Bath and body works san clemente

I have had some recent personal experiences that heavily related to the recent podcast, so I thought I would share my journey thus far. I am a 24 real old guy living in a small secluded town in Alaska. I have been distant with my emotions for as long as I can remember. I am not sure why I was this way because I didn't think emotions made me look "weak" or anything like that, and I would never think that if another guy was showing his emotions. I was honestly a bit envious of guys who were able to be vulnerable in that way. I finally realized that what I was experiencing was likely undiagnosed depression for quite some time. I had "emotional dampening" which caused all of my emotions to be viewed through a fog, the good and the bad. I often felt bummed out when I couldn't experience joy for doing things I used to love, but I will admit that I was able to take the difficulties that life threw out me with ease because I didn't feel all that sad either. Everything was just dull. I couldn't allow myself to enjoy playing video games because I felt like I was being "unproductive", I couldn't allow myself to enjoy sitting and watching a show/movie for the same reason, and I stopped listening to music pretty much entirely. I had just kind of been floating through life like this without thinking much of it. Late into 2022 I had several challenging life experiences that honestly pushed me to my breaking point mentally and emotionally. My long term girlfriend and best friend went out of my life, my father had a severe stroke, and my mother got diagnosed with cancer all in the span of about 2 weeks. I didn't know how to react to any of these events now that I was alone, and it was probably the worst I have ever felt in my entire life. Food didn't taste good, I didn't have an appetite, and my brain felt like it was full of jumbled and confusing thoughts. I felt isolated, I had an identity-crises, and I felt hopeless for the future. I strongly considered seeking out the help of a therapist, but I figured I would try giving journaling a shot before that. I found that I was able to reach deep down into my core to determine how/why/what I am feeling, which was comforting in a way. I then made myself a list of things I wanted to be able to enjoy again. I wanted to enjoy listening to music, watching tv/movies, playing games, sitting in the sun, and relaxing without feeling unproductive. It took a decent amount of time to find the motivation to push myself forward; I got a gym membership to better my physical and mental health, I started interacting with my community more and started volunteering, and I tried pushing myself to do things I have always wanted to do. But I am in a great headspace now, I have a healthy social circle, and I actually have passions for my hobbies again. And most importantly, I have been able to feel all sorts of emotions again; even when I feel anxious or worried I think to myself that it is better than not feeling anything at all like before. I have since crossed several things off of my checklist, which is extremely motivating for me. While exercising does release endorphins to help you feel better, it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy to truly change your mindset. I exercised quite a bit at home before getting a gym membership, and it was not able to single handedly help me in my battle with depression. My point to all of this is that when people say taking antidepressants is the "easy way out" and that putting hard work in the gym is what you truly need, I would whole-heartedly disagree. Actually, I would almost go as far as saying it is the opposite. If all that I had to do was go exercise and have fun each day to cure my depression, I would do it in an instant. Journaling was thankfully a successful form of therapy for me, but I know that won't be the case for everyone. Either way, there is a long road ahead of self-reflection, therapy, and working to better yourself. And if the chemicals in your brain still cannot be strong enough, antidepressants are absolutely life changing. I would rather train at the gym and break my body 24-hours a day for the rest of my life than experience what I felt at that part of my life again. Exercise can be a great distraction from your problems, but that is only forcing these feelings deeper down and is an unhealthy coping mechanism. I was absolutely a bottler for my problems, and it can be extremely daunting to consider opening up that vault. But you need to bust it open in order to improve. It is funny, but I almost feel like I know less about myself each day because the more that I am able to learn, the more that I realize I don't yet know. I am sure I still have a long way to go, but I am miles ahead of where I started. I am now in my self-care era and I try to shed some light on my experiences whenever I can, you never know who might be going through a similar experience.
p.s. I have been H3 Army since long before the podcast and I have never missed an episode. Keep up the great work, Family!
p.p.s we stan Dan!

Star was 18 years old. She lived a cool life and deserved every second of it. 2 days ago she began her journey to the other side. It was time. Trying to maintain the quality of life she needed and deserved was getting hard. Her body was aging as well as her mind. It hit us quickly. She went from quiet and reserved to shallow breathing and confusion overnight. I left for work this morning thinking she would be gone by the time I got home. She waited for me. My heart was crushed seeing her so close to the edge and still hanging on. I sat with her for a few hours. We listened to music. We shared the joy of pets and snuggles together. We lived in a moment set aside for what was coming. When she passed I felt her last breath. This happened just a couple of hours ago. As devastated I am about not being with my best friend everyday I'm also content. She did it well. She did it beautifully. She used every last bit of her awesomeness to make it as soft as possible and I thank her. I know the empty house feeling will kick in. I know I'll have to deal with her toys and bowls soon. But for right now, I'm at peace knowing the end was exactly what we both needed. Rest easy my sweet girl.

My Crush got knocked up
I was thinking about her for awhile. Shes extremely gorgeous. Se was also out of state and I wanted her to model for me. We have been talking for a few months and things seemed really well. She had several tattoos around her body and a dream catcher on her leg. Thought it was unique.
I tried to warn her about hanging out with Chads and Tyrones, but she laughed it off. I was showing her some pics of the oceans I took and I thought she would like them. She always said how she loved my photos. I really thought we had a connection. She kept telling me how she wanted to meet up and hangout in Las Vegas.
I also told her that she always wore these giant fake eye lashes. I told her she shouldn't be wearing so much cause she was a natural beauty.
She calls me crying on the phone saying she met up with a guy on tinder. Got pregnant, and the art work i made for her I felt useless and I felt stupid. I traveled all around PNW to show her I was into her and I wanted to make some art for her.
Should I still visit her as a friend?

"What is inner authority? This is something else, something that needs really to be grasped. And a very simple thing to understand about the construct in Human Design is that it is all about a binary interactive system. That is, we have something we call a neutrino, and a neutrino is a subatomic particle, it has mass. It travels near the speed of light. And what it ends up traveling through is what we call crystals of consciousness.
The moment that a neutrino in zipping along hits that crystal of consciousness, the moment it hits that crystal it gives off a frequency. This is called the entry frequency and this is what we call a Base. And as the neutrino moves across the inside of the crystal, this is a frequency zone that we called tone. And when the neutrino leaves there is an exit frequency, this exit frequency is called color. So, here is the programming. The neutrino going through and where we get our breakdown of the way in which the substructure of line operates so that we've got this base-tone-color frequency. And then what we have is that we‘ve got a G Center, and in the G Center we have a magnetic monopole and the magnetic monopole has an attraction frequency.
Now this is where the dilemma is, between the exit frequency—color—and the attraction frequency from the monopole, because the monopole's frequency is dependent on the overall frequency of the design. And that overall frequency of the design if it is not correct, in other words, if it is not-self, then what happens in this zone here is that we get what's called transference. And what transference does is that it cuts us off from the information underneath. And the most important information is here, it is tonal, and tone is about cognition. In other words, it is the underlying intelligence that is there within us. The moment that you're operating according to your inner authority is the moment that the illusion, what we call our lives, that this frequency becomes correct. And when this frequency becomes correct the attraction frequency is correct, and there's no transference. And that means that the cognition, the intelligence, is able to come through and guide the being, guide the vehicle.
This is what real inner authority releases. It releases the intelligence to properly guide the vehicle. It's what's lying underneath. And you don't get to this tonal information, the cognitive information; you don't get to that cognitive information until your vehicle is operating according to its inner authority. And of course, in order for the inner authority to be effective on the physical plane, this is obviously the inner authority that has absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with mind. Nothing; it's about the body.
Human Design is all about the form principle. It is about the mechanics of the form principle in the maia in the way these things work. So, what we're looking at here is that for a huge, huge chunk of humanity that the key to being able to operate correctly, the key to being able to transform their life, the key to all of those things lies in only two very straightforward inner authorities—the Solar Plexus and the Sacral. It‘s not like humanity has to search far and wide to know how to operate correctly, that there is some incredible array of nuances. There isn't. It's very generalized. It‘s how the not-self thrives on it."
-Ra Uru Hu

