The old willis place audiobook free
cracker bargel
2013.02.20 23:58 cosmosclover cracker bargel
Grandma and Grandpa have finally joined social media, and they love sharing their opinions with everyone.
2017.04.17 07:35 SaintsNoah Chiraqology
Chiraqology, a subreddit to discuss drill music and Chicago gang culture.
2016.05.21 20:46 pinklavalamp All the Older Animals
The go-to place to honor our old pets. Not just limited to dogs, but cats and all our other aging animals!
2023.06.02 19:37 Thecardinal74 You stole from my girl? I won't be petty with my revenge...
This took place late 90's, when cell phones still charged calls by the minute so the use of pagers was still pretty common.
My GF at the time had a pager, and she would keep it clipped to her sun visor in her car when driving, so if it went off she could glance at it to see who was sending the page without really taking eyes off road, and see if it's worth pulling over. Being early summer and we were about 20, 21, life was all about social time those days.
At this time, well before the internet took hold, the popular hangout was the Shopping Mall. 200 stores, something for everyone, and it's where the masses of teenagers would spend their free time. Largest mall in the region so always a chance to meet new people or find people you hadn't seen in a while.
So as she pulled in on a Friday night to meet up with her friends, she saw an old friend from her neighborhood, someone she hadn't seen since middle school years. (he went down the pothead route, she didn't, they drifted but no hard feelings) So she stopped next to him, chatted for a few minutes, exchanged pleasantries, then moved on to find a parking space.
It was there, as she went to get out of the car, that she noticed the pager was missing. She instantly remembered he had leaned in to rest his arms on the window frame to chat, and remembered when he asked her about something that prompted her to reach for her glovebox, and he must've swiped it then. Feeling stupid, and knowing who took it wasn't hard to figure out, but good luck finding him again amongst the crowds.
She went home, and tried to deal with it herself. She knew where he lived, as during the conversation he had mentioned he was "staying with so-and-so" and she knew where that guy lived. She borrowed her older brother's cell phone, called me and told me where she was going, gave me the address. I headed there.
So she went to the townhouse complex, parked right outside their unit, walked up and rang the doorbell. She talked to the mutual friend's mother. Explained what happened. Lady seemed annoyed at the kid, said he was a deadbeat, and agreed to help. She paged her son, he called back, and she said they were on their way home right now.
So she sat outside and waited. 15 minutes, 30 minutes... I show up and park far away, but within a line of site. I wanted to back her up in case things for fucky but if she wanted to handle this the nice way, I'll let her do that first. (I think she thought she would confront him, he's say something like "it was worth a try" and hand it back?) An hour. By now it was getting late, was after 12 midnight. We waited until 12:30 when she calls me and says she needs to get some sleep, "let's just write it off."
But I had a feeling. So I told her to leave, to pull out of the complex, circle around, then pull back into the complex and park over where I was parked, then turn off her car.
She does, then comes join me in my car and we have a bit of a stakeout.
Sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed when not 5 minutes later the guys arrive. Her mother told them she was waiting, then told them once she left and it was clear to come home.
I asked her if that was the asshole's car, or the friends. We saw them get out and realized it was the asshole's car.
My plan quickly fell into shape. I told her to go home, get some sleep, I'll take care of this.
See, the car stood out. It was a beater car. It was blue with a silver back fender and back passenger door, replaced from an accident but never painted to match. It was heavily tinted, which is illegal but not really enforced unless police wanted a reason to pull you over. It had a loud system. Every square foot had a dent or a ding. There was a shitty add-on spoiler that was 3 sizes too large, and there were Jamaica flag bumper stickers on it even though he was white as snow. And he had these obnoxiously bright neon license plate frames.
You know the type, instead of buying a decent car wastes tons of money blinging out a piece of shit that constantly breaks down.
So I sit and I wait. 1 am, 2am rolls around. Most house lights in the area have gone out by now, including theirs. Not quite time.
3 am rolls around, 3:30... almost.
3:45, there was not a lick of movement anywhere. Now's the time!
I get out of my car, hunch down (just in case) and slowly work my way to his car. Pull out my screwdriver and quietly remove both the back and the front license plates, replace the frames, head back to my car, and drive home.
You see, the way the parking lot was, walking out of his front door you are looking at the driver side of his car, not the front or the back. And who, honestly, looks to see if there are license plates on your car when you go to get in it?
