism, it's important to keep this lifeline present when engaging in trauma healing and integration. One can only swim underwater for so long. Eventually it'll be necessary to come to the surface and take in the next gulp of air. The success of the deep dive depends on it.
[Missing Link] Two of Wands
The Two of Wands is a particularly interesting energy. Associated with Mars in Aries, it reveals a certain underlying connection with the Five of Cups, through the planetary Archetype. Aries is known for his ability to push forward bravely even when trembling in fear. This is something we'll be required to do when dealing with these types of challenges. Our brain can't tell the difference between a perceived mental threat and an actual physical threat. The hormones and chemicals released when reliving a traumatic experience are as real as the experience was when we lived it. This is especially true when repression took place as coping mechanism. Allowing the emotion to occur and pass through is the process through which our nervous system will regulate. As these chemicals get processed in the bloodstream, we'll not only find ourselves calmer, but will also discover a deeper resilience and self-confidence when dealing with similar challenges - which will eventually seep into all areas of Life.
submitted by alfadhir-heitir to tarot [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:15 zharkos Am I missing something?

How are people getting any enjoyment out of this game? It feels like a mobile tier cash grab with very little to actually do beyond shitty minute long world events at a chance to get a legendary.
Every dungeon is exactly the same, locked door that requires 2 keys on either side and then one of 3 whole boss types at the end. Tired of the khazra demon? Too bad idiot that's the only boss we made. If you thought elden ring areas and bosses were copy pasted you haven't seen a thing kiddo, Diablo 4 doesn't have a unique bone in it's body
Every overworld area is exactly the same, with almost the exact same enemy types in every zone. Outside of fractured peaks those fucking garbage bees that slow you are everywhere, ice clan spearmen chucking their life savings at you are everywhere, and that fucking ghetto lich enemy that has three whole recolors to try and trick you into thinking it's different
World events are extremely repetitive and only occupy you for a handful of seconds at best. Hope you liked killing those channelers or standing on the blood pedestals in EVERY zone
Main story bosses have exactly 0 mechanics. With Astaroth if you just dash out of his fire breath he legitimately doesn't do anything
Builds are extremely limited and feel less explored than ESO of all things. Why can I have more than 4 moves learned if I can only have 4 moves? Why can I swap moves in combat if there isn't a loadout system? I don't want to play menu hero or respec every 30 seconds because my aoe build is worthless single target and vice versa
Even if you try to experiment with builds you can't really go far unless you've already amassed every legendary in the game. Every rogue build aside from twisting blades is WORTHLESS unless you get 3-4 legendaries to support it, and then even if you DO get those legendaries sometimes they lock you into requiring TWO moves of your FOUR to work. Sorry idiot you need both shadow imbuement AND frost imbuement if you want to play with this effect, which means you actually only have 2 damaging moves since both of THOSE moves just enhance your existing ones
Outside of the 3-4 side "questlines" every side quest has less depth than a world quest in wow. Line of dialogue, pick up a rock or kill an elite, get a bag of herbs. Even the questlines that pretend to have a story give fuck all for rewards compared to the shitty jar of souls you see every 10 seconds
The customization is more barebones than games released on the ps2. Why even bother having customization when every hairstyle is shit both aesthetically and graphically? I'd rather have no customization than 3 face options that look near identical. Same thing with the dye system, you have 8 palettes and 4 look like variations of your 4 year old daughter's paint palette when she gets bored and mixes every color together
The music is okay i guess but it suffers in the same way that wow does where it's all just background ambience noise. When I'm fighting demons in the plains I don't want slow violin solo #572315 to put me to sleep
The scaling is complete garbage. It's cool that you can drop in and out with your friends whenever but it seems to be completely random as to whether or not enemy damage and health goes up or down. I'll drop in on my girlfriend's playthrough from time to time and everything will either one shot me or do 0 damage per hit. I'm assuming the scaling is relative to the amount of players in the zone but I can't confirm it. Then you have the level scaling where if you want to do the side content in the first zone you'll be almost level FIFTY before act 2
Why is this an always online mmo? Playing with my 2-4 is cool but nobody wanted weekly massive world bosses in diablo where you can't actually tell what the fuck is happening just because of the sheer amount of bodies. Also oopies we loaded you into a shard where every enemy on the map was killed by another player so the overworld is even emptier than it was before, and it was pretty empty before. Don't forget that if you just afk on a spot where an event pops up someone else can complete it and you'll get full credit even if you don't actually hit anything. You don't even need a bot to farm exp and gear in this because the game is already an afk farm!
