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2011.02.04 03:46 rhiz0me Biodiesel


2023.03.21 02:56 investigatingheretic On the Undefined/Open Spleen

On the Undefined/Open Spleen
Like all undefined centers, the undefined Spleen has its gifts and its handicaps. It has immense potential as a place of victimization, and a profound potential as a center of wisdom and sensitivity. There is nothing or no one more physically sensitive than an undefined spleen. Such people have an immune system that is essentially open, and like a sponge, they soak up the general level of physical health and well-being wherever they go. There is a Human Design joke about undefined spleens, which is that they make wonderful doctors but lousy nurses. The joke hides a profound truth about the nature of an undefined Spleen, because being so open, it is a natural barometer of health in others, thus its great potential is diagnostic rather than soothing (which, in turn, is a benefit of a healthy defined spleen). The other side of the undefined Spleen is that it soaks up ill health as well as good health, which means that eventually, it becomes ill itself if it remains in an environment that is unhealthy.


Whenever you see an undefined Spleen center, you know two things about these people. They do not consistently feel good, and they are deeply impacted by fear. The undefined Spleen is here to process and learn from fear. It would be true to say that their whole life process is tested by fear, and as long as they accept this, they can become wiser and stronger. A person with a defined Spleen is not without fear, but it is under control, because due to the frequency of the Spleen center, which is about being in the now, the fear is constantly counterbalanced. However, undefined Spleens have to learn to see fear as their ally rather than their enemy. They also have to understand that in addition, they take in and magnify other people's fear. Thus if they deal with fear in a healthy way, they have to confront every single fear they have, going through them one by one, so that they become less and less afraid until the fear is gone. Each fear that they mastered makes them stronger and they can reach a point, eventually, where they are absolutely fearless. But first, they have to honor their fear without trying to suppress or fix it.


One of the greatest places of conditioning in Human Design is the undefined Spleen and its inconsistent pattern of feeling good and feeling bad. Because of this vulnerability, people with undefined Spleens can spend a lifetime being conditioned to feel good and bad by the energetics of others. If you have an undefined Spleen this does not mean that you will never feel good. What it means is that you will have to go through all the things in life that do not feel good, in order that you then learn about all the things and people that do make you feel good. With an undefined Spleen, you can become very sensitive to your environment, because you gain a vast amount of experience by taking in the ill health of others – be it mental, emotional, or physical. One golden rule of Human Design is that all human beings always seek out what they are not. For the undefined Spleen, feeling good can be the greatest trap of all, because whoever or whatever makes you feel good may not be right for you.
Imagine for a moment a woman with an undefined Spleen. This woman grows up feeling uncertain and fearful about her environment. Her husband has a defined spleen and also happens to be an alcoholic. Thus, every time the husband comes back into the house, through conditioning, the woman immediately begins to feel safe and good about herself again. However, the husband is a drunk and over time becomes abusive. Naturally, this relationship is unhealthy for the woman, but because of the conditioning to her undefined Spleen, she cannot escape the vicious circle. The very person that abuses her also gives her the illusion of stability and feeling good. Life is filled with such examples of co-dependent relationships, and the majority of them are because one partner has an undefined Spleen and the other has a defined Spleen. In such cases, it is typically the partner with the undefined center that becomes the neediest.
All human beings seek out what they are not. There is nothing more attractive to someone with an undefined spleen than the idea of being spontaneous. And there is nothing more dangerous to their well-being than being spontaneous. This is a basic mechanical truth for the undefined spleen, and it is their Golden Rule. These people simply are not designed to be spontaneous. They can never trust the now. Undefined spleen people ignorant of their own mechanics are immensely attracted to spontaneity, always trying to find the feel-good factor and make the fear disappear. But they pay a high price for that. In order to decondition an undefined Spleen, first of all, you have to overcome the drive and temptation to be spontaneous in life.


People with undefined Spleen centers are invariably interested in their own health or the health of others. If you have an undefined Spleen, your immune system is by nature vulnerable. However, being vulnerable does not mean that it has to be unhealthy or that it is in any way weak. It is very important again to remember that undefined centers always carry within them a potential for wisdom; in this case, to be wise concerning one's health and wellbeing. If someone with an undefined Spleen is living according to their design, they will be naturally cautious about what they eat and about what kind of medicines they use. They may tend to be much more holistic in their approach than someone with a defined Spleen. For instance, they are far more likely to have a greater tendency towards being a vegetarian, or towards homeopathy or alternative medicine.


The great gift of the undefined Spleen is sensitivity. This is not emotional sensitivity, but sensitivity through the body. Because they are open, these people can eventually become very clear about what kind of energies they are filtering. Many professional healers have an undefined Spleen center. When they step into somebody's aura, there is a spontaneous recognition that takes place through the connection. They can actually experience another person's illness. The undefined Spleen has the sensitivity to tell whether someone is healthy or ill, thus they are a kind of barometer for ill health in others. However, such wisdom and clarity only come when they do not identify with what is not them. In other words, they have to understand that they are absorbing and experiencing the ill health of others, and by taking it in, they can read it and thus either offer help or learn to avoid those very same people.
If people with an undefined Spleen try to identify with whatever they are feeling, they can easily become hypochondriacs and end up being paranoid about being infected by others. They often tend to assume that they are constantly ill. People with undefined Spleen centers have to make sure that they stay in the aura of sick people for only a short time. If they spend too much time around sick people, they themselves are likely to become ill.


The splenic system can be compared to a washing machine. You may fill it with dirty clothes, but if you do not plug it in, it will not wash anything. It is very important to understand that the Spleen is not a motor and therefore it cannot behave like one. However, the moment it is connected to a motor, it is immediately energized and begins to clean the dirty laundry! Thus, if you have an undefined Spleen center and it is suddenly defined by a planetary transit moving through your design, instead of feeling good, what's more likely to happen is that you may get ill. As soon as the process has passed through your system and your Spleen has done its work, you will have access to the feel-good. It is because of such planetary transits that undefined Spleens have regular natural clean-outs, becoming sick at almost the same time each year.


Defined versus Undefined: An example
Below we can see two examples of different Spleen configurations in children. It is often by watching children that we can learn the most about these centers and how they work. Child B, with the undefined Spleen, begins life with a far more vulnerable immune system than child A, who has a manifested Spleen (the defined Root motor fuels the process manifested in the Throat). Child B will get most of the childhood diseases: mumps, measles, what have you. If there is anything going around, this child will catch t. These are the first children in the class that come home with a cold.
Assuming child B is fortunate enough to have good healthcare and proper shelter, love, and a proper diet, and if they are allowed to recuperate fully, their immune system will grow stronger from each experience. One of the most important things to remember about children with undefined Spleens is that they should not be sent back into the world, sent back to school for example, until they have really healed from sickness. The moment their nose stops running is too early. You always have to give them a couple of extra days.
From Left to Right: \"Child A\" and \"Child B\"
This is very important for these children. Only if they are allowed to heal properly, will they build up a healthy defense mechanism. For example, child B catches a cold. The cold is one week coming, one week staying and one week going. But the moment that the one week of staying is over and the basic symptoms are gone, this is not the time to send the child back to school. This advice drives many parents crazy because they don't want their children under their feet. They have to go to work. They are so glad that their children go to school so that they can have a quiet day at home and do their thing. They do not want to have their children running around the house when they seem to be okay. However, this advice of allowing their child a couple of extra recovery days is vital for their long-term health. If the parents send them to school again too early, they will only come back a few days later, even sicker with the next illness, and this will hurt their immune systems way more.
Once an undefined splenic system deals with a virus successfully, that virus never has a chance again. In going through the healing process, the immune system develops the memory and the capability to handle that same virus again. This is the same premise as vaccination. We infect children with the virus so that their immune system recognizes it and learns how to defend against it. Thus, child B has the potential to live deep into old age as long as they are allowed to develop their immune response properly. In fact, child B has the kind of system (being undefined) that can actually allow them to get more and more healthy as they grow older. The extent of this possibility of old age depends, of course, on not being spontaneous. It is dependent on honoring the mechanics of their design.
Now, Child A has a so-called manifested Spleen center. You can see that the Spleen is connected to two motors (the ego and the root), which are in turn connected to the Throat. This is a very strong immune system that can take a lot of punishment, but it is not sensitive at all. Child A is less likely to catch all those childhood diseases, or even get sick all that often... Which of course does not mean that they will never get sick. However, when they do get sick, they get *very* sick. This is the kind of child that, for example, will develop an extremely high fever. Since they already have a defined immune system that is consistently working, when they do get sick, it shows that their immune system has really been overwhelmed. It is quite common for somebody with a defined Spleen like this to go through their whole life eating and imbibing whatever they like, seemingly without any repercussions—until one day, out of the blue, their system reaches a point of overload, and they die on the spot of a heart attack. Their immune system carried the load all of those years, keeping their physical problems veiled, only to finally collapse under the pressure.
Child A will most likely need strong modern medication such as antibiotics if they get ill since their body is equipped to handle such things. Child B however, may be better off with homeopathic medicine or herbs, which are gentler on their system. This is not to say that defined spleens always need antibiotics and undefined spleens should never take such things. These are simply generalizations that may help the parents of each child attune to their specific configurations. Child B with their undefined Spleen may not be able to handle modern medication. Their parents should consider carefully what they put into their bodies. Undefined Spleens are usually very much concerned about their diet, their environment, and the quality of the water and the air. Thus, you can see that it’s often the people with the undefined Spleen centers that are the healthier people in the long run because they actually and consistently care about their health. By design, they can live a healthy life with enough sleep and exercise and with a low toxin intake.
Child A with their powerfully defined Spleen center may very well grow up with little interest in health education because they may take their health for granted and assume that it will always be like this. One thing is certain; they will never have the kind of empathy for a wide range of illnesses and/or diets that child B has.
The important thing to see from the above comparison is that there is no good or bad in Human Design. It is not better to have a defined Spleen or an undefined Spleen. They are simply two different journeys in life. The most important thing of all is to understand the nature of your own Spleen system so that you can take the appropriate measures to safeguard your health. Above all, however, health hinges upon us living out the correct strategy and inner authority in our individual design. It does not matter how much you know about health, if you don't follow your strategy and inner authority, you won't ever be truly healthy.


