I (18f) grew up in a household where our birthday/Christmas gifts from my mom were all very thoughtful. For example she’d keep good track of your hobbies and write a note for herself any time we said we liked/wanted something so that she could gift it to us later. Because of that, it’s how I gift other and prefer to be gifted as well. I would always prefer a thoughtful gift over an expensive or “nice” one. I was so happy when I started dating my boyfriend (20m) about 6 months ago and he started getting me very thoughtful gifts. Some of my favorites are: a necklace that almost perfectly matched the promise ring my dad gave me years ago for my birthday, getting me boba from my favorite shop, sending me pictures of every dog he encounters because he knows I love animals, a dragon stuffed animal because I said it was cute, and he didn’t want the cow stuffed animal I have in my car to be lonely (I refer to any pair of 2 as “friends” I.e. 2 flowers growing nearby each other, 2 turtles hanging out in a pond, you get the point so I always love to have 2 of something so that it has a friend) and the best one yet: he got me a Lego bouquet of flowers because he knows I love flowers but get sad when the die. But on top of getting me the bouquet, he also separately bought Lego sunflowers to go in the bunch because they are my favorite flower. All of this was unnecessary and not asked for but he did it because he said he likes it when I smile. These continued acts of kindness from him make me feel safe and at home whenever I’m with him. I couldn’t appreciate having this man in my life more and I hope I make him feel the way he makes me feel.

Plenty of couples and celebrities get engaged in a short timeline and a lot have kids because they're older and ready for it. BUT Janas situation is pretty...crazy. Here's why this is all so weird:

1. Her clear codepency/love issues. I really wonder what her therapist thinks about all this lol because she clearly has and has been vocal about love addiction/codepency issues and being too available and jumping into relationships/never being able to be single (and 3 marriages, 4 engagements to boot).
2. She mentioned on a podcast, when the guest suggested that there is no such thing as 'the one' or 'just the one' (like there are many different types of loves in life), Jana was quick to rebut and vocal about how the one/soulmate really does exist and it's the one who 'stays'. Pretty sad for someone at her age and after all her therapy to equate love and a soulmate with someone who stays, suggesting that she still struggles with this idea of a stable love, and mutual respect.
3. She met Allen, her now fiance, for the first time in person a week before Christmas, in Dec 2022. Because he lived in the UK, they were long distance for the first two months and saw each other a handful of times. It was during one of these trips that she got pregnant - literally 2 months in.
4. If you're 40, have had two kids, and are sexually active, like you know how to not get pregnant. This is not 16 and pregnant. So this was done with intent, on her end. She mentions on the podcast how she told Allen that she wants to have kids before she turns 40 in december, and so her and Allan had 1 month to try. Why would a guy in another country who just met you, has had at most a few trips with you, want to have a kid? Literally 2 months in? Also, it's again a red flag that she is so adamant about having a child before 40 as a marker. What's the difference between 39 in december and 40 in January or February? Age is def a factor in carrying a child but her specific wording points to an insecurity about aging itself, and the number 40, versus the actual health risks with pregnancy. It's sad that she sees herself like that, and even when she's spoken about her past miscarriages, and devaluing her worth as a woman because she couldn't have children...it's all so code word salad for internalized misogyny and self-hate.
5. She fast-tracked this relationship, baby, a move-in, and engagement all in 6 months. For someone with her documented issues, this is pretty classic but also..clearly, she has not grown from her therapy and got caught up in a whirlwind romance.
6. If she was so keen to have a child with Allen, then why not discuss that process or trying and the thought mentality behind it on her podcast these past few months? Because she didn't want backlash. She wasn't thinking in a prepared, methodical way - this was a classic love addicts way of trying to create a fantasy future for herself that she wanted because she thinks she deserves it.
7. Allen moving in was also never shared publicly. she has hidden a lot of the elements of a relationship that she would normally share because she has a podcast that's literally about relatoinships, etc. And yes, of course maybe she was trying to be protective of a relationship and careful, but it does not then match what she's saying now about how the pregnancy was intentional, how this engagement may be quick but it;s because hes her soulmate, etc., What shes saying does not line up with any of her behaviors, actions, and podcast the last several months. She in reality is probably really insecure and stressed about all these changes in how the public would react but is happy privately because this is what she wants - but she knows if she were to say it out loud, she would come across as the boy who cried wolf.

​
At the end of the day, it's her life (and her next two books and podcast material for the next year), but it's kind of sad to look at her and see someone who obviously is still stuck and rooted to all the issues she talks about healing from. For someone in her position, it does not make sense to have a baby with someone you're still getting to know, move him in, get engaged in 6 months and bring another child into this world. When you watch her stories, its painfully clear that they still don't really know each other and are in the beginning phases of a relationship, just with a baby and engagement on the way.

Heya there! I'm Kiara, Kiki, or Kia! I'm a lesbian trans girl, and to keep it brief, I'm just looking for something longterm and serious, I just want to settle down with someone and just have my reason to wake up yknow?
I play a variety of video games! I'm a savage raider in FF14, I love to play League, Apex, Valorant, various amounts of RPGs, JRPGs, VNs, and like, if I could stream some stuff to you too if I'm in the mood, I'd adore that.
I love love love POP Music! JB, The Weeknd, KPOP, Sam Smith, Doja Cat, Ariana Grande, & so so much more :3
I'm super into manga, as its faster for me to read something than just focus on an anime show, though I could focus if I had someone watching with me :3 but I like HxH, DbZ, Villainess, Dragon Maid, FMAB, & so much more.
I really adore writing! I'm a bit of a sappy romantic poet and like roleplay very much, so if you wanna write our sapphic ships together then I'm mega down~
As a partner I try my best to respect boundaries and learning each other's limits and or supporting the best I can. I'm really into matching PFP's, bio's, constant calls, sleep calls, and all that stuff to abide us until y'know, we can meet IRL!
Other than that, if I sound appealing to you, feel free to DM! I don't bite unless wanted haha.
Send a little intro about yourself, and to make sure you read, what's your favorite color?

I (48M) need some advice here, so I’m turning to the hivemind.
The past – Dated a woman (we’ll call her “A” 38F) for over a year and a half. Intense, romantic affair. Perfect match. Strife in the friends circle, drama with exes, and external factors contributed to our parting. We mailed a little here and there, but I ultimately married someone else, and asked her to stop contacting me.
The near past – My mother was murdered. “A” reaches out to me, and expresses her condolences. I thank her for the kindness (we were not talking at the time) and life goes on.
The most recent past – I ended up being in a position to help a lot of my closest friends. As I did so, I thought of “A”, and how things had ended. We had both done and said some hateful things at the end, and even though we had ended communication after the fact on good terms, I still felt bad for how horribly I had behaved. She had forgiven me, but I had not forgiven myself.
I reached out to her, and offered to help on her student loans (this was before Biden started the movement to payoff some balances). I also offered to just let her have the money I was going to apply to her loans, so she could manage it best (in the time between, she had a daughter, and I knew she was a single mother…so not knowing her finances, it was better for HER to decide what to do).
She balked for a long time. I promised her, flatly, that I had no ulterior motives (which I did not), and I would literally just send her the money and go away. She resisted for a bit, but ultimately accepted my aid. I called it asshole tax, thanked her for being so gracious and that was the end of that.
Fast-forward to now, three years later. My health failed, and I was in a situation where I could spontaneously die at any moment (no exaggeration) from a number of health issues. Things looked particularly grim, and I was faced with my own mortality. On Christmas Eve, my wife decided to tell me she couldn’t live like this anymore, and she was leaving me.
I wasn’t really affected by her implied departure, because I was facing the realistic possibility I simply wouldn’t be alive long enough for it to matter. Even more recently, I had to have a procedure performed that had a nonzero risk of outright killing me. The scheduling was rushed, and I had only a few days to prepare myself for it. And I thought of “A”.
I mailed her, explaining that I hadn’t ever wanted to bother her again, but given the situation, I had taken a greater inventory of the things in my life, and I regreted all my actions toward her, and I wanted to be sure things were right, and reach out to her again before the procedure, just in case. She was happy to hear from me, and insisted that if everything went well, we should get together.
I survived (obviously). Suddenly, things were looking up for me. I shed 60 lbs, my health started to improve dramatically, and I was feeling much better than I had, so I arranged to go to lunch with “A”, just to reconnect.
The present dilemma – When “A” and I arranged to interact, she specified ‘No romance, no sex’. That was fine with me. While I missed her, I had no intention of anything more than seeing how she was, catching up on her life, and formally apologizing to her for all the things I had done to her in the past. I had never done it in person, and it was important to me that she saw I was sincere. Reading all of our correspondence from that time period, I cringe…and my heart hurts from the callous way I behaved and tossed her love around. She forgave me, but I couldn’t forgive myself, still.
We met at a restaurant, and it flowed. We sat there for 3 hours, laughing, talking, reminiscing and enjoying each other’s company. I knew the moment we sat down, when she looked at me and smiled, that I was in trouble. When she laughed, and I remembered how magical that sound was, my heart broke, because I knew I had never stopped loving her, and I stood no chance of ever being special in her eyes again.
She has a sometimes on and off fling with her child’s father, and a more regular man (we’ll call him “B”). “B” and she have been ‘dating’ on and off for five years. She has an attachment to him, and wants something more, but he tells her no. He doesn’t get jealous of her doing anything else, which she views as a positive, but it says to me he just doesn’t care enough about her to mind who she sees. She said that his words don’t always match his actions. She wants to go out to dinner sometimes, and do things with their kids together. Maybe go away once in a while. But he doesn't.
She’s optimistic now because “B” gave her a Christmas gift for the first time ever this Christmas. She wrote him a letter, professing her desire for something deeper and more, and he responded ‘This did not fall on deaf ears’. She had movie tickets for them to go out as a collective family this weekend, but he cancelled on her last minute.
Let me loop back now. After we spent 3 hours in the restaurant, she invited me back to her house. I went there and spent another 5 hours with her, until she was finally sleepy and we parted ways. Never mentioned “B” once. She called me the very next day and talked to me for about an hour, just about random things. Was she just glad to have a familiar friend to chat with? Perhaps.
The next Friday, she spontaneously reached out to me, and asked me to go out to Karaoke with her and her grandfather. We were out until midnight, having a blast. We rode around and sang songs to each other. She came back to my house (in the process of my soon-to-be-ex-wife moving out) and checked everything out, then went home. Her grandfather asked if we were rekindling the flame, and she said “No,” but then hesitated, and added: “I like to keep my options open.”
I mailed her the next day thanking her for a good night, and telling her I wished it could’ve gone on for hours. She said she had a lot of fun and enjoyed it too. I was able to hold back until Monday, where I asked her to go out to a higher-end waterfront place where some of my co-workers coalesce, only a few minutes from her house. She replied as soon as she saw it that she wanted to.
I am trying to temper my expectations, because I don’t want to read too much into things. But it’s hard. Just when I thought I had it under control, she would text me again, just about everything and nothing. I thought I was going to be okay just pining away in silence, while I get my new life sorted (the divorce was signed last week and the STBXW moves out in 15 days)…but then, again, she calls me out of the blue, and we talked for FOUR hours. It was a ‘how was your day’ call that you normally make to your significant other, but she made it to me. Then proceeded to tell me the whole story of how she had her daughter, the story of her daughter’s father, and how she met “B” and how she’s just going to pine away in silence for him, and grind him down until he relents.
She specified that she doesn’t know what someone feels toward her, until they say so, but she’s going to read into his actions some, because they don’t match his ‘I don’t want anything more’ speeches.
I think that she’s sunk 5 years into “B”, who is glad to take advantage of her convenience. She comes over, they have sex, then goes home. He doesn’t have to talk to her or listen to her, and he doesn’t have to go out anywhere with her, so it’s completely on her to do all of this stuff. At this point, she would lose all of this time spent if she cut him off, and she’s just not willing to do that.
If I look at what she’s done, I see that’s she’s invested a huge amount of time into me as of late. I also see that she’s thought about me a lot, because she will text me at random about all these little things we talked about, as if we JUST talked about them. We have seen each other 3 times (4 if you include this upcoming Friday) in about 2 weeks. She texts and emails me as soon as she’s done with work for the day (she is extremely busy at this time period in the office), and calls me to talk and talk for hours.
Is it just the newness of a renewed friendship that makes her devote so much time to me? Because one might expect all of this time would be invested in her closer friends, or “B”, and not just random old me, popping back up out of nowhere.
Part of me thinks her deciding to drop into the long story time about her recent exes (and current male love interest) was a sort of test to make sure I wasn’t going to react childishly and bail at the first sign of competition or resistance. While my heart certainly sank while she described this other man, I’ve become more patient over the years, and I stayed calm. My feelings are my own problem, not hers. I’m the stranger re-entering her world after years of estrangement. I have no right to expect anything, and I absolutely must respect her relationships and entanglements.
I’m picking her up after work to take her out for the night on Friday. I’m excited for the prospect, and just even being able to see her again (when we’ve been together, I feel like the weight in my heart lifted). I’ll ALSO gladly take whatever time she will give me. I’m looking forward to the time I can meet her daughter, and spend time with both of them.
So please, reddit, fact-check me. Am I seeing things that aren’t there? How should I proceed now?
Another female acquaintance of mine thinks that it’s all about the sunk-cost fallacy, and that if I just keep being me and being there for her, that will be enough. She warns it may spark “B” into taking action to devote himself to her further, because he will feel his good time is threatened.
“A” is investing time and thought into me, and initiating us going out at pretty regular intervals. She’s also receptive to all of my communication, and accepts my invitations thus far when offered. “A” is obviously still into “B”, but aside from last night’s conversation, she had never mentioned him to me.
My intended course of action is to continue to see her, and just be me. Stay the course. See what happens.
Thanks for your time.
edit - Spelling.