A bit of backstory, scroll further down if you want to get to the advice I need.
I 23(F) have been with my partner 23(M) for 3 and a half years. We met at the start of uni and just stayed by each others side ever since. The problem is that I’ve now got myself in a situation where I live with him but he is not very nice. Because of Covid we really wanted to find somewhere to live together, he’s from a well off family, so his dad suggested that he buy a place and we could live in it and pay rent to pay off the mortgage. Which sounded like a great idea because the rent is reduced and they take care of bills. So for me coming from a poor background it made sense. Over lockdown he would do things like bite me, to him it was fun but it actually really hurt me so I told him to stop. But he would never listen so the only thing I could think to do to get him off me was to pull his hair. I know violence plus violence doesn’t solve anything. But when you’re being hurt by someone it feels instinctive to grab part of the to get them off of you, especially if they’re stronger than you. Anyway this kept happening and it would escalate, he would bite me, I would pull hair, he would get angry, hurt me more or threaten to, so this would trigger me to have panic attacks. I am very loud when I have a panic attack, practically screaming, which is involuntary, but instead of trying to calm me down if I was being too loud he would shove a pillow over my face until I stopped. Which obviously made it worse. If I get wrapped in duvets or anything too large and tightly that also triggers panic attacks because of something that happened when I was young. And because he knew this if he was annoyed with me he would force me on the bed and wrap me in a duvet, face covered. If I wasn’t being loving enough he would also attack me, if I was being too loving towards our cats and not enough towards him, he would throw the cats across the room. I know these are all awful things, and trust me I wanted to leave. But I did not have the finances, it was the middle of Covid. So I thought I’ll just wait it out until I can make a solid plan to leave. I was also in the process of finishing uni. Things got better when we got out of lockdown, because he was putting his energy somewhere else so I felt at ease again. It wasn’t perfect, but I was actually starting to like him again. Then things started to get worse, my mental health declined and I started being very distant. I could feel him being more distant and I had an instinct something else was going on for months. He started to travel for work and every time he wouldn’t speak to me except for maybe a once or every two day update. I kept asking him if something was going on. Because I felt like I was going crazy getting these visceral gut feelings and then hearing him tell me things were fine. I would even secretly check his phone sometimes and would find nothing so I felt like I was going mad. Then one day I got a message from two different girls saying: your boyfriend is cheating on you. My heart sank, but the main thing I felt was relief because it validated everything I had been feeling for months. It turns out that he had created a secret Snapchat account to send and receive nudes from random girls. The only reason this girl found me is because she was someone he used to talk to in the past and he got a hold of her. So she knew his actual full name and found me (guess there are still some good people). I obviously wanted to break up, but I again didn’t have the money and new that if I started sorting things out to leave he would either grab onto me or shout at me or try make me jealous with other people. So I had to think strategically. But I still didn’t have the finances and I also don’t have anyone that I can go to for help. I don’t have any friends and I only have my mum, as much as she’s great for emotional support she cannot help with finances. So I had to be content with what I had and try and work through all the bullshit. Unless you’ve been in a relationship like this people don’t understand, because you still love them and they’re all you have so you feel like you have to try and stick with it, because what else do you have?
Yes, after all this crap I still stuck with him because of a mixture of reasons. But I am finally at my breaking point. Tonight he came home incredibly drunk and was being jolly but all over the place. I stayed calm, gave him some water, when he fell over and stayed laying down in the living room I put a pillow under his head and a blanket over him. I was going to sleep on the sofa in the same room and I thought that was it because he basically passed out. But of course not. He woke up, started shouting from where he was laying for me to come to bed with him. I still stayed calm and said I’d help him to bed, but I knew I did want to sleep with him just to be cautious. He threw a book at me. I helped him to bed, I put an audiobook on for him, but when I tried to leave he grabbed me really tightly and would let me go. He was grabbing to the point where I was in pain and finding it hard to breath. So I told him to get off of me, I was hoping he would just pass out again and I could get away from him but he just kept holding on. He stronger than me. So the only thing else I can use is my voice. So I started to make noise and after a certain point of me screaming for him to get off of me he had had enough and just started punching me, he punched me until I had fallen off the bed and I ended up crawling towards the door while he was still punching me and got out. Luckily he didn’t follow me and I should only have some bruise on my body so he didn’t manage to injure me terribly. The thing is he has never been super aggressive and actually punched me, only done more emotional and nothing too physical. Which I know is still awful but the fact that he actually beat me, has absolutely terrified me. And I need to leave. Sorry the backstory was so long, but I have never told anyone that and it felt good to get out.
So the actual advice I need is from anyone who’s managed to get out of an abusive relationship without having very many finances. The job I have now managed to pay alright and I could afford to rent, but I don’t have any savings and couldn’t put a deposit down. I also have the issue that I have cats and so it’s harder to find properties that are pet friendly and it also means I couldn’t got to temporary Accomodation. And I cannot leave my cats with him for obvious reasons.
If anyone has any advice on how to get out of this situation it will save my life.
Any advice on how to keep myself safe in this situation while I’m still stuck here would also help.
Thank you for reading this and any for advice you give x

I am Rhonda, an American woman who lived in Majang-dong, Korea until recently and was forced to return to the United States to serve her sick parents.
I have been very happy in Korea for over three years, but my only family, my mother, suddenly got cancer, so I came to America to take care of her.
Since I lived a happier life in Korea than in the U.S., I persuaded my mother to live in Korea before she was sick, but I regret that I couldn't break my stubborn mother's heart these days.
After living in Korea for more than three years, it was such a touching country that it made me realize that life and happiness in the United States were really nothing.
Of course, ordinary people wouldn't have felt this much, but in my case, I have a bad appearance that I can't live as normal as others. I currently have a look that is hard to imagine for others who don't have a nose at all. Of course, it wasn't without a nose in the first place, but an accident in the United States caused the entire nose to lose its appearance, and the optic nerve of the nose to remain a little bit, so you have a sense of smell that you can smell very finely.
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I was able to lose my sense of smell itself, but it was fortunate for me that I avoided the optic nerve by about 3mm. Because of this situation, if I look at myself from the front, I have a bizarre appearance that would only come out in movies. However, I think it was the last good luck that came to me that there was no nose after I got to know Korea and Koreans. Before I came to Korea, I had a rough life that was completely different from other women who worked as employees of a huge butcher's factory in the United States.
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Unlike other women, I've been very interested in bone techniques that require a lot of delicate work, and when I was 20, I first got into a small land mill in a town in the United States where I lived. There was a reason for making a lot of money, but the work at the land factory was harder than I imagined.
Even for ordinary men, the work of a meat factory creates a lot of physical fatigue beyond imagination, so for ordinary women like me, it was virtually impossible to do meat processing without superhuman mental strength. Perhaps that's why, at that time, it was very difficult for me as a woman to get the opportunity to work in a meat processing factory, as I rubbed my hands and told them to give me a chance to work in a meat processing factory for even a day. But fortunately, one factory accepted me and I was able to learn a little bit of work there. The first time I became interested in bone work was largely due to my father, who is now dead. My father had the ability to do the work of bone, almost like a craftsman, and I watched him from a very young age like a hands-on learning experience, and I thought he was really cool I'm a woman too, but I dreamt that I'd have my own skills to do that one day. That's how I ended up working for more than two years at a land factory in the United States where I first got a job. By the time my friends met me and said that my body smelled mysterious, I was able to adapt to the work of the meat factory to some extent, but also to imitate a little bit of bone technology. My body always smelled like meat and my arm muscles were numb every day, but I felt like I was getting closer to my father, who I respected, so I could feel proud every day even though the work was hard. But I didn't know until then. I never dreamed that this kind of hard happiness would turn into hell overnight hell. The day I changed my life was a boring day as usual. That was a time when I had to deliver large quantities of meat to a cafeteria in the U.S., so I went to the factory early in the morning and did simple preparations to deliver the meat. Because of the nature of the bone-breaking work, the tools used are also rather strong, so I was very carefully arranging the tools one by one in the factory and waiting for other workers to come to work. But at that time, I didn't know what I was thinking, but I thought I could do it with a small bone, and at that time, I didn't fully master the work skills, but I thought I could do it with a small bone. Immediately I went into the primary separation using a little rope saw, and that's when I lost my nose for the first time. It was a much weaker tool than I thought it would be, because it was my first time working on a bone, so I came into contact with it in a very dense area, and it bounced off in an instant and passed through my nose. All of this happened at a really unexpected moment and it was an accident in less than 10 seconds. At first, it didn't seem like anything happened, but then I realized that something was wrong with my nose. I grabbed my nose in a hurry and ran to the entrance where the employees went to work, and that was the first time in my life that I experienced a sense of faint. When I opened my eyes after a brief faint, it wasn't an environment where I could breathe coolly. My nose was covered with a ton of bandages and I was so frustrated to breathe that I couldn't even get a grip on the situation. Shortly after I came to my senses, a doctor came and urgently operated on me, so the optic nerve of the nose could remain, but I couldn't save the appearance, and he said, "I might be surprised if I took off the bandage, so I couldn't understand why I should be prepared." Until then, I thought that I only had a scar on my nose, and I was nervous while recharging my physical strength day by day because I thought I could rest in the hospital for the first time in a while, but I was able to have some rest. But after all the treatment, the first day I removed the bandage, I looked at the nose in the mirror and was really embarrassed. It's because there's not even a shape of the nose that's hard to say it's a nose, and there's a woman in the mirror with a really bizarre appearance that I've only seen in movies.

serious note I’m interested only in men that live in the USA & I will not respond to messages without a photo* Also I want to be up front and honest that I am a plus size woman even though I don’t necessarily look it in my photo but I am. Wanted to just be open on that since I know not every guy out there is into bigger women.
Hi there :) my name is Kara. Though I know my post says I’m seeking a serious relationship, I just want to disclose that that’s not what I expect to find here. It’s just my own personal journey I’m on but I very much welcome genuine friendship if that’s all we’re compatible with.
So, about me. The things that make me smile the most are animals, heavy metal music, peaceful nature landscapes, deep meaningful conversations where there’s mutual emotional and mental connection
Things that make me laugh the most are South Park, a random YouTube channel I watch that involves vulgar puppets, inappropriate words/drawings on random things that make said object appear more obscene than it is
I’m mostly a very friendly, chill person with a passion for traveling and animals along with enjoying doing my own thing. I’m not much of a follower, I prefer to walk my own path and indulge in my own hobbies and interests. I’d love to find others on here who enjoy doing that as well.I’m also a big fan of horror movies. If you’re also really into horror movies then that would be a big plus for me. I do prefer to connect with others who also enjoy horror movies. It unfortunately is disappointing to me if you’re not real into horror movies and I’ll be honest, not being into them or being open to them is a dealbreaker.
I won’t go into too many details on what I look for in a relationship but I do want to briefly state that I’m not the casual hook up type. If you’re into that then that’s cool, you do you. But that’s not for me and it never will be. I’d be most compatible with someone who also prefers something serious and long term. Someone who is honest, hard working, sincere, genuine, funny, emotionally intelligent, patient & considerate,is introspective, along with being physically affectionate , and loves animals as much as I do. I’m definitely not the religious type since I’m agnostic and I don’t ever want kids either. I don’t do drugs either so again, if you do them then that’s your choice. I won’t judge you but drug use is a deal breaker for me unless it’s occasional pot use for medicinal purposes. As a whole, I definitely seek a partner that will make me smile, make me laugh, support me, respect me and shares some of my values and beliefs. I know no one can tick off all of my boxes cause no one is a perfect fantasy. I just want you to tick off enough to where there’s enough chemistry to make a healthy long lasting relationship.
So yeah, that about wraps up my post and what I’m aiming for :) if I sound like we’d click well and hit it off then feel free to reach out. But I’d prefer you to do so if you have intentions of wanting to keep in touch. I know ghosting is normalized in society and we all have our reasons for choosing that. I’m just not here to waste time or find a casual connection. That’s just not me. I also don’t mind a long distance relationship if we happen to hit it off well enough and I’d like to find someone who is open to that is well and would want to put in actual effort with communication and eventually meeting up in person.
Here’s a photo of me :) https://imgur.com/a/RISvYfo
If you message me, please include a photo of yourself. I really do want to see the person I’m interacting with.If you don’t send a picture, then I won’t respond to you. And physical attraction is definitely a must for me when it comes to relationships. I don’t expect you to look like a celebrity or a Greek god but I definitely am most attracted to a masculine, clean shaven (beards are a turn off for me) looking face & a healthy body that’s just fit and can tell that a person cares about their health and how they look.First impressions matter a whole lot to me as well, I don’t particularly like when a guy comes on too strongly or comes across as too desperate. That’s all. And also I’m only interested in forming connections within the 24-36 age group. We’re probably more likely to have things in common that way. When it comes to the younger crowds in their mid 20s, I can vibe with them well but only if they’re mature for their age and can hold deep conversations on various topics and at least have some confidence in their social abilities.
also want to list a few dealbreakers cause I do know what I want and what I don’t want. Mainly my biggest deal breakers are if you want/already have kids, don’t want true commitment, have an immature/low confidence attitude, or if you don’t have enough of your life together. By that I mean if you currently have a lot of drama or just too many chaotic things going on to where you don’t have the time to devote to someone to form a true connection. Also being a big workaholic puts me off as well. I do understand how a job you’re super passionate about can be a big part of your life but I just don’t want someone who puts more effort into their career than a relationship. When it comes down to everything, I just want someone who is able to strike a good balance between work and family and friends and everything else. That’s really all I ask for.