There are still dozens on dozens of minor bugs that came from the first beta to live and the second beta to live. Oops you entered a portal and now none of your buttons work. Oops you can't properly preview your transmog because the colors loaded wrong. Oops the entire NA east server is down and you can't manually select to swap so you have to use a vpn. Oops this rare npc cloned itself 4000 times
The first preview of what balance changes look like is unsettling. Outright removing a stat and legendary effect for a class instead of even attempting to make it less overwhelming. This is something blizzard did in Battle for Azeroth with azerite gear and I figured they had learned nobody wants to learn their build and items will be gone or worthless in a week
Lucky hit is a garbage stat that doesn't need to exist. It is literally just extra words to tell you that your procs have a lower chance to proc. There's no reason every item and move needs to have it's own proc rate to proc the proc
Why does adding a legendary effect from the codex cost so much? I assumed the intent behind the codex was to make leveling alt classes easier but it can cost up to 30 crystals which are a rare drop from dismantling yellow items. My alt isn't exactly going to get that right away and by the time he does he'll have said legendary already
Why is renown locked to beating the campaign? Why am I allowed to fully complete everything in the zone if you're going to lock the reward for doing that until later? Having a level cap is okay but it would've just made more sense to lock some of the side content behind levels instead. If you're going to give me rewards for the side content, why are they fucking timegated?
Why is there crafting if it's going to be shittier than digimon world next order? What's the point of picking up shitty ores on the ground when I can get 3x those materials from salvaging a single piece of gear? Why is there such a limited pool of resources when each one has almost no uses?
Why are there even vendors in game? The cost of items is stupid high relative to the actual level of power they give you. After level 30 you'll probably have a legendary in every slot because of how fast the drop rates ramp up, but you want me to drop 200k gold on a ring that's a 0.1% damage upgrade ONLY IF I UPGRADE IT TO LEGENDARY MYSELF AFTERWARD
What's the point of common items and "uncommon" blue items? You barely use them levels 1-5 and then you almost exclusively see yellow items from that point on. You could've removed these tiers and nothing would've been lost. It's not a slow upgrade where you go from unenchanted gear to legendaries, you IMMEDIATELY throw statless gear into the dumpster and forget it exists. Gear rotates WAY too fast even once you get legendaries
Why does every class "benefit" from every stat? I don't want strength or intelligence on a rogue, 40 strength giving me 0.001% energy regen doesn't do ANYTHING relative to a single point of dexterity. Oh just reroll the stat then! Well stat rerolling is also expensive as fuck early and there's one stat per piece you can't actually reroll, usually the stdex/int stat. Don't forget if you do reroll it it's guaranteed the next drop you get will be better anyway
The cash shop. Hoooooooly shit the cash shop. You're asking me for 70 dollars for the game, and then 20 dollars for early access and the battle pass, and you have the fucking AUDACITY to advertise garbage ass fucking gear set cosmetics for an upwards of $25??? One of the druid sets was used in an early gameplay footage demo and you made it a fucking CASH SHOP ITEM? MOST OF THEM DON'T EVEN LOOK GOOD
Why is mounting locked so far in the story? Why are there only horses as mounts in a game about demons and angels? The entire level is scaled so you can do most side content in any order you want but you can't get the best way to travel until too late to matter. By the time it's unlocked you have every fast travel point anyway and since there's no penalty to using town portals there's no reason to have a mount
Why is moving in this game so awkward? Who thought that the button to move should be the same button to attack? Hope you didn't want to run past a single big enemy as a melee because you just fucking magnetized to it. Also if you're holding down the mouse on an enemy when it goes invisible or teleports you just go to the spot it'll show up before it's even there. Kinda pointless to make it teleport or go invisible then yeah? On the opposite hand bosses like Asteroth have such shitty hitboxes that you can be "targeting" him, and under him, but somehow not in range to melee. I imagine this is a little better on controllers at least though
Why do silent chests exist when they're super rare and give fuck all relative to the jar of souls event next to it or just buying a piece outright from the orbol vendor?