Hello friends! Chelsea here. 😊
I've thought about making this post for a while but just hadn't gotten around to it. But as I said in the title, I slept most of the day because 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I'm up late drinking coffee and trying to figure life out. If you're interested in being up-to-date on my life story (and why wouldn't you want to know the intimate details of a random stranger on the internet?), here are past updates for your convenience:

• My best friend and I just came out to each other, totally unplanned
• Came out to my Christian parents as trans tonight
• Came out to my Christian parents as trans tonight (Update)

This will likely be a lengthy post, so sorry not sorry! I found that, especially early in my transition, it was really helpful to read perspectives and experiences of those going through experiences that either matched my own or were down a path similar to what I hoped for myself. So maybe I can be that for someone!
June 2022:
Further complications following coming out to my parents:
I came out to my parents and there were complications, which you can read about in the linked posts above. What happened after that is that a couple of weeks later, my parents asked me to come over to 1) see if anything had changed (uh, duh, it hadn't) and to warn me: they were going to go camping with my grandparents and aunt/uncle, and my mom wasn't sure that she could keep things to herself regarding my trans identity. Specifically, she warned that she might tell her brother (my uncle) in order to gauge what his thoughts on how their parents (my grandparents) would react to the information.
I told her that I'd rather she didn't, and her response was "well I just don't know if I'll be able to help it". So that was fun. The weekend passed, and the day after they had all gotten home, I received a cryptic text from my aunt, where she told me she loved me and prayed for me constantly. She said that she had noticed from my book-tailored Instagram account that I'd read a specific book about churches and LGBTQ issues that she was going to read too because she likes to "read lots of things and try to consider all sides of issues before [making] a decision", and that she was going to watch a specific video made by the author of this book. (I'm leaving out the name of the book and the author for my own privacy reasons.) I assumed that this text meant my mom had told my aunt/uncle after all because I had made no mention of this book's author or any videos he had made, so her mentioning the video indicated that she had been pointed in a specific direction. Anyway, nothing further was said, about me being trans or otherwise, for a long time, but I more or less operated under the assumption that my aunt and uncle now knew.
December 2022:
Christmas time with family update:
Christmas at my aunt and uncle's house with the rest of the family, sans my grandparents because my grandma came down with Covid. Towards the end of our stay, my dad pulled me aside and asked me what my plan was around "telling my aunt and uncle", to which I responded "I thought that you and Mom did tell them", and he said no, that they figured that it should come from me. I still call BS, that even if they didn't outright say "[deadname] is trans", they hinted pretty heavily that something was going on. In any case, I told him I had no plan of telling them and didn't. The months leading up to this were weird because I was taking HRT but otherwise not presenting femme because of my work and family situations, so my parents never said a word about it before that moment with my dad even though I ate dinner at their place once a week.
January 2023:
Okay, now we're getting to the good stuff!!
Coming out to my bible study class:
If you didn't read my previous posts: I have always valued my Christian faith, and it was important to me early in my transition to find peace between my transition and my relationship with God. I'd found a local church in March/April-ish that was fully affirming and accepting of LGBTQ individuals and had been attending in person since May. And let me tell you everyone, finding this church is maybe the best thing that has ever happened to me!
When I first started attending, I filled out a guest registration form and disclosed that I was trans but not presenting yet, and the person who responded directed me to a bible study class of people around my age. In that class, I made friends for the first time in literal years, and not just one or two, but many! I didn't come out to them, but I also didn't try very hard to hide things like my budding breasts or longer hair or other changes like I did in other social spaces. I joined the choir, played in the band (there's a wind ensemble at the church that I play my French horn in once a month), was enlisted into the New Member Committee, and just had the best time.
That said, in January of 2023, I decided I wanted to come out to my class, so I recorded a video myself, posted it in the class group chat, and then put my phone on Do Not Disturb before going to the gym. When I got back to my car, I opened my phone and was overwhelmed with messages of love and support and acceptance; it was everything I could have hoped for! I told them that I didn't have a timeline for presenting femme or for changing my name and pronouns, I just wanted them to know so that they could be on the journey with me.
Getting a church name tag of my chosen name in secret:
ALSO: I mentioned that I was enlisted into the New Member Committee, and we had our first meeting this month. The staff liaison to the committee, who just so happened to be the person who had responded to my guest registration form and directed me to my Bible study class, was going to order everyone in the committee name tags so that we could wear them around church to be hospitable to people. I emailed her afterwards, reminding her that I was trans if she had forgotten and asked for her to make an extra name tag: one for my deadname that everyone still new me as, and one for my chosen name. And she was more than happy to oblige!
February 2023:
1-year HRT anniversary:
Firstly, this was the 1-year anniversary of me starting hormones! Just a few stats: I'd lost around 45-50 pounds, grown my hair from bald to just past my earlobes (with a stubborn patch of male-pattern-baldness right in the front 😔), and felt good in my body for the first time in my life.
Coming out to the rest of my mom's side of the family:
Secondly, this was the month when I came out to the rest of my (mom's side of the) family. Not because I felt especially like I wanted to but because I was more or less cornered into it.
I was at church choir rehearsal when the family group chat lit up: my uncle was asking us to look at our emails so that we could make plans for a family cruise to celebrate my grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary...in December. And we had to book the vacation ASAP.
My heart sunk into my stomach. I was still only out to my parents and brother, and here we were trying to make travel plans for 10 months from now? When I wouldn't look the same, when my documents hopefully wouldn't match what they are now? I knew that I would have to come out to everyone because I didn't see this vacation as something that I could plan for at this point in time.
My dad called me that night, asking me about my thoughts on the vacation, to which I told him I didn't think I could do it. He was beating around the bush, saying that if it was a money issue that he and my mom could help, to which I responded "you know why I can't go". His response was that I needed to call my uncle and come out to him. But I didn't that night. I did type out a coming out letter addressed to the rest of the family, and I debated between sending it in the group chat, sending it to individual family members, or recording a video of myself reading it, but never did.
The next day, I was basically in a fugue state all day at work. I had a sense of impending doom knowing that I would likely have to come out to my family by the end of the day. My dad texted me asking what I was going to do, and I just told him that I wasn't going to go on the cruise, which he passed on to my uncle. Around midday I got a text from my uncle since he hadn't heard from me and he was the one booking the cruise, but I didn't respond. He called later on my way home from work, and again, I ignored it.
When I got home from work, I set about trying to record the video of me reading the letter I mentioned before, but I couldn't get the tone right...it always sounded too angry. Eventually, my aunt messaged the family chat, asking for confirmation from each person about their availability and willingness to go on the trip, and one by one everyone responded except for me. The moment came...I had to do something.
So I called my aunt. Crying, I came out to her, confessing that I'd been on hormones for a year (this actually happened the day before my 1-year hormone anniversary). She responded that she and my uncle weren't blind, that they had noticed something was up (or my mom had told them👀), and that no matter what, they still love me. She did say that she wanted to talk with me about this at some point to learn about my perspective, especially regarding my faith and how it was that my church and I had come to justify being trans/LGBTQ with what the Bible says (more on that later).
But she also understood my concerns regarding the trip, and she said there was no version of this trip that they would go on without me. But I needed to come out to my grandparents because there needed to be a reason for the trip to be called off all of a sudden.
So I gathered my courage, drove to my grandparents' neighborhood, and after a bit of hesitation, called my grandma. I asked if I could come talk to them, and warned that it was likely not going to be a happy conversation...I didn't want to blindside her.
So I came out to the two of them, sitting in their living room, and it went...better than it did with my parents?! I mean, let's be real, no one was necessarily happy about it, but no one yelled or stormed off in anger. My grandma told me she'd noticed something was going on too but just assumed I was gay (I mean...not in the way she thinks), and my grandpa, bless him in his 80 years of age, said that I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. (Imagine that!) And they both reiterated that they loved me.
My aunt had also asked if it was okay if she talked to her kids/my cousins about me being trans. Maybe I shouldn't have said yes because I don't know exactly what was said to them, but my oldest cousin, who is four years younger than me, texted me separately saying she and her husband-to-be loved me just as much as they did before and that she's "always make sure that [I] still feel loved and know [I'm] a valued family member".
And that's the story of how I came out to my mom's side of the family! My dad's side? TBD...but also less important because I don't see them very often.
Oh, one more thing: we're going to go on that cruise after all. My uncle asked the travel agent he was booking the cruise with if it was possible to change/update my booking information if all the identification changes that I'm hoping for happen, and she said as long as I've got updated documents by a certain date, they can be changed on the reservation. So now I just have a casual email from my uncle discussing my gender transition, which is surreal.
March 2023:
Coming out to my church choir director:
My church choir director had announced his retirement and impending move across the country, which was coming at the end of April. I had started making plans around this time to debut as Chelsea later in May, after he'd be gone, and I had a sense that I didn't want him to learn after the fact that I came out after he had left and think that I had waited for him to leave. So I wrote him a letter thanking him and coming out, and I gave it to him after rehearsal one night.
He emailed me in response the next day, expressing all the same joy and acceptance and love that my bible study class had shown, and he also asked if he could know my chosen name, which I happily shared, because at this point I'd gotten the name tags I mentioned before and had taken a picture.
I told him in the letter that I'd be stepping away from the choir for at least a little while once I started presenting as Chelsea, and he said he understood but hoped I wouldn't stay away for too long because "this is the most remarkable group of people" and "they will accept you however you choose to present".
April 2023:
My cousin's wedding but then ears pierced:
My cousin got married Easter weekend. Even though I was out to this side of the family, they weren't ready for me to be Chelsea around them, and to be honest neither was I, but that doesn't mean that I was happy wearing a men's suit. I drove the three hours back home late after the wedding so that I could be at my church's Easter events starting early the next morning. And the day after Easter? I got my ears pierced! They're still healing, so I haven't worn any cute earrings yet, but soon!
(By the way, I told my family about getting my ears pierced ahead of them seeing me a few days later. I didn't want them to notice them on their own and think I was trying to hide it. My mom texted my aunt about it, saying she wasn't handling it well, and my grandmother straight-up cried. They never said anything to me about them though. 🤷🏻‍♀️)
Coming out to the man whose writing brought me to my affirming church:
That book that I mentioned earlier, the one that my aunt said she would read? Well, the author of the book attends my church. Up to this point, I had only met and spoken with him once, back in January: he had just published a new book and was signing copies at church, so I went up to him and bought the new one, but I also brought my copy of the other one and told him that I was at this church because of him. I didn't tell him why, though.
At a dinner party saying goodbye to the retiring choir director, I found myself next to this author in line, and he mentioned a job opening that he thought I might be a good fit for because it was in my field, but what he didn't know (yet) is that I am trans and was leaving my job shortly and would be looking for something completely different.
I messaged him later that night, coming out to him, and he thanked me for confiding in him, asking if we could meet up for coffee or dinner sometime soon so he could hear more of my story.
May 2023:
Coming out to the church congregation at large:
My church has a weekly bulletin/newsletter that each week has a member profile in it, where church members share a picture of themselves and answer some questions so that the rest of the congregation can know them better. I had been contacted to participate in this member profile really early in my time attending the church but had refrained, probably not knowing at the time that I'd save my chance as my method of coming out to the church at large.
And on May 1st, I emailed the staff member who had made me the name tag with my chosen name on it my copy of the profile, including a picture of myself as Chelsea, and I requested a specific date later in the month to be featured. And she said yes!
A few days later, I had dinner with the author mentioned before, and we had a lovely time talking about my life path bringing me to this moment. I shared with him the picture of my name tag, and I also told him that I'd be making the switch to Chelsea in just a few short weeks.
Just a reminder that even though I was out as trans to my bible study class, I was still known as [deadname] and used he/him pronouns. I had only shared my chosen name with a couple of people; I had decided that I didn't want to make the switch until I could make it permanently with them. The week before the member profile was set to go live, I told my class that it was my last time attending church as [deadname], so they needed to keep an eye out on the upcoming newslettebulletin.
The newsletter went live on that Friday, and I was once again flooded with messages from my class expressing their love and acceptance of me, and they all told me they had updated their contact for me in their phones. I was also added to the women-only group chat, which I'd been invited to before but didn't want to join until I was officially Chelsea to them.
The night the newsletter went live, I had my first Chelsea test run. There's a couple in my class who I go see plays/musicals with on a regular basis, so I chose that opportunity to go out with them. I wore a black dress and ballet flats, and we went out for Thai food before seeing the play together. It's funny, before coming out to myself as trans, I'd crossdressed and gone out a few times over the years, but since starting HRT, the most I had done was wear femme pajamas at home and maybe tighter pants on occasion. I didn't even practice makeup on my own. So going out to the play as Chelsea was my first real experience doing so, and it went great and felt so good!
That first Sunday, I arrived with my nails painted navy blue, wearing a floral dress and makeup, and I was so at ease driving to church that morning. One member of my class had arranged for everyone to meet earlier than normal so they could celebrate me, so we had donuts and coffee together before class officially started, and many of them wrote notes of encouragement to me to take home and read later. Even our senior pastor stopped by to write a note!
As for the rest of the church? They were amazing! I met so many new people who wanted to come meet me after reading my member profile, and many of the people who I had already interacted with on a regular basis came up and hugged me, including the author I'd had dinner with and the staff member who had made me the name tag (that I was now proudly wearing) and my bible study teacher. So I am exclusively Chelsea at church now. 😊
Coming out to my coworker and leaving my job:
In other news, I finally came out to my coworker (we're teachers) and told him that I was leaving. I'd been at this school for 6 years, and 5 of them had been with him as my coworker. I knew that he would be affirming and supportive when I told him, but it was still really hard to tell him. For the rest of the school year, though, he was really careful to be sensitive to gendered language, even trying to leave the "Mr." off in front of my last name when addressing me in front of our students.
There was still one more week of school after I came out at church, which meant that after a full weekend as Chelsea, I had to go to work Monday morning as [deadname] again, which really sucked. My coworker even pulled me aside that first morning to acknowledge how weird it must be for me.
Packing up my office on the last couple of days of school was really hard. I was in the career that I had more or less envisioned for myself since I was 13 years old, and here I was at 31 just packing it up without knowing for sure what was next career-wise. There were definitely parts of teaching that really sucked, especially in the time since the pandemic, but I did still enjoy it a lot of the time. Saying goodbye was difficult.
Family update:
For Mother's Day, I had considered writing my mom and my grandma letters expressing understanding that getting used to the idea of me being trans was difficult for them, and saying that I hoped that I could start sharing more of myself with them soon, and signing it with my chosen name...which my family (aside from my brother) still doesn't know, by the way. But I decided my original letters were a little too much too fast (I mean, not really, but I was trying to be courteous), so I wrote shorter versions, and instead of signing with my deadname, I simply signed "C". There were lots of tears and mouthed "I love you"s from across the room.
I mentioned before that I used to go over to my parents' house once a week for dinner and hangout time, but ever since that day in February when I came out to everyone, I hadn't heard from my parents about coming over anymore. To be honest, it was probably just a lack of communication on both sides, but I felt that since we always met at their house, they should be the ones to reinitiate the weekly hangouts. They eventually did resume, more or less the same as they were before, but even though I'm still not dressing femme around them, now I'm more willing to wear shorts to show off my bare legs, or keep my nails painted, or not be concerned if they feel a bra strap or see my breast growth under my shirt. I even went to my grandparents' house my bare legs and navy blue nails, and no one batted an eye! Progress! I think the Mother's Day notes helped.
Meeting with my aunt to talk about me being trans and my faith:
I mentioned before that my aunt wanted to talk with me about my journey into my identity and Christian perspective on LGBTQ acceptance, and we did have that talk. She was in town for work and texted me asking if I wanted to have dinner with her, so we met for tacos and talked. She had read the book I mentioned before, and she didn't necessarily agree with what was presented in it, but she also didn't fully condemn it. We had a perfectly lovely, civil conversation.
June 2023:
Pride month update:
Well, here we are. I'm currently Chelsea a few times a week, which has been so much fun, but it has also made being [deadname] so much harder. With it being Pride Month, I'm really itching to officially come out to the world so that I can stop hiding behind [deadname]'s Facebook page and trying to save my family's feelings about my transition.
There's still one more friend who I haven't come out to yet, and I kinda want to come out to him (and to my dad's parents) before I make anything super public. Along with the friend who was the first person I came out to back in March of last year, this friend is one of my high school best friends, and we lived together in the 2+ years immediately preceding the pandemic. But while that first friend and I have both grown more liberal over the years, I don't know if the same can be said of this other friend, and I still fear his reaction. I don't want to lose a friend, but I know that I can't hide it much longer. Nor do I want to!
I'm actively searching for work, which always sucks. I need something soon though because my money situation is not super great. I have a paycheck from my teaching job until the end of August, but I'd really like to earn more money on top of that and double up while I can. I thought for a while that I would learn coding and become a programmer or web developer of some kind, but at the moment I'd rather find a job using skills that I already have rather than taking all the time to learn something completely new. I realize I didn't plan ahead for this very well, but I'll be okay.
The author I've mentioned several times is also a preacher, and this past Sunday he was out of town guest preaching at another church. That afternoon, he messaged me a link to the archived livestream of his message, telling me part of his sermon was about how I inspired him. 🥺 I've only watched it 50 times so far.
I've thought about using this video as a way of coming out to my friend, or to reveal my chosen name to my family (as well as the fact that I'm actively femme much of the time I'm not around them). I've also got a video recorded for the purpose of coming out on social media, though I might rerecord it or do something different when the time actually comes.
By the way, I went to my first Pride this last weekend, and my church had Pride shirts made and also had their own booth at the festival, giving out Pride versions of their logo stickers! I'm so lucky to be where I am, even though Texas be scary.
In any case, this was a looooooooooong post. If you read any of it, thank you for your time. Really, this was just therapeutic for me to get it all out of my head a bit, but as I mentioned before, reading others' trans experiences has been really helpful to me, so I hope others can find hope in my story.
I'm happy to answer questions if you have them. Otherwise, best wishes to you all - happy Pride Month!
-Chelsea❤️
P.S. - I don't know if the spoilers make this post easier or more frustrating to parse; I was hoping for expandable/collapsible blocks of text to make the post not as lengthy at face value, but I can't find a way to do that. If you need me to take the spoilers off, I'll do that.