I just want to complain because it’s midnight and I’m lonely.
I have super sensitive skin and facial hair irritates it. I once made out with a guy and ended up with contact dermatitis on my chin for a month. My husband knows this and won’t shave. Or he will shave but we don’t fuck and then he blames my “body language” as the problem and won’t shave again for weeks. And maybe that is part of the problem because years of on again off again DB have left me literally just curling into myself and obviously I’m not going to have very “fuck me” body language because as we all know there is nothing like the embarrassment of being rejected. He’s also stopped caring whatsoever about his appearance. I like all body types and he’s naturally fit but like, he’s wearing the same jeans for a week straight. I can’t even snatch them to wash them because they’re on his body and off to work before I realize it.
I feel like I’m super resentful that he doesn’t care about his appearance or that it causes me pain because he’s been so unkind to me in the past whenever I’ve cut my hair. I have extremely long hair and I know he loves it but it gets caught and it’s really uncomfortable sometimes. I keep it for him because I already feel like he doesn’t find me attractive but then I see him with a gnarly beard and gross jeans and I’m like for what? I didn’t lose myself when we had kids. I take really good care of my appearance, I’m very pretty naturally and even though I’m chubby, I know that’s actually something he likes in a woman. I feel like he does this stuff so I’ll avoid him and then uses my “body language” as a means to make it all my fault when we discuss it.
We’ve separated twice in the past and each time he cleans up, acts interested and then falls back into this the moment he thinks I’m not paying attention.
Why do we end up with people who are the complete opposite to us?

Species: dog Age: 7 Sex/Neuter status: male/neutered Breed: chihuahua/terrier Body weight: 17 lbs History: fairly healthy dog who had recent dental surgery/cleaning. Was on Fresh Pet for years and switched to Purina Pro in September at vet’s recommendation Clinical signs: Belly looks distended, slightly elevated liver enzymes, 1.5 pound weight gain since September Duration: last 2-3 months Your general location: Connecticut Links to test results, vet reports, X-rays etc.
Most of the info above— I have a 7-year-old healthy chihuahua/terrier mix who had dental work in early January and due to this, we got extensive blood work done in September that came back totally normal. We also switched his food from FreshPet to Purina Pro at the recommendation of our vet.
About 2 months ago we started to notice his belly looked very pot bellied, almost like a puppy. He’s been overweight before and his belly never looked like that. He does not seem uncomfortable and is eating normally. He is mostly peeing normally though maybe slightly more “volume” than usual (longer pees.)
I took him to the vet and she said his liver enzymes are slightly elevated from September but not to a concerning level. She said it could be age related but combined with the belly I should do further testing. I’m having an ultrasound done and then I will also do the Cushing’s test if it looks appropriate based on the ultrasound.
Could this possibly related to the food change? My vet said no and she recommends Purina pro over the freshpet. Also, why would this come on so suddenly? Should I prepare myself for the worst if his liver is enlarged even if he has no other symptoms?
Thank you.

New throwaway account because, well, because this is embarrassing as hell. In short, most of it is about being hard enough to push through the folds of the vagina and then cumming from regular sex.
I (19M) had sex for the first two times today and ten days ago with two different partners, both were nearby university students (one of them at the university I’m studying in), and everyone was completely sober both of these times. Because both were on birth control, we decided to do it raw. I’m tall, but not that tall down there (5” in the best of times) and shorter if I am not fully hard. I don’t use alcohol, drugs, nor smoke. I am in generally pretty good physical health, am fit enough to walk a lot without gettin tired. I can get hard quickly, when tap into a fantasy, especially if I put my hand there, but my hardness often goes away within a couple of minutes simply by me having my mind going somewhere else. I used to be rejected a lot, and I was excited to have sex.
Usually I am a really, really horny guy and I would have to masturbate once or even twice a day. When I masturbate I am really sensitive to pressure in my inner thighs, like an extra pillow or a blanket, between my legs, and that would bring me to orgasm within a few minutes. I think I am also somewhat sensitive to stimulation on my lower shaft. And I found I cum the easiest while laying down, face to my left. Laying down or laying in another direction needs a lot more time for a less satisfying finish. I’ve been masturbating like this since I was eleven or twelve. Oftentimes I accompany my masturbation with fantasies, visualizing myself plunging into some of my cute and nerdy classmates (I’m a CS major). I consume softcore porn a good amount, like masturbating to fit women in gym clothes or beautiful curvy women in leggings, although when I close my eyes I have imagined very hardcore and graphic fantasies I’ve read from sex subreddit (i.e. threesomes). I might be committing myself to some sort of a stupid death grip, I don’t know.
The first time, after we had kissed all over each other, and I’ve fingered her and ate her out, we tried missionary, I was basically just hard enough to do that, and we tried switching positions. Doggy took a lot of energy, and didn’t feel that good for the first partner, so we tried doing it in cowgirl. I was on my back and couldn’t stay hard enough for her to guide my penis into her vagina, so she blew me and we tried again. We failed again, and I tried doing it in missionary again and then I still wasn’t hard enough to fuck her again. I asked her to finish me with a blowjob, but, I couldn’t unless I humped her legs and came on her thighs. I felt embarrassed not being able to stay hard and cum in her like a normal person. Luckily, she reassured me afterwards, and I was lucky enough to make her cum twice on my fingers/lips and once while in missionary, so, that didn’t let my confidence drop to the seafloor.
I talked to a really close friend about this, he said that first time was a high-anxiety situation and this wouldn’t happen once it’s second time or whenever I feel comfortable just having casual sex.
The second time, now with the second partner, we kissed each other, and then I fingered her because I didn’t like the way she smelled down there (didn’t tell her though). I tried entering her in missionary, but the leg angle was awkward and her vagina was lower than the level of my legs. It was super awkward trying to enter her, my legs got my cock higher than comfortable to have sex in missionary, and I went soft. We decided to go for doggy. I was again barely hard enough to do doggy, and she enjoyed missionary more, so after a couple minutes we tried missionary again. Well, fuck, it didn’t work, and we tried doggy again and it didn’t work. We ended up cuddling because she didn’t want to have sex anymore. She asked if I wanted to come over another time to have sex. That made me just feel even worse about sexual performance.
I’m feeling horrible about myself, I don’t know why body just doesn’t want me to enjoy sex, and I am worried whether I can have children (I want to at some point in life). I am questioning why my sex life is so awful right now as I can’t stay hard and cum like everyone else, after a lot of rejection while I was slightly younger and even hornier. Somehow I just couldn’t muster my fantasy of having passionate, intimate sex into me staying hard and cumming. My emotions are mostly sadness, mixed with a little anger and a bit of anxiousness about the future. If a particular issue will make me go to therapy, this might be it.
Maybe I’ll have to work at Microsoft when I graduate :(

I was leaving work tonight and was parked in front of one of those cement blocks that have light post placed in them so my only option is to back out to leave. The parking lot light is well lit. As I backed up I was looking in my camera at the body of the car behind me to make sure I was not getting too close, then all of a sudden I felt a little bump. I pulled forward and was a little shocked because I didnt think I was anywhere near the car but then had to do the whole forward and reverse to not hit the back of the car parked directly to my right because the car behind me practically wedged me in.
Nobody was outside and I'm not sure if theres cameras or not. I looked out my window and didnt see any damage to the car and left. When I got home I inspected my own vehicle and there was no damage.
Guilt and anxiety kept filling my head so I decided to drive back over to work to one, see if the car was there still and two just pull up in front of it to see if there was any damage. Again it's a well lit parking lot and I did notice that this truck was actually pulled up really far forward in their spot which explains why I couldnt see their dark colored bumber in my camera and why I was wedged in so much that I did bump it - I was more so paying attention to the body of the vehicle I could make out in my camera
I drove right up in front of it (twice to be sure) and looked out my drivers side window. It's a white truck and I couldnt make out any damage to the paint or the bumber the two times I drove around looking at it.
I work with a lot of people(in a restaurant) and know that this would be someone closing for the night at our place of work but I'm not sure who's car it is for sure. I know who is closing from our schedule so I can always see if they are there another day to figure out who's vehicle it is. And plan to next time I see it maybe just park near it and casually check the front in the day time more throughly to double, triple, quadruple check.
But I feel like I really didnt leave any damage especially since I was looking at the car as I backed out slowly. I just get really bad anxiety and cant stop thinking there may be some damage I couldn't see. I guess it's better that I probably work with this person so I'm sure it can be handle nicely IF there is damage to any part of their vehicle and most likely because I couldnt visibly see anything having been harmed on it - so I'd be surprised if they cared or even noticed by the time they leave work tonight.
I would have been far too embarassed to go in and ask around to find out who's car it is so that's why I drove back to check. But again, I saw nothing and there was nothing on my car.
I still feel a little guilty and know I should have probably gone in and asked around but if theres no visible damage- is not saying anything ok?