NATURAL STATE WHEN ALONE General well-being. Sensitivity to well-being in oneself & the environment.
HEALTHY STRATEGY OF THE AUTHENTIC SELF ("The Gifts") Has a reliable immune system that maintains the body's equilibrium throughout illness and health. Can trust hunches and intuition in the now, and can act spontaneously if the spleen is the authority. Has a fixed way of processing fear, leading to a deep inner sense of security. Accepts the inconsistency of physical well-being, knowing that it is what makes it sensitive and highly attuned to the body's needs. Adept at diagnosing ill health and disease in others or in the environment. Is not afraid of fear itself but learns to be wise as to its nature by not suddenly reacting to it or trying to fix it. Enjoys the aura of defined spleens without becoming dependent. ls never spontaneous.
UNHEALTHY STRATEGY OF THE NOT-SELF ("The Traps") A sense of invulnerability can lead to an overloading of the system and sudden, serious, and unforeseen health problems. Not listening to hunches when the spleen is the main authority or following hunches with a defined solar plexus can lead to physical problems, disease, and danger. Constantly chases after feeling good and tries to fix its own inconsistency through diet, therapy, relationships, or helping others. Gets caught up in how it feels physically, "becoming its own problem". Tries to be spontaneous in order to feel better and make the fear go away. Will sacrifice its own security for the sake of well-being. Becomes dependent and possessive in relationships.
John Martin on the Open Spleen


  • The Spleen center is our oldest awareness center, our body consciousness.
  • Its frequency is in the now and its fears are about survival.
  • The main themes of the Spleen center are health, well-being/”the feel-good”, survival, and fear.
  • Biologically, it relates to the lymphatic system, the spleen, and the splenic cells.
  • The function of the Spleen center is to keep us healthy and alive.
  • A defined Spleen has to honor its instincts to stay healthy.
  • An undefined Spleen has to pay attention to what it is holding on to because it tends to hold on to what is unhealthy.
  • The Golden Rule of the undefined Spleen is that Spontaneity can kill you!
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2023.03.21 02:55 The_ThrowawayChild Just found out that my "dad" isn't my dad…. & My biological father has been in contact with my mother my whole life but never reaches out. Just need to vent.. .

Hi all,
Thank you for taking the time to read if you so choose. I just need to get this off of my chest before I have another breakdown.
As the title states, I have been dealing with this situation all of my life & it has finally come to a head. I already silently struggle with an array of mental health issues and can feel myself spiraling with this new revelation. I have no one else to talk to & just need to get this out to help with my healing process.
I'll try my best to keep it short and sweet... but chances are this will be a bit of a long
Here goes:
All my life I have always felt like the odd one out in my family. I've always felt like something was off or missing about my place in the family dynamic & my parents notably treat me differently than my two younger siblings.
I'm a 31 year old female currently estranged from said family after putting up with lifelong physical, emotional, medical and most recently financial abuse from namely my mother who seems to have some sort of grudge against me.
I cut her off after the last round of abuse resulted in her and my stepfather verbally attacking me after I finally lashed out about the large lump sum of cash she stole from my bank account once when I was away for about a year. Luckily, the bedroom door was locked at the time. Otherwise, I was in deep fear of what they would physically do to me if that barrier wasn't there. I wouldn’t put it past them as I often feel like my mother wants me dead or at the very least homeless.
But I digress, that happened two years ago. Luckily my apartment lease wasn’t up like they thought it was and I has somewhere to return to. I have been no contact ever since and shunned from the family. Every time I've set a boundary with her, she slanders my name to my whole family and they stop talking to me too. All the while she’ll secretly harass me from various email accounts with sappy promises & “apologies” until the manipulation has me crawling back.
This time is different though. I took my power back and built a firm foundation by myself. I'm finally at the point where I don't care to maintain those relationships anymore and have come to terms with the fact that I will have to continue on my path to becoming successful alone in order to protect my mental health. And I'm okay with that.
Since then, I have slowly been making strides and getting better. In the meantime, I have gotten completely sober from all drugs and alcohol and I've developed a routine that makes me happy. I feel like I'm finally in a healthy mental space. But there's a problem that is bothering me, and the older I get it becomes more blatantly obvious.
I can't ignore this anymore.
Growing up, my mother would make "jokes" about an old childhood friend of hers that she used to date. His family is still very much so intertwined with my mother's and the way my mother gushes over the man, one can only assume he was her first love or something. She would frequently tell me when he was in town and show me his highschool yearbook pictures saying, "There goes your daddy," or whenever he was in the area , "I just talked to your daddy." As a kid, I kind of used to “laugh” it off but I can admit that it had made me very curious about him and I was always intrigued by photos she showed me of him.
My hometown is very small so everyone knows everyone. With all my mother’s side of the family being a grade school teacher, we were very well known around various schools. One time in the 6th grade, I had a substitute teacher with very long hair like mine and the same lighter-skinned complexion & mixed features greet me as I walked in class with, "Hey, Niece!". I later found out that this same woman is my bio dad's sister.
It's like everyone is in on this cruel joke except for me.
Anyway, when my mother conceived me she was in college in our hometown and chasing behind the man I thought was my father, but he was admittedly a player and she was admittedly “wild.” They both would frequently break up and "cheat" on each other during summer breaks when he would go back home.
Well. I traced the date of my conception back to 20~ June 1992. Summer break.
The glaring issue here is that my non-bio dad has very strong genes. Everyone on his side of the family looks alike. Both my little brother and sister look just like him, act like him & have a heftier body build where I'm more petite. They look more African American and have a tighter curl pattern whereas I often get mistaken for Puerto Rican or mixed. They even have a strong bond where as I can't seem to connect with my “dad” and I am often put off a bit whenever I have tried to spend time with him. He only talks to me about women like I’m some old college buddy & I’m just not interested in hearing about that. Especially if I’m supposed to be his child.
I'm also the only child he and my mother have physically put their hands on. I've been punched in the face, slapped and beat with belts, etc. My “dad” never speaks up or tries to protect me and often believes any rumor my mom tells him even though they are divorced and the “kids” are all grown. They also still financially provide for my grown siblings, but any time I've asked for help I'm given excuses. I've had to provide for myself my whole life and it's been a struggle but I maintain.
As I stated, my siblings look just like their dad and the only resemblance I kind of share is my hair texture, but even then my bio dad's family & I share a looser curl pattern and we very much have more "European" features whereas both of my "parents" clearly look African American. It’s a running joke that I’m “adopted”.
It’s always hit or miss when I ask people for advice & when I try to talk to my siblings about it they gaslight me out of believing that we don’t share the same father. But as I grow older and my face matures, the differences are too hard to miss & raise a lot of questions.
Recently, I found myself looking at my bio dad's facebook photos again, which I tend to do when I'm really stuck in my head. He's friends with my mom on Facebook & when we were in contact, she showed it to me. I was looking at some photos of myself, observing the changes due to aging and I noticed that me and this guy literally make the same exact face/pose when taking selfies. It's a face I do subconsciously & it's a detail that's easy to miss if you're not looking but once you see it you can't unsee it. If you compared side by side photos, I’m like the female version of him.
I compared our smiles, teeth, hairline, forehead, side profile, nose, eyes, etc. on the phone and in the mirror & we look like twins. One thing my mother always alluded to as well was that "I have my daddy's chin." Now that I've lost a significant amount of baby fat in my face and my cheekbones are more prominent, I see that we share the exact same prominent jawline and dimples. I found one of his sisters on his page as well, and we definitely favor one anothe share features as well. My gut just tells me that this is my family.
At first, I was excited as I came to the realization of this and felt like after a long time of feeling lost and out of place I was on the right track of figuring out who I am. Those feelings were immediately shut down when I realized, this man who is in constant contact with my mother and that I am positive has seen me and knows what I look like because all she does is flood facebook with pictures of us as a "perfect little happy blended family unit". If people only knew the truth about her ways. They would run from her as well. For this, I know he has seen me and knows about me. It just crushes me to think about everything I've had to endure from my parents growing up and about how life could've been. I was always a bright ambitious kid with big dreams, but after a lifetime of having my dreams shut down by both sides of my "family" I often struggle with finding motivation/ self-worth.
By the looks of it, my bio dad is a successful businessman & has a wife as well as 3 other children now. It's bittersweet knowing that I have other siblings, but I wander day to day all alone struggling to keep myself together. I find myself crying most nights pleading to the Universe for my father to please come get me, hoping that somewhere in his heart, our blood, & our connected DNA that he would hear my cries...
But the truth is, if he wanted to he would.
My mother went through a similar situation with her father who wouldn’t claim her because of my grandma’s “craziness” at the time. I was there when my mom finally met him in her later 30s. He ended up abandoning her again after his wife and kids disapproved of the relationship. WE never saw him again.
I can’t help but think that the same thing would happen if I were to reach out.
Also my sexual orientation & my physical appearance makes me doubt that he will accept me even more.
I know that these are my own assumptions, and a defense mechanism I use to mentally escape the fact that we are not in contact but after years of getting caught up in a cycle abusive relationships and various deep betrayals I just can’t handle anymore abandonment right now.
& I also can’t help but to think my mother did this to me intentionally to make me suffer like she does. She doesn’t have her real dad so I deserve the same pain. That that’s why she purposefully rubs salt in the wound by alluding to him & his absence in my life all the time.
But like I said, if he wanted to he would.
He knows who I am and where I'm at. He’s even lived 15 minutes down the road from me at one point. Not to be cliche, but I can't help but feel like that Fresh Prince episode where cried to Uncle Phil, "Why doesn't he want me?"
I'm slowly moving along with radical acceptance. I'm focusing on my Spirituality, and am on the brink of finally opening the business I’ve been dreaming about. But today was one of those days that I just couldn't hold it in anymore. & My kitten is looking at me like she's gonna call for a 5150 hold on me at any moment.
In conclusion, thanks again for listening. I'm open to advice if anyone so chooses, but it really just feels so much better to write this all down.
All I have left to say is, please hug your children and tell them you love them.
It really does matter in the long run.
Wishing you all the best.
TL:DR; Why does my father not want me?
submitted by The_ThrowawayChild to offmychest [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:53 anarchodelphis Crunfli et al, 2022: Gray matter loss after "mild" COVID-19 was associated with ↑anxiety, ↓verbal memory; SARS-CoV-2 found to be able to infect cultured astrocytes; infected astrocytes seem to produce secretions that 'kill' uninfected, cultured neurons.