My lists are always being updated and expanded when new information comes in—what did I miss or am I unaware of (even if the thread predates my membership in Reddit), and what needs correction? Even (especially) if I get a subreddit or date wrong. (Note that, other than the quotation marks, the thread titles are "sic". I only change the quotation marks to match the standard usage (double to single, etc.) when I add my own quotation marks around the threads' titles.)
The thread lists are in absolute ascending chronological order by the posting date, and if need be the time of the initial post, down to the minute (or second, if required—there's at least one example of this, somewhere). The dates are in DD MMMM YYYY format per personal preference, and times are in US Eastern Time ("ET") since that's how they appear to me, and I'm not going to go to the trouble of converting to another time zone. They are also in twenty-four hour format, as that's what I prefer, and it saves the trouble and confusion of a.m. and p.m. Where the same user posts the same request to different subreddits, I note the user's name in order to indicate that I am aware of the duplication.
This thread is about the recurring topic on Reddit.
For new owners of cats: askvet, kittens' "[META] It's kitten season! You found orphaned kittens or have a kitten in your care - now what? [2020]", cats, CatAdvice (no medical advice), catquestions, and PetAdvice for advice; thisismylifemeow, HandfulOfKitten (if it fits), IllegallySmolCats, and aww would also like see them; see https://www.reddit.com/Catsubs/wiki/index/ and https://www.reddit.com/suballthecats/wiki/index/ for lists of related subs (neither of which list is complete). Example for Catsubs: "other 200 subs to add" (13 October 2022).

• Gross, Terry (15 August 2019). "How Hannah Shaw, the 'Kitten Lady,' Rescues the Most Fragile Felines". Fresh Air. NPWHYY.

On:

• Shaw, Hannah, and Andrew Marttila (2019). Tiny but Mighty: Kitten Lady's Guide to Saving the Most Vulnerable Felines. New York: Plume. ISBN 9781524744069. OCLC 1099599649. Preview.

See also (per other Redditors' recommendations) her YouTube channel /c/KittenLady); and these:
CatTraining
PetAdvice

• "Both time for Smol group of criminals" (IllegallySmolCats; 8 October 2022)—How to bathe a kitten
• "I'm about to get my first kitty cat. What are some basic (or advanced) things I need to know to make her life better?" (whatisthisthing; 9 October 2022)—huge
• "Rescuing a mom cat and her kittens" (IllegallySmolCats; 19 October 2022)
• "smôl bathtime" (IllegallySmolCats; 11 November 2022)—How to bathe a kitten
• "dound it, no mom , it followed me home. what does it eat and how do manage it" (cats; 22 November 2022)
• "Ramsy gets a gentle cleaning" (cats; 14 December 2022)—longish; the video is from the Instagram account HeidiWranglesCats.
• "Husband and I don’t own a cat, but have mentioned we’re thinking of getting one. This is our Christmas haul. Now we need to get a cat. (Also would love some advice for a first-time cat owner!)" (cats; 09:13 ET, 27 December 2022)—huge
• "First time cat mom, bringing the dude home tomorrow. Any and all advice is welcome!" (cats; 17:02 ET, 27 December 2022)—long
• "Deaf cat advice: Hello all, I recently adopted this 7 year old floof and realized that she can't hear. I've never had a deaf cat so any tips on interacting and helping them feel safe would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!" (cats; 8 February 2023)
• "How can I get my cat to stop meowing 5000-15000 times a day (she meows every 2-40 seconds for the majority of the day and all night)?" (NoStupidQuestions; 2 March 2023)
• "We adopted a stray Mommy cat and her kitten a month ago, but her kitten is barely growing even when she's breastfed. How can I help her kitten?" (cats; 6 March 2023)—long
• "Found 3 kittens with their mom next to them dead. I assume they’re a day or two old. No idea if I can take care of them" (cats; 6 March 2023)—huge
• "HELP THIS CAT IS FOLLOWING ME WAY BACK HOME WHAT SHOULD I DO?!" (cats; 23 April 2023)—huge
• "I had to adopt this criminal without any preparation, does anyone have advice" (IllegallySmolCats; 15 May 2023)

Also:

• Cat labour – a guide to your cat giving birth—The People's Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA)
• What to do if you find kittens—The Humane Society of the United States
• The Big Fat Guide to Dechonking! (dechonkers; 9 November 2021)

WWE is saddened to learn that Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri, known the world over as WWE Hall of Famer The Iron Sheik, passed away on Wednesday, June 7, at age 81.
With his imposing physique, curled boots and dreaded Camel Cutch finishing hold, The Iron Sheik’s larger-than-life personality and natural gift for inciting crowds across the globe helped him become one of the greatest villains in sports-entertainment history. Yet, over time that awe-inspiring showmanship not only earned the respect of his peers, but the WWE Universe as a whole, making him a beloved figure.The Iron Sheik first excelled in the world of Greco-Roman Wrestling, competing in the Amateur Athletic Union and becoming a gold medalist at 180.5 pounds in 1971.
The Iron Sheik became WWE Champion the day after Christmas in 1983 when he defeated Bob Backlund in Madison Square Garden. The victory was a controversial one, as Backlund's manager Arnold Skaaland threw in the towel when Backlund refused to submit to the Camel Clutch.
After losing the WWE Championship to Hulk Hogan, The Iron Sheik engaged in a heated rivalry with Sgt. Slaughter culminating in their famous Boot Camp Match at Madison Square Garden. Soon after, The Iron Sheik teamed with Russian strongman Nikolai Volkoff. The anti-American pairing went on to win the WWE World Tag Team Championship in 1985 at the first WrestleMania.
The Iron Sheik left WWE in 1988 but reappeared in 1991 by the side of former enemy Sgt. Slaughter as Colonal Mustafa. His last in-ring appearance was at WrestleMania 17, as The Iron Sheik returned for one night only, winning a Gimmick Battle Royal and re-igniting his rivalry with Slaughter in the process.
The Iron Sheik remained a pop culture icon due to his bombastic online persona and appearances on “The Howard Stern Show,” “The Eric Andre Show,” and more.
WWE extends its condolences to The Iron Sheik’s family, friends and fans.