I've never been good at expressing myself or how I feel due to the stigma and outlandish nature and severity of some of my issues. But in the short 19 years I've been alive, I've never told anyone the things I've done, or the things others have done to me in an attempt to take them to my grave. But seeing as I outlived the life expectancy I imagined, I figured typing it out would allow me to let go of it and feel better because I feel horrible. So, without further stalling, I think I'll just hop into it, starting at the beginning.
When I was little, I lived a life similar to what I'm accustomed to now. Alone and fairly lonely, the few friends I had were due to being more well-adjusted or, at the very least, less fucked up. In addition, one of my friends was the child of my mother's best friend, and we were about the same age. The earliest memory I have is when I was 4 years old and something I can't remember happened. I was upset about something, and my mom left me in the room to cry while she went and played with my friend. While this situation has little relevance today, I think it's a good example of the catalyst that drove my behavior all through my life to what it is now, mainly my relationship with my mom, along with others we'll get to later.
My mother was not the nicest to me, and as I grew older, I would learn how much of an understatement that was. So skip forward a couple of years due to my memory and the irrelevancy of them to the story. Basically, I was a normal-ish kid with a few friends here and there who occasionally got in trouble, for which I almost always got my ass kicked, but who didn't? Jumping back in at around 9 years old, I was in the third grade, probably my favorite year in school due to having met my best friends and getting along with most other kids. The abuse had already taken hold at this age; I was already pretty apathetic to most feelings and never smiled. It was so noticeable that when I finally did smile, a girl at lunch pointed it out like she had seen a unicorn. But I wasn't depressed; I was just angry and didn't know how to express myself.
As a result, I got into more trouble, some of it BS, some of it not, such as my music teacher sending me to the principal for mouthing curse words while quietly talking to myself. In my defense, I wasn't talking about her; I was all the way in the back and didn't know the ambiguous individual could read lips. In fifth grade, I had a female teacher and her assistant whom I disliked because the teacher, in my opinion, was a dick and her assistant would constantly misinterpret what I said as if I were speaking Japanese. She asked me for a paper, and it being a round table, I didn't want to bend all the way across the table to slide her the paper. So I slid the paper gently across the table, and, as anticlimactic as it sounds, the paper slowly made its way to her, and she did not even attempt to grab it or stop it. Instead, she let it fall on the floor and claimed I "threw" it at her. I got sent to my homie at this point, the principal (she wasn't my biggest fan either).
These two incidents led to some of the worst ass beatings I've received at this point in my life. I would later come home to my mom, who is about 2.5 times bigger and stronger than me, and she was furious. I was punched in my chest and thrown into a stool on the ground, followed by a merciless beating with a belt, and left alone to stare at a wall, wallowing in my sadness. I think I could have handled the physical abuse, but the most damaging was the mental and verbal abuse. I would be forced to strip down to my t-shirt and underwear and stand at the door for hours. while she faked phone calls to my relatives, telling them to come get me and that I'd be leaving, before telling me to go sit down. I was constantly threatened with my life if I didn't comply, told I was a worthless "father less individual", etc. I would yell and scream so loudly that apparently our neighbors could hear it, which led to DCFS being called.
How it was explained to me was that the lady next door was crazy (even though we knew her kid, who was like 2 years younger and went to the same school), and the DCFS agent would take me away to a horrible place, a foster home. My mother told me that if that were the case, I wouldn't be placed with my other family members; nope, straight to the government. She came in my room a week before the agent to "warn" me of the dangers I might face if I snitched on her. She made me watch an hour-long documentary about people who were abused by the staff of foster homes, drilling into my head that if I ended up there, the other kids would pick on me and steal from me. That the staff would repeatedly molest (she had a weird thing with this one; I was asked about it every other day if "someone was playing with my butt" completely unprompted from 3rd to 6th grade) me and my toe would be eaten by mice as she claimed happened to my cousin (apparently he needed his toe graphed back on but I never confirmed this with him).
All of this terrified me, so when the time came to nut up or shut up, my nuts retracted back upstairs, and I most definitely shut up big time. Unable to process my emotions, they started manifesting in anger, which led to me being excluded from certain events at school like the outdoor fun day. I had to stay inside while everyone else played. The principal told me that she was going easy on me, and had she been following the rules, I'd have been expelled from elementary school already (I did get suspended though). When it came time to visit the middle school near the end of the year, I had to beg them to let me go because apparently my reputation preceded me, and the middle school principal knew who I was and asked me not to come because of my behavior. My mother had an overwhelming amount of control over my life and others that I would only learn about when I was older (she was responsible for me being in the same class as my best friend 3rd through 5th grade and making sure they served food I would eat on an out-of-state field trip so I wouldn't starve). (It's not really negative, but it sets the tone for how it would soon turn negative.)
Sixth grade rolled around, but this time I got to stay with my great-grandmother in the south. The entire time away from my mother and I improved significantly; I made a lot more friends (probably because of southern hospitality) and overall had a good time (trust me, it was an oddly cool school with equally cool teachers) except for a couple other issues that came with living with my grandma. I returned the next year to mom and a new middle school. All that progress from earlier, yeah, went straight out the window almost immediately. My anger had subsided, and what was left developed into a deep depression and resentment for people, my mom included. I thought people were worthless, making friends useless, so I went out of my way to avoid most people for the longest time. Until I succumbed to my social urges and made a few friends by avoiding the lunch room and eating in one of the science classes with some kids I had other classes with. During this time, I was reluctantly in "therapy" (I had been there since elementary, just talking to social workers, but nothing came of it until now).
Trouble would always seem to follow me; anytime a message was relayed from the school to mom, it almost guaranteed an ass beating. I would seemingly get in trouble for nothing, and my teachers would unknowingly be sending me on my way down death row to meet the executioner. Once I got in trouble for "throwing" another paper. I didn't realize we needed it and put it in the recycling, but the teacher saw it and told me to keep it, so I put it under my seat, and it fell through the bars of my chair basket while I wasn't looking, and she was mad at me for it. I also told my math teacher to "stop harassing me" because every 5 minutes she was hounding me about completing some work I had no intention of doing. That mistake was damn near fatal because, for some reason, I wasn't allowed to feel harassed, and telling my teacher that was apparently way out of pocket. I should also mention I had good grades up until I eventually began failing them.
All of this leads to more violent abuse. I was shoved into a wall, which hurt my arm so bad I needed an ice pack (and had to lie to the nurse about why I needed it). The next day, I was repeatedly hit with a broom, picked up by my collar, and slammed into walls before being thrown on the ground. The physical pain would subside in hours, but because what was done and said to me never left, I would almost always be left to sit and stare alone with my thoughts, and because of this, my mental state would degrade rapidly. Nothing else could bring me to tears like the pain of the person responsible for your entire life, who was supposed to love you unconditionally, constantly tormenting you. Her words would pierce and sting, while the same thing said to me by anyone else would roll off me like water off a duck's back.
Unable to escape the constant beratement, and depending on the severity, this would send me into suicidal spirals, and when I hit emotional rock bottom and couldn't feel any worse about myself, it was the only thing I looked forward to and all I thought about for months. When people asked me, "NT (Me), what are you going to be when you grow up?" or "NT, you're getting older. Have you thought about what you're going to do when you reach x (usually 18+) years old?" I had no idea, no answer. In my mind, living to be older than 16 seemed impossible. They were right when they said time would fly by. Back at school, the stress was getting to me. During a random game of Uno, I broke down and expressed some of my feelings, along with the fact that I was almost getting my ass beat with random objects on a weekly basis.
This ultimately led to no improvements in my life, just more people in my business. The process of them trying to help was akin to getting a law passed, full of procedures and red tape they had to follow because there was no physical evidence—I had no cuts, bruises, or wounds they could see. All they had to go on was the testimony of an emotionally disturbed preteen. They recommended I be placed in a mental hospital. I stayed after school while they called my dad to pick me up, and the car ride was silent until we arrived at the hospital. He asked, "Do you want to go in?" I said, "Yeah," and he couldn't figure out why he said I had it easy as a child. Because all I had to worry about was school and I had no bills to pay, I shouldn't have any reason to kill myself. I was essentially overreacting to him. So we went home.
Because I'm about to enter the next arc of my story. I'll share some extra fun facts that aren't directly related to the story, but I'd be remiss if I didn't. Our principal told us we had too many students for what the building was originally intended for. One day, while walking up the narrow stairs in between a crowd of kids rushing for their lockers, I was knocked over and trampled. I had at least two feet up my ass, one in my back, and one on top of my head, and I couldn't get up because no one could see me. Not long after, a teacher had to stop them from walking up the stairs so I could get up. When I got to my locker, the person whose locker was next to mine casually mentioned the trampling, and to be honest, it had only happened 30 seconds before, so I was pretty blown when she said that (I looked at her like, yeah, ambiguous individual, that was me y'all were just stepping on) and I told her, "Yeah, that was me." But let's not forget the time two of my classmates were fucking around playfighting and threw each other in such a way that the dude kicked me in the face. I sat in the same spot on the wall while waiting for my teacher, and, believe it or not, lightning does strike twice, because they were fucking around again and kicked me in the face in nearly the same way. This was an advisory class we had only once a week, and to make a long story even longer, I learned not to sit next to that wall anymore.
I began high school at the age of 14 and remained largely unchanged during this time. I still couldn't talk to anyone and dealt with the stress of going home to my mom, which significantly impacted how I behaved and how my grades would turn out at first. I had almost all A's before spiraling downward; at that point, I stopped caring what others thought of me and did whatever I could to make myself feel better. I would sleep in hallways on the floor, skip class, and do little to no work. I couldn't concentrate and wasn't worried about the consequences of my decisions until I graduated. The food in my house would run short, and my mom always told me if I ate it all before she went back to the grocery store, she wouldn't buy any more. I started skipping meals and eating less per meal to stretch the food we had, and at times I couldn't move without being doubled over in pain.
I was confined to my room almost constantly. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere but school, a couple of nearby restaurants, and back home. I couldn't leave my house if I wanted to hang out with friends (if only I had any) because I had to be in her presence at all times. I hypothesized about going to hang out with a female friend and was told I wouldn't be allowed to without her following behind us (I was 17 when I asked). If I wanted to hang out with a male friend, they had to go through a background check of sorts (it was easier to get a gun card than to get some friends I could hang with). I had to get their parents' phone numbers so she could talk to them, and then she would decide whether or not I could go, which wasn't even a guarantee. Imagine you're in school, and a kid who wants to be friends with you tells you they need your parents to talk to each other and give their permission. That's embarrassing. I would imagine I'd be laughed at and made fun of, or they wouldn't go through all the trouble for someone who was already known as an incredibly strange individual, so most of the time I never tried out of fear of this.
I had no way to cope surrounded by people, and knowing what some of them might think of me, I would put my head down for weeks in every class because at this point I was genuinely terrified of people. I had developed selective mutism and would not talk to 98 percent of students and about 80 to 90 percent of staff; when I did, it was in short, vague sentences and almost only when spoken to. Up until I was 15, the abuse continued the same as before, but as I got older, it became more Physical I had mostly stopped getting hit with belts, and when I did get hit, it was in the arm and chest, with the occasional hit in the mouth. I'd be backed into a corner while my mother yelled the most vile and hurtful things at me. I was told I ruined her life and that I kept her from having a life. If I ever lost my keys, I would immediately be in trouble, but if I lied about it, that was even worse. My mom worked from home before it was cool to work from home, so she was almost constantly home. If I had lied about having my keys, I would have been locked out of the house for hours until she finished working, rain or shine; snowing and cold; hot and humid; it didn't matter. But that mostly stopped when the damage it did to me became apparent, and I had a psychotic episode.
My mother was upset with me for some reason and was yelling loudly about how worthless I was, that she wished I was never born, and so on. (At this point, I was the most miserable I'd been in a long time. My mental state was comparable to the fragility of a ceramic plate: solid, sturdy, and functional. Just pray to God you don't drop it if you'd like it to remain intact.) I became late because I had misplaced my hat, but when I told her I had it in my pocket, she said, "Let me see it then; why is it not on your head? Put it on!" So I began looking for my hat in my bookbag, and when I found it, she snatched it from my grasp and smacked me on the head with it. I felt something click inside me, like a light switch being turned on. Without warning, I began having a psychotic breakdown. I put my hands on my head and started screaming as loud as I could uncontrollably, "I can't take it! I can't take it anymore," repeatedly while frantically shuffling like a chicken with its head cut off in front of my mom. I had no control over my actions, and my mother stopped me and pulled my hands off my head, but I wouldn't stop screaming, and she had to calm me down in order for me to stop. It was terrifying for the both of us because I think it was the first time she had ever seen anything like that, and it was the first time I ever did anything like that. The feeling was terrifying almost indescribable the closest comparison I could make is to the tea cup scene from get out. I felt like I got yanked out my body while simultaneously remaining in there like my soul was trapped behind my eyes and all I could do is watch.
After that experience, my mother began to soften her stance toward me, and the big 19 began, so I had virtual classes for about two years that I never finished, but I persevered and eventually graduated (while failing a significant number of classes), and when I did, I was enrolled in an alternative school. When I was eighteen, me and my mom got into an argument because I didn't want to go back to school. It was boring and sad because there were only two or three kids in my class, and we did elementary school work all day. There were no phones, we had to wear uniforms, and free time was scarce. The only slightly good part was that we worked a couple hours a day and they paid us. But it was only four dollars an hour, and we worked two hours each day unless you were in the special work program, which meant you worked two extra hours after school. With the long cab ride there, I'd get home around 5:30 to 6:00 every day, only to wake up at 8 a.m. and do it all over again. But we agreed that if I found a job before school resumed, I wouldn't have to go. I had a week and a half to do it.
I applied everywhere and even made it all the way through orientation at one place, but I was in a factory doing 12 hour shifts and about 4 miles from my house, so I turned it down because I was scared and had to be realistic because walking multiple miles through areas I'd never been to daily was just too much for me. I was told I had to leave if I wasn't working or going to school, and I couldn't stay the night. I was kicked out after calling my grandparents, who said I could stay with them. I packed two weeks worth of clothes and walked over there. The first few weeks were weird, but I finally saw the light at the end of the world's darkest and longest tunnel. For the first time in years, I knew what it was like to not be abused and verbally assaulted on a daily basis. But, unfortunately, I was beyond repair, at least on my own. I searched for a job and tried to enroll in college, but I was never taught or allowed to do that growing up. I was raised indoors and was never taught the skills needed to survive outside. I still didn't know how to talk to people, and I was terrified of them. I would have panic attacks a couple times a month and rely on others to feed and clothe me. I was wearing the same two weeks worth of clothes for several months until my great-grandmother sent me more.
Around this time I started smoking weed, and it was amazing how those first times getting high were the best and made me forget all about my problems and truly relax. But I didn't know what I was getting into and developed an exponentially growing habit. I started taking fake Xanax and getting slumped while I went about my day high as a kite. Just to forget about the majority of what I did the following day. The only reason my Xan problem didn't get out of hand was that I kept losing all of the pills after a few times, so I stopped buying them. But it was too late when I exhausted the small amount I had and began withdrawing. Let me tell you, like anyone else who has dealt with Xan withdrawals will tell you, they are not to be played with; hell isn't even a good enough comparison. It's something I truly wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. (My mom excluded.) I had severe paranoia, extreme agitation, a splitting headache that wouldn't quit, and panic attacks frequently (plus a strong urge to KMS as well, which is normal at this point). But I was lucky: Xanax is the only drug that can kill you by going cold turkey, and if your body became physically dependent, you were more than likely to have multiple seizures coming your way.
My replacement for Xanax was fake Mallinckrodt pills, aka dirty 30s, blues, perc 30s, or whatever name you used or knew they were synonymous with fentanyl or worse. (Believe me when I say they most definitely make things worse than fent) I'm confident I got worse because they didn't test positive for fent, which means its something the test couldn't detect. I turned full junkie and was smoking them off foil before I was 19. I overdosed twice going to sleep, and I was never confident if I was going to wake up. The opioid withdrawals are 100x easier than the Xans, and I was smoking drugs stronger than fentanyl. I quit those, and not too long after, I was taking fake ecstasy pills and Molly capsules, which, aside from the slight stimulant psychosis and vomiting, were probably my favorites. They let me experience happiness for the first time and gave me the ability to communicate and interact with other people. It felt like I'd been missing something my entire life.
Now I'm 19 on the cusp of being a broke "adult" with no real skills, aspirations, or anything positive going for him. This year I discovered while in high school I was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, ODD, social anxiety disorder, and antisocial personality disorder, all while attending school, and nobody ever told me or hinted at it to me in the slightest at all. I guess they just wanted me to cruise through life ignorant and struggling. I'm constantly reminded of how much of a burden I am because I can't do much more than take care of myself. I hide it somewhat well due to my lifelong fear of being mistaken for insane, but it takes an enormous amount of effort to even get out of bed and make something to eat. In order to keep the invasive thoughts and feelings away, I have to keep myself entertained and amused all day or else the feelings come rushing back. I honestly hate my life. I have little to look forward to and regret my almost entire life due to me ruining any chance at fun I had growing up because of how I behaved. I can barely leave my house, and if I go anywhere beyond a couple of blocks, I have panic attacks and get extreme anxiety that effects me physically. I feel my ability to comprehend and understand things slowing down. It's harder to focus and pay attention, and I feel almost like an alien when I'm around other people.
Recently, I had a phone call with my mom and had a panic attack (we haven't spoken in 2 years since I was put out). It was just like old times, when she was mad at me about a misunderstanding and was yelling and screaming about how I don't care that I'm wasting her money. (she bought my phone as a gift on a payment plan when I turned 18) As an adult I felt extremely disrespected by the things she said so before my mental health suffered anymore I hung up mid sentence and blocked her. The next day my phone was bricked and completely unusable, as it was technically not paid for, so somebody had to get me a new phone. Today I feel extremely hopeless towards any chance of repairing my life. I don't know what to do and I wish I did. I wish I could shake this dead man walking feeling I've got. Throughout the day, life doesn't even feel real at times. I feel as though if I keep hanging in there, eventually someone's going to find me hanging from somewhere. I don't know how my relatives do it. I could never imagine being their age. This isn't everything that's ever happened to me (I know it's hard to believe), but I feel I've described my story as concisely as possible in a semi-chronological order. Anything else would just be extra or I'd be repeating myself. With all that being said, my think noodle is hurting, and I think (clearly I do too much of this) I need to find it some dopamine. I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this fully because, as God knows, I can't tell a living soul who knows me this. Night. -NT

