I have horrible suicidal thoughts, its only getting worse, sometimes i sh but not in any life threatening way. I have no one, the thought of reaching out for help without my parents knowing scares me. but I cant go on. i drown away negative feelings with imaginary scenarios, yt and music, but it doesn't work anymore. i dont feel apart of reality at all, which only makes the thought of death more appealing. I've already lost the person who gave me hope. idk what to do, I just want to feel ok.

I have always really struggled with loss and grief. Most of my childhood, or at least what I can recall felt like a cycle of finding out someone I loved was sick, taking care of someone I loved that was sick, and then losing someone I loved that was sick. And then there's the grief involved with losing important friendships, losing opportunities, losing the love and attention of people who were supposed to be nurturing me. So much loss.
I wish I could say that it made me a better person, but instead I've spent my entire life just trying to maintain the illusion that I have any control over myself, my environment, and my relationships. It's made me horribly avoidant of forming permanent attachments to pretty much anything. My inability to maintain intimate interpersonal relationships is wearing on me, and I feel like there are so many things I'm missing out on. The attachments that I have formed come with a near constant vigilance for illness, conflict, etc. Anything that could lead to a loss. I feel like if I just pay more attention or become more knowledgeable, I can prevent painful experiences. I know that's ridiculous and impossible.
My mom is getting older, and I can't stop thinking about what I'll do if and when she passes. She's not even sick yet. But I'm afraid that I might not be able to handle taking care of another sick loved one, or the grief that follows. I really think I might genuinely lose it this time.
Ultimately I know I'll be fine - I literally always am. But I'm scared all the time, and I don't want to be scared anymore. I just don't know where to start.

i have a youtube channel with around 50k subs, and i received an offer from a company called Global Exchange Media, and they're offering to upload and maintain my video on several chinese video services. apparently, they offer to translate and subtitle the videos, edit if necessary for content and they upload and maintain on the sites, taking 20% of ad revenue, and paying out the remaining 80%. has anyone heard of this before? they claim to have 200 clients, and several appear to be larger channels with 1M + subs, but i can't seem to verify if they're on the level. they provided a contract that seems pretty clean, but i wanted to see if anyone else has heard of this or similar services?

Hope everyone is well! I am in need of advice. I have a bachelor's degree in Criminal Justice from a respected college in America for that particular major and I am 25 years old. I graduated this May!
Work experience:
Security officer floater for 4 years (present job). I worked in security throughout college.
Financial literacy teacher for 3 months (summer job)
DCF State investigator for 4 months (college internship)
Machine operator for 2 years (silkscreen & molding). 1st job out of high school.
I am lost on which direction to go. I have applied to 2 state jobs. Probation officer and social worker. Still waiting to hear back. I am not sure if remote work is available with my degree. I was thinking about sales, claims adjuster, and navy officer.
Any advice is much appreciated!

Mostly a vent post, could use support and validation. Having awful PMS, feeling so disoriented, so many intrusive thoughts about the system, gender, insecurities about the people around me. Was feeling a switch at work. Got panicked because I was talking to somebody and thought “what if (alter) comes out. They hate work and then I have to act like them!” This of course sent me into a “am I faking?” spiral, even though I know when I have PMS I have thoughts that are playing on my insecurities and make no sense all the time. I feel so awful for being in denial, it hurts the others so much, and it makes me feel unsafe as an alter. I hate being the host sometimes. I like being in back. I don’t want to keep fighting flashbacks at work. I don’t want to keep hurting myself and my system. I’m getting closer to knowing what happened to some of us because amnesia barriers are going down from communication, and therapy. I’m scared, guys

Frankly my goal is revenue but I understand quality may factor into that equation. Hypothetically if you wanted to grow as much or as much high quality in a 10x10 tent what setup would you suggest, and what seed or seeds would you suggest? I’ve heard autos are faster but sometimes yield less.
What’s the most amount in regards to pounds you’ve grown in one go out of a 10x10?