 
Source

I tried to keep it short but felt like you would need some background to understand the full situation.
The setting: I'm (57m), wife is (55f), we have 4 grown children and 13 grandchildren. My daughter (30f) twice divorced lives with us with her 5 children that she has full custody of. She's been here 7 years and just graduated Nursing school. All of her kids (15f, 13f, 12f, 7m, 5m)have lived in my house longer than anywhere in their lives, this is their home. My wife and I were empty nesting for about a year before she moved back in. She and the kids are not the issue. We used to have our other children and grandchildren over once a month or so to celebrate birthdays and just get together. So we enjoy having family around and we finally have a good routine with my daughter and grandkids in the house. The get togethers don't happen anymore, partly due to the situation that follows.
About 2 years ago I was finally able to locate a half brother and sister of my wife's (her mother put them up for adoption before she married). My wife knew about them, but never had contact. I never had enough information until her mother passed and we found clues. The brother passed in 1992. Her sister (58f) had a terrible childhood and her adoptive parents have passed. Fast forward a little and her half sister was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. After about 6 months of chemo, she couldn't take it and wanted quality of life over quantity and opted to stop treatment and go on Hospice. We live in Texas, she lived in the Boston area. Anyway, my wife decided to spend Christmas with her and intended to stay until she passed away. After a couple of months, the sister decided she wanted to be around family in her dying days and since she had no one except an adopted sister there, we moved her into our house, made a temporary bedroom out of the dining room. Figured we couldn't deny her dying wish and while we knew it would be difficult in our hectic lives, we could manage it for 6 months to a year.
Hospice covered most everything necessary, she's on disability and Medicaid. I've spent money on things, but that's not an issue. This was 2/2022. She gets here and she is in bad shape, where she was, Hospice was about to move her to a 24/7 care facility. We were concerned she could make the flight. The expectation was that she would live no more than 6 months. She's happy that we took her in, she doesn't smoke in the house, we have a very nice patio that she spends hours on every day. We can't enjoy it anymore because we can't stand the cigarette smoke. About 3 months after she moved here, Hospice says, your bloodwork and everything doesn't really match your "supposed" condition, we'd like to have you evaluated. So we get her into an Oncologist (actually my oncologist for the last 10 years) and he finds no trace of Cancer and no eminent heath issues to keep her on Hospice. SUPRISE! They kicked her off of Hospice, now she's on Palliative care, which really means nothing. As for positivity affecting your health, she has completely perked up and is more active, though she still can barely walk to the car without being completely winded. She manages to climb the stairs 1 or 2 days a week to get a shower. She does have COPD and smokes 3 cartons a month. Her pulmonologist gives her 1-2 years. Recently (2 weeks ago) my oncologist has said her Multiple Myeloma is back, but he thinks he can keep it under control with mild chemo pills. So probably the COPD will get her first. Last episode landed her in ICU for 4 days. She does have a DNR, and her pulse ox hit 37. We didn't think she would pull through, but she did.
So, my wife had me redo the room to a more "semi-permanent state" and make her more comfortable. Now comes the problems. She was given permission to "get onto" the kids (by my daughter) if they were doing something dangerous or something they know not to do. It was when she was in bad shape and appeared to be dying, so mainly it was if the kids came into her room or were outside by themselves. Now that she is not actively dying, she sometimes takes that privilege too far by our standards, like telling them what to do when their mother or others are in the room, sometimes for mundane things. Like when I, my daughter, and the kids were at the table eating. My wife was upstairs with a migraine (often) and the sister was just passing by, not eating with us and she stopped to tell the 7 year old boy (not so politely) to stop drumming something on the bench. She's not even sitting with us, just passing and it wasn't bothering any of us. I turned to her and sternly said he wasn't hurting anything. She decided to tell my 12 year old granddaughter something that her mother was not ready to tell her about. I made it clear that it is not her place to make those types of decisions for my daughter and not her place to raise my daughter's kids and my daughter has first say, then I and my wife.
But what really drives my daughter and I crazy is that she is in the dining room off of the kitchen downstairs which is also open to the living room where most of the day-to-day activities take place. She never sleeps more than a couple of hours at a time, so she's awake all hours of the day and night. She spends all her time walking from her bed to the back porch (about every 30 minutes) which takes her through the kitchen and living room. This means there is no escape except at night when we all go upstairs to bed. (all bedrooms are upstairs). The sister is constantly in everyone's business, commenting on everything, needing to know everyone's schedule, where they are going, etc. She stopped her trek to the patio one day around 12 and asked my daughter who was picking up the kids from school for no reason, she never goes with someone to do that, and I refuse to let her drive any of my vehicles. We do take her on outings if we feel she can manage it, but most of the time she doesn't want to go anywhere. My daughter is on constant guard feeling like she has to be hard on the kids, or leave the house to keep them from getting in trouble, even for just being kids (the youngest is 5 and mildly autistic). She tells me that the sister makes constant remarks through the day that feel passive aggressive. I also feel very self conscious (never have before) because the sister always has something to say. She comments on what I wear "oh, you must be going to the office today, or must be working from home today", "oh look, Papi's (my granddad name) not wearing shoes!", "Oh, Papi's naked!" this is if I happen to be not wearing a shirt, like going to the pool with the kids. In fact she always calls out that people are naked if they are missing a piece of clothing, it seems an odd statement to us. "I've never seen you eat oatmeal before." "You sound nasally this morning, you must be getting sick" "You should get that cough checked out." If it was conversation, it would be different. It's not conversation, it's commentary, like my life is being narrated! We feel like we have a mother figure over us all the time and we are becoming resentful and stressed. I go to the office more to escape, my daughter tries to do outings with the kids now that school is out. She will start a job when school starts, it'll be easier to work out childcare since we can't count on my wife. I've talked with my wife, who spends an average of 5 days a week in her cave due to migraines and not downstairs. My wife says we are being too sensitive. She defends this activity by saying that she had a hard life, has nobody, and has nothing to do, she just wants to be included. She doesn't realize she is causing her to be avoided and excluded. I feel like my wife is saying that I need to put her half-sister's needs over mine and my daughter's well-being. Her sister has been talking about planning to join my wife and I in our retirement plans of travelling, my wife has even told me how we could do it. I never planned on a second wife! I've already postponed my retirement date due to the financial impact. Part of me thinks I'll never retire so that I'll have an excuse not to be home.
I've wanted to try and talk to the sister. I feel if she understands that her "nosiness" and "parenting" is driving us crazy that she will try to address it. I had hoped my wife could talk to her, but my wife doesn't see the problem and is not good with confrontation, as well as not even realizing that it is a problem. I know we could get along civilly if we all understand and respect each other's boundaries. I think she would be happy in an assisted living situation where she would have activities and care, but my wife says she wouldn't want to go because what she could afford would not be nice and she wouldn't be allowed to smoke. So if that option is out, someone has to talk to her. I know I can, she and I talk on occasion and she has told my wife that she enjoy talking with me, but I'm not sure how to start and what exactly to say. My wife did say that she was going to find a counselor for us to go to and it would be something we could ask about, but obviously it is not a priority because after a month she still hasn't done it.
Advice on how to broach the subject and keep it civil. I'm sure there will be some hurt feelings, but I firmly believe if you approach a person with respect, you can work through it. It's not like she is intentionally mean to any of us. I really don't think she realizes how it is affecting us. Can't we all just get along?

I had three things on my mind walking home.
Firstly, figuring out how to get a ride back home. My best guess was that I was a good thirty minute drive from any type of civilization. There was a small possibility a car might come along from across the distance, but the chance they were heading in the same direction I was, was even slimmer.
I mean, I could probably manage to hotwire a car back at the farmhouse. But I didn't want to go back there. Not yet.
The second thing on my mind was my lack of shoes. The rocks were tough and sharp under my feet, scraping them raw with every aching footstep. I had settled on walking on the muddy, yet less painful, grass on the side. But I still wondered why. Of all the thing the man at the table could've taken from me, he took shoes.
It was a pretty clear answer, however. Mental games. He hires someone to drop me off in the middle of nowhere, with no feasible way of getting back. He knew the first thing I'd want to do is leave. So he took my shoes. He gave me two options, and he wanted to make one that displeased him hurt me, even if it was only in a small, petty way.
Mental games.
The last thing was that I had messed up. Badly. I had continually played into the man at the table's hand. He had always been two steps ahead of me and in hindsight, it was foolish of me to go confront him. I suppose I had visions of bravado, and of revenge, but all I had to show for it was one less arm, and a dead friend.
I can admit that I shouldn't have done that. But I can also change. One short phone call to the police, and I'd get rid of this nightmare. I had an address. I had a confession. I had evidence. And I had made up my mind. No longer I would face all this by myself.
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. No service. Great.
I continued walking for another twenty minutes, before I heard the roar of a car engine behind me. I turned around. There was a car peeking over the horizon, coming from where I came from, and going the direction I was going. Perfect. It was an old blue Chevy, that rumbled across the gravel, kicking up a plume of dust as it went.
I stuck my thumb out.
In that moment, I probably didn't look like someone you'd want to pick of the road, with missing shoes and only one arm, and all. But there was no harm in trying. I was hoping it was a kind farmer from hereabouts, heading to the main town to do some weekly shopping. The Chevy made its way to me, and I saw the driver eye me up and down, before pulling onto the shoulder of the road.
I opened the door and hopped into the passengers side, thanking the driver. He shifted his position to look at me. Well, rather look past me. He had short, cropped hair, three-day stubble, and a faraway look in his eyes, as if he couldn't rest his gaze, or if he was always searching into the distance.
It was the paramedic, from earlier.
I opened the door and got out. I wasn't doing this again. I would rather walk home. The paramedic drove forward a bit, cutting me off from the road, so that I would have to walk around his car to go forwards. I stopped walking. The paramedic got out of his car.
"Hey, Jonathan." He said, waving.
I didn't respond.
He moved forward towards me and extended a hand. I didn't accept it. He held it there for an uncomfortably long period of time, before placing it back by his side. "Look. We got of on the wrong foot here. The name's Michael. It's a pleasure to meet you again."
"The pleasure's all yours." I said, dripping with distaste.
He looked forward, his gaze shifting in and out of focus. "So. . .uh. You called 911. I can't let you do that."
"How did you know that?" I questioned.
He shrugged. "GPS tracker. In your arm. Shows us your location, and interferes with phone signals as well. Took the liberty of inserting it when you were out cold."
It wasn't a service signal problem, then.
He shifted position, and leaned against his car. "So, I'm going to set it to you straight. Come back with us. You obviously can't be trusted to not go back to the police. Let's make this fair. We're not here to hurt you. You said you'd work for us. Come back, Jonathan."
"And how would you stop me from going?" I said, tensing up for a fight.
He shook his head, looking hurt. He grabbed his keys from his pocket, and pressed a button connected to the keychain. I fell down in pain, as a sharp buzzing sensation shook my body, the intensity increasing ever few seconds.
Michael let go off the button. "I forgot to mention. The tracker also doubles as a. . .safety precaution. You just experienced setting three. Trust me, you wouldn't like setting eight." He tapped his eyes. "Messes up your internal hardware, as I'm sure you've noticed. Setting ten straight up kills you."
I automatically looked at my right arm. Inside of it, somewhere, was a small death machine.
"So, Jonathan. Will you come back?"
I didn't have much of a choice.
The drive back was uneventful, and spent mostly in silence. Every time Michael tried to start a conversation, I brushed him of with one word answers. I wanted to make it clear I didn't want to be here.
He pulled up the small driveway towards the farmhouse. The man at the table was sitting on the porch waiting for me. He knew I was coming. He tells me I have a choice in whether I leave or not, but I never really did. The illusion of choice.
Mental games.
He stood up to greet me as I got out of the car. "Jonathan! You're back! I am so glad to see you!" He waved me inside. "Come on in. I've got so much to tell you! The others are eating breakfast."
I walked in with him, towards the dining room where I had first met him. Seated around the table, there was a large group of nineteen people eating bacon and eggs, and various other breakfast items.
I knew most of them.
There was Sgt Langley, slathering some butter on bread. She smiled and waved at me as I came in.
Eddison was sitting beside her, pouring milk into a glass. He turned away from me, not wanting to look me in the eyes, I suppose. He was embarrassed to be here.
There was various other people I had seen in my time in the field,. Other paramedics and police officers, politicians, journalists, doctors and surgeons. All sharing a pleasant meal together. In the house of a murderer.
The man clapped his hands from behind me. "Ok, everyone! Let's make Jonathan feel welcome around here. He's the latest Keeper, but we're still expecting many more"
"Welcome, Jonathan." A unison of voices said.
I scanned the room, my throat dry and constricted. This was too much.
The man walked away and beckoned me towards him. He continued to walk through the house, pointing out every room, and giving a rundown of the layout. A kitchen, two living rooms, and three bathrooms spread across two stories. There was also a couple of bedrooms inside, but it seemed to me everyone was sleeping in tents outside.
He then took me down to the basement. "This is where the magic happens." He said, with a wink.
It was as I left it. A large operating table covered in dried blood filled the middle of the room. It was surrounded with various machinery, and tools. It was a stark contrast between a sterile IV machine on one side, and a rusted saw hanging of a nail on the other. And in the middle of it all were cameras, set up on tripods around the room.
I inspected one more closely. "What are the cameras for?" I asked.
The man chuckled slightly. "How else do you think I get the money to pay for all of this?"
I turned around to face him, the cogs clicking in my head. "You. . .sell videos of people being tortured."
He smiled. "You get it. Torture porn is extremely popular in some places of the internet. It's not the main reason I do this, of course. But it helps the cause. The video of your arm being sold, for example, was sold for just shy of five thousand." He clasped his eyes behind his back, seemingly very pleased with himself. "I cut paid to cut off a few legs, and then I have the money to cut off more than just legs. It's an endless cycle. It's perfect. You've seen firsthand the fruits of this system." He nodded towards the door on the side, still marked with elephant.
He continued. "That's where I keep my work-in-progresses. Of course, it's empty now. Which is a shame. He was shaping up to be my best elephant yet. No matter, we've got a cat picked out and coming in soon."
I shuddered at the way he talked about Thompson with such blasé. As if what had happened to him was a natural, everyday occurrence. It sickened me. There was no way somebody could do this all day, and believe themselves to be good.
There was something else as well, burning in the back of my mind. "You said before that the night my sister was kidnapped, she was doing something that I didn't know. What was it?"
He was silent for a moment. "How close were you with your sister?"
I shrugged. "Close enough. We talked about once a month, and came over every Christmas."
"Do you know what she did for work?"
"Yeah. She was studying something. Some sort of advanced anesthetic. She never worked it out, however."
"She did." He simply said. He waited for me to process that before continuing. "I met Alice on an online forum. From the beginning, she fascinated me. She talked about how the world was corrupt and poisoned by humanity, and her ideas for rebirth and restoration. She had plans, Jonathan. So many plans. Everything you see here is a result of her work. We met up at one point and clicked. She was perfect. She was smart. And she was mine."
"Then. . .why did you kill her?" I asked.
I could see his eyes clouding up, as if he was on the verge of tears. "Her anesthetic didn't work as intended. Instead of removing pain, it increased it. The way it truly works is beyond me, but even a little dose causes the most unimaginable pain. It feels as if your body is being removed from the inside and replaced with fire, atom by atom. Death would be preferable. But that's the thing, the anesthetic one small side-effect. It's downright impossible to die when the effects take hold. You just have to endure through the pain."
"So all the people I saw. . .?" I let my question trail of.
"It's easy to manipulate someone's body when they don't have the strength to retaliate, nor the capability to die." He paused, his body quivering with each shaky breath. "Alice wanted to be the first. She wanted to be the pioneer as the world transitioned into her vision. I begged her not to, as there were other, more suitable candidates. But she insisted.
And so we staged a kidnapping. There was no evidence because there was no struggle. There was nothing. She came to this farmhouse, and was the first person to be operated on that table. I spent years placing toothpicks in her skin, while she was drugged up under her special anesthetic. She pushed through the pain, and continued to talk to me. Sharing ideas that I would have never thought possible.
She told me to find others. In places of power. And if they wouldn't join willingly, then find a way to force them. Soon enough, they would come to realize we're working for the benefit of humanity. She told me to create animal-human hybrids to begin with. An evolution of our species. And the last thing she told me, before I laid her to rest in a park, was to find you. To hire you. To change your vision. And here you are."
I stood in silence. I, in fact, didn't know what to say. Everything that I though I knew about my sister was shattered in an instant. It was possible the man was lying. There was no way she really was a some sort of insane fanatical, hell-bent on torturing people.
It just wasn't the person I knew.
And yet, everything made sense. I didn't want to believe him, but I didn't see any way that I couldn't. He was right, and I knew it.
The man looked back at me. "Come, Jonathan. I've got one more thing you need to see."
He led me up, out of the basement, and through the back door. He led me past a large vegetable garden, and rows upon rows of tents, most of them unoccupied.
They were expecting many more.
I followed him past a fireplace, with upturned stumps placed in a circle around it, to the large barn behind the farmhouse. It was painted a classic red with a sloping roof, and white barn doors. I could hear various noises emanating from inside, different loud sounds, moans, and scrapes, seemingly as if a large machine was inside.
Or a large number of people.
"This," The man said, gesturing at the barn. "Is my crowning achievement. My life's work. It is the beginning of the vision that Alice had for the world. This is where your induction will take place, and you will become a fully fledged Keeper. You will learn to be a bringer of justice, and a waymaker into the new world."
He walked in front of me, and opened the large doors., letting me take a glimpse inside. It was dark and musky. "Welcome, Jonathan." He exclaimed. "To the human zoo!"
I stepped inside.
The smell hit me like a tidal wave. It smelled strongly of blood and fetid remains that permeated the air like a blanket. It gave me a nauseous feeling, and sent my head whirling, as it tried to breathe in clean air. It was no use. I felt a rush of bile spill out of my stomach and into my throat. I turned to the side and threw up onto the floor. And judging by the mess down there, I was not the first.
There was rows upon rows of cages, all lined up from wall to wall. In each cage there seemed to be. . .someone, and by the looks of it, most of them were already dead. Each cage was labeled with a different creature name. There was a worm, who had all of her limbs removed, and seemed to have segmented body parts every couple of inches, and was forced to crawl around by using her head as an anchor.
There was various dogs and cats, long needles inserted into the cheeks in place of whiskers, they had everything below their elbows and knees removed, forcing them to walk on all fours. Other human-animals had parts of their bodies elongated or exaggerate, turning them into various creatures. It didn't seem possible to look like that and live.
All of the inhabitants of the human zoo were filthy and ragged, cramped up in small living conditions and forced to eat small portions of what looked to be rotting meat, only fit for animals. When I walked past, they looked up at me with sorrowful, pleading eyes. They wanted freedom, just like Thompson. They were broken and they were hurt. But they seemed resigned to the fact that they were going to live out the rest of their lives here. There was no resistance in any of them. There was no struggle. They had all given up.
This place was hell.
It was hard to think clearly, the smell continued to invade my brain, and dampening my vision with black patches. My heart was pounding in my chest, a result of the horrors that laid before me. I couldn't breath. I couldn't move. This was all too much.
The man continued walking forwards. "This is where I hold all current specimens, before I decide to release them into captivity. And this is where you and all the other Keepers will work, feeding the specimens, continuing their evolution, and cleaning their chambers."
My blood boiled. He didn't care about the pain he caused. Nothing fazed him. "You're treating people like animals! This is inhumane!" I yelled at him.
He looked at me with disappointment. "Look at them. They are animals. This is all for the cause, anyways. Later on they will be glad to learn that they were the first steps in the evolution of humanity."
He led me forwards, until we ended up at a massive hole in the floor, in the middle of the barn. It was about ten meters in diameter, and the bottom seemed to stretch downwards for five or so meters. There didn't seem to be any way in or out.
The man spoke. "This is where every Keeper before you has proved themselves worthy of Keeper status. Your induction begins now."
I felt a large shove on my back. The momentum carried my body over the edge of the hole, with my feet quickly following suit. In an instant reflex, I covered my head with the nook of my remaining arm, and leaned forward, hoping to catch the grunt of the fall on my knees, before rolling away.
I landed with a large thump, which sent volts of pain rippling through my body, and spread me flat across the ground. I laid there, still. The breath was taken out of my lungs, and my knees felt if they had shattered. I tilted my head up, to get a clearer look at where I was. A small, dusty hole, in the middle of a barn where people went to die. Nothing special about it.
There was movement in the corner of my vision.
It was something circling me, walking with a slight strut, and over-the-top movements, as if it was hard to stay balanced. Every step it made caused a sharp clacking sound to echo throughout the hole. I slowly got up, despite the pain. I swiveled my body to the side to get a better look, even if it was under dim light.
The first thing that made itself clear was that the thing had no neck. Its head ended at its shoulders. The second thing was that it had no eyelids. It stared at me with large, unblinking eyes, taking in every movement. The third was the sharp, steel talons that protruded from every fingertip.
And then it opened its wings. It spread its arms out wide, to reveal a quilt-work of human flesh stitched together under its arms. It looked at me for a few moments, head cocked, arms in a display of aggression, then it swiveled its head around. A full one hundred-and-eighty degrees. I was looking at a human owl.
The owl lunged forward, talons aimed directly at my chest. I lunged to the side, fearing for my life once more since the past few days. I wasn't fast enough. Its talons ripped through my clothes like butter, and left three large gashes across my chest. I ignored the pain, and immediately turned around to face the owl. The penalty for letting my guard down would be death.
The owl was still facing the inner wall of the hole. It twisted its head around to face me, its large eyes looking at me with an intense hatred. I panicked, and hopped backwards, aiming to avoid another attack from the owl. But then I came to my senses. If I was going to survive, I knew I had to make a move right away. The longer I tarried, the weaker I would become, and the lower my chances of living through this would become.
I threw myself at one of its wings, hoping to bring the owl down. It avoided me. In a lapse of judgement, I forgot to realize there was still a human under all of that, wanting to avoid death as much as I did. I rolled backwards, and leaped to my feet. The owl lunged at me again, talons extended. My first instinct was to dodge once more, but I suppressed it. The owl would be expecting that. I instead waited until the last moment, and threw myself into the steadily approaching owl.
I caught it off guard.
The owl flailed backwards, stumbling under my weight. I dug my fingers in the small gap between its head and shoulders, and started tearing of the stitches that held them together. The owl continued to thrash, realizing what I was doing. It dropped to the ground, and tried to claw me of its back, but couldn't reach because of its wings.
I continued to tear. One after another. I could feel the tension loosening. Another couple minutes of this, and I would be home free. The owl's movements started to decrease in intensity, and hit seemed to realize the battle had been won. I removed on last stitch, and the rest of the owl's head came of easily, dripping with blood.
I threw it to the ground and collapsed, exhausted.
I woke up in one of the bedrooms. My chest hurt like hell. I sat up in the bed, and pulled the covers away. There was three large scars across my chest, painful and tender to the touch, but obviously treated by someone. I looked outside a nearby window. It was the dead of night. I couldn't hear any noises inside, so I assumed everyone was outside in a tent, sleeping. Everyone except the man. He was sitting in the chair, and simply watching me sleep.
Mind games.
He looked at me as I stood up and raised an eyebrow. I began to walk over to him, despite the pain. He clasped his hands together. "Well done. You are now a Keeper."
I continued my slow journey.
"You asked me once what my main purpose was in doing all this. It's for everyone. You. Me. All the peoples of earth. Humanity is the highest lifeform. I am treating it as such. With my guidance, and your help, humanity will enter a new era. A new evolution."
I still made my way towards him. Everyone's outside. I'm alone with him.
"This was your sister's vision, and then it became mine. I am eager to see it become yours." He tensed up in his chair slightly. "This is not the only human zoo out there, we have spread our philosophy, and we are many. But go ahead, kill me. Continue the cycle. You will follow your sister's footsteps and lead the world into salvation."
I didn't think about it twice. I grabbed a vase of the bedside table and ran at him, weapon raised. There was a flash of fear in his eyes. Clearly, he didn't actually expect me to do that. He wasted precious seconds fumbling for his key chain.
I swung the vase onto his head.
He pressed a button on his keychain.
The jolt of electricity struck my entire body. The pain was so much worse then I had previously experienced. Each separate buzz sent my entire body thrashing against itself. I tried to push past the pain, and get a hold of the button, but I couldn't move by myself, let alone think.
Setting ten will straight up kill you.
My vision turned a searing white. I could feel my organs vibrating within myself. The pain was endless and unrelenting. This was how I went. The electricity was frying my insides, turning it into a liquid mush.
And then it stopped. It took a while to regain my vision, but even then it was unfocused and blurry. The man was still lying on the ground, breathing but unconscious. Pieces of the vase were still ingrained into his skull, sending small trickles of blood down his face. I removed one and slit his throat. It wasn't the death he deserved, considering all that he did.
But it was what he got.
I stumbled out of the room, to see Eddison pouring what looked like to be gasoline on the floor. I tensed up, ready for another fight. He put the gasoline can down and put his hands up.
"Hey, man. You can relax. I'm the one who helped you out there. You would have died if it wasn't for me."
I scanned his face, and I believed him. I put my fists down.
He continued. "I hated it here as well, but I could never find an opportunity to strike back. What you did was very brave."
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Blowing up this fucking hellhole." He simply said.
We worked together for a few hours, silently and in the dark. He had almost finished with the farmhouse, so we moved onto the barn, and finished with the tents. We ended up at Michael's car, and Eddison handed me a lit match. Signifying that he wanted me to do it.
I didn't give a damn anymore. Everything could burn.
I threw the match into a puddle of gasoline, and quickly drove of with Eddison, before the small fire turned into a raging inferno. We were about two miles out when the night sky was lit up in a burst of white light.
It was done.
Eddison turned to me. "Where are we going, then?"
I gazed into the rearview mirror, watching the horizon be engulfed in flame. There was the wail of firetrucks moving in from the distance. Someone must have called it in. I looked forward, at the gravel road in front of me, pondering the question.
"Home."
x