Why is there only one type of treasure goblin and why does it seem like most of the time they don't actually drop anything? Forget bad drops I'm talking straight NO drops. You'd think with how far diablo 3 came later in it's life we'd have at least a LITTLE variance
I really wanted to like this game but holy literal actual shit what the FUCK is this garbage? I'd rather go play fucking immortal
I ask again, HOW are you enjoying this slop? Have you just never played a video game before? Do you only get 20 minutes a day so the repetition is less obvious? Are you stupid?
What happened?
submitted by zharkos to diablo4 [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:12 Mundane_Voice9417 I didn't get into the University

I didn't get into university with the major I wanted (medicine) and not because I haven't tried hard or I'm stupid, but because my third world country has a stupid system that automatically grants the places to study considering your ethnicity, social level and other things like how many professionals there are in your family. The score you have obtained in the exam is in the background. And that is totally bullshit. I feel so overwhelmed because I have worked so hard studying to the point that I have to go to therapy for neglecting my mental health. I have come a long way and I have felt much better but this has made me feel terrible. I feel that all my effort is not worth it. I have asked several people what I can do, not because I don't know, but because I feel that I need to know the opinion of other people. Everyone has told me that things happen for a reason, but what if it's my dream I have to keep fighting for it. It may sound silly but I'm afraid that it's a sign of destiny for me not to study that career. I've loved it since I was little, I've seen the mesh, I've talked to real doctors and I love it. But it scares me a lot not to make it or to be too old to study medicine. I left school with honors and 1 year ahead because of my I.Q. but to my country that is worth a shit. I really need honest and objective advice. Has anyone else experienced something similar? What have you done? How do you deal with the emotions that they are a failure? My family totally support me, and that make me feel guilty. They say it's not my fault and I know that, but I still feel bad.
submitted by Mundane_Voice9417 to selfimprovement [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 04:00 Pesceluna New manager made me cry. Do I tell her boss (my former boss and mentor) about the interaction, or let it go?

I've been working at my current job in the non-profit sector for nearly 5 years, and for the most part it has been a dream job. I had an awesome boss, great relations with my team, and truly feel like my work makes a difference and matters. Even when I had a manic episode last year (with psychotic features) my boss was super supportive, kept my confidence about it and didn't make me feel judged at all. I will always be grateful.
If only things could stay that way.
As my boss is at a director level, we recently hired a new manager to help and I had my reservations when it was announced. But after thinking it through and discussing with my therapist, decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and hoped we'd get along and maybe become friends (everyone at my org is very passionate about the work we do, and I hoped we could bond over this).
Because I've been at the organization for so long, I naturally had my own networks and ways of doing things. I've also continued to discuss my projects with my former boss for the most part because we've always worked closely on these items in the past. For a while, it was just him and I. I'll admit I was also a bit intimidated by the new hire because she has a very direct, blunt management style and I was still feeling her out. But I've been friendly and even invited her out to lunch to get to know one another, and I thought it went well.
We had a 1-on-1 call last week, which I prepared for under the impression we were to discuss our working relationship and ways she could support me as the new manager. I began our call with my typical friendly chit-chat and was immediately cut off.
She then proceeded to tell me, in no uncertain terms, that she found me to be "disrespectful" and having an authoritarian attitude (she's been her about a month). Her evidence was that I hadn't been checking in with her enough frequently (I've always had a certain level of autonomy, but had been CCing her on big projects) and she wasn't happy that I had used our online system to request a day off (after working the equivalent in overtime hours) rather than seek permission from her directly. Fair enough? While I can understand her perspective as a new manager, I felt it was handled very poorly.
I'm not proud, but I was completely blindsided by these accusations and immediately burst into tears on the call. I thought I had gone out of my way to embrace her as a team member and help bring her up to speed on my key projects. I have always been nothing but friendly and kind, and have always thought of myself as a team player.
She also told me, going forward I am not to communicate with my former boss, ever, and only go through her. IF he needs to be made aware of something, she'll bring it up to him. I'm to stop all contact.