I'm in search of some nice and honest people who want to play some competitive or coop games with me. I have alot of different games so finding some common ones shouldn't be a problem I mainly play DBD, rainbow six siege, among us, borderlands, souls games, rogue company etc. Dm me if you wanna hang out or play some games and plus points if you have cat pictures to share :o (And no I don't want to join your discord group with a 1000 people in it already 😐)

I will often notice that whenever I open a can of Heinz baked beans in tomato sauce, the lining of the can seems covered in stains, which look like corrosion to me. I also notice a metallic scent from the can, after I dump the beans out. The internet seems to think neither of these things are normal, and that they suggest the can has been compromised in some way, rendering the food potentially unsafe.
Could anyone show me what the lining of a normal can of baked beans is supposed to look like? Is it supposed to look like smooth, clean, shiny metal, with no off-color stains? And is a metallic smell normal after you dump the contents?

I live in a large apartment complex, and I have a neighbor across from me with a large dog that is on the patio all day, every day, 24/7. The dog used to bark constantly but now it doesn’t. The dog has food and water but it clearly poops on the patio and they clean it out. I’ve noticed even when the owners are home the dog stays outside. Even in tons of rain and storm. It is never walked or played with. I have reported them to ASPCA and they sent someone out and all they did was talk to the owner who said they were “looking to rehome the dog” which is BS bc the dog has continued to be out there for months. The officer said that the dog has “adequate shelter” so they won’t do anything. I would try to break the dog out but they are on the 3rd floor. I throw toys up there sometimes and treats but every time I walk by I want to cry. I’ve even left notes offering to walk the dog. What should I do??

Hi guys! I’m on a weight loss journey and I’ve lost 20 lbs so far. I’m a 4’11 18 y/o girl and I’m currently 180 lbs. After years of eating a ton of food with no regard for how many calories I was intaking, I finally taught myself how to eat differently. All of my naturally eat “intuitively” which makes them skinny without exercising. I started adopting their habits while loosely counting calories and it’s made such a difference. Here are some tips:

1. Eat slowly and chew your food. Eat with smaller silverware and on smaller plates.
2. Either eat all of a small serving or half of a large serving. Eat the entire meal you cooked and portioned out for yourself but eat half of the pasta dinner at Olive Garden. Save the rest as leftovers.
3. Eat fast food, but eat it smartly. You can eat fast food everyday if you wanted to and still lose weight. The important thing is what you order. A Chick-fil-A chicken sandwich and waffle fries is 880 calories alone and an extra 110 with Chick-fil-A sauce. You can eat the entire meal and eat less later, eat half of it, replace the fries with something that has less calories, or order something else entirely. You just need to budget your calories wisely so that you’re still in a calorie deficit by the end of the day.
4. Don’t put yourself into the position to eat more. Microwave half the can of soup, save the rest for later. By halving your portion, you’ll eat it slower to savor the smaller portion, and you might end up eating less. If half of the can of soup isn’t enough, wait a little bit to see if you still want more. If you do, have the rest. Basically, start with a smaller portion and give yourself more if you want more.
5. Write down what you eat. This might not work for everyone, but in my personal experience, keeping a food diary on my phone is a good way to remember what I eat and has helped me keep track of how many calories I’m eating.
6. Drink water and get enough sleep! I know that these are really obvious tips but I had to include them. Drinking a gallon of water and getting the sleep my body needs has helped me lose weight.
7. Eat for health and nutrition too, not just to eat. It’s okay to eat a snack just to have a snack, and it’s okay to have a meal you like because it’s a meal you like. But remember that food isn’t just for entertainment and it’s important to nourish our bodies as well. Try to incorporate fruits and veggies that you like into your diet and eating healthy meals if you can. Getting the right nutrients helps a lot.

These are all of the things I’ve stated doing that helped me get to the weight I am now. My goal weight is 120, so I still have a long way to go, but I see progress. My wrists are significantly smaller, I can see my collarbones sometimes, my face has more shape, my back is slimmer, and my back dimples are starting to show again. I’m finally making progress!! For the first time in forever, the light at the end of the tunnel feels reachable. I hope my advice helps you and that you reach your goal weight :) Feel free to share your own journey and weight loss advice in the comments.