TWBS Previous Next First
-
---Simone’s perspective---
---Sunday, 24th of December, 2682 Terran Calendar---
---Southern England---
“You wanted to see me, Ma’am?” says the pretty redhead in her melodic, Scottish accented English, as she pokes her head around the door to my office.
“Yes… come in and sit down, Reid.” I answer, looking up from my work.
She walks across the room and takes a seat in front of my desk.
Fixing her with both my natural and bionic eyes, I plant my elbows in front of me and tent my fingers before saying “It’s about your survival excursion, Reid…”
“What about it, Ma’am?”
“In light of the recent incident, I’m willin’ to reverse my decision and send you to the Amazon with Pvt Everard, if you want.”
She gives a wry smile “You going soft on me now, Ma’am?”
“I’m bein’ considerate, Private… Don’t throw it back in my face!” I say, allowing a little danger into my voice.
Her back stiffens as she says “No, Ma’am… I… err… I just don’t really understand the reason, Ma’am.”
Normally, I’d say that it isn’t my job to explain myself to Privates but, in this case “What happened to you was a terrible injustice… A man like that shoulda been weeded out in the psych eval stage and deemed unfit for service… I apologise on the Military’s behalf that that was allowed to happen… I don’t want to tell you how to feel but… it would be understandable if you were a bit apprehensive about bein’ secluded for five days with a tall, muscular man… I know it weren’t Taylor who attacked you, I know that he was the one that saved you… but phobias ain’t necessarily rational. It would be needlessly cruel to send a newfound androphobe on a five day survival mission with a man. Addition’ly, since the incident, you’ve been workin’ better with Taylor… you obviously still don’t actually like the guy… but you’ve at least been able to tolerate him. I’ve not seen or heard about anything worse than a little bickering between you two, since then… So, your choice, go with Pvt Taylor to Interior Sahul… or go to the Amazon with Private Everard?… Neither of ’em have to know that I ever made you this offer, Reid…”
Her mouth twists as she stares at the ceiling, considering my proposal.
“I appreciate it, Ma’am… but I think I’d like to refuse.”
Surprised, I say “Oh, really?… Why’s that, Reid?”
“I think it might cause a little strife in my dorm if Private Bailey found out I was paired with her girlfriend for the survival excursion. Don’t want to get myself in the middle of a jealous lovers’ spat, Ma’am(!)”
“OK, what about pairing you with another female Private? Smith? Willoughby? LeClerc?”
She smiles and shakes her head “I really appreciate it, Ma’am… but it’s fine! I’ve got no apprehension about Taylor’s intentions and, to be honest, I think it’d feel like giving up to back out now! Like I’d lost to him… Also, I don’t like the guy but even I can see that being paired with him is good for my training… I’m trying harder than I would otherwise, learning things that I wouldn’t otherwise… I think I want to stick with Taylor for the excursion, Ma’am.”
Really shocked by the girl’s refusal (though not quite so shocked at the part that stubbornness seems to have played in her reasoning) I say “Well… Alright then, noted! You’re free to go, Private.” waving to the door and turning my head back to my desk.
She gets up and begins to leave.
She stops at the door and says “Ma’am…?”
“Yes, Private?”
A broad grin breaks over her face as she wishes me “Merry Christmas, Ma’am!”
Mirthfully, I say “Get outta here, Private!”
She disappears, shutting my door behind her.
---Oskar’s perspective---
---Sunday, 31st of December, 2682 Terran Calendar---
---Interior Sahul---
Just where I always wanted to spend a New Years Eve, Day and 18th birthday: Scorching, in one of Earth’s few remaining desert ecoreserves with a girl who hates me for no reason(!)
She’s not been as bad since what happened on our watch night… but still takes almost every opportunity to needle me and get under my skin!
I’m honestly a little shocked that Sands didn’t offer her the opportunity to do this excursion with a girl after what happened…
Making Reid spend the best part of a week with a man she recently watched beat her attempted rapist more than half to death seems a little harsh!
I guess that’s an Army Drill Sergeant, for you… Can’t get soft on us or we might lose our respect for her!
The capsule comes down on a patch of land, fairly indistinguishable from that that we’ve flown over for the past five minutes, since it past from the agricultural zone into the Great Sandy Desert Reserve, hot and scrubby.
The two of us step out of the cool, airconditioned capsule, through a billowing wall of heat and onto the coarse, red sand.
Between us, we’re carrying only eight objects, other than the clothes on our backs and the tracking devices sewn into them: a knife each, an empty canteen each, a compass each, a single plastic sheet for water purification and a single emergency recall beacon to be used in case of life-threatening emergency.
Activating the beacon is an automatic failure of the survival training.
I allowed Reid to be the one to take it, I didn’t say anything… just took a knife, a canteen and a compass and left it on the table for her to pick up.
I would never try anything on anyone (least of all her) but, after what happened with Forest, I thought it was best not to put myself in the position where I might be able to hold the ability for her to call for help hostage!
The military capsule takes off and begins accelerating far faster than it would if it were anywhere near a city.
I see a vapour cone form in its wake and, a few seconds later, hear the boom of it exceeding Mach 1.
Not really having the time to spare to watch it disappear over the horizon, I turn to Reid and placidly say “Let’s find somewhere to take shelter. It will be midday in a few hours and we’ll get sunburned if we’re out of the shade.”
She gives no answer but a curt nod before walking off.
---Esme’s perspective---
I’m walking along behind the tall, dark haired boy… really trying to find something to look at or think about besides his broad shoulders, thick arms and shapely arse.
He is a pompous ass but damn if he doesn’t have a rockin’ bod(!)
“You know, dude… we could, I don’t know, chat…?” I say, looking out to the landscape to my left, so as not to have to look forward.
“What would we talk about, Reid?” he asks, flatly, without turning to look at me.
“Well… I don’t know… we’re gonna be alone together until the morning of the 4th… Gonna be mighty awkward if we don’t say a word to eachother the whole time…!”
“We can talk when we need to communicate regarding matters of survival… I don’t know why you would want to talk to me otherwise…”
“Oh, nooooo… Wouldn’t want to distract yourself from becoming the perfect little soldier(!)”
He doesn’t respond to that except to say “There’s a pool over there… we should collect some water…”
He steers us in the direction he just pointed where, I presume, the water is, as I can’t see over the brush like he can.
“Be careful at the water’s edge… there may be crocodiles in it…” he says, as we come out onto the shore of a small lake.
I roll my eyes as I feel it’d be so easy to spot crocs in the crystal clear water that there’s no need to say it!
He scans the water as we approach.
Crouching down, he dips a finger in and brings it to his mouth.
“Tastes fine… but we should purify it in a solar still anyway, just to be sure.”
“Oh, lord forbid we deviate from the book even slightly(!)” I say, sarcastically, bending down to fill up my flask.
Ignoring me, he caps off his own flask before clipping it back to his belt.
We walk on for some time.
“There’s a cliff up there which might be a good place to find a cave to hide in… you know, if sheltering in caves is acceptable to you and not forbidden by some obscure part of the survival manual that only you’ve read…(?)”
Taylor stops dead…
I might have walked into him if I weren’t cutting him such a wide berth.
He turns to look at me, his normally placid face frighteningly angry.
“What is your problem with me, Reid!?… As far as I’m aware, all I’ve done is exist near you?!… Were we sworn rivals in a past life and you’re the only one that remembers it(?!)… Am I the last descendant of a Christian witchhunter who tried to burn you alive in the 16th Century(?!)… I struggle to believe that this could possibly be explained just by you being jealous of how much better I am at soldiery than you! Especially because you don’t exactly make a secret of your contempt for all things military!… So?… Let’s have it!… Why!?”
Utterly taken aback by the outburst, I’m stunned into silence for a few moments as my mouth flaps open and closed, failing to find any words.
“You… you showed up early…” I manage, eventually, having just realised, the moment before I said it, how feeble a reason it sounds.
Looking utterly confused he answers “That’s IT?! You hate me for being here when you think I don’t have to be?! Just for that!?!?!?”
“It’s what my mam and dad did, alright!!!” I shout, angrily and defensively “They dumped me off at an orphanage and fucked off down the recruitment office to volunteer to serve before they’d been drafted! They were both dead within months of when they finished their training because the UTC had deemed them little more than fodder for the meatgrinder that was holding the Cordon at bay!… When I got the news, I swore that I was going to live every second of my life that I could!… Not like you! You waltzed into the military like you’ve been preparing for it since the War started! Like you’ve been living in bootcamp since before you hit puberty!… Posh, little pretentious Englishboy who acted like he had no greater aspiration than being cannonfodder! ‘I didn’t believe I would make a good Officer, Ma’am!’…” I imitate his accent and wobble my head pompously “…Looking down on the rest of us who aren’t here by choice! You just got right under my skin!… Did you not have any friends, any family who might’ve wanted to spend the last months before you got drafted with you?!”
He clenches his jaw, his lips pursed above his sharp chin.
“My mother died last Summer…” he says, flatly “…two months later, my father hanged himself… I was the one who discovered his body… I had nothing to stay in Bankland for after that… so I enlisted.”
Guilt punches me in the stomach as he points out what should have been obvious… he had his reasons and they were none of my business…
“I’m sorry, Taylor… I…”
“I’m also not English… I’m a Doggerlander… my father was a Frisian, my mother was Scottish, same as you…” he says, sternly.
Dogger island is, in my view, basically just an extension of England… but I don’t say that, instead answering “You… uhm… you sound quite English…?” lamely.
“Aye! An whin Ah speik Scots, Ah sound Scots!” he answers in flawless Lallans with a Fifer accent that, presumably, matches his mum’s.
“I’m… sorry… Taylor…” I say, my face hot with shame.
“Words are fairly cheap, Reid… I don’t want your apologies… I want you to lay off!”
I nod, not meeting his eyes and quietly answer “Aye… I’ll lay off, Taylor…”
“Good…” he says, turning to resume walking “…Now, as you said, I think we should look for caves in the base of that cl-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!”
His agonised scream terrifies me more than the long, thin tube of scaley, brown flesh that just lunged from the bush, sinking its teeth into his ankle.
---
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TWBS Previous Next First