Hi! I'm an FTM (Transman) Daddy, located in the UK, about an hour away from London.
I'm 56kg, slim build, but squishy "dad bod" type. 5"6ish. Blue/grey eyes. Dark blonde/brown hair, I usually have facial hair or a full on beard. I'm happy to share selfies in dms :)
Seeking a monogamous relationship that would be a mix of vanilla and 24/7 ddlg/cgl dynamic. My preference is ciswomen, preferably my height or shorter (though not a deal breaker at all!), and I do want children some day.
Some of my interests are videogames, movies, animation, true crime, psychology and music, who doesn't like music? :p I also adore animals, so if you have any pets I always love to be spammed with cute pics!! I am 420 friendly and smoke regularly, stoner littles are welcome lol
As a Daddy I am naturally protective and affectionate. I love taking care of my princess, doting on her and showering her with attention and praise throughout the day. Feeding, dressing, bathing, colouring, tea parties, teddy bear picnics, watching cartoons in a pile of stuffies, and all of that good stuff! Oh, and all of the headpats and forehead kisses!! 💖 I always try my best to encourage, praise, and nurture my princess and make sure she knows just how special she is 💖
I'm not particularly strict, but I enjoy taking a disciplinary role when it's required/wanted. Rules, routines and punishments/funishments is something we can arrange together if my princess wants them. And appropriate after care ofcourse!
Kinks we can discuss later down the line. I am very open minded and respectful of limits. Though it isn't everything, the sexual aspects of the dynamic are important to me. I do have a high sex drive, and I like to please lol
Ideally I would like something long term and serious so I'm happy to take things slow with the right person. I do not expect to jump into a ddlg/cgl dynamic right away!
I like to take things at a natural pace and get to know each other as friends before diving into things.
I use discord, no kik or snap sorry! Obviously getting to know each other online is expected, but I would like to develop a real relationship over time with the intention of meeting eventually so please be comfortable with sharing photos or video calling to confirm identity early on :)
UK only sorry! South East or near London is best. Long distance doesn't work for me unfortunately, I don't drive (no one does in my city lol) and not being able to give headpats hurts too much :(
I hope to hear from you soon! x