Obviously, this is also distressing. He's been an incredible support and mentor and now knows my mental health history. After my disastrous call (in which she watched me breakdown with no reaction but total distain for my emotions) I feel at a loss of what to do.
I definitely don't feel comfortable sharing my diagnosis with the new manager, and now dread our interactions. It also seems to be me she's targeting and not the other staff (who are also relatively newer compared to me).
A part of me really wants to reach out to my former boss (her boss) and share what happened on the call. I've been obsessing over her use of words "disrespectful" and "authoritarian" and want to know if he's ever heard of other staff ever describing me like that. But I don't want to burden him, or feel like I'm "tattling" on her, so I haven't said anything.
I did call HR immediately after the call because I was near sobbing at how cruel she seemed on the call, and needed help processing. I didn't know what to do. I was so hurt and upset. I'm scared everything is going to change now at work and I feel cut off from my biggest professional support and mentor.
What should I do?
submitted by Pesceluna to bipolar [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 03:59 Sylviaxciarre I am sad at the amount of schools that fail to recognize Narc’s emotional abuse as abuse, then proceed to contact Nparents and send the kids back to them.

As a teacher I read a Reddit about a kid who was talking about their peer getting neglected and treated poorly at home and school. They wrote a “bye bye” note as their last call for help, if no one answered then bye bye.
The school found it and reported the kid to the parents and the kid had an even worse time after the parents were “embarrassed” from the kid “lying” about them (the Nparents) and saying how if their gonna lie they really should have just “bye byed” themself before the note to save their “reputation”.
Apparently the kid told his best friend everything and because his house life evolved to physical abuse. This is post school contact and his parents meant to “teach him a lesson.” Well he ended up saying “bye bye for good.”
It makes me so angry that as a teacher that either I risk a kids health or risk jail time and my license for not contacting the parents. Our school systems fail all of you and I’m so sorry and I cried reading it. Sorry I don’t mean to vent but I remember I was in your spot and I said I was depressed and the school contacted my Nmom and she made it so much worse.
I get so angry that people are so quick to assume the kid is at fault and that parents are never the problem. Oh but if they do know the parents are bad they contact them anyways because if they don’t they could literally go to jail. Sothese poor teachers and counselor had to chose between ruining their lives to protect a kid, or live out their life knowing they are mentally responsible to adding to a death. It makes me sick how twisted things are:(
submitted by Sylviaxciarre to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 03:58 Original_Passage802 I’m slowly going mad and I just can’t accept it, what on earth do I do?

So to kick this off, I just want to say that I have never had any mental health issues or delusions or anything before. I’m actually a standout student, a decent comedian, a good writer, a stop motion film producer, a good athlete, and basically just an all-out nerd who has been considered as an actual genius.
All, my life I have been achieving and excelling at law, but recently I have slowly been mentally deteriorating, falling randomly, being unable to conceptualise basic things, speaking randomly in foreign accents, having delusions (If I become famous they’re gonna cancel me, my phone is tapped, the therapists are trying to change our DNA and poison our water), sudden outbursts, random brain farts that last for a long while, times where I speak in different languages that don’t exist and that lead to rambling about villains and heroes and all kinds of stuff about saving the world from ancient space nazis foretold in heiroglyphs and why the radical left want to steal my hair and make a sentient AI, and I’m very irritable and I sometimes forget what I’m doing.

To make matters worse, a teacher has recently been targeting me because I said a statement that he didn’t agree with (after asking my opinion) and accused me of thinking a certain way, right before this happened, I suffered a heat stroke which induced vivid hallucinations of being chased by Jennifer Lawrence and Mickey Mouse and being killed by a 3 eyed celestial dinosaur and coming back to life as a woman and then seeing myself from the woman’s perspective as both of us were mobbed by shadow people (this is the only ever time I’ve seen things that weren’t there).
Now because of the fact that my teacher turned on me, my parents (my only other support system) have now turned on me because a school official said I had a heat stroke and I said outlandish stuff (I passed out after I did), but since my dad has a hearing problem he thought the official meant all the time and he told it to my mom and now I’m the anxious, oversharing bad guy. They’ve accused me of having anxiety and misbehaving at school because of this and it hurts very bad.