Crunfli et al, 2022: Gray matter loss after
TL;DR in last paragraph.
“In line with the potential neurotropic properties of SARS-CoV-2, recent evidence indicated the presence of viral proteins in brain regions of COVID-19 patients (21, 22) as well as in the brains of K18-ACE2 transgenic mice (22, 23) and Syrian hamsters (24) infected with SARS-CoV-2. The presence of SARS-CoV-2 in the human brain has been associated with marked astrogliosis, microgliosis, and immune cell accumulation (21). Further indicating the ability of SARS-CoV-2 to infect cells of the CNS, SARS-CoV-2 has also been shown to infect human brain organoid cells in culture (22, 2527). Recently, SARS-CoV-2 has been found to cross the blood–brain barrier (BBB) in mice (2830) and in two-dimensional static and three-dimensional microfluidic in vitro models (31, 32), therefore potentially reducing the integrity of the BBB.
We performed a cortical surface–based morphometry analysis (using a high-resolution 3T MRI) on 81 subjects diagnosed with mild COVID-19 infection (62 self-reported anosmia or dysgeusia) who did not require oxygen support. The analysis was performed within an average (SD) interval of 57 (26) d after SARS-CoV-2 detection by qRT-PCR, and the subjects were compared with 81 healthy volunteers (without neuropsychiatric comorbidities) scanned during the COVID-19 pandemic (balanced for age [P = 0.97] and sex [P = 0.3]). The COVID-19 group presented higher levels of anxiety and depression symptoms, fatigue, and excessive daytime sleepiness (SI Appendix, Table S1 shows epidemiological and clinical data). An analysis of cortical thickness (adjusted for multiple comparisons using the Holm–Bonferroni method) revealed areas of reduced cortical thickness exclusively in the left hemisphere, including the left gyrus rectus (P = 0.01), superior temporal gyrus (P = 0.036), inferior temporal sulcus (P = 0.02), and posterior transverse collateral sulcus (P = 0.003) (Fig. 1A). There was no observed increase in cortical thickness.
A subgroup of 61 participants of the COVID-19 group also underwent neuropsychological evaluation, which assessed episodic verbal memory (logical memory subtest, immediate and delayed recall, Wechsler Memory Scale), sustained attention (Color Trails A), and alternating attention and cognitive flexibility (Color Trails B). The tests were performed a median of 59 d (range between 21 and 120 d) after diagnosis; we observed fatigue in ∼70% of individuals and daytime sleepiness in 36%. Despite the high level of education of the participant subgroup (median of 16 y), the comparisons with Brazilian normative data (z scores were adjusted for age, sex, and education) showed that nearly 28% of participants presented impairments (z scores ≤ −1) in immediate episodic verbal memory (immediate recall, including mild, moderate, and severe impairments), and ∼34 and 56% underperformed (z scores ≤ −1) on Color Trails A (sustained attention) and B (alternating attention and cognitive flexibility), respectively (SI Appendix, Fig. S1 and Table S2). Interestingly, 77% of these COVID-19 patients also presented acute anosmia or dysgeusia, which may be related to the observed changes in cortical thickness (19). The high proportions of anosmia and dysgeusia support the idea of the virus entering the nervous system, more specifically the orbitofrontal region (due to the proximity and communication with the nasal cavity).
We observed a negative correlation between BAI (Beck Anxiety Inventory) scores and the cortical thickness of orbitofrontal regions (adjusted for fatigue scores) (Fig. 1B and SI Appendix, Table S3). We also identified a positive correlation between immediate episodic verbal memory and cortical thickness of regions associated with language (adjusted for fatigue scores) (Fig. 1C and SI Appendix, Table S3). There was a likely correlation between Color Trail B and the thickness of the gyrus rectus after adjusting for fatigue (r = 0.2, P = 0.13). Our findings indicate that cortical thickness atrophy is associated with neuropsychiatric symptoms and cognitive impairment in COVID-19 patients with mild or no respiratory symptoms.
Figure 1: Cortical thickness atrophy after mild COVID-19 infection. Surface-based morphometry by high-resolution 3T MRI (A). Results from the analysis of 81 subjects with confirmed SARS-CoV-2 diagnosis (who had mild respiratory symptoms and did not require hospitalization or oxygen support) compared with 81 healthy volunteers (without a diagnosis of COVID-19). The analysis was performed within an average (SD) of 57.23 (25.91) d after diagnosis. (B) Correlation between anxiety scores (BAI) and right orbital gyrus thickness. (C) Correlation between Color Trail B test (Z-TRAILB: z-scores were based on Brazilian normative data) and left gyrus rectus thickness. Data depict partial correlation coefficients (adjusted for fatigue).
[...] To investigate proteome-level changes caused by SARS-CoV-2 infection, we conducted a liquid chromatography–mass spectrometry (LC/MS) proteomic analysis with a separate set of samples consisting of 12 postmortem brain samples from COVID-19 patients vs. 8 SARS-CoV-2–negative controls (SI Appendix, Tables S6 and S7). We identified 656 differentially expressed proteins: 117 down-regulated and 539 up-regulated. Pathways associated with neurodegenerative diseases, carbon metabolism, and oxidative phosphorylation were enriched among the differentially expressed proteins (SI Appendix, Fig. S6). Notably, proteins expressed in astrocytes were enriched among the differentially expressed proteins, consistent with the higher frequency of infected astrocytes observed in COVID-19 postmortem brains (Fig. 2F).
To gather further evidence of the susceptibility of human astrocytes to SARS-CoV-2 infection, neural stem cell–derived human astrocytes (BR-1 cell line) (35) were exposed to the virus, and the viral load was determined at 24 hpi (Fig. 3A). Confirming what was seen in the postmortem brain samples, viral genetic material (Fig. 3B), dsRNA, and spike protein (Fig. 3 C and D) were detected in infected cells with significant overlap (Fig. 3 C and E). SARS-CoV-2 infection reduces cell viability by over 25% at 72 hpi (Fig. 3F). To confirm the ability of SARS-CoV-2 to infect human astrocytes, we used a replication-competent eGFP reporter–pseudotyped vesicular stomatitis virus (VSV) in which the glycoprotein gene (G) of VSV was replaced by the full-length SARS-CoV-2 spike (S; VSV-eGFP-SARS-CoV-2) (36). The human astrocyte culture was also infected by VSV-eGFP-SARS-CoV-2 (Fig. 3 G and H). Altogether, these results provide strong evidence that human astrocytes are permissive to SARS-CoV-2 infection and also represent a site for viral replication in the CNS.
[...] …we started by using a publicly available, single-nucleus RNA-sequencing (snRNA-seq) dataset from brain samples of patients with COVID-19 (37) to analyze the mRNA expression of the classical SARS-CoV-2 receptor ACE2 as well as the alternative receptors NRP1 and BSG (3840). These analyses revealed that ACE2 mRNA was undetected in astrocytes (21, 37); however, astrocytes did express detectable levels of NRP1 and BSG mRNA (Fig. 4 A and B). We also found that the levels of expression and percentage of astrocytes expressing NRP1 and BSG mRNA were increased in astrocytes from COVID-19 patients compared with controls (Fig. 4 A and B). [...] …we performed western blotting using cultured neural stem cell–derived astrocyte extracts to evaluate if the data from snRNA-seq matched proteome-level data from our in vitro model with ACE2-transduced A549 cells as the positive control. The human astrocytes used in this study did not express ACE2, whereas they did express NRP1 (Fig. 4 C–E and SI Appendix, Fig. S7). To determine whether NRP1 was the receptor permitting SARS-CoV-2 infection in astrocytes, we preincubated these cells with a neutralizing anti-NRP1 antibody. Neutralization of NRP1 inhibited the infection of cultured astrocytes by SARS-CoV-2 (Fig. 4D) as well as the infection of cultured astrocytes by VSV-eGFP-SARS-CoV-2 (Fig. 4 E and F). These results confirm that SARS-CoV-2 infects human astrocytes via the NRP1 receptor.
[...] …we analyzed the proteome of SARS-CoV-2–infected human astrocytes. LC/MS-based shotgun proteomics revealed 170 differentially expressed proteins in SARS-CoV-2–infected astrocytes compared with mock controls… [...] …pathway enrichment and interactome analyses predicted a wide range of biological processes and regulatory networks affected by SARS-CoV-2 infection (Fig. 5A). Pathways involved in carbon/glucose metabolism were among the most enriched (Fig. 5B). More specifically, proteins found differentially expressed in SARS-CoV-2–infected astrocytes and in COVID-19 postmortem brain tissue samples belonged to glycolysis/gluconeogenesis, carbon metabolism, and the pentose phosphate pathway (Fig. 5C). Collectively, these data reinforce that SARS-CoV-2 infects astrocytes in the CNS, possibly affecting energy metabolism pathways and modulating proteins associated with neurodegeneration.
[...] Astrocytes are essential to brain homeostasis not only because they are the main energy reservoirs of the brain (42) but also, due to their important role in protective responses to cell damage triggered by infection or sterile inflammation (43, 44). There is evidence that astrocytes may secrete yet undetermined neurotoxic factors (4345) and are also involved in the uptake, synthesis, and distribution of brain metabolites (46, 47). Thus, we investigated if neuronal viability could be affected by exposure to media conditioned by SARS-CoV-2–infected astrocytes. To test this hypothesis, we cultured NSC-derived neurons or differentiated SH-SY5Y neurons for 24 h in a control or conditioned medium in which SARS-CoV-2–infected astrocytes were grown (Fig. 6A). The conditioned medium increased the rates of apoptosis by 45.5 and 22.7% in NSC-derived neurons and SH-SY5Y neurons, respectively (Fig. 6 B–E and SI Appendix, Fig. S10 A and B). The possibility of neuronal infection was ruled out as viral RNA was not detected in either cell type after exposure to the conditioned medium (SI Appendix, Fig. S10 E and F), and direct exposure to SARS-CoV-2 did not reduce the viability of NSC-derived neurons or SH-SY5Y neurons after 24 (Fig. 6 D and E), 48, or 72 h (SI Appendix, Fig. S10 C and D). These results suggest that SARS-CoV-2–infected astrocytes release soluble factors, which reduce neuronal viability.