As I sit here feeding our second baby in the middle in the middle of the night I decided to write our birth story.
I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions consistently for 4 days by the time I went into actual labour. I knew things had changed around 1pm on Monday when I went to the toilet and found a lot of pink tinged mucus after urinating. Suddenly the BH contractions seemed to be getting closer together and weren't starting to feel like a practice anymore. I was getting painful surges every 4 minutes, which by 2.30 became every 2 minutes. We headed to the hospital- 3 cm dilated. Due to having an underlying medical condition, the plan had been to get an early epidural to ensure that should I need an emergancy section etc, I wouldn't have to be put under general anaesthetic. My midwife (UK based) was excellent. She listened and followed my wishes to the T. The drs tried to fobb us off for another 4 hours but I said no and insisted the plan be followed. The epidural was placed and we settled in for the evening. It only worked on one side initially but after a top up and turning from side to side, we were once again good to go.
At around 1am I started feeling some pressure and asked midwife to check baby's location. She was literally on her way out! The gloves went on and after another 2 contractions and 4 rounds of pushing, she was born. Our little girl. 8 pounds 9 ounces (3.9kg) only slightly smaller than her brother at 3.98kg or 8 pounds 11 oz, two years earlier.
As the midwife delivered the placenta she noticed some bleeding. I had a secondndegree tear so she said it was likely a bleeder located there and clamped a vessel. It didn't stop. She got the Dr who confirmed it was coming from higher up. initially he thought my cervix was grazed and he packed my vagina. After 20 mins, the pack was removed but the bleeding was only getting worse. He realised I'd torn my cervix and by this point I'd lost a liter of blood. I began to get very frightened, but the surgeon was so reassuring. He crouched by my head and said "Do you see anyone running about and hanging blood?Do you hear any alarms? is anyone else looking scared? No. We have got this. You're going to be just fine- I'll have you sorted right away. Please don't worry." I felt immediately calmer and was so thankful he took the time to reassure me.
We rushed to theatre, my epidural was topped up to a spinal and I was strapped onto the operating table and titled so that my head was hanging towards the floor as they got to work at the other end. Cervix was sutured up, fluids given, packing placed and I was put on 24 hours bed rest in the high dependency unit.
I was absolutely off my face on medication for a few hours (pethidine etc given during the theatre trip!) and my reccomendation would be to ask for an anti emetic in that situation- I felt it helped me greatly throughout that part of the experience, as the medication began to make me feel horrible - especially the medication given to help reduce bleeding - it started to dry heave as soon as it entered my body. Once the zofran kicked in - I was much much happier.
After 24 hours the packing was removed and the bleeding didn't start up again. We transferred to the general post partum ward and were discharged late on the 22nd March.
Although some elements of my experience were frightening- overall I feel very positive about my experience.The people who needed to listened to me, the whole team on the floor moved swiftly and kindly to correct the issue post partum. We were treated with respect and care throughout...and best of all - we have our lovely new baby girl, Evelyn Elizabeth to join us and her big brother on our journey through life.

I just don't get how that Texas accept Hooters, the Rockeetes, adult and not even pre-teen beauty pageants (the literally sense of grooming kids). Victoria Secrets (when I was a kid my 14 year old girlfriend brought me into a Victoria's secret and danced while holding see through underwear in front of me asking what I would like). I remember that there were mannequins everywhere wearing the same shit adult lingerie she's posing with their tits and ass and giving me a hard on. Her parents had no issues allowing her to sunbathe nude weekly at 14 years old around male adults that worked at the place, I know because when I was 22ish a friend of mine was dating a 45+ year old that bought a sunbathing storefront in Grapevine just with parents parental permission underage minors would come in with skimpy bathing suit, a lot wearing thongs that had the "whale tail" thing going on. Then go in the room completely undress and wear a short towel to go get in the sunbathing pods. Porn websites that literally you can click "I agree" and see every fetish in the book thousands and thousands of youtube "soft porn" videos 100s of videos I've literally found cookie/history leftovers of animal porn from a minors computer that I was asked to tune up their kids computer. You can literally give a shot of whiskey a beer or a long island tea or whatever just with parental consent. Allowing adults to legally buy a high powered rifle because they pass a background check so they can go to an elementary school and literally kill 20+ kids and teachers and 200+ cops won't risk their lives for kids because he had an AR-15 and had no problems blowing 20+ kids away, 911 calls of kids crying saying their best friend was blown away and had a 12 inch hole in his head seem to not bother any politician. Instead of tightening up these loose ends they make it even easier for someone to publicly carry a weapon of war, but they tell me how irresponsible gun owners and UN-diagnosed mental issues and pistols are the real problem and its not AR-15s. But pass nothing to help these individuals and then make it even easier for these types of people to carry a hoard of guns legally with no medical intervention.
Now even as an adult they are removing the ability to choose for yourself by removing health insurance for these surgeries
64% of boys are sexual butchered by circumcision just on the word of their parents and this belief that God wanted it, yet 100+ years of being butchered without the child/minor consenting to this is completely acceptable between your doctor and your parent. I sure the fuck didn't want to be sexually mutilated within days of being born. Suddenly a 13yr old minor can't consent to a sex change, even with a parents permission. But a literal baby can be permanently sexual butchered by only one parent without the minors permission if he wants it or not, no one waits for the kid to even being a pre-teen to ask if he wants his foreskin to be removed.
I know the GOP and democrats both have hypocritical views on things, but these things have been around for decades and not one bill has been passed on any of this shit and getting tired of people telling me how transsexuals and these books that literally have very little or zero evidence are constantly thrown in my face that they are grooming and ruining kids lives.
I just want to add I ran a BBS in the 90s called "The Necromancer" when I was around 14 in the DFW area and my handle was -=>MadMark<=- and I had a ZERO day warez board, with my 16.8k HST modem from US robotics yet people uploaded 100s and 100s of porn pictures to my BBS to get upload credit so they could download warez and I had to constantly delete them and warn people from flooding my BBS with extreme porn. No-one gave a shit then and still don't give a shit because they are focused attacking drag shows instead of going after real issues that kids are facing today. Way more grow up being bullied. I'm disabled a got bullied a lot and adults were sympathetic the first time to my pleas, but became extremely annoyed and would start blaming me and listening to the bully and start repeating what the bully said about me to me and expect me to defend it
I know this is long winded and I apologize, just trying to figure out why so much hatred suddenly and pretending to be protecting kids and ignoring the much bigger elephant(s) in the room.

FINAL DRAFT: To post to Subreddits.
Slenderman has always been an internet rumor of sorts. You know, the sort of thing that you only see in videogames, videos of creepypastas, let’s play, et cetera, et cetera. This was how I believed Slenderman, just a sort of internet rumor of sorts. That was, until I changed my belief of Slenderman after I had an experience of sorts with him.
I remember I played Slenderman a lot as a kid and was only scared by it at first because I do not get scared easily, but one day I discovered a new story of sorts that changed my belief of Slenderman as only a game. An internet advertisement when I was watching let’s plays told me that Slenderman was watching me, and this scared me a little bit but again it did not scare me a lot because it is very difficult to scare me. Just for reference I did not even get scared when a bee or even a wasp landed on my bare skin.
I clicked on the advertisement because of curiosity, and it directed or redirected my browser to a website of sorts that displayed nothing more than a black screen with hyperrealistic blood and Slenderman in the middle surrounded by hyperrealistic blood and guts and disgusting bits. Of course this was very disturbing but because I was not scared I clicked on Slenderman because I believed it could have been a game of sorts or a “ARG” which I saw a video about a little bit ago.
When I clicked my mouse on Slenderman I heard suddenly a very loud noise of sorts that was very high pitched and was also extremely disturbing. Even I was taken a-back and had to take off my earbuds because it scared me so badly, which does not happen often even when wasps land on me. When I looked back at Slenderman on the screen there was a smaller Slenderman next to the normal Slenderman also covered in hyperrealistic blood, and he told me that he is “Slenderman Jr.”. Of course this was some sort of joke or if it was not it was very scary.
At this same time the website that this advertisement led me to was closed all by itself. In fact at this time I was not even putting my hands anywhere near my iPad because I was too busy covering my ears because of the noise of sorts that had just played through my earbuds. After the website closed I saw on my iPad screen “1 out of 8 websites discovered.” I muttered under my breath this is no joke because this could not be a game or “ARG” or anything other than a Slenderman curse, or a curse from Slenderman Jr. because Slenderman only works with pages, Slenderman Jr. works with websites of sorts, a different type of “pages” of sorts.
I immediately began to look for different advertisements but there were 7 to be found and I was also a little bit scared that Slenderman Jr. would find me on the websites which would be a jump-scare of sorts which I saw in many of the let’s play videos I watched. I tried calling the police officers because at this time I was so scared but instead of going to voice-mail instead I think it was Slenderman Jr. who picked up because he told me you can not hide until you have discovered all 8 of the websites. Ok, what?
As I browsed YouTube for more advertisements the YouTube 666 glitch occurred and my YouTube began to be covered in hyperrealistic blood with weird noises of sorts that disturbed me and created a desultory feeling inside of me. Even though there was blood everywhere and it was even possible that at the same time I was being cursed by the Devil or Slenderman Jr. with his powers of sorts I still was happy because these brought me more advertisements. Before I knew it I even found the second website from an advertisement that showed Slenderman Jr. holding me as a hyperrealistic body with hyperrealistic blood, too.
Very quickly I found many of the rest of the websites but because Slenderman Jr. was a trickster of sorts like a fox or another fairy tale character he put fake websites to deceive me these websites also were deadly because Slenderman Jr. made eye contact with me even though he has no eyes he could still see me through the screen somehow. Or maybe he was not seeing me through the screen?
After I found the sixth website I was called by the police officer. I am saved I thought until I picked it up and realized how boned I really am. Slenderman Jr. said he killed the police officer and I was next if I dared to collect the pages and see his story. I dropped the phone really hard and began to look for the last websites. I also heard a noise inside of my house which I believed was my parents or older brother because what else would it be?
It was not my parents or older brother because when I found the 7th page a tall man of sorts teleported to me in my bedroom through the door. He was probably heading for the source of the pages which was my iPad. At that time I was about to scream Slenderman but I noticed it was Slenderman Jr. because he was covered in realistic blood and also was shorter than I remember Slenderman from the games and advertisements I saw.
When I saw Slenderman Jr. I remembered always look away because if you look at Slenderman or now Slenderman Jr. it could be the last thing you ever see so I had to shut my eyes tight and leave the room to go outside to collect the final website. It felt like I was now in the let’s play videos I watched because at the same time I walked around with my iPad outside trying to find the last website and not look at Slenderman Jr. or I will sort of die.
Just as I discovered the final advertisement I was about to direct myself to the website but I heard a large scream of sorts that sounded like my mom. I was about to end this but thought I must save my mom. I ran back to the house when I realized blood was everywhere and no where were my parents only Slenderman Jr. in the corner of my eye he was about to destroy me. Uh oh. I ran to my parents bed room and they were there and safe too so what was the scream was it Slenderman Jr. being a trickster of sorts?
This was answered when I clicked on the final website and 8/8 websites discovered. However Slenderman Jr. only got more mad when he said 8 out of 8 websites discovered… how many websites have you completed? He grew a smile so big that it finally made me so scared I could only scream as he demolished me forever. Slenderman Jr., son of slenderman.