I’m also going nuts because of intrusive thoughts and occasionally hearing voices of family members, and all my parents ever do is dismiss it or tell me that the school is making me think that, I just got a deal for a book and I am afraid that I won’t be able to write it because of my impending insanity that is basically making it hard to formulate a sentence (this took a long time to write).
My mind is also falling apart because since 2021 was a really bad year for me and I listened to G-Funk around that time period and have heard songs of the genre unintentionally, I was convinced that a demon from the music had entered and is now chasing me.

What in earth do I do?
submitted by Original_Passage802 to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.06.04 03:57 Wavy77777 Top 20 songs 2014-2023 (subjective rankings)

Let's make a list for the last 10 Years!
So I wanted to look at the last ten contests to draw out the essence from those shows, or at least what was the most enjoyable moments for me personally. At first I thought it was too big of a task to make one big mega ranking, giving points all over again to songs I've almost forgotten, but then I decided to do this a little methodically, so it became a little more doable. So first thing, I had to listen to all the songs. Or maybe not all songs, that would take weeks, but let's at least do the short version: recaps.
My first task was to watch recaps from all shows to remember what songs were worthy and who was not good enough for such a list. I nominated X amount of songs from each year, depending on the quality of the songs. Then I ended up with 94 songs. The spread per year was as follows: 2014: 7 songs, 2015: 14 songs, 2016: 4 songs, 2017: 13 songs, 2018: 7 songs, 2019: 7 songs, 2020: 13 songs, 2021: 8 songs, 2022: 11 songs, 2023: 10 songs. Please note that since there was no contest in 2020 I was less familiar with these songs, so I had a lower threshold for nominating songs from this year. Also the number of songs nominated doesn't necessarily reflect my overall ranking of that contest as a whole.

Giving points
After finding what songs was nominated I watched each and every song (that I had nominated) once again in its entirety, then giving a somewhat honest score of how much I enjoy the song now. I used a 1-20 score, meaning I had more increments than I normally do when I score Eurovision songs on a 1-12 (-9&11) scale. That was to be able to make more distinctions between songs that were close to another, avoiding too many "point lumps". I also tried to avoid influence from how I initially rated the songs when they were released. I was actually quite happy to see that I both rated some songs higher and lower than what I did initially, meaning that my opinion on a song can change over time. I even found myself rating songs from 2023 different than how I rated them just a couple weeks ago. As for versions, I always try to find the best version, whether it's the music video, national final, semi final or grand final version. The lowest I ranked any song in this ranking was 9 points. Any song lower than that would not be able to make the nomination. Again most of the lower ranked songs was from 2020, since that was the year least familiar to me, with the most amount of songs falling outside my quality criteria. The average amount of points was 13,7. The median was actually right between 13 and 14. The spread was as follows: 9 points: 2 entries, 10 points: 4 entries, 11 points: 4 entries, 12 points: 12 entries, 13 points: 24 entries, 14 points: 17 entries, 15 points: 13 entries, 16 points: 9 entries, 17 points: 4 entries, 18 points: 3 entries, 19 points: 1 entry, 20 points: 1 entry
Fine tuning
Since this was about finding a top 20 list I then went back on all the songs I put up around 15-20 points and tried to split hairs between the different songs I had listed that high. This was the most enjoyable part, since the songs up there are so good, but it's also so difficult to distinguish different types of songs when you have a ballad, a medium tempo bop, an industrial techno song and a singer song writer folk song. I did end up with a list I feel good about though, so I will list it below from number 1-20 with a small text to why I like each song. I first make the list, then write a text to each below the list.