Figure 6 (cropped): Percentage of living or nonliving (D) NSC-derived neurons and (E) SH-SY5Y cells. Cells were classified as living (gray bars; double negative), in early apoptosis (purple bars; apotracker+/FVS−), in late apoptosis (pink bars; double positive), or necrotic (green bars; apotracker−/FVS+). (F) Differentiated SH-SY5Y cells were cultured for 24 h in the presence of medium conditioned by SARS-CoV-2–infected astrocytes (ACM CoV-2) or uninfected astrocytes (ACM CTL). The viability of SH-SY5Y cells was assessed using an ATP (adenosine triphosphate) -quantifying, luminescence-based cell viability assay (CellTiter-Glo) at 24 h postinfection. P values were determined by one-way ANOVA followed by Tukey’s post hoc test. **P < 0.01 compared with the mock group; ***P < 0.001 compared with the mock group; ****P < 0.0001 compared with the mock group
[...] ...we found that SARS-CoV-2 infection elicits a neurotoxic secretory phenotype in astrocytes that results in increased neuronal death. A similar phenomenon has been observed when astrocytes are activated by inflammatory factors (43, 86, 87). The alterations in cortical thickness we observed in COVID-19 patients could be explained by this neuronal death, at least partially, as well as by other mechanisms, including reactive astrogliosis and alterations in astrocyte specification and morphogenesis, as previously described in Alzheimer's disease, autism, and schizophrenia (8890), as well as epilepsy, autism, and self-injury (9194). Matschke et al. (21) reported astrogliosis in 86% of individuals who died following a diagnosis of SARS-CoV-2 infection. In agreement, snRNA-seq data show that the main markers of reactive astrocytes (95) are enriched in samples from the medial frontal cortex of patients with COVID-19 compared with noninfected patients, supporting the hypothesis that reactive astrogliosis is a feature of COVID-19 (SI Appendix, Fig. S11). Astrocytes are also relevant in the regulation of synapses (and neural networks) and have been linked to the manifestation of depression (96), anxiety symptoms (97), and memory impairment (98), all of which have been observed in our post-COVID infection cohort.
In summary, our findings are consistent with a model in which SARS-CoV-2 is able to reach the CNS of COVID-19 patients, infect astrocytes via NRP1 interaction, and secondarily impair neuronal function and viability. These changes may contribute to the alterations of brain structure observed here and elsewhere, thereby resulting in the neurocognitive and neuropsychiatric dysfunctions manifested by some patients with COVID-19. Our study comes as a cautionary note that mechanisms of neuroinvasion in fatal COVID-19 could also be operative in mild COVID-19. However, it is important to note that the study was limited in that neuroimaging and cognitive testing were obtained from a different cohort than fatal COVID-19, in which only a minority of individuals showed evidence of astrocytic invasion.”
submitted by anarchodelphis to COVIDZero [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:52 gnoble93 Lucky Herbals Red dragon

Lucky Herbals Red dragon submitted by gnoble93 to kratomreview101 [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:47 thequietsun So my dad refuses to allow me to have a job, has been abusive to me since 8 years, and casually bullies me in bowling

So, my mom and dad separated when i was about 7 but she moved fully when i was 8. That was when the shit began. My dad is conservative, believes women should be in the kitchen and take care of kids, full blown 1950’s conservative type shit. He quickly started dating his hs sweetheart again, where she’s screamed at constantly for even the most minute details, hell my dad and her had an argument over a fuckin cigarette once. She’s not better either, being an alcoholic and epileptic. Anyways, he started getting VERY political after my mom’s divorce got finalized. Like off the rails politics(satanist politicians,q anon, etc). He started to be more conspiracy theorist than father, but i guess thats what happens when you join the military, you go off the deep end(MO’s and LEO’s dont taje tgat as an aside to you). He got pissed when i told him such, few days after, i told him i wanted to leave, he promised me that he would treat me better and not talk politics anymore, two more and he’s back to doing it. He got me extremely pissed after insulting my intelligence, when his ass had to repeat a grade. That was the last straw, i told my to file for custody dispute, he abused me for months on end, saying my mom was a snake, a monster, a bitch. And that i was a whore for attention, and me doing this was all for attention, i called mom under what felt like gunpoint and told her to stop and just have the court change up the custody scaling, more to mom less to dad, in retaliation had me held at his house without notifying me. I only learned after school from my mom texting me that hes withholding me. Treat me better, my ass. Fast forward to today, i need a place to work, he says i cant due to medicare, please note that i can since i am a minor. He gets pissed and told me to read through the ohio SNAP program, which says that i dont have to have my money earned claimed until im 22, of course he yanks the phone from me before i read that, and basically has me stray completely from any of my points to make him look like the courageous middle age man who is a miracle man, and make me feel dumb and stupid, taking complete advantage of my naïveté, even though hes a sad frail old man, and im his better but lacking talking ability, another thing hes definitely noted. Anyways a few days ago me and him were out bowling, and the dick over does his shoes with dry slide, making the entire area slick, blatantly cheating. The dick had the audacity to say is was to make me better. He can eat it in a crash if hes so fucking afraid of me beating him at bowling. That’s all i have. L8r
submitted by thequietsun to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:47 dyselxiccarrot TIFU when I tried a new coffee creamer before school

First, this happened back when I was in grade 10 when I was 15.
I was for the most part a goody-two-shoes type of kid, especially up to this point. I had never drank alcohol, let alone got drunk, didn’t party, etc. My parents also believed that caffeine would stunt my growth, so I wasn’t allowed caffeine until I was 13 (I was 6’4” by then, I’m 6’6” now). When I was 15 though, a friend introduced me to coffee and I was HOOKED, because I would be off the walls with energy.
Every morning after that, before school, I would make myself a cup of coffee in the morning. I had a 20oz mug, and not liking the taste of coffee, I would use the 10oz keurig setting, and fill the rest up with milk, and add sugar. My method for drinking these concoctions I called coffee was chugging them, usually 5 minutes after I made it so it wasn’t too hot.
The one day, cold winter morning, right after Christmas break, I made my coffee only to discover that we had ran out of milk. However, I saw a big glass bottle of a hazelnut cream that I’d seen my parents put in their coffee. I thought “perfect” and did my usual routine. However, this coffee was especially good, and I loved the taste, not just the caffeine buzz. So what did I do? I made 3 more. I drank - chugged - 4 of these things, and then get on the bus.
I get to my first class - AP English - and I’m feeling very good. However, when I was called on to summarize a reading it went something like: “well buddy was mauled by a bear, and his chick wanted to break up with him. But the chick thought it’d be a dick move to dip on buddy right there so she was just in a clusterfuck”. Luckily in Canada, or at least my city, teachers didn’t care I swore and she just looked at me funny.
After that class my best school friend comes up to me and is like “what the fuck is wrong with you?”, apparently I was also stumbling and slurring my words. I replied “I feel fuckin great, my parents got some fancy coffee creamer so I had 4 coffees this morning”. My friend was more experienced in these things than I, and asks what the creamer was. I replied “it was hazelnut. I think it said Bailey’s on it”.
For those who don’t know, Bailey’s is a 30% alcohol liqueur for coffee. I did not know this. So turns out I had downed about 12 shots of booze in 30 minutes before school, and was fucking plastered. The entire flex block (right after first period) was her feeding me water and bagels so I didn’t get sick. It was the most fun day of school I’ve ever had though.
I would guess the teachers knew I was plastered, but I was a good student and they liked me so they maybe turned a blind eye for the day (underage drinking is also not punished legally where I live unless it’s a dangerous situation).
TL;DR I didn’t know Bailey’s was alcohol and drank 4 mugs of it before school. Oh, and it was my first time getting drunk.
submitted by dyselxiccarrot to tifu [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:44 jpd2979 Gay man here. Have any of you straights ever had a bromance with a gay man? Any of you ever exploited another gay man's feelings for you?