Because Kagayaki Yomatsuri will show silhouettes for the next perm (and possibly the next Noir, as Constellation Gradation showed Blanc on Day 1 and Christmas lims on Day 2)
Results!

CINDERELLA FES NOIR

• Arisu Tachibana: They really don't want to wait for Episode 12, huh?
• 12m7.5 Vocal Cinderella Magic: What pattern will we have?

CINDERELLA FES BLANC

• Chie Sasaki: They deliberately did this to coincide with Episode 8 of U149.
• 7h4.5 Visual Motif: Why does Syuko have to deal with lolis? (Looking at 6m4.5 Visual Groove builds)
• Kaoru Ryuzaki: At last, she has something for a limited! Plus we got a double fes bexause I suspected having only 1 new item for Select Shop.
• 7h4.5 Visual Refrain: Didn't we just got a Passion Refrain the month before?

MONTHLY LIMS

• Sachiko Koshimizu: At long last we got an SSR for a U149 supporting character!
• 6m4.5 Vocal Alternate: Just one more!
• Kako Takafuji: That starts the Group B gacha rush to remove them from potential rewards from the event song.
• 6m4.5 VoDa Mutual: Seikan Sekai Forte is officially destroyed.
• Yoshino Yorita: Same as Kako, but for Group C.
• 4h3 Vocal Overdrive: Yui Mutual builds just got better.

And now for the predictions.

CINDERELLA FES NOIR

Last year saw deviations such as:

• Takumi started the "three consecutive same-stat" order
• Rin changed the type order

As a result I'll be putting three patterns for the next Noir Fes

• PATTERN A: Cute 12m7.5 Vocal Cinderella Magic, the month after will be Passion 12m7.5 Vocal Cinderella Magic, and after that will be Cool Dance Cinderella Magic
• PATTERN B: Passion 12m7.5 Visual Cinderella Magic, the month after will be Cute 12m7.5 Dance Cinderella Magic, and after that will be Passion 12m7.5 Vocal Cinderella Magic
• PATTERN C: Cute 12m7.5 Visual Cinderella Magic, the month after will be anything really

PATTERN A

• Yukari Mizumoto

PATTERN B

• Shin Sato

PATTERN C

• Uzuki Shimamura

Yukari is my choice for Pattern A. As it stands, she fits all the Noir Fes conditions: must have a Blanc Fes, must have 2 lims (idols with 2 perms have their Noir as their 6th or later SSR), must not have a 3rd lim before a Blanc Fes (just look at Frederica and Mayu), must be voiced before Mirei (we still need to wait for either Riamu or Hajime before anyone voiced after Mirei can get a Noir), must reach 340 days of waiting.
Shin is my choice for Pattern B. As I said above on Kako, they're releasing SSRs for Group B members to reduce the reward pool for the event song.

CINDERELLA FES BLANC

Clearly they changed the rotation because of 8th Anniversary Fes, and I don't think there's enough Cute candidates worthy of it.
Also since Chie and Kaoru don't have a duo unit, partial unit double Fes is now possible (e.g. Natalia/Yuzu and Tsukasa/Miyu double fes).
7h4.5 Visual Refrain

• Kotoka Saionji

I picked Kotoka for this one because clearly they'll release a Kotoka Fes in the middle of Ruby Countess event (although with Nanami Yamashita withdrawing, we're uncertain despite it being too late to change the set list).

MONTHLY LIMS

The rotation has changed, again.
New rotation for this month and the next is:

• July: Cute Overdrive/Cool Random/Passion Mutual
• August: Cute Mutual/Cool Overdrive/Passion Random

The next month's theme is... Tanabata!

Cute

4h3 Visual Overdrive

• Shiki Ichinose
• Hiromi Seki
• Chiyo Shirayuki
• Kanako Mimura
• Momoka Sakurai

I put a lot of names here because with the exception of Chiyo most of them are ineligible for next month: Shiki already has Mutual AND a swimsuit lim, Kanako already has Mutual, Hiromi has a 6m4.5 Ensemble and no idol holds a Mutual, Alternate and Ensemble of the same timer, and Momoka is only 12 and swimsuit lims have a lower age limit of 13.
I'm going with Chiyo here because she would match Chitose, plus they might go for Halloween Lipps, and finally give Momoka the Christmas lim she finally deserves.

Cool

7h4.5 Dance Ensemble

• Karen Hojo

11h7.5 Dance Life Sparkle

• Nao Kamiya

I went with Karen simply to guarantee an Ensemble. If she does indeed get it, she would complete Trichromatic Naturel Ensemble SSRs, and make Integral out of a 7h4.5 Dance Noir build.
Nao is my second choice. This will remove Nao from the possibility of being Group C reward.

Passion

6m4.5 DaVi Mutual

• Hinako Kita
• Takumi Mukai
• Hikaru Nanjo

Hinako and Takumi are because of recent commu recordings.
Hikaru is the CM release commemoration slot.

BONUS: Fourth Wave of Perfect Support SSRs

Rei Shinohara started a new batch of Perfect Support SSRs, and with Cross Center skills even. So here are my choices.
9h4.5 Vocal Perfect Support

• Koharu Koga

15h7.5 Visual Perfect Support

• Kiyomi Saejima

I think a lot about gift giving with her and my family. She is very big on giving “useful” gifts and somewhat luckily over the last ten or so years insists on lists from everyone for Christmas/birthdays and says she will only buy what’s on the list (she also loves to conveniently forget anyone’s gift for her and screech that “no one ever gets me anything!!” But that’s a post for another time). And she does utilize the list but then she will make some small change so it’s not actually the item you wanted. But it’s on the list YOU provided so you can’t be dissatisfied. And if you are, she gets to pitch a fit (“you don’t appreciate anything I do!!!! I’m just a HORRIBLE mother trying to give my child what she wants!”)
Here’s an example: in high school I really wanted a specific brown purse. I wanted it to be an “every day” bag that would go with everything! And my mom got me the bag…..but in hot pink. Hardly an “every day” look. But of course I couldn’t say a word because it was an expensive (for my family) bag and I did ask for it (but in brown)…..
When I bought my first home, she wanted to make me something (she sews). So I bought some fabric and asked for some pillows. Pretty harmless I thought. Wrong. She added trim around the pillows that doesn’t match the fabric and I hate but now what do I do?? She MADE me the pillows! (It doesn’t help that I think her taste and style is tacky). It’s just so frustrating and I felt like I had a lightbulb moment today……she does these tiny changes on purpose. So she can get the reaction she wants that allows her to pitch dramatic fits and have the “oh nooooo mom it’s great! It’s perfect! I love it!” Wondering if in her mind she translates that to “you’re great! You’re perfect!”
Does anyone else experience this? Gift giving/exchange with borderlines just seems like a giant minefield and the opportunity for drama they crave.

Meta Description: Discover how to buy fashion items for women at affordable rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng. This comprehensive guide walks you through the process, from creating an account to placing your order. Find trendy and budget-friendly clothing, shoes, accessories, and more. Explore the FAQs for common concerns. Start shopping on ileoja.ng and elevate your style without breaking the bank.
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Contents
Introduction. 1
How to Buy Fashion Items for Women at Affordable Rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng. 2
1. Visit ileoja.ng. 2
2. Create an Account. 2
3. Explore the Product Categories. 2
4. Refine Your Search. 3
5. Check Product Details. 3
6. Add to Cart. 3
7. Proceed to Checkout. 4
8. Enter Shipping Details. 4
9. Choose a Payment Method. 4
10. Place Your Order. 5
Why Sell Fashion Items for Women on ileoja.ng?. 5
Wide Customer Reach. 5
Targeted Audience. 6
User-Friendly Interface. 6
Marketing and Promotional Support. 7
Secure and Trusted Platform.. 7
Seller Support and Assistance. 7
Competitive Fees and Commissions. 8
Seamless Order Fulfillment. 8
Factors to Consider When Selling Fashion Items for Women. 9
Target Market Analysis. 9
Trend Research. 10
Quality and Durability. 10
Pricing Strategy. 10
Branding and Differentiation. 11
Online Presence and Marketing. 11
Customer Experience and Service. 12
Inventory Management. 12
Feedback and Adaptation. 13
When is the Best Time to Sell Fashion Items for Women on ileoja.ng?. 13
Seasonal Trends. 13
Festive and Holiday Seasons. 14
Fashion Weeks and Events. 15
Back-to-School and College Season. 15
Special Occasions and Weddings. 15
Sales and Clearance Events. 16
Customer Behavior and Analytics. 16
Frequest Asked Questions (FAQs) on How to Buy Fashion Items for Women at Affordable Rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng. 17
Conclusion. 19

Introduction

Fashion is an integral part of our lives, allowing us to express our individuality and showcase our personal style. However, finding affordable fashion items for women in Nigeria can sometimes be a daunting task. That's where ileoja.ng comes in. In this article, we will explore how to buy fashion items for women at affordable rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng, a leading online marketplace that offers a wide range of trendy and budget-friendly options. Whether you're looking for stylish clothing, accessories, or footwear, ileoja.ng has got you covered.