The List
  1. Belgium 2017, Blanche - City Lights, 20 points
  2. Estonia 2015, Elina Born and Stig Rästa - Goodbye to Yesterday, 19 points
  3. Azerbaijan 2021, Efendi - Mata Hari, 18 points
  4. Slovenia 2015, Maraaya - Here for You, 18 points
  5. Serbia 2022, Konstrakta - In Corpore Sano, 18 points
  6. Sweden 2014, Sanna Nielsen - Undo. 17 points
  7. Iceland 2019, Hatari - Hatrið mun sigra , 17 points
  8. Azerbaijan 2017, Dihaj - Skeletons, 17 points
  9. Montenegro 2015, Knez - Adio, 17 points
  10. Czechia 2023, Vesna - My Sister's Crown, 16 points
  11. Italy 2015, Il Volo - Grande Amore, 16 points
  12. Norway 2019, Keiino - Spirit in the Sky 16 points
  13. Estonia 2017, Koit Toome and Laura - Verona, 16 points
  14. Bulgaria 2016, Poli Genova - If Love was a Crime, 16 points
  15. Portugal 2017, Salvador Sobral - Amor pelos dois, 16 points
  16. Cyprus 2022, Andromache - Ela, 16 points
  17. Ukraine 2021, Go_A - Shum, 16 points
  18. Georgia 2015, Nina Sublatti - Warrior, 15 points
  19. Austria 2016, Zoë - Loin d'Ici, 15 points
  20. Spain 2015, Edurne - Amanecer, 15 points

Other songs that almost made the list: (Sweden 2022 Cornelia Jakobs-Hold me closer), (Ukraine 2016 Jamala-1944), (Denmark 2018 Rasmussen-Higher Ground),(Moldova 2020 Natalia Gordienko-Prison), (France 2022 Alvan and Ahez-Fulenn),(The Netherlands 2022 S10-De Diepte),(Finland 2023 Käärija-Cha Cha Cha), (Georgia 2023 Iru-Echo),(Latvia 2023 Sudden Lights-Aija),(Norway 2023 Alessandra-Queen of the Kings), (Spain 2023 Blanca Paloma-Eaea), (Ireland 2015 Molly Sterling-Playing with numbers), (Armenia 2017 Artsvik, Fly with me)
About each song
  1. Blanche-City Lights. It was actually quite easy for me to put this on top, and it was the song I was the most sure about. I consider this song pure pop magic. Blanche's dark toned down vocals to the dark minor chords and the effective beat in a sort minimalist electro production is so effective on so many levels I don't know where to begin. I have listened to some of the other songs she has released after Eurovision, and she is a really gifted musician.
  2. Elina Born and Stig Rästa-Goodbye to Yesterday. This almost cinematic singer songwriter tune with it's relatively trad arrangement reminds me of Lee and Nancy (Lee Hazelwood and Nancy Sinatra) who made some pretty cool albums back in the 6os and 70s. It almost has this road movie feel to it and is an ubercool feel and very melodic verse. Stig's toned down voice and Elina's emotional performance made it an instant hit. If you want to see where Elina got her idea from her Grand finale costume, take a look at Tura Satana from Russ Meyer's Faster Pussycat Kill Kill.
  3. Efendi-Mata Hari. Actually everything about this song screams The Netherlands. It's song written by Dutch people about a Dutch spy performed in the Netherlands, it even charted in the Netehrlands. I wouldn't be surprised if Efendi actually has a Dutch grandfather or mother...;) Jokes aside, this oriental-ish bop is about as catchy and fiery and visually seductive as they come. There's no shortage of spice and sauce on this quality song or it's visual presentation. I still get thrown back in my chair everything I hear the "MATA HARI" opening.
  4. Maraaya-Here for You. The opening suggests some sort of jazz ballad with Marjetka's vocal fry "When you're down down low..."over the minimalist piano intro. But then comes the drums and the key changes and the vocal sound and style changes just like that to a darker, more energetic melody before we get a more orchestrated version of the intro now as a chorus. The el violin, piano licks highlights this great song along with Marjetka's great voice. The bridge is not too bad either. There's actually a lot going on here so it's kind of hard to analyse, but the result is great. And you just gotta love Marjetka's head phone coupled with the wind machine with her ginger hair blowing in the wind.
  5. Konstrakta-In Corpore Sano. This must be one of the more curious ESC songs of all time with it's relatively minimalist melody with Serbian lyrics about health and body fixation with its electronic choir like background vocals but it's the ultimate clap release chorus that makes us go "Biti zdrava" while we frenetically do a robotic golf clap that shows this strange song its appeal. It's just very cool and catchy, and it shows us all a side of ourselves we didn't know we had in us. Pure art, pure performance, pure magic.