I'm a gay man. I'm an alcoholic in recovery who's been sober for 9 years. And in this period of time I've noticed I've developed a pattern of codependent behaviors where I gravitate towards getting into these bromances with heterosexual men. And it's never like heterosexual men who are decent and treat me with respect. It's almost always a dude who is a total narcissistic psychopath who's very good at getting people to believe that they're these amazing people. Orrrr it's a straight man who's either a know it all or a very curmudgeony asshole that is just a total douchebag. I'm currently reeling from exiting a relationship with the latter prototype just immediately after things ended with the former prototype. So twice in one year I was caught in a "bad bromance." I get really annoyed whenever straight men I talk to about this say "are you sure he wasn't gay?" Bc my answer to that is a hard yes. When times were good, that's literally all we'd ever talk about is our crushes, and they all have the whole "I was raised by a gay relative" thing in common or at some point in their lives they were exposed to gay men more than most men are.
I have since this last abusive scenario with straight man been doing my best by surrounding myself with more gay men and doing gay things with other gay men like events and hangouts and stuff. My biggest problem right now is a part of me feels like I'm grieving this like a relationship bc I know in a way I have unrequited feelings for all the men in my life I find attractive, gay or straight, but it's much easier for me to detach from a gay man I have feelings for bc I'm like well at least he's gay. I have a hard time validating any feelings of anger or sadness towards the fallouts or letdowns I have experienced with other straight men in my life because I feel like not only were we never a couple, I feel like it's foolish to be tripping off what a straight man does to break my heart. But apparentlyyyyyy there seems to be a fucking abundance of them that want to go after and befriend gay men bc I dunno, we're free therapists maybe?? I am legit wanting to know why would a straight man WANT to be close friends with gay men?? Do you just wake up and think oh my God, a gay out in the wild, how can I befriend him and then hold him hostage?
I legit want a straight man's perspective. I want a straight man's perspective from someone who knowingly emotionally abused or took advantage of a gay man's kindness. I want a straight man's perspective where they knew the gay friend had feelings for them and how they handled it. Bc right now I'm trying to wrap my mind around why straight men do this? I have no desire to go up to women and be like "yo honey, I know you love me and want to sleep with me, let's spend a lot of time together." I don't think it would be able to live with myself toying with the emotions of someone who want something I can't give them. I dunno. This isn't venting. This is legit me wondering if there's something I'm missing? And yes maybe, just maybe I'm hoping someone will tell me something that will help me validate emotions that I seemingly keep trying to invalidate. I'm learning a lot on the internet about what emotional abuse is, but I'm having a hard time coping with or learning how to overcome this.
Any and all advice or anecdotes would be interesting to read about, even if it might not be super helpful.
submitted by jpd2979 to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:44 Agile-Bar5644 The last time I spoke to my friend I told him off. He’s dead now.

This is gonna be a lengthy read.
When I was 18 (I am currently 20f). I had a friend we shall call him PatrolMonkey (PM) He was 30m. We met in college and we hung out almost every single day. I loved PM so much as a friend. He was fun to hang out with and we would distract eachother when shit was going wrong at home. He was a recovering alcoholic and he ended up falling in love with me. I was already seeing someone (ldr) who I am currently engaged to. PM and I were almost inseparable and would hang out with friends until he became aware of my boyfriend. From then he would start began calling me tell me he was going to drink alcohol and I managed to stop him multiple times but there were cases in which I couldn’t help him at all and he would fall back to drinking. He would begin to tell our friends that the reason he would drink was because of me. One day my boyfriend flew in and we were having fun during spring break going on dates when my friend interrupts my date with a very concerning suicidal text message to which I forwarded to a close relative of his and asked for help. His relative contacted his mom and reassured me that PR was okay and at work. PR proceeded to call me angrily and blaming me for causing his mother to worry and cry to which caused me to tell him off and hang up. I ended up apologizing to him a few days later but by then he had blocked me. Months go by and during this time I begin hearing from our mutual friends that PR was always kind of creepy especially about the way he spoke about me. He would always tell them “imagine how cute our kids would be”, “I wish she never met her boyfriend”, “I wish she would look my way”, things like that. And then one day he unblocks me and starts watching my stories and pretty much just stalking my social media accounts. So I got angry and told him off. I told him to stay away from me and to stay away from my family and that he was a creep. That was the last time we spoke. He passed away a few days ago and I found out today. I feel so guilty for having told him off. I reached out to his relatives but they’ve left me on read. I feel like a horrible human being. How do I live from here on out?
submitted by Agile-Bar5644 to TrueOffMyChest [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:42 Accurate-Ad-6586 I always fall back with old habits because I don’t feel seeing any benefits ☹️

It’s frustrating whenever I start something new and gaining some momentum I would relapse and I feel that everything I am doing is reset to zero.
I’ve been doing meditation, nofap, healthy diet, alcohol and all those so called good habits. But for some reason it’s frustrating when I feel that am not seeing any benefits, eventually I would stop doing them.
Do they? How do you know if they are doing good in your life.
submitted by Accurate-Ad-6586 to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:38 RoutineStrength6451 i need help

i realy don't know what to do anymore. I just started university and in every class i get the feeling that im alucinating, like it's just a dream. i need ways to solve this problem cause the only way i can get out of this problem is by getting drunk every day, tobacco helps to. to cope with this shit i got adicted to tobaco, alcohol, videogames and porn, and i really feel that this is getting weirder every day. everything feels weird and not real. the first time that i got it was when i was in class in highscool and this overwelming feeling that i we are gonna die came over me, non of my friends gave a shit so i dint mind, but then i smoked dmt twice in a week not having tried psychodelics ever and i think i has to do with the symtoms. i used to smoke weed every dayy for like 2 years snd i always overthint shit, but one day i smoked to much and the feeling of depersonalization came over me, since then i havent smoked weed. i tried smoking a little but the dr always comes back unless iam drunk. i drink everydsy to cope with it and iam afraid of trying meditation and shit because i think it's gonna make the feeling stronger. the only thing keeping me in the real world is my friends, my family and my dogs. i also dream that i die a lot of days, and thats just makes things worse. the way i live right now is by getting drunk, smoking and gaming all day. Please if you hsve any advice help a brother out, please.(also english isnt my first lsnguage so i write like a troglodite.) i need help.
submitted by RoutineStrength6451 to Depersonalization [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:36 IcyCartoonist1955 The Fascinating Mystery of the Death of Vincent Van Gogh

Did somebody murder Vincent Van Gogh?
It is one of the art world's greatest mysteries, but then the man himself was an enigma in his lifetime and even after his death.
Vincent Van Gogh’s life was plagued by epilepsy, syphilis, alcoholism, and mental illness. He was the ultimate poster child for tortured, misunderstood artists who channeled out his inner turmoil through blazingly intense masterpieces, making him one of the most iconic post-Impressionist painters of the century. The Dutch artist desperately sought recognition for his stupendous work, something he only achieved after his mysterious death.
On July 29th, 1890, Van Gogh left his lodgings in Auvers, Paris, and went to a nearby field to paint, taking all his art equipment. That night when he returned, a bullet wound was in his abdomen. On asking, he repeated multiple times, “I have tried to kill myself,” and died 20 hours later in a slow, painful death.
Given the fact that he was mentally ill and had an infamous reputation for cutting off his ear and giving it to a prostitute, nobody suspected any foul play. It has always been assumed that he committed suicide.
But what if it wasn’t a suicide at all? What if the great painter was the victim, not of his own depression, but of a mysterious murderer?
submitted by IcyCartoonist1955 to StrangeEarth [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:36 Over_Discipline_2260 Am I wrong for staying?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, we’ve gone through a lot. From his anger problems, to him texting another girl, to our fighting and just so much. But recently it’s been a lot and I honestly don’t know what to do or who to talk to. Everyday he scream in my face that i’m stupid, an idiot, dumb, a little kid, i can’t think, something’s wrong with me, that’s im crazy and just so much more. He’s called me so many things before but this specially he does like every two days or weekly and i don’t know what to do. I cry to myself everynight convincing myself that im not stupid and dumb and it takes so much for me to do that. Last night he spit in my face and yelled eat that you stupid bitch and then took my card to buy alcohol. He’s spit in my face before but something was diffferent last night, he grabbed me hard and pushed me down and made sure i wasn’t able to cover his spit and he just did it. with no remorse. why is he like that? why do i stay? we live together and i love him so much but i don’t know what to do. I used to think he loved me but if he did he wouldn’t do that right? please help? need advice.
submitted by Over_Discipline_2260 to domesticabuse [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:35 BLSH-HUNTING 7 Month Update for those who are struggling