FINAL DRAFT: To post to Subreddits.
Slenderman has always been an internet rumor of sorts. You know, the sort of thing that you only see in videogames, videos of creepypastas, let’s play, et cetera, et cetera. This was how I believed Slenderman, just a sort of internet rumor of sorts. That was, until I changed my belief of Slenderman after I had an experience of sorts with him.
I remember I played Slenderman a lot as a kid and was only scared by it at first because I do not get scared easily, but one day I discovered a new story of sorts that changed my belief of Slenderman as only a game. An internet advertisement when I was watching let’s plays told me that Slenderman was watching me, and this scared me a little bit but again it did not scare me a lot because it is very difficult to scare me. Just for reference I did not even get scared when a bee or even a wasp landed on my bare skin.
I clicked on the advertisement because of curiosity, and it directed or redirected my browser to a website of sorts that displayed nothing more than a black screen with hyperrealistic blood and Slenderman in the middle surrounded by hyperrealistic blood and guts and disgusting bits. Of course this was very disturbing but because I was not scared I clicked on Slenderman because I believed it could have been a game of sorts or a “ARG” which I saw a video about a little bit ago.
When I clicked my mouse on Slenderman I heard suddenly a very loud noise of sorts that was very high pitched and was also extremely disturbing. Even I was taken a-back and had to take off my earbuds because it scared me so badly, which does not happen often even when wasps land on me. When I looked back at Slenderman on the screen there was a smaller Slenderman next to the normal Slenderman also covered in hyperrealistic blood, and he told me that he is “Slenderman Jr.”. Of course this was some sort of joke or if it was not it was very scary.
At this same time the website that this advertisement led me to was closed all by itself. In fact at this time I was not even putting my hands anywhere near my iPad because I was too busy covering my ears because of the noise of sorts that had just played through my earbuds. After the website closed I saw on my iPad screen “1 out of 8 websites discovered.” I muttered under my breath this is no joke because this could not be a game or “ARG” or anything other than a Slenderman curse, or a curse from Slenderman Jr. because Slenderman only works with pages, Slenderman Jr. works with websites of sorts, a different type of “pages” of sorts.
I immediately began to look for different advertisements but there were 7 to be found and I was also a little bit scared that Slenderman Jr. would find me on the websites which would be a jump-scare of sorts which I saw in many of the let’s play videos I watched. I tried calling the police officers because at this time I was so scared but instead of going to voice-mail instead I think it was Slenderman Jr. who picked up because he told me you can not hide until you have discovered all 8 of the websites. Ok, what?
As I browsed YouTube for more advertisements the YouTube 666 glitch occurred and my YouTube began to be covered in hyperrealistic blood with weird noises of sorts that disturbed me and created a desultory feeling inside of me. Even though there was blood everywhere and it was even possible that at the same time I was being cursed by the Devil or Slenderman Jr. with his powers of sorts I still was happy because these brought me more advertisements. Before I knew it I even found the second website from an advertisement that showed Slenderman Jr. holding me as a hyperrealistic body with hyperrealistic blood, too.
Very quickly I found many of the rest of the websites but because Slenderman Jr. was a trickster of sorts like a fox or another fairy tale character he put fake websites to deceive me these websites also were deadly because Slenderman Jr. made eye contact with me even though he has no eyes he could still see me through the screen somehow. Or maybe he was not seeing me through the screen?
After I found the sixth website I was called by the police officer. I am saved I thought until I picked it up and realized how boned I really am. Slenderman Jr. said he killed the police officer and I was next if I dared to collect the pages and see his story. I dropped the phone really hard and began to look for the last websites. I also heard a noise inside of my house which I believed was my parents or older brother because what else would it be?
It was not my parents or older brother because when I found the 7th page a tall man of sorts teleported to me in my bedroom through the door. He was probably heading for the source of the pages which was my iPad. At that time I was about to scream Slenderman but I noticed it was Slenderman Jr. because he was covered in realistic blood and also was shorter than I remember Slenderman from the games and advertisements I saw.
When I saw Slenderman Jr. I remembered always look away because if you look at Slenderman or now Slenderman Jr. it could be the last thing you ever see so I had to shut my eyes tight and leave the room to go outside to collect the final website. It felt like I was now in the let’s play videos I watched because at the same time I walked around with my iPad outside trying to find the last website and not look at Slenderman Jr. or I will sort of die.
Just as I discovered the final advertisement I was about to direct myself to the website but I heard a large scream of sorts that sounded like my mom. I was about to end this but thought I must save my mom. I ran back to the house when I realized blood was everywhere and no where were my parents only Slenderman Jr. in the corner of my eye he was about to destroy me. Uh oh. I ran to my parents bed room and they were there and safe too so what was the scream was it Slenderman Jr. being a trickster of sorts?
This was answered when I clicked on the final website and 8/8 websites discovered. However Slenderman Jr. only got more mad when he said 8 out of 8 websites discovered… how many websites have you completed? He grew a smile so big that it finally made me so scared I could only scream as he demolished me forever. Slenderman Jr., son of slenderman.

FINAL DRAFT: To post to Subreddits.
Slenderman has always been an internet rumor of sorts. You know, the sort of thing that you only see in videogames, videos of creepypastas, let’s play, et cetera, et cetera. This was how I believed Slenderman, just a sort of internet rumor of sorts. That was, until I changed my belief of Slenderman after I had an experience of sorts with him.
I remember I played Slenderman a lot as a kid and was only scared by it at first because I do not get scared easily, but one day I discovered a new story of sorts that changed my belief of Slenderman as only a game. An internet advertisement when I was watching let’s plays told me that Slenderman was watching me, and this scared me a little bit but again it did not scare me a lot because it is very difficult to scare me. Just for reference I did not even get scared when a bee or even a wasp landed on my bare skin.
I clicked on the advertisement because of curiosity, and it directed or redirected my browser to a website of sorts that displayed nothing more than a black screen with hyperrealistic blood and Slenderman in the middle surrounded by hyperrealistic blood and guts and disgusting bits. Of course this was very disturbing but because I was not scared I clicked on Slenderman because I believed it could have been a game of sorts or a “ARG” which I saw a video about a little bit ago.
When I clicked my mouse on Slenderman I heard suddenly a very loud noise of sorts that was very high pitched and was also extremely disturbing. Even I was taken a-back and had to take off my earbuds because it scared me so badly, which does not happen often even when wasps land on me. When I looked back at Slenderman on the screen there was a smaller Slenderman next to the normal Slenderman also covered in hyperrealistic blood, and he told me that he is “Slenderman Jr.”. Of course this was some sort of joke or if it was not it was very scary.
At this same time the website that this advertisement led me to was closed all by itself. In fact at this time I was not even putting my hands anywhere near my iPad because I was too busy covering my ears because of the noise of sorts that had just played through my earbuds. After the website closed I saw on my iPad screen “1 out of 8 websites discovered.” I muttered under my breath this is no joke because this could not be a game or “ARG” or anything other than a Slenderman curse, or a curse from Slenderman Jr. because Slenderman only works with pages, Slenderman Jr. works with websites of sorts, a different type of “pages” of sorts.
I immediately began to look for different advertisements but there were 7 to be found and I was also a little bit scared that Slenderman Jr. would find me on the websites which would be a jump-scare of sorts which I saw in many of the let’s play videos I watched. I tried calling the police officers because at this time I was so scared but instead of going to voice-mail instead I think it was Slenderman Jr. who picked up because he told me you can not hide until you have discovered all 8 of the websites. Ok, what?
As I browsed YouTube for more advertisements the YouTube 666 glitch occurred and my YouTube began to be covered in hyperrealistic blood with weird noises of sorts that disturbed me and created a desultory feeling inside of me. Even though there was blood everywhere and it was even possible that at the same time I was being cursed by the Devil or Slenderman Jr. with his powers of sorts I still was happy because these brought me more advertisements. Before I knew it I even found the second website from an advertisement that showed Slenderman Jr. holding me as a hyperrealistic body with hyperrealistic blood, too.
Very quickly I found many of the rest of the websites but because Slenderman Jr. was a trickster of sorts like a fox or another fairy tale character he put fake websites to deceive me these websites also were deadly because Slenderman Jr. made eye contact with me even though he has no eyes he could still see me through the screen somehow. Or maybe he was not seeing me through the screen?
After I found the sixth website I was called by the police officer. I am saved I thought until I picked it up and realized how boned I really am. Slenderman Jr. said he killed the police officer and I was next if I dared to collect the pages and see his story. I dropped the phone really hard and began to look for the last websites. I also heard a noise inside of my house which I believed was my parents or older brother because what else would it be?
It was not my parents or older brother because when I found the 7th page a tall man of sorts teleported to me in my bedroom through the door. He was probably heading for the source of the pages which was my iPad. At that time I was about to scream Slenderman but I noticed it was Slenderman Jr. because he was covered in realistic blood and also was shorter than I remember Slenderman from the games and advertisements I saw.
When I saw Slenderman Jr. I remembered always look away because if you look at Slenderman or now Slenderman Jr. it could be the last thing you ever see so I had to shut my eyes tight and leave the room to go outside to collect the final website. It felt like I was now in the let’s play videos I watched because at the same time I walked around with my iPad outside trying to find the last website and not look at Slenderman Jr. or I will sort of die.
Just as I discovered the final advertisement I was about to direct myself to the website but I heard a large scream of sorts that sounded like my mom. I was about to end this but thought I must save my mom. I ran back to the house when I realized blood was everywhere and no where were my parents only Slenderman Jr. in the corner of my eye he was about to destroy me. Uh oh. I ran to my parents bed room and they were there and safe too so what was the scream was it Slenderman Jr. being a trickster of sorts?
This was answered when I clicked on the final website and 8/8 websites discovered. However Slenderman Jr. only got more mad when he said 8 out of 8 websites discovered… how many websites have you completed? He grew a smile so big that it finally made me so scared I could only scream as he demolished me forever. Slenderman Jr., son of slenderman.