  6. Sanna Nielsen-Undo. A fantastic pop ballad with beautiful minor moods and a dramatic chorus, plus the archetypical modulation towards the end. One of those songs that simply stands the test of time and I can listen to over and over again. Sanna is a very good singer who focuses a lot on schlager type music in her repertoire. I prefer this over many other songs from Sweden. It might have to do with my preference for drama and sadness over joyful and cheery songs. If you look at the heritage of Abba and what made them good songwriters it had a lot to do with their knack for making these bittersweet type songs with both sadness and joyfulness to them. This is a good example of such a song.
  7. Hatari- Hatrið mun sigra. How about sending an industrial techno song about how society will collapse? Why not? Iceland did it and they got away with it...;) At least almost as they got fined during the voting for showing a Palestinian flag during the voting. So the fine wasn't about the song. The song is very intense with it's hard electronic bassline with Matthias Haraldsson's distorted shouting in the verse, then to Klemens Hannigan's seductive and high, melodic singing in the chorus, making the contrast between the two singing styles extremely enjoyable and almost refined. The synth licks complementing the singing is also very well arranged. A true classic. Oh and I didn't even mention the visuals with the red blinking lights, the fire, the BDSM outfits that makes it look like some kind of alternative from East Berlin 1982.
  8. Dihaj-Skeletons. 80s electro style pop tune with jet like bass synths backing an angelic voice and baroque like synth licks that comes in at the pre chorus part before it explodes into an energetic chorus. Very cool. Dihaj is also a very good singer with a good range. I never quite understood the staging at the contest though. I expected something completely different.
  9. Knez-Adio. For me this is the quintessential Balkan ballad. The string arrangements, the soothing rhythm, the harmonic background vocals and the strong melody just blend together so well, and gives you images of mountains, rivers, waterfalls and works well into this mid tempo ballad with pretty minor chords and a pretty, sentimental delivery from Knez, who I think is one of the stronger vocalists the contest have seen.
  10. Vesna-My Sister's Crown. So onto this year's only entry on this list. As much as I liked a lot of the songs from 2023, a lot of them ended around the 30th spot in this list. Vesna was my lone candidate actually ending up on the list. To me they were always this year's number one, with their anthem about sisterhood, whether it was about slavic sisterhood or not is not so important to me. It was the song itself that got to me. It probably hit at the right time since I've become very interested in Czech history, culture and language the last years as well. As someone who is into harmonic music with folk elements this really hit the spot for me. I was so happy to see their final performance with their long braids and pink jumpsuits, plus very good choreography. The dancing at the end of the song really got to me, and I still have to focus really hard not to get emotional everytime I see that part. Dobra prace, holky!
  11. Il Volo-Grande Amore. Is it possible to get more Italian than this? And I mean it as a compliment. With great drama, big time forte this operapop schlager with grand voices hit big time in 2015 and won the popular votes of the contest. Some wondered if it would be too kitchy to send something so rooted in an ancient music style from the 17th century to a modern song contest that focuses greatly on visuals. The answer was an absolute no. I must admit that this was not among my favourites initially in 2015, but it slowly grew on me and now I really love it. The arrangement here is also interesting with a relativley monotonous bassline topped with the grand string arrangements that leads us to the crescendo.
  12. Keiino-Spirit in the Sky. My own country's only entry for this list. Combing EDM and joik actually works, and it's mindblowing how catchy this song gets when all the voices come together in the chorus. The melody in the chorus is slightly similar to Saara Alto's Monsters from 2018, but the song itself is very different. The Sami culture is quite exotic and far away even for us Norwegians, and even though the song is not a Sami song per se, all the elements of joik, Northern lights and shaman symbolism sends us into this mystical journey into the far north of ice, snow and winter darkness.
  13. Koit Toome and Laura-Verona. This pop love drama that uses Romeo and Juliet's city as it's background, was absolutely robbed of a place in the grand final when televotes gave it a 6th place in the second semi final while the juries only gave it 16 points, ending up 17th on the jury ranking, ultimately ending up only 14th on the combined list. As you can see, I have it higher on my Song of the decade-list than juries had it in that semi final. I also remember how bad the sound was, microphones not working, maybe even monitors not working when they were to perform in the semi final. For the best version of this song, watch the music video. The video of the semi final performance only makes me angry. Now, about the song itself, it's super catchy, almost anthemic in it's "o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o, we lost and we found our Verona" chorus. A great pop composition that has really stood the test of time.