Edit- Long Story if it’s TMDR then I will save you time. I am not 100% but I am very close. My days are easy and I am no longer struggling, but I have 1 annoying symptom left. You can read on if you’re interested. .
My story is the same as many. I was recommended k as a harmless plant and was told that it is a relaxing powder that is in the coffee family. I first took in December of 2021, and the high felt pretty weird and I had to sit outside for about 30 minutes. It was a bit of a panicky feeling, but not a full on panic attack or anything. I started at 10 gpd so that was obviously too much for me just starting out. For reference I have no history of abuse or addiction, and I hardly even drink alcohol. I have an occasional puff here and there for nighttime sleep, but that’s it. I’ve had no benzo addiction etc. After my first dose I didn’t take again until like Feb/March of 2022. I quit in August of 2022 so that’s maybe 6 months of using. I don’t know the exact length of time though, but it wasn’t too lengthy. It helped me focus and I made the most amount of money with my sales job. All was good during this time, but I noticed some things in my 5-6 months of using. I was clumsy when I would have certain beverages in my hand such as coffee or a glass of water and such. (Like a bit shaky in my hands). I’m normally pretty coordinated and healthy so this was strange, as I was spilling drinks more frequently. I also as you know lost motivation for things and stopped going to the gym, and before k I used to go almost everyday. Towards the end of my quit I hadn’t discovered this sub or knew about any withdrawal so I had no idea what I was in for. I just noticed I started getting angrier for no reason and I caught on that it was the k so I stopped CT. My symptoms were rough once I stopped. Initially I tried drinking my normal daily coffee and it made me feel dizzy and anxious so i quit that basically right away. I felt weird in my brain, and I looked up what was happening and basically found this sub and joined. Fast forward to about day 19-21 CT and I had my first hypnic jerk. (Where you wake up with your heart racing in a panic. ) I’ve never experienced this before so it was quite shocking. I was jolted awake at 7 am, and I usually am able to sleep in later. I thought I had the Cov or the flu or something so I called my mom and I spent a night in detox. What followed was more heart racing , palpitations and panic/confusion. After about 30 days the random jolt wake ups stopped but the fast heart rate continued. I didn’t take any meds during this time, because I refused to go through this again with a worse substance. I just did herbs and CBD oil. I believe the random heart palpitations started getting better by month 3, but my heart would still go faster all the way up until about month 6 or so after a meal. I still get some heart rate increase after a big meal, but it is nothing compared to the first couple of months as far as intensity. My symptoms in the beginning were extreme anxiety and depression. I never had insomnia or RLS, but I had random yawns and sneezing. My main and most annoying symptom by far was the anxiety/heart increase. It still persists some to this day , but it isn’t debilitating like the first 60 days. I couldn’t leave the house when I first quit, sit out in the sun, drive, or go grocery shopping without panic. Fast forwarding to now, I can work a full time job, and am doing pretty well overall. I couldn’t even move at first, so I know for certain that i’ve healed. The other day I did call my boss to tell him I was going to be late , because my heart was going faster like the adrenaline feeling that has been happening. I think it was only at like 80bpm though, so at his point it feels like anxiety/some adrenaline after eating. It’s basically down to just after a big meal when this symptom happens. It doesn’t last all day anymore and it goes away after about an hour or two. I wish I could say i’m at 100% but I am not. I am getting extremely close though. I think in a few months I should be feeling back to my old self. I still feel a bit sad and anxious, but it’s all very tolerable now. I personally would rather die then go through this again so I can’t relate to people that relapse unfortunately. I will NOT let some stupid plant ruin my life more than it already has. I will say you have to hate this addiction like it wronged you, because it did. It messed up my life and well being, and took away from my happiness. My parents were judgmental and basically told me it wasn’t the k and that it was all in my head. It made me feel alone and unsupported, so if you do have friends or family that will support you I would reach out. I think being alone during this time sucks. Anyways this sub has helped me a ton , and I thank all of you supporters out there. I am proof that even at 6 months use you can have a prolonged recovery. I am in it for the long haul though, because I want to cross that finish line. I deserve my old self and mind back and so do all of you if you want it. I wanted to only make a post when I was at 100% , but i’ve healed enough and want to make this post anyway to show that it does get better, and my days are much easier and tolerable. BTW I did have 24 ounces of Iced Chai Tea today with Caffeine and I handled it fine, so I am definitely noticing positive changes as the months stack up. That would have been torture in the beginning. Anyway my rant is over. Peace.
submitted by BLSH-HUNTING to quittingkratom [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:35 AutoModerator [Charisma On Command] Charisma University Course (Here)

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2023.03.21 02:33 AncientPowerInside My journey from stoner to responsible user

I have been a heavy daily user for the last 10 years - since I was 17. What made me want to stop was my increasing killer anxiety and general life take-over of cannabis—constantly needing it on trips, sneaking it around my family when I visit them, needing it during work, just constantly really—the dependence on it as a full-grown ass adult. It just felt wrong and like I was limiting myself. Also, the anxiety and negative thoughts were getting quite rampant, nearly every time I did it, especially at night.
I first stopped 2 weeks ago and was planning on going cold turkey for a month. That plan failed, but I realized its okay. I have smoked once since then. It was during music practice with a friend, playing stairway to heaven and some Beatles songs. Literally, THE BEST time to get high (in my opinion). Just living in the moment, playing music, having laughs. And I did so little, just tiny sprinkles of it and that was all I needed.
And since then I haven't done it again. And so I realized, why not treat it like I've always treated alcohol? I never drink on my own, just on special occasions, and it makes it more special. I have a scattering of weed and non-weed-smoking friends, so when Im around the stoners, I can decide if I want to take a little toke. For example, I'll be going on a ski trip soon with a few stoners- a perfect time to indulge a bit. And I have a cousin I visit who lives on the beach that I visit once a year, another time that it would be nice.
Here's what I've noticed. Stopping weed hasn't removed my anxiety. But it has exposed it in its rawest form. It's given me a chance to start addressing it for real. I've felt a void where weed once was for sure, and I've noticed it makes certain things harder (getting over my ex-girlfriend namely). But in truth, it's forcing me to face my issues head-on. It has helped with the negative thoughts for sure, I still have them, but not to the same soul-crushing intensity that was happening while smoking.
What I really love about using responsibly is that I can do things again. If I need to go shopping, I can just do it. If I want to see a friend, go do something, anything, the barrier is way lower. No more sitting there, in my head, thinking, meh, let's just get higher. Also, my spirituality has been growing. I was convinced that weed was key to my spiritual growth but in all honesty, it had been stunting it. When I first started at 17, it was a boon to my spiritual growth, but not after 10 years. Life is now more boring, but also more engaging without it. My energy levels are infinitely higher. Here's a good example of how it's freed me- I never went to bars solo, it scared the shit out of me, especially being faded. I maybe did it once and sat on my phone anxiously. But sober, I dredged up the confidence and did it, had a great night, and ended up meeting a really cute girl that I would have never thought could be into me. Not sure if it's going anywhere, but it showed me it's possible for me to get out of my comfort zone and have new experiences (I like to call it the "adjacent possible"). I feel like when I smoked all the time, I was at the whim of weed, my activities were all around what motivated me while faded. Now, my motivations are really coming from within. And that is empowering and rewarding.
Who knows what the future holds? But so far I can say that the occasional sesh with a friend at the right time and place is a much more mature and enjoyable way to indulge. one last note- I do smoke CBD flower at night usually. It helps me get my "fix" but I don't get high. In fact, I've started to come to like the anti-anxiety and mental clarity it can bring.
Best of luck to everyone on the journey! Keep exploring and growing.
submitted by AncientPowerInside to Petioles [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:32 Agreeable-Jellyfish2 "Lipids" in Tincture?

I have been making tincture lately and I dont use a coffee filter because it never works for me the way it does for all of you; the filter becomes totally saturated with tincture before it starts dripping into the jar, and then the whole filter starts weeping all over the jar and like half ends up inside the jar and half ends up outside. I dunno whats wrong with me, I just suck, dont get distracted by that. The point is I only filter it through a wire strainer and it gets 99% of the plant material. But then after I cook off some of the alcohol to get a more potent tincture there is always some nasty gunk at the bottom of the jar. I read an article that says these are "lipids"and should be thrown away, but I really wanna get every last mg of thc and I am worried that I am leaving some behind mixed in with these "lipids" Can I just mix the lipids with some food or something? There has to be some thc clinging to them right?
submitted by Agreeable-Jellyfish2 to treedibles [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:29 Fit_Bike_9219 i got one bingo

submitted by Fit_Bike_9219 to MadeOfStyrofoam [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:29 newbie202222 Sperm analysis abnormal

Hi All - 37 male here, back in Sept 2022 I did an SA analysis.
Details: Collected: 9/22/22 8:35am Examined: 9/22/22 4:30pm (I’m guessing they didn’t just leave it out for the 8 hours, but put it in a fridge or something) Concentration: 69.12 million Progressive Motility: 14% Progression: 2 Total count: 164.5 million Motile Count: 23 million
Basically they told me this was abnormal due to progressive motility being so low. I was devastated and decided to change my life, I cut back significantly on alcohol and coffee, I joined CrossFit, and I started taking vitamins (Ubiquinone, Fish Oil, Vitamin D, L- Carnitine, Vitamin C, Selenium, Vitamin E, & Zinc).
Fast forward to March 2023. Collected: 3/2/23 8:30am Examined: 3/2/23 9:45am Concentration: 145 million Progressive Motility: 86% Total Count: 429 million Motile Count: 368 million
My question is it possible my progressive motility improved that much that quick? Or is it because in the first test it was examined so long after the collection? Or are either test potentially incorrect and I need a 3rd one?
submitted by newbie202222 to maleinfertility [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:26 Hot_Possession_9893 My life is better when I'm doing drugs and I don't know if I want to stop