How to Buy Fashion Items for Women at Affordable Rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng

ileoja.ng provides a user-friendly platform that allows you to browse through an extensive collection of fashion items and make your purchases with ease. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to buy fashion items for women at affordable rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng:

1. Visit ileoja.ng

The first step is to visit the official website of ileoja.ng. Simply open your preferred web browser and type in "ileoja.ng" in the address bar. Press Enter, and you will be directed to the homepage of the website.

2. Create an Account

To enjoy a seamless shopping experience on ileoja.ng, you need to create an account. Look for the "Register" button on the homepage and click on it. Fill in the required details, such as your name, email address, and password. Once you've completed the registration process, you'll have your own personal account on ileoja.ng.

3. Explore the Product Categories

Now that you have an account, it's time to start exploring the wide range of fashion items available on ileoja.ng. The website offers various product categories, including clothing, shoes, bags, accessories, and more. Click on the desired category to browse through the available options.

4. Refine Your Search

To find the perfect fashion item at an affordable rate, you can use the search filters provided by ileoja.ng. Narrow down your search based on factors such as price range, brand, size, color, and style. This will help you find the best options that match your preferences and budget.

5. Check Product Details

Before making a purchase, it's essential to carefully review the product details. Click on the item you're interested in to access its dedicated page. Here, you will find information about the product's materials, sizing, availability, and customer reviews. Take the time to read through this information to make an informed decision.

6. Add to Cart

Once you've found a fashion item that meets your requirements, click on the "Add to Cart" button. This will add the item to your virtual shopping cart, allowing you to continue browsing for more products or proceed to the checkout process.

7. Proceed to Checkout

When you're ready to complete your purchase, click on the shopping cart icon at the top of the website. Review the items in your cart and ensure that everything is correct. You can also apply any applicable discount codes or vouchers at this stage. Then, click on the "Checkout" button to proceed.

8. Enter Shipping Details

During the checkout process, you'll be prompted to enter your shipping details. Provide accurate information, including your name, address, phone number, and any other required details. Double-check the information to avoid any shipping mishaps.

9. Choose a Payment Method

ileoja.ng offers various secure payment options to choose from. Select your preferred payment method, such as debit card, credit card, or bank transfer. Follow the on-screen instructions to complete the payment process securely.

10. Place Your Order

After successfully completing the payment, review your order summary one last time. If everything looks good, click on the "Place Order" button to finalize your purchase. You will receive a confirmation email with the details of your order.
Congratulations! You have successfully purchased a fashion item for women at an affordable rate in Nigeria on ileoja.ng. Now, all that's left to do is sit back, relax, and wait for your stylish new purchase to arrive at your doorstep.
You checkout other post on how to buy fashion items for men in Nigeria on ileoja.ng
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Why Sell Fashion Items for Women on ileoja.ng?

In today's digital age, online marketplaces have revolutionized the way we buy and sell products. One such platform that has gained significant popularity is ileoja.ng. With its wide range of fashion items for women, ileoja.ng offers a lucrative opportunity for sellers to showcase their products to a vast customer base. In this article, we will explore the reasons why selling fashion items for women on ileoja.ng can be a rewarding venture for aspiring entrepreneurs and established businesses alike.

Wide Customer Reach

One of the primary advantages of selling fashion items on ileoja.ng is the platform's extensive customer reach. With a large user base and a growing number of visitors each day, ileoja.ng provides sellers with the opportunity to showcase their products to a wide audience. This increased visibility can significantly boost the chances of making sales and expanding your customer base.

Targeted Audience

When it comes to selling fashion items for women, it is crucial to reach the right audience. ileoja.ng caters specifically to individuals looking for trendy and affordable fashion options. By listing your products on this platform, you can target customers who are already interested in purchasing fashion items. This increases the likelihood of attracting potential buyers who are actively seeking the products you offer.

User-Friendly Interface

One of the key factors that contribute to the success of any online marketplace is its user-friendliness. ileoja.ng is designed to provide a seamless shopping experience for both buyers and sellers. The platform offers intuitive navigation, easy product listing tools, and efficient order management systems. Even if you are new to online selling, you can quickly adapt to the platform's interface and start listing your fashion items without any hassle.

Marketing and Promotional Support

Selling fashion items on ileoja.ng comes with the added advantage of marketing and promotional support. The platform invests in advertising campaigns and promotional activities to attract more customers. By listing your products on ileoja.ng, you can leverage the marketing efforts undertaken by the platform, thereby increasing your product visibility and sales potential. This saves you the time and resources required to market your products independently.

Secure and Trusted Platform

Trust and security are vital factors when it comes to online transactions. ileoja.ng prioritizes the safety and security of its users. The platform incorporates robust security measures to protect customer and seller information, ensuring a safe and trustworthy environment for conducting business. This sense of security helps build trust among buyers, leading to higher customer confidence and increased sales for sellers.

Seller Support and Assistance

As a seller on ileoja.ng, you can benefit from the platform's seller support and assistance. The dedicated support team is available to address any queries or concerns you may have throughout your selling journey. Whether you need help with product listings, order management, or resolving customer issues, the support team is just a message or call away. This level of assistance can be invaluable, particularly for sellers who are new to online selling.

Competitive Fees and Commissions

Selling fashion items on ileoja.ng is also financially rewarding. The platform offers competitive fees and commissions, allowing you to maximize your profits. With transparent pricing structures and reasonable commission rates, you can ensure that your hard-earned revenue remains intact while taking advantage of the platform's extensive customer base and marketing efforts.

Seamless Order Fulfillment

Efficient order fulfillment is crucial for customer satisfaction and repeat business. ileoja.ng streamlines the order fulfillment process, making it easier for sellers to manage their inventory and promptly ship products to customers. The platform provides clear guidelines and tools for tracking orders, generating shipping labels, and managing returns or exchanges. This streamlined process minimizes potential errors and ensures a smooth customer experience.

Factors to Consider When Selling Fashion Items for Women

Selling fashion items for women can be a profitable and rewarding venture. However, the fashion industry is highly competitive, and it's essential to consider various factors to ensure the success of your business. Whether you're an aspiring entrepreneur or an established seller, this article will explore the key factors to consider when selling fashion items for women. By understanding and implementing these factors, you can effectively navigate the market and maximize your chances of success.

Target Market Analysis

Before diving into selling fashion items for women, it's crucial to conduct a thorough analysis of your target market. Understand the preferences, needs, and purchasing behaviors of your potential customers. Consider factors such as age group, style preferences, price range, and geographical location. This analysis will help you tailor your product offerings to meet the specific demands of your target market, ensuring higher customer satisfaction and increased sales.

Trend Research

The fashion industry is ever-evolving, with new trends emerging regularly. Staying up-to-date with the latest fashion trends is essential when selling fashion items for women. Conduct thorough trend research to identify popular styles, colors, patterns, and materials. This knowledge will guide your product selection and help you offer trendy and in-demand fashion items to your customers. Stay connected with fashion publications, influencers, and industry events to stay ahead of the curve.

Quality and Durability

In the competitive fashion market, quality and durability are key factors that can set your products apart. Invest in sourcing high-quality materials and work with reliable manufacturers and suppliers. Ensure that your fashion items are well-crafted, durable, and capable of withstanding regular wear and tear. Delivering quality products will earn you a reputation for excellence and encourage repeat purchases and positive word-of-mouth referrals.

Pricing Strategy

Setting the right price for your fashion items is crucial for sales success. Consider factors such as production costs, market demand, competition, and perceived value when determining your pricing strategy. Striking a balance between affordability and profitability is essential. Conduct market research to understand the price range for similar fashion items in the market. Offer competitive prices that appeal to your target market while ensuring your business remains profitable.

Branding and Differentiation

In a crowded marketplace, effective branding and differentiation are essential for standing out from the competition. Develop a strong brand identity that resonates with your target market. Craft a unique selling proposition (USP) that highlights the distinctive features of your fashion items. Whether it's the use of sustainable materials, innovative designs, or a specific niche focus, find ways to differentiate your brand and create a memorable impression on your customers.

Online Presence and Marketing

In today's digital age, having a strong online presence is crucial for the success of your fashion business. Create a visually appealing and user-friendly website or online store to showcase your fashion items. Utilize social media platforms to engage with your audience, share product updates, and create a community around your brand. Implement effective digital marketing strategies such as search engine optimization (SEO), content marketing, influencer collaborations, and targeted online advertisements to increase brand visibility and attract customers.

Customer Experience and Service

Providing an exceptional customer experience is vital for customer satisfaction and brand loyalty. Ensure that your customers have a seamless shopping experience, from browsing your fashion items to making a purchase and receiving their orders. Offer multiple communication channels for customer inquiries and support. Provide detailed product descriptions, accurate sizing charts, and high-quality product images. Promptly address customer concerns and provide efficient after-sales service, including hassle-free returns and exchanges.

Inventory Management

Efficient inventory management is crucial for maintaining a steady supply of fashion items and avoiding stockouts or excess inventory. Implement inventory management systems that allow you to track product quantities, monitor sales trends, and make informed purchasing decisions. Regularly analyze your inventory data to identify popular products, slow-moving items, and seasonal trends. This data-driven approach will help you optimize your inventory and ensure a healthy balance between supply and demand.

Feedback and Adaptation

Listening to customer feedback and adapting your strategies accordingly is a key factor in the long-term success of your fashion business. Encourage customers to provide reviews and ratings for your fashion items. Pay attention to both positive and negative feedback, as they offer valuable insights into customer preferences and areas for improvement. Use this feedback to refine your product offerings, enhance your customer experience, and adapt your marketing strategies.
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When is the Best Time to Sell Fashion Items for Women on ileoja.ng?

Timing plays a crucial role in the success of any business, and selling fashion items for women on ileoja.ng is no exception. While the online marketplace offers opportunities throughout the year, there are specific periods when sales tend to soar. In this article, we will explore the best times to sell fashion items for women on ileoja.ng. By understanding these optimal periods, you can strategically plan your inventory, marketing campaigns, and promotions to maximize your sales potential.

Seasonal Trends

One of the key factors to consider when determining the best time to sell fashion items for women is the seasonal trends. Fashion preferences and needs change with each season, and aligning your product offerings with these trends can significantly impact your sales. For example, during the spring and summer months, customers are likely to be looking for lightweight dresses, sandals, and vibrant accessories. In contrast, fall and winter call for cozy sweaters, boots, and cold-weather essentials. By adjusting your inventory and marketing strategies to match the seasonal demands, you can attract more customers and generate higher sales.

Festive and Holiday Seasons

Festive and holiday seasons are known to be prime selling periods for fashion items. Events such as Christmas, New Year's Eve, Valentine's Day, and other cultural and religious celebrations create a surge in consumer spending. During these times, people are more inclined to purchase new outfits, accessories, and gifts. Capitalize on these festive seasons by offering special promotions, discounts, and themed collections. Plan your inventory and marketing campaigns well in advance to ensure you have a diverse range of fashion items that cater to the specific needs and desires of customers during these celebratory periods.

Fashion Weeks and Events

Fashion weeks and events are significant milestones in the fashion industry, attracting attention from fashion enthusiasts, influencers, and media outlets. These events showcase the latest collections and set trends for the upcoming seasons. As a seller on ileoja.ng, it is advantageous to align your product releases and promotions with these fashion weeks and events. Capitalize on the buzz and excitement generated during these times to increase brand visibility and attract customers who are eager to stay on-trend.

Back-to-School and College Season

Another opportune time to sell fashion items for women on ileoja.ng is during the back-to-school and college season. As students prepare to start a new academic year, they often seek new clothing and accessories to make a stylish impression. This period presents a great opportunity to target young customers who are looking for trendy and affordable fashion items. Offer special promotions, discounts, and student-friendly collections to attract this demographic and increase your sales.

Special Occasions and Weddings

Special occasions such as weddings, parties, and formal events create a demand for elegant and sophisticated fashion items. These events often require attendees to dress up and make a fashion statement. As a seller on ileoja.ng, you can leverage this demand by curating a collection specifically tailored to special occasions. Offer a wide range of formal dresses, evening gowns, accessories, and shoes that cater to various tastes and budgets. Promote your special occasion collection ahead of the event season to capture the attention of customers planning their outfits in advance.

Sales and Clearance Events

While it's essential to focus on peak selling periods, it's equally important to capitalize on sales and clearance events throughout the year. ileoja.ng and other online marketplaces often host sales events such as Black Friday, Cyber Monday, end-of-season sales, and flash sales. These events create a sense of urgency and excitement among customers, driving them to make impulse purchases. Participating in these events by offering discounts and special deals can help you attract bargain-seeking customers and clear out excess inventory.

Customer Behavior and Analytics

To determine the best time to sell fashion items for women on ileoja.ng, it's essential to analyze customer behavior and data. Utilize analytics tools to track customer engagement, website traffic, and sales patterns. Identify trends in customer browsing and purchasing behavior to understand when your target audience is most active. Use this data to schedule promotions, product releases, and marketing campaigns during the times when customer engagement and conversions are highest.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) on How to Buy Fashion Items for Women at Affordable Rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng

Here are some frequently asked questions about buying fashion items for women at affordable rates in Nigeria on ileoja.ng:

1. Is ileoja.ng a reliable platform for buying fashion items?

Absolutely! ileoja.ng is a trusted and reliable online marketplace that prioritizes customer satisfaction. They have a reputation for offering high-quality fashion items at affordable rates, making them a go-to destination for fashion enthusiasts in Nigeria.

1. Can I return or exchange a fashion item purchased from ileoja.ng?

Yes, ileoja.ng has a return and exchange policy in place. If you're not satisfied with your purchase or need a different size or color, you can initiate a return or exchange request within the specified timeframe. Make sure to carefully read the terms and conditions of the policy for a hassle-free experience.