  14. Poli Genova-If Love was a crime. Another song that I didn't love at first, but that has really grown on me over time. A quite dance friendly pop tune with almost soul like elements in the chorus, with it's unison singing and that trademark dance that come along with the performance. The song starts with a piano backing track, drums and that flute like synth that plays some infectious riff that sounds like a bird whistle or something. The true genius of this song is the pre chorus when she sings the title of the song. That part has some fantastic harmony arrangements and a great melody. It also took me a while to understand that the chorus was sung in Bulgarian. I never really understood why she sang "All I'm in Luther, I'm in Luther"...;)
  15. Salvador Sobral-Amor pelos dois. The only winner song on this list. When I made this list I didn't actually believe that this song would make it onto the top 20, but here it is! Some look at this as a sentimental journey back to old style Eurovision with no electronic music, no dancers, no smoke machines, basically nothing fancy going on whatsoever, and to some people, maybe even boring. I just look at this as a very pretty song about love that is sung in the prettiest and most heartfelt way possible. At the time of the final Salvador Sobral was due to a heart transplant caused by a weak heart, so at the time of the performance there where doubts about how long he could survive. Fortunately this looks like it has succeeded, and the performances I've seen of him since he looks a lot more healthy than he did in 2017. Thank god.
  16. Andromache-Ela. My second NQ on the list. It's claimed that the reason she didn't go the final was due to a bad vocal performance in the semi final, but it was the juries that really put her down with only giving her 9 points, and juries don't go off the televised performance do they? Or was it only in the grand finale that there's an extra jury performance? Anyhow, this beautiful Greek-balkan style pop song really deserved a lot more than it got from the juries and should have been in the grand finale. Pretty and delicate strings opens up before a pop track emerges with Andromache's pretty voice singing a heavenly melody and the super catchy chorus sends us straight to the Greek gods of lush voices and soft femininity. Nice use of echo and reverberation in this track.
  17. Go_A-Shum. Ukrainian techno folk sang entirely in Ukrainian is just one of these things I never imagined myself that I would enjoy, and going into then final I considered this song more of a curiosity than a song that I would thoroughly enjoy, but I was wrong. Folk music always takes a bit of a different ear to enjoy than "normal pop". The style of singing and the rhythm has a monotonous, almost chanting feel to it, and can sound off to many western ears. Yet this song really hit a nerve with me eventually. I just love what Ukraine has done to Eurovision, and I hope they keep sending great songs like this.
  18. Nina Sublatti-Warrior. A very powerful song with great attitude. A bumblebee like synth opens up before we have tribal drums and Nina singing about fighting and something about "oximated". It doesn't matter cause I believe everything she sings anyway. The chorus comes in hard and powerful with Nina singing her heart out and again those big drums. A pretty straight forward angry war-pop song, but very haunting and no-nonsense. My ESC universe is better with songs like these. Arguably the best song from Sakartvelo we've had, even though Iru challenged her pretty good this year.
  19. Zoë-Loin d'Ici. How many entries has there been that is sung in a language that is not a national language that is not English? I have watched the movie The Piano Teacher which is an Austrian movie where the dialogue is in French, but I've never had the impression that Austria had this thing about the french langauge or what? Nevermind, Zoë's tune Loin d'Ici is a dreamy, heavenly pop song with an amazing melody and stellar rhythm arrangement. I recognise her vocal style more as French than Austrian, but that could be the language. Anyway I'm not complaining, cause I'm a big fan of french vocals in the first place. This would fit in a movie I think with it's rich colourful style it could paint a faraway country in your dreams in a very nice way.
  20. Edurne-Amanecer. The sixth entry from 2015, so I guess that year wins it for me. And even though this song sounds very Spanish to me it's actually composed by Swedish composers. It has an ethnic style with a big dramatic chorus and a melody in minor chords. This is the same year Grande Amore from Italy and even though the songs are quite different I do also see similarities with the big crescendo like chorus and the songs being sung in each country's national language. It didn't perform very well in the final with only 15 points, of which 8 came from neighbours France and Portugal. Big countries also have neighbours! However in my opinion this is the best Spanish entry the last 10 years, even though I both nominated 2022 and 2023 also, so it's safe to say that things are moving in the right direction.
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