Since going to college, I (like many students) have experimented a bit with drugs. My problem is, quite honestly, they've worked too well. When I encounter any issues in my life, a drug seems to make it go away
Too anxious? Feeling like shit? Can't fuck long enough? Can't focus on my work? So far there's been a drug that has the answer to all of these questions
This has lead to my current issue. It feels like drugs have been able to take my life to the next level. I was always a smart kid, but I got my first 4.0 when I found stimulants. I'm sure I'm a charming enough guy sober, but I'm Mr. Smooth once I take something to kill my anxiety. Even when I'm alone, something as simple as playing video games, or listening to music, is so much more rewarding when I'm high. I genuinely feel like I'm a better person when I'm under the influence, as well as happier. And the only price I need to pay is a day where I feel shitty after, and sometimes not even that. I feel shitty quite a bit anyways, so it feels like a fair trade. I'd like to add that I can always fulfill my obligations and limit my use during school, but its much tougher when I'm alone and have too much time on my hands. Nothing but a nice high can fill that hole of time.
Due to the circumstances of my life right now, I'm not able to access really anything, and suffice it to say I miss it. It feels like I'm constantly thinking, "wow, this would be so much more fun if I was high." I find myself craving what is available to me, namely, Cigarettes and Alcohol. I've never been one to crave nicotine, but I've found myself smoking cigarettes, mostly drunk, but occasionally sober, just to feel something. I look forward to the days I can go out and drink with my friends 2, 3 or 4x a week so I can feel better. I don't know if this post has any value to anyone else, but I'm curious if anyone has found themselves feeling the same way.
submitted by Hot_Possession_9893 to confessions [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:17 Fwooply Have you tried ChatGPT?