1. Are there any discounts or promotional offers available on ileoja.ng?

ileoja.ng frequently runs special promotions, discounts, and sales events. Keep an eye on their website or subscribe to their newsletter to stay updated with the latest deals. This way, you can grab your favorite fashion items at even more affordable rates.

1. Can I track the status of my order on ileoja.ng?

Yes, you can easily track the status of your order on ileoja.ng. Once your order has been shipped, you will receive a tracking number that you can use to monitor the progress of your delivery. Simply enter the tracking number on the courier's website for real-time updates.

1. How long does it take for the fashion items to be delivered?

The delivery time depends on various factors, such as your location, the shipping method chosen, and the availability of the product. Typically, ileoja.ng strives to deliver fashion items within a reasonable timeframe. However, unforeseen circumstances or external factors may sometimes cause slight delays.

1. Can I contact customer support if I have any questions or concerns?

Absolutely! ileoja.ng has a dedicated customer support team that is available to assist you with any queries or concerns you may have. You can reach out to them through their website or contact them directly via email or phone. They are committed to providing excellent customer service and ensuring a positive shopping experience for all their customers.

Conclusion

Buying fashion items for women at affordable rates in Nigeria has never been easier, thanks to ileoja.ng. With its extensive collection of trendy and budget-friendly options, you can find the perfect fashion pieces to enhance your wardrobe. By following the step-by-step guide outlined in this article, you can navigate the ileoja.ng platform with confidence and make your purchases hassle-free. Start exploring the vast array of fashion items available on ileoja.ng today and elevate your style without breaking the bank!

My FUT journey started back in FIFA 13. I got it for Christmas, and through YouTube (KSI, W2S, AirJapes, Nepethez, Kazooiee… you name it), I got introduced to the game.
Back then I was just a kid, no credit card or anything like that. Having one IF player made your team elite. Gold Messi/Ronaldo were essentially the same price from Start to End. You could rip a silver squad through Division 1. Cutting back across goal wasn’t called being a rat, it was called being sweaty, and people did it ALL. THE. TIME. You think going down the wing and cutting back is a new phenomenon? So wrong! Don’t believe me, go watch a KSI video from 2012.
Before moving on, let me take you down memory lane…Mayuka, Agbonlahor, Wallyson, Benteke, Pato, Wellinton, Felipe Santana, David Luiz (End Game CB despite being common gold), Akinfenwa, Ramires, Di Natale, Miccoli, Emenike, Kelvin…I could go all day. No SBCs, no Objectives, TOTY was basically the only promo, and there was just one. Skilling was hilarious, finesse shots were broken, near post OP…..it was a pure madness, shithouse game that was fun as all hell and just not. that. serious.
After Fifa 15, life was getting too busy to put time towards the game. So, put FIFA to bed, went to college, got a job, and fast forward 8 years later, I got back into it along with a couple of old friends for nostalgia’s sake. I am lucky enough (lotta hard work to be fair) to have a comfortable job, so figured I could use that to buy packs and avoid grinding. I just wanted to play for fun. Little did I know what I was getting into…
I bought a couple million coins (yeah, whatever), bought a bunch of fun players, and figured that the high rated squad I had back in Jan - Feb would be enough to last me through the game. I couldn’t have been more wrong, as the players are insane for the first week or two, then started playing like normal golds. This is the conspiracy theory I think is most responsible for the game’s current state. You are rewarded for getting new players with juiced up stats behind the scenes, and when that wears off, you want to get new players again. I fell into this trap, bought coins again, and got banned from the transfer market because I did way too much, way too fast. Only then, when I literally couldn’t buy or sell any more players, did I realize how ridiculously insane the game (and my own mentality) had become.
In its current state, FUT is absolutely, positively, fucking, CRAZY. There are a million posts a day on this so I won’t harp on it, but compared to the game 10 years ago, it’s unrecognizable. Grinding 10s of boring squad battles games for fodder? 500k packs? Absurd objectives for XP that lead to nothing? Not getting XP per game, forcing people to do shit spread out over months instead of letting them play on their own time? Ass servers? The refs literally never calling blatant fouls? Terribly timed updates? Logging in every day to get two 81 overalls? A "community limit” on overpriced packs to create false scarcity? The toxicity surrounding Champs? EA's general incompetence? They could have literally one employee monitor this (not so big) subreddit who could ID and fix changes as the players point them out. It’s insane! FUT is not a game mode for someone looking to have fun, and the casual player is dead.
Guys look — variety is good. It’s cool that they have so many different players in the game. Go to FUT 13’s Futbin page and rank by rating, the 10th best player is probably 93. That’s a joke by todays standards. High rated players are now easily affordable. But EA’s exploitation of gambling addiction and people’s propensity for liking colorful cards has taken a casual, fun game, and turned it into a fucking disaster for anyone who doesn’t have 2+ hours a day to grind.
To be clear, this isn’t a rant. I only play the game for fun and just try to score fun goals. I have a great team, I play Rivals, and if someone is cooking me, I just quit and find a new match. I don’t care about my record, or my striker’s Goals/Game ratio, etc. I play to play, and that’s about it.
If anything this is a sad reflection on what the game has become.
Not that anyone cares, but I’ll see y'all in August when they apparently hand out high rated cards like candy. Stay strong brothers, avoid breaking out the credit card at all costs, and remember that video games are supposed to be a break from your stressful reality, not the other way around.
Happy summer!

Lunar Near Year: OxGlittering Noel BowsBad Kitty HeadphonesSoft Plush AntlersChristmas Celebration Headband2022 Celebration HeadbandVegan Dove FascinatorSpring HornsLucky HeadbandSpinning Web BoppersBat TophatJack-O-Lantern BoppersVampires HeirCute Kitty EarsSkull CrownRainbow Diamonds EarringsSparkly Christmas Bell EarringsFur CollarSantas BeardCute Carrot NoseFluttering Butterfly SleevesHeart Necklace (Left)Over The Rainbow SleevesFashionable Round FramesChocolate Lucky CoinLucky Bow PinDangly Rainbow EarringsRainbow VisionBat EarringsSupernatural Hoop EarringsIced Ginger Bread EarringsReindeer CrossbodyLeprechaun BeltMagical Fairy LightsFather Christmas Present BagPolar Cutie Leg WarmersVersailes Snow Powder CoatMix Matched Stripe SocksCherry Blossom BodiceTreasure SatchelMerry Sparkly DressGood Tidings Shawl CapePresent DisguiseWarm Glittering CLoakCandy Cane SwordsCherry Blossom BodiceAdorable Lace Up Doll BootsThigh High Princess Ice BootsGlowing Pumpkin WandGlittering Jelly Platforms
Sorry if it looks messy :')Most of these items are 3k, but I don't mind if you want to nyp instead!

Heard this years ago being sung by kids at a public school along with other Christmas songs. It was the only one I didn't recognize. I think the lyrics were about looking in at someone's fireplace through the window from outside and wanting to come in. It reminded me of the little match girl story, but I don't know if it's related. It doesn't match any of the match girl songs I have found.

Sharing my experience in hopes that some people might find it helpful. I would TL;DR it but you know.
I was a gifted kid. Not genius gifted or anything, just above average smart enough to end up in the gifted programs in school for my whole ride.
There wasn't really an AD/HD diagnosis back then. I'm now fond of saying my diagnosis was "you're smart. you just need to apply yourself."
Unsurprisingly, I now understand, it wasn't an easy ride despite many things that I was lucky enough to have to help cushion.
⚠️ May get tough for some people here. It turns out ok. I'm alive, hapily married, a happy step dad, we own our house outright and it looks like I may be able to get away with part-time work when I go back. I'm very very lucky. However the story may be activating for many reasons starting here.
I am a straight cis white guy from the suburbs. I'm still that. My upbringing was middle middle class. My parents were fucking awesome. Smart, supportive, hard working genuinely good people. I can say without fear of contradiction that you would have loved them.
These things were and are unimaginable advantages. Whatever kind of asshole I am, it's not the kind of asshole that doesn't appreciate that unambiguous fact.
I was a nerd in school. Introverted. Shy. My hair was never not a mess no matter what I tried. I was tall and strong but not athletic. Just not graceful. To this day I hate pictures of myself. Hate them. I had a small circle of friends. Other nerds. I couldn't talk to girls. I got crushes that I only now am starting to understand the intensity of. I didn't do anything bad. I pined silently with only the occasional clumsy harmless effort.
Smart enough but couldn't focus on things like homework. Teachers would either have some sympathy and tell me the aforementioned just apply yourself things or just be frustrated as fuck with me. I understand both. I would pass tests because the information made it into my brain somehow sometimes. Arrogant because I needed to hide a shit ton of insecurities. Passive. Luckily (again) I was big enough that you couldn't actually punch me. The closest I had to a fight in high school ended quickly when I picked the other kid off his feet and threw him into some lockers. Geek rage, you know. The video would get hits now.
Depression, anxiety, feelings of being an outsider ensued. Still there. Niche obsessions. Weirdly specific fixations. Hobbies that I was just plain not good at. Still there.
First career was the Postal Service. I was a carrier in the 90s. Great gig. The mechanical nature of sorting mail eventually clicked. The physical part of the job came easily enough and was beneficial. Tough work environment though and I bet it still is. I eventually turned rarely rouser and burned bridges. Wanted out.
Fell for a multi level despite the clear to anyone but me fact that I wasn't a people person. Floundered a while and then fell for a self improvement/cult. (Statues. Buildings. Places where historical things happen...seriously hit me up if I can help with that.) Ended up taking a job with them at their corporate HQ in a different city. Learned(ish) a trade (number crunching) and worked there for 12 years altogether.
The stuff never really took and was always uncomfortable. Turns out you can't draw out the inner extrovert if it isn't there. Rules, rhetorical rituals, secrecy always bothered me. Luckily life happened and I met my wife. Online dating because I still had no game. Worked out awesome. We fit together really well and through a bunch of rough stuff I'm about to talk about we've been solid. My stepson is cool as fuck. He's grown and he has special needs. He's with us (now in a very happy awesome way) and likely always will be. He has some repetitive stuff and some fixations on uncomfortable stuff that can sometimes really mess with me. Obviously not his fault and like I said he's cool as fuck.
My wife had him very young. Raised him herself despite having shitbag parents herself and is my hero and yours.
I did cop to being an asshole of some kind. Lucky is the kind.
We decided eventually that despite my non-existent education (community college dropout) ten years at a job with a respectable title would be enough to get me a job in the city where we wanted to live. I'm a decent interview in that I can put on the persona. The aforementioned advantages helped in the vast and immeasurable way that they do. In desperation I took the first offer.
They weren't good people either. I could go on but the sum of it would be that my rigid understanding of the rules of accounting didn't match their more situational interpretation, and that my inability to make fast friends and go along to get along frustrated the fuck out of them. They fired me in an unclassy way three months in and I went through a rough patch.
Living on savings in a new city was scary. I was positive I'd fucked up our lives. Looking for work with a dinged resume and no confidence was tough. Each morning I went through the places you go through and if I wasn't on an interview I was disassociating with cable news. Caught a break on a confidence restoring temp gig because a middle aged white guy will. Got another career gig and life was more or less good. Lower middle class in an apartment and some penny pinching but good.
Then it all crumbled. My wife's father died. Not a surprise but fuck cancer. Then my best friend killed himself. A bad story (obviously) but also a shockingly unlikely one. Then my mom died. Just kinda passed in her sleep randomly. Then my other best friend died. PTSD related and I'll never have any compression of it. Then my brothers wife went to her doctor complaining about a persistent cold and came home with a stage 4 diagnosis. Pancreatic just like my father in law. Then my dad died. He was walking around distraught and thinking about my sister in law and slipped and fell. He was gone the second his head hit the tile. Then my sister in law died. My brother now raises two teenagers himself and is my other hero and yours. Then my mother in law died. She was in very bad health for a long time and was also an absolute shit parent for many reasons. Then my wife's stepmother died a few days later. She was a much better parent and a really impressive person. Then my wife's brother died. He did not have an easy life (severe mental illness) and though it kinda could have happened anytime, he was in a good place at the time and it was a shock. It also happened a week before Christmas.
This all happened between Fall of 2019 and winter of 2022.
Messed me up pretty badly but the story turns here. Both those things are extra true.
I was unequiped to deal with this kind of trauma. I had anxiety and depression that came from the undiagnosed AD/HD that to me was just "why am I like this?" to me. Self improvement/human potential cults don't teach healthy coping skills. A life chosen later in life knowing it would always be a little tougher got too tough. As our financial situation changed for the worst possible reasons and kind of kept doing so, a planned month or so vacation from work because the job had started to suck and I now have a very solid resume turned into a year and change. Legal self medication and long periods of disassociation listening to podcasts ensued.
We bought a fucking house. A nice one too. My stepson has a badass basement apartment and is flourishing. My wife and I each have a sanctuary room. Hers is soothing and beautiful. Mine is a dark dive bar with 80-something 5x7 pictures of things that make sense to nobody but me decorating the walls.
Then I started getting help and meds.
The antidepressant raised the floor. The lows are not nearly as low. Depression will always be there but it's no longer something I worry may kill me one day. The anti-anxiety med makes it less overwhelming. Anxiety will always be there but it's no longer something I worry will turn me recluse one day. The AD/HD med has given me some moments of clarity that are awesome but alien to me. The various squirrel chasings will always be there but I no longer worry that I'm a fucking lunatic. The therapy has been indescribable. Understanding why the hell I did this or that takes the mystery and a lot of the sting out of cringe memories. I'm never not going to be kind of a weirdo but I'm so much more comfortable being one.
All this to say: You can figure this out.
I'm not particularly tough. I had advantages and didn't toughen up young. My story is rough but many many people have gotten through tougher ones with fewer breaks. Mine ends with our dream house and the relief of knowing we have something to leave the kid.
You, the person reading this, are tougher than me. The help and support is there and you have the courage to get it.
Get support. Grant yourself some squirrel time now and then.
Sorry. That was a lot.