FINAL DRAFT: To post to Subreddits.
Slenderman has always been an internet rumor of sorts. You know, the sort of thing that you only see in videogames, videos of creepypastas, let’s play, et cetera, et cetera. This was how I believed Slenderman, just a sort of internet rumor of sorts. That was, until I changed my belief of Slenderman after I had an experience of sorts with him.
I remember I played Slenderman a lot as a kid and was only scared by it at first because I do not get scared easily, but one day I discovered a new story of sorts that changed my belief of Slenderman as only a game. An internet advertisement when I was watching let’s plays told me that Slenderman was watching me, and this scared me a little bit but again it did not scare me a lot because it is very difficult to scare me. Just for reference I did not even get scared when a bee or even a wasp landed on my bare skin.
I clicked on the advertisement because of curiosity, and it directed or redirected my browser to a website of sorts that displayed nothing more than a black screen with hyperrealistic blood and Slenderman in the middle surrounded by hyperrealistic blood and guts and disgusting bits. Of course this was very disturbing but because I was not scared I clicked on Slenderman because I believed it could have been a game of sorts or a “ARG” which I saw a video about a little bit ago.
When I clicked my mouse on Slenderman I heard suddenly a very loud noise of sorts that was very high pitched and was also extremely disturbing. Even I was taken a-back and had to take off my earbuds because it scared me so badly, which does not happen often even when wasps land on me. When I looked back at Slenderman on the screen there was a smaller Slenderman next to the normal Slenderman also covered in hyperrealistic blood, and he told me that he is “Slenderman Jr.”. Of course this was some sort of joke or if it was not it was very scary.
At this same time the website that this advertisement led me to was closed all by itself. In fact at this time I was not even putting my hands anywhere near my iPad because I was too busy covering my ears because of the noise of sorts that had just played through my earbuds. After the website closed I saw on my iPad screen “1 out of 8 websites discovered.” I muttered under my breath this is no joke because this could not be a game or “ARG” or anything other than a Slenderman curse, or a curse from Slenderman Jr. because Slenderman only works with pages, Slenderman Jr. works with websites of sorts, a different type of “pages” of sorts.
I immediately began to look for different advertisements but there were 7 to be found and I was also a little bit scared that Slenderman Jr. would find me on the websites which would be a jump-scare of sorts which I saw in many of the let’s play videos I watched. I tried calling the police officers because at this time I was so scared but instead of going to voice-mail instead I think it was Slenderman Jr. who picked up because he told me you can not hide until you have discovered all 8 of the websites. Ok, what?
As I browsed YouTube for more advertisements the YouTube 666 glitch occurred and my YouTube began to be covered in hyperrealistic blood with weird noises of sorts that disturbed me and created a desultory feeling inside of me. Even though there was blood everywhere and it was even possible that at the same time I was being cursed by the Devil or Slenderman Jr. with his powers of sorts I still was happy because these brought me more advertisements. Before I knew it I even found the second website from an advertisement that showed Slenderman Jr. holding me as a hyperrealistic body with hyperrealistic blood, too.
Very quickly I found many of the rest of the websites but because Slenderman Jr. was a trickster of sorts like a fox or another fairy tale character he put fake websites to deceive me these websites also were deadly because Slenderman Jr. made eye contact with me even though he has no eyes he could still see me through the screen somehow. Or maybe he was not seeing me through the screen?
After I found the sixth website I was called by the police officer. I am saved I thought until I picked it up and realized how boned I really am. Slenderman Jr. said he killed the police officer and I was next if I dared to collect the pages and see his story. I dropped the phone really hard and began to look for the last websites. I also heard a noise inside of my house which I believed was my parents or older brother because what else would it be?
It was not my parents or older brother because when I found the 7th page a tall man of sorts teleported to me in my bedroom through the door. He was probably heading for the source of the pages which was my iPad. At that time I was about to scream Slenderman but I noticed it was Slenderman Jr. because he was covered in realistic blood and also was shorter than I remember Slenderman from the games and advertisements I saw.
When I saw Slenderman Jr. I remembered always look away because if you look at Slenderman or now Slenderman Jr. it could be the last thing you ever see so I had to shut my eyes tight and leave the room to go outside to collect the final website. It felt like I was now in the let’s play videos I watched because at the same time I walked around with my iPad outside trying to find the last website and not look at Slenderman Jr. or I will sort of die.
Just as I discovered the final advertisement I was about to direct myself to the website but I heard a large scream of sorts that sounded like my mom. I was about to end this but thought I must save my mom. I ran back to the house when I realized blood was everywhere and no where were my parents only Slenderman Jr. in the corner of my eye he was about to destroy me. Uh oh. I ran to my parents bed room and they were there and safe too so what was the scream was it Slenderman Jr. being a trickster of sorts?
This was answered when I clicked on the final website and 8/8 websites discovered. However Slenderman Jr. only got more mad when he said 8 out of 8 websites discovered… how many websites have you completed? He grew a smile so big that it finally made me so scared I could only scream as he demolished me forever. Slenderman Jr., son of slenderman.

It all starts, as most great things do, with a cat.
He was my best friend for almost 2 decades. I spent the better half of the last decade in existential dread about his upcoming death, drawn partially from some health issues he had as a kitten and just from the basic knowledge that, as a cat, he was going to die.
Sometime in that decade of (at times) overwhelming dread, I was diagnosed with cancer, cured of it, and the subsequently diagnosed with some form of "pre cancer" or "concerning growth" 3 or 4 times, leading to genetic tests and oncology visits and full workdowns that stressed what little dignity I had left. It all culminated in a phrase from one of my oncologists that has stuck in my mind like a splinter: "Some people's bodies are just not put together right." Next came the realization that the bell curve of my life expectancy is going to awfully shorter than what I was hopefully planning on and everything that entails.
Growing up, I knew I'd likely not want a kid; just never had that parental gene. Despite the closeness of some of my relationships, I've always treasured my boundaries; here's where I end and you begin sort of thing. Cats are great for that. Dogs? Eh. Kids? Not a chance. Even my almost 20 year relationship with my now wife had pretty explicit boundaries and where our Venn diagrams crossed and where we had our own worlds.
But partially because of the existential dread of the inevitable loss of my best friend and partially because I knew my wife almost assuredly be left alone (ignoring my own shrunken lifespan, her grandparents have all lived to almost 100; she was always going to live me), I decided to have a child. The logic was sound: I wanted him to at least meet my best friend and give me something to help ease his eventual passing and I wanted something to be there for my wife as she moved on to her possible second life without me. Turns out my initial self awareness was spot on: kind of hated being a parent despite loving the kid, didn't like what it did to my world and relationships, and what's more, he was born right after the US quarantine from COVID started!
That first year was rough; I almost ended it a few different times, but my wife needed me, my then 15 year old best friend needed me, and my other cat (whom I love dearly) needed me because she's just a basket case of medical conditions and I'm the primary care person for the cats.
Fast forward from 2020 to 2023: my kid is 3, my wife and I feel less like lovers and more like coworkers where our job is to raise a (admittedly wonderful) toddler, I've been out of work for 2 months because my company nuked all western publishing* , and my best friend died 4 months ago at the age of 17. He was comically healthy for so long, to the point where the emergency vet that I took him to after his first seizure didn't believe me about his age and swore he was no older than 12 or 13. But shit happens fast when you're old; I managed to get his second seizure on camera and his vet immediately diagnosed him with brain cancer. After some tests, his prognosis was 3-6 months, with an outside chance of a year. He was dead in 3 weeks.
*(I was the VP of Data, my opinion on the capabilities of the org had a lot to do with said closing, don't feel bad for me)
Now I'm left in a diminished state: I don't love this new family as much as I loved my old one. I actively dislike my new life, whereas I loved my old one. I don't even have the reptilian chance to be angry at how my cat died! Everything was perfectly normal, he was just old and it was an aggressive cancer, so I'm without a focal point for my anger at the world. Instead, I'm left with directionless pain and a lack of desire to do literally anything.
My wife and I had an argument today about something silly; I wanted to simply talk through some of the things I was going through and what not having a job was doing to me and she tried to immediately go in to problem solving mode, which is explicitly what I didn't want. It escalated because neither of us are in a good place and it ended up with her downstairs and me in our room with one of my straight razors thinking how easy and painless it'd be to simply slice down my left arm. Thinking isn't even the right word; one moment I was leaning against my bed, the next I had the razor in my hand, a cascading waterfall of ambient noise in my ear blocking out all cognition. I finally snapped out of it when I remembered that my other cat (who I have to give chemo to twice a week because she's also dying of cancer, albeit very slowly) needs me and because I made a promise to myself that if I ever killed myself, I wouldn't do it where my wife would be the one to find me.
All I've thought about since is how else I could do it. How easy it would be. What a genuine solution it'd be to everything I've felt. I don't enjoy things anymore. I know I'm depressed, I know there's partial bipolarism, and I can trace the roots of all of my thoughts and feelings to where they come from but ultimately they are all rooted in a material condition that I do not have the ability to change and so they are all valid. I know the possibility for better days exist but I'm not sure it's worth it to ride it out.
I don't know. Sorry for ranting. Sorry for the block of text. I wish it felt better to put it pen to paper.

I have been on it for 2 months now and I have lost 54 pounds. I’m back to my healthy weight and my hair has grown back to it’s usual thickness thankfully. My doctor put me on metformin to help me lose the weight so I could get my period again.
It worked and I was so happy. I felt normal and I felt ok again. I noticed I wasn’t moody all of the time anymore. I used to be able to eat 2 meals a day and a small snack in between. Now, I can barely eat one meal a day without feeling nauseous. I cannot eat without getting sick or feeling sick. Tonight, I ate half a chicken cutlet and I immediately felt sickeningly full. It’s like I overate when I have barely eaten. A few nights ago, I was randomly starving so I ate a bit more than usual. Immediately after the food has settled into my stomach, I threw up everything. It didn’t burn or hurt but I was terrified. Everything came up undigested and I’m sorry for the TMI.
It doesn’t matter what I eat because as soon as I eat it, it leaves my body somehow within a half hour. I’m so tired of feeling so sick because I’m trying to eat or having to force myself to eat something small because I have no appetite. I’m tired of getting sick because I need to eat at least once a day.
I’m scared I’m going to keep losing weight and I’ve started getting light headed while working out, working, or doing my daily activities. I’m physically tired and I just don’t understand why it’s affecting me like this. My doctor is so proud of all the weight I lost that I had gained.
Is this normal? Can anyone give me advice please?