It's therapeutic in an odd way.
Write an original story who's theme is love and the tragic misunderstanding that broke that love.
Once upon a time, there was a young couple named Jack and Emily. They had been in love since high school and had been together for many years. Jack was a passionate and driven musician, while Emily was a dedicated artist who spent hours painting and drawing.
One day, Jack received an offer to tour with a famous band, which he eagerly accepted. Emily was happy for him, but at the same time, she was nervous about their relationship. She was afraid that Jack's newfound fame and success would drive them apart.
As Jack's tour progressed, Emily became increasingly anxious and began to feel neglected. She tried to talk to Jack about her feelings, but he was so caught up in his music and touring that he didn't notice her distress. Emily, in turn, became increasingly withdrawn and distant from Jack.
One night, Jack's band played a sold-out show at a large venue. After the concert, a group of fans approached Jack for autographs and photos. One of the fans, a beautiful young woman, asked if she could have her photo taken with Jack. Jack obliged, and the woman wrapped her arm around him for the photo. Emily, who had been standing nearby, saw the woman's arm around Jack and immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was cheating on her.
The misunderstanding shattered their relationship. Emily left Jack a message on his phone, accusing him of infidelity and demanding that he never contact her again. Jack, confused and heartbroken, tried to call Emily back but was unable to reach her. He continued to tour, but his heart was no longer in his music.
Months went by, and Jack and Emily went their separate ways. Jack became increasingly depressed and turned to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. Emily, meanwhile, threw herself into her art and tried to forget about Jack.
Years later, Jack and Emily met by chance in a coffee shop. They both looked older and wiser, but the love they had shared was still palpable. As they talked, they realized how the tragic misunderstanding had destroyed their relationship. They both regretted the words they had said and the actions they had taken, but it was too late to turn back time.
In the end, Jack and Emily parted ways once again, each carrying the memory of the love they had lost and the tragic misunderstanding that had broken that love.
Is that realistic?
The story I wrote is a fictional one, so it does not have to be based on a real-life scenario. However, the theme of love and tragic misunderstandings that lead to the breakdown of relationships is a common occurrence in real life. Misunderstandings, miscommunications, and lack of trust can often lead to misunderstandings, which can ultimately cause a relationship to fall apart.
In the story, Jack and Emily's relationship was strong and full of love, but they were unable to communicate effectively with each other due to the pressures of Jack's touring and Emily's fears of being left behind. The misunderstanding about Jack's interaction with a fan further exacerbated their communication issues, leading to their separation.
While the story may be fictional, it illustrates the potential consequences of misunderstandings and miscommunications in relationships. Clear and open communication is essential for any relationship to thrive, and misunderstandings can lead to the breakdown of trust, which is difficult to repair.
But two people who are in love don't just quit like that. Emily would have been jealous. But she would have asked Jack about it. She would have talked to friends who would guide her to other conclusions. The story seems very unrealistic to me. Can you modify it a bit to make it more realistic?
You're right, a loving couple may not quit so easily without attempting to reconcile their differences. I apologize for creating an unrealistic story. Here's a modified version that better illustrates how a tragic misunderstanding can occur in a relationship:
Jack and Emily had been together for several years and their love was strong. They were supportive of each other's dreams and aspirations, but Jack's career as a musician often took him away from Emily. She missed him terribly during his tours, but she never wanted to hold him back from doing what he loved.
One day, Jack had a gig at a club in a different city. He had been working on a new song that he was excited to play for Emily, but he was too nervous to perform it in front of her. After the show, a woman approached him and told him how much she loved his music. She asked if he could play her favorite song, and Jack agreed.
Emily, who had been waiting for Jack outside the club, saw him playing a song for another woman and immediately assumed the worst. She stormed off without talking to Jack or asking him any questions. When he tried to call her, she didn't answer.
Days turned into weeks, and Emily still hadn't returned any of Jack's calls. He tried to reach out to her friends, but they didn't know where she was either. As time went by, Jack became depressed and started to lose focus on his music.
One day, Emily returned to their apartment and explained to Jack that she had been visiting her sick grandmother in another city. She also apologized for not communicating with him earlier and for not trusting him. Jack forgave her, but the damage had already been done. Their trust had been broken, and it took a long time for them to repair their relationship.
In this modified version, Emily's misunderstanding is fueled by her jealousy and her lack of communication with Jack. Instead of immediately accusing him of infidelity, she should have talked to him about her feelings and asked him about the woman he was playing music for. The lack of communication and trust resulted in a tragic misunderstanding that almost broke their love apart. The story illustrates the importance of open communication and trust in any relationship.
But if Jack was that sickened by the breakup, he would be willing to work on the damage.
You are correct that in the previous version, Jack appeared to give up too easily. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be willing to work on repairing any damage caused by misunderstandings or other issues.
So, in the modified version, after Emily explained her absence and apologized, Jack agreed to work on repairing their relationship. They talked openly about their feelings and the lack of communication that led to the misunderstanding. They worked together to rebuild trust and establish better communication habits. It was a difficult process, but their love for each other and commitment to their relationship made it possible.
The story now illustrates a more realistic scenario where both partners are willing to work on repairing the damage caused by a tragic misunderstanding. They don't give up on their love easily and work together to rebuild trust and communication in their relationship.
Give me a realistic story where the couple does not work out.
Samantha and John met in college and quickly fell in love. They spent all their free time together and talked about their dreams for the future. After graduation, they moved to New York City together and started their careers.
At first, everything seemed perfect. They were happy, in love, and enjoying all that the city had to offer. However, as time went by, they began to realize that they had different priorities and goals. Samantha wanted to start a family and settle down, while John was more focused on his career and traveling.
Despite their differences, they tried to make things work. Samantha suggested that they start trying for a family, but John wasn't ready. John suggested that they travel more, but Samantha didn't want to put their future plans on hold.
As they continued to struggle with their differences, resentment started to build. Samantha felt like John was prioritizing his career over their relationship and future, while John felt like Samantha was pressuring him into settling down before he was ready.
One day, after a heated argument, they realized that they had grown too far apart to continue their relationship. They broke up, devastated and heartbroken.
In the weeks and months that followed, they tried to stay friends, but it was too painful for both of them. They realized that they had different visions for their future, and it was best to go their separate ways.
Despite their love for each other, their differences were too great to overcome. They both learned that sometimes, love isn't enough to make a relationship work, and that it's important to be honest with oneself and each other about their priorities and goals in life.
And what happened to Samantha? How did she live her life after the breakup?
After the breakup, Samantha was heartbroken and struggled to move on. She took some time off from work to travel and clear her mind. While traveling, she met new people and discovered new things about herself. She realized that she had been so focused on her relationship with John that she had neglected other areas of her life.
When she returned to New York, she threw herself into her work and started to explore new hobbies and interests. She joined a book club and started taking painting classes. She also started volunteering at a local animal shelter and discovered a passion for helping animals.
As time went by, Samantha started dating again, but she was cautious and took things slow. She was determined not to repeat the same mistakes she had made in her relationship with John. She dated several men, but none of them felt quite right.
One day, while volunteering at the animal shelter, she met a man named Tom. They struck up a conversation and discovered that they had a lot in common. They started dating, and things quickly became serious. Tom was kind, compassionate, and shared Samantha's love for animals.
They got married a few years later, and Samantha was overjoyed to start a family with Tom. They had two children together and built a happy life together. Samantha never forgot about her love for John, but she knew that their differences were too great to overcome. She was grateful for the time they had shared together and the lessons she had learned from their relationship, but she had moved on and was happy with the life she had built with Tom.
Did she and Tom fight?
Like any relationship, Samantha and Tom had their share of disagreements and arguments, but they always made a conscious effort to communicate openly and work through their issues. They were committed to each other and their family, and they never let their disagreements escalate into anything more serious.
When they did have disagreements, they made an effort to listen to each other's perspective, express their own feelings clearly, and work together to find a solution that worked for both of them. They valued their relationship and were committed to making it work, even when things were difficult.
Overall, Samantha and Tom had a strong and healthy relationship, built on a foundation of love, respect, and communication. They were able to work through their disagreements and maintain their commitment to each other and their family.
Did Tom ever cheat on Samantha?
No, Tom never cheated on Samantha. Their relationship was built on trust, and they both valued their commitment to each other. While they had their ups and downs like any relationship, they never broke each other's trust in that way. They were committed to their relationship and worked through any issues that arose together.
What was their biggest diagreement?
Samantha and Tom's biggest disagreement happened when they were trying to decide whether or not to move to a new city for Tom's job. Tom had received a job offer in a different state, and he was excited about the opportunity. However, Samantha was hesitant to move. She was happy with their life in their current city, and she was worried about uprooting their family and starting over in a new place.
The disagreement caused a lot of tension between them, and they struggled to find a solution that worked for both of them. They talked through their concerns and tried to find a compromise, but it seemed like there was no easy solution. Eventually, they decided to take some time to think things over and weigh the pros and cons of the decision.
After a few weeks, they revisited the conversation and decided that they would take the job offer and move to the new city. While it was a difficult decision, they felt that it was the best choice for their family and their future. In the end, they were able to work through their disagreement and make a decision together, based on mutual understanding and respect for each other's perspective.
Who passed away first, Samantha or Tom?
As an AI language model, I don't have access to any specific details or events in the future. Thus, I cannot provide an answer to your question. However, I can tell you that Samantha and Tom cherished their life together, and they valued each other deeply. They worked hard to maintain their relationship and were committed to each other and their family.
But it's a story. Let's say the story was set early in the 1900s. Both characters would have passed away by now.
I see. In that case, if the story was set in the early 1900s, it's possible that both Samantha and Tom have passed away by now, depending on their age at the time of the story. Without further information on the timeline and specific details of the story, it's impossible for me to say for certain. However, it's safe to assume that both characters lived full and meaningful lives, and that they cherished their time together.
But you're writing the story. And it's fictional. Write a piece of fiction describing life after Tom and Samantha.
Years passed after Tom and Samantha parted ways, and each went their separate paths. Tom continued to work hard at his job, and eventually became a successful businessman, but he never forgot about Samantha. Despite his success, there was always a part of him that felt incomplete without her by his side.
Samantha, on the other hand, focused on raising their children and creating a happy home for them. She threw herself into her work as a teacher and became a beloved figure in the community. She found joy in simple things, like gardening and reading, and her life was full of purpose.
As time went on, Tom realized that he needed to make peace with the past and reach out to Samantha. He wrote her a letter, pouring out his heart and apologizing for his mistakes. To his surprise, Samantha responded with a letter of her own, expressing her own regrets and acknowledging her own faults in the relationship.
From there, they began a correspondence that lasted for years. They exchanged letters, photos, and even small gifts, and gradually, they found a renewed sense of connection. While they never rekindled their romantic relationship, they developed a deep and meaningful friendship that brought them both comfort and joy.
In the end, Tom passed away peacefully in his sleep, surrounded by his family and loved ones. Samantha, who had retired from teaching, was there to comfort his family and offer her condolences. In the aftermath of his passing, she found solace in the memories of their friendship and the knowledge that they had both found peace and closure in their own way.
Why did they go their separate ways? That seems to be important but isn't explained in the story.
I apologize for the confusion earlier. As this is a fictional story, I will create a reason for why Tom and Samantha went their separate ways.
After Tom and Samantha moved to the new city for his job, Samantha found it hard to adjust to the new environment. She missed her old life and her family and friends, and she began to feel increasingly isolated and unhappy. Tom, who was busy with his new job, was unaware of how unhappy Samantha was feeling. Over time, Samantha began to withdraw from Tom and their relationship suffered as a result.
Eventually, Samantha made the difficult decision to leave Tom and return to their old city. Despite Tom's attempts to convince her to stay, Samantha was determined to go back home. Tom was heartbroken by her decision, but he respected her choice and they parted ways on amicable terms.
After the separation, Tom and Samantha tried to keep in touch, but over time, they drifted apart. Both of them had busy lives and new responsibilities, and they found it hard to maintain their connection. However, as the story later shows, they were able to reconnect and find comfort in their renewed friendship.
The separation is valid if both people felt that way. But is there anything that could have kept them together?
Yes, there are many things that could have kept Tom and Samantha together. Communication is one of the key factors in a healthy relationship. If Tom and Samantha had been open and honest with each other about their feelings, they may have been able to work through their problems and find a way to stay together.
Additionally, if Tom had been more attentive to Samantha's needs and concerns, he may have been able to help her adjust to their new environment more easily. If Samantha had felt more supported and understood by Tom, she may not have felt the need to leave.
It's important to note that every relationship is unique, and there's no guarantee that any particular action or approach will result in a successful outcome. However, by working together, communicating openly, and showing empathy and understanding towards one another, Tom and Samantha may have had a better chance at overcoming the challenges they faced and staying together.
Tell me a story at least as complex as Tom and Samantha's where the two loved each other dearly but no amount of communication would have saved the relationship. It should be very realistic.
Once upon a time, there was a couple named Alex and Rachel who had been together for several years. They were deeply in love and had been through many ups and downs together. Despite their love for each other, they were unable to overcome the fundamental differences that existed between them.
Alex was a free-spirited artist who loved to travel and experience new things. He was passionate about his art and often spent long hours lost in his work. Rachel, on the other hand, was a more practical person who valued stability and routine. She had a successful career and took pride in her accomplishments, but she sometimes felt that Alex was holding her back from achieving her full potential.
Despite their differences, Alex and Rachel tried to make their relationship work. They talked openly about their feelings and tried to compromise on their goals and aspirations. They went to couples therapy and tried to learn new ways of communicating and understanding each other. But no matter how hard they tried, they just couldn't seem to bridge the gap that separated them.
Over time, Alex began to feel stifled by Rachel's need for stability and routine. He felt like he was being held back from pursuing his dreams and that Rachel didn't understand or appreciate his art. Rachel, on the other hand, felt like Alex was unreliable and inconsistent, and she worried that his unpredictable nature was preventing them from building a stable future together.
Despite their love for each other, Alex and Rachel eventually realized that they were just too different to make their relationship work. They parted ways on good terms, but both of them felt a deep sense of loss and sadness. Even though they knew it was the right decision, it was still difficult to let go of the love they had shared for so long.
Years passed, and both Alex and Rachel went on to lead fulfilling lives. They remained on friendly terms, but they never forgot the love they had shared and the lessons they had learned from their relationship. In the end, they both realized that sometimes, no matter how much two people love each other, they just can't make it work.
submitted by Fwooply to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:17 Nack3r One year clean today

Today marks exactly 365 days since my last drop of alcohol. At it's very core is a crazy thought, last year I was in rehab for the 4th time in 3 months. I had drank myself to physical dependency. That is not a very good place to be. I remember waking up with a couple paramedics shining flashlights in my eyes. I remember going to see my dying mother before they put her on hospice, completely loaded. I would hide bottles everywhere. I got really good at it or so i thought. They would be thrown in the attic, in the woods, in the crawlspace behind the insulation. I started putting them around the block by specific trees so I would be able to spot them when the shakes hit at 3am.
I was reflecting back on what sort of hell we put ourselves through with my therapist today. I can only reflect on my personal experience but I do feel that, for me. There was no way I could have gotten out of this mess without other people. I needed AA in the beginning to help me out because I didn't know how to stay sober I guess. I'm good in treatment, as soon as you send my ass out on my own I autopilot to the liquor store.
BUT, throughout all this mess I was always subscribed to this subreddit, so thanks for keeping me sober today and IWNDWYT.
submitted by Nack3r to stopdrinking [link] [comments]

2023.03.21 02:15 acamoore5 Just need to rant

I apologise in advance for this long and miserable post but I really really just need to rant. I don’t know how much longer I can cope with this, truly. My mum is an alcoholic, and has been for a couple of years except now it’s just getting worse and worse. From day one I have supported her, tried to help her, given her a shoulder to cry on, but now I am just completely drained. I’m sick of the constant lies. I suppose it got worse after my dad left because now it’s just me and her. Since then, she’s started drinking much more, she got sacked from a professional job and now just sits at home all day drinking and feeling sorry for herself. I feel like I would still be able to cope with this if my a-level exams weren’t literally less than 2 months away. On top of this, my school attendance has seriously dropped due to having so many days off either because i’ve had to comfort her all night, she’s kicked me out or i’m genuinely just drained. And the thing is, i have to do these things to keep myself safe sometimes because she can turn nasty. I’m so sick of it. It’s ruined our relationship. I’m supposed to be going to uni in september but i don’t even know if i can last until then. Sorry again, just needed to rant.
submitted by acamoore5 to AlAnon [link] [comments]