Hello everyone I'm a female 29 in marriage with inlaws who hated me before they met me I've been dealing with this for almost 7 years of physical and emotional abuse I've left/lost everything just to be with my husband I'm at my breaking point where I'm just trying to make it work because I do love my husband and my son and they both deserve to have relationships between them but long story short my hater in law invited me to come out to the boat with my sister in law and her 3 kids and my 3year old autistic son I decided to go because all these years I've tried to build some kind of relationship between me and my husbands family but without any luck I still decided to go because I've been working with my son on working to go outside more and have more social interaction but I still decided to tag along but that day off the turned quick into some drama I've cost but I don't feel guilty but to let you guys know what happens is the kids where super tired from being on the water for a couple of hours so patience was thin (I can understand that!)kids where going wild but we've asked them to sit down so we could go home but my father in law wasn't having it at this point anymore (bc if minor starting issues of the boat) after a couple of time repeating ourself and trying to get them to sit down he took it up himself to get into my sons face screaming at him and smacking him on his leg where my son loudly enough said ,,ouch” and my son trying to pull himself away from his grandfather I stepped in and told him he first can't raise his hand against my son and definitely not gonna talk to him like this!!! He turned over to me got into my face and screamed at me that it is my boat I said what you do with your kids is your business but he is my son and you talk to him with respect and he said it's my f**king boat and I have to get off that's where I said no problem pulling over and I rather walk home with my son!!! And later that night I've got into an argument with my husband how what Ive said what wrong and that it's not fair from me to say that I don't want my son be around his family and I'm not gonna deal with this anymore because the last time his sister and I got into a fist fight the day I found out I was pregnant from day one his family has been ignoring me and abusing me but I'm fed up with it I took the abuse from everybody in his family including himself (he is been in therapy for his temper) but it doesn't change the fact that I'm just done with his family and him but I also can't leave I don't have any friends or family the only family I have is my husband and my son so please nobody come for me why don't I just leave I've moved with my husband as was still in the military from overseas I'm really at my breaking point I should not have dealt with this set a wrong example for my son but I also have nothing no drives license and I'm just a stay at home mom I need to get out of this situation but I'm scared they will all turn on me and take away my son I I don't know anymore what to do I'm allowed to go dashing over my husbands account that the only way I get to have a couple of dollars to myself I really could use some advice or some words of encouragement because my self-esteem is on an all-time low and my depression is definitely no support but for disclaimer I'm live treating danger I'm saving my son is save I just want to get out of this but I don't know where to start I just could use some good advice on what I can do

I don’t even know what the essence of this post is. But I’m so defeated. Maybe I need someone to talk some sense into me.
Everyone has their reason for being here. But mine makes me feel stupid. I turned out down a job offer that would have paid me significantly over the summer because it seemed toxic and took a near minimum wage position instead. Now I have to live at home as a grown woman with my toxic family all summer.
I’m going to be well off considering my career path. I’ll probably be at the top 10 of earners by my first year out of graduate school. But I messed up big time turning down that offer. So I joined SA to try to find a way to leave my home for the summer.
I don’t even want to be there. Half the people there seem to think I’m excited by basic stuff when I’ve travelled all over the world and had a good life. Or they can’t even offer near to what I’ve experienced in life. Id rather just listen to their problems, fuck and get paid for my summer place.
I actually have never experienced suffering financially. But right now I need to leave my home and I have no support to do so because I have a “home” so why do I need to live elsewhere. But it’s toxic. I’ve lived in boarding school all my life. Anyway this is what I’ve come to. And it’s not even working out well.
I know I sound like a privileged spoiled idiot rn. My mental struggles can’t compare to what people are going through. Maybe that’s what I need to hear, or to get off the SA, or suck it up. Idek. Thanks for listening.