So it's now late Saturday afternoon, and a posse shows up at my GF's house, including a very large woman threatening to beat the crap out of her. She played it cool, said she had NO idea what they were talking about. They screamed that she stole his license plates because he had stolen her pager, and he even took out the pager and smashed it on the sidewalk as some sort of "revenge"
She laughed and said "I honestly have NO idea what you are talking about.. I don't really care about the pager, we already had the account moved to a new pager, that was was old and ugly anyway", yeah I came by to ask for it back, but it got late so I just got a different one. I don't care enough to make an issue out of it"
They continued to scream at her. Apparently he went out, the cops pulled him over for not having plates on his car, and he had to go to the police station and file a police/theft report in order to get out of a ticket.
She just repeated "I had nothing to do with that, so unless you have proof, you're about to be seeing the police again"
They knew they had nothing, grumbled and weren't sure how to react, so they gave a few more empty threats threats and left.
I let it sit. I gave it about 6-7 weeks, nothing more came of it, and everyone but me apparently moved on with our lives.
I guess they thought that was the end of it.
But I saw that visit and those threats as an escalation, so I reacted in kind.
Late summer I Again went back to his place. Again I found the car (it was really easy to spot), and Again I waited until about 3:45am, and Again I stole his (new) license plates.
Only this time I put his original plates back on.
And because the non-repaired side of the back of his car left a gaping hole in the wheel well, I was able to get my arm up in there and pop out the bulb socket for his left blinker, then I went on my way.
So even if he DID get into the habit of making sure there were plates on the car.. there were. And unless he was paying attention, the numbers would seem natural because he had them for years. But I'm not sure he even looked.
If the internet was a thing back then, hell if SCANNERS were a popular thing back then, I would still have the hard evidence which to this day I'd probably use as my phone's lock screen picture.
A little blurb in the local paper a few days later. A blurb that was proudly cut out and shared amongst friends, but sadly lost to the ages in 25+ years and countless apartment and house moves since then.
A little blurb the "police blotter" section.
About the arrest of a particular young man, who was pulled over for a malfunctioning blinker, on a car that was operating on stolen plates. He was charged with fraudulently filing a false police report, (claiming plates clearly in his possession were stolen) defrauding the Motor Vehicle Commission (a crime in this state) for fraudulently obtaining new plates, possession of controlled substances, and possession of drug paraphernalia, along with a host of traffic violations for having tinted window, failure to maintain vehicle, and a few other tickets. He was remanded pending bail and issued a court date.
Never found out if he posted bail, I'm sure his friend's mother didn't, and he had already been on the outs with his own family.
It was a good 5 months later when we were at the mall again, and she sees the large woman and a couple of the other people that came to her house that day walking towards us. We all noticed each other at the same time, I felt my GF tense up a little bit, but without a word those three just paused a second, turned, and went in a different direction.
Never saw or heard from any of them ever again. I guess my message was received loud and clear.
submitted by Thecardinal74 to ProRevenge [link] [comments]
My GF at the time had a pager, and she would keep it clipped to her sun visor in her car when driving, so if it went off she could glance at it to see who was sending the page without really taking eyes off road, and see if it's worth pulling over. Being early summer and we were about 20, 21, life was all about social time those days.
At this time, well before the internet took hold, the popular hangout was the Shopping Mall. 200 stores, something for everyone, and it's where the masses of teenagers would spend their free time. Largest mall in the region so always a chance to meet new people or find people you hadn't seen in a while.
So as she pulled in on a Friday night to meet up with her friends, she saw an old friend from her neighborhood, someone she hadn't seen since middle school years. (he went down the pothead route, she didn't, they drifted but no hard feelings) So she stopped next to him, chatted for a few minutes, exchanged pleasantries, then moved on to find a parking space.
It was there, as she went to get out of the car, that she noticed the pager was missing. She instantly remembered he had leaned in to rest his arms on the window frame to chat, and remembered when he asked her about something that prompted her to reach for her glovebox, and he must've swiped it then. Feeling stupid, and knowing who took it wasn't hard to figure out, but good luck finding him again amongst the crowds.
She went home, and tried to deal with it herself. She knew where he lived, as during the conversation he had mentioned he was "staying with so-and-so" and she knew where that guy lived. She borrowed her older brother's cell phone, called me and told me where she was going, gave me the address. I headed there.
So she went to the townhouse complex, parked right outside their unit, walked up and rang the doorbell. She talked to the mutual friend's mother. Explained what happened. Lady seemed annoyed at the kid, said he was a deadbeat, and agreed to help. She paged her son, he called back, and she said they were on their way home right now.
So she sat outside and waited. 15 minutes, 30 minutes... I show up and park far away, but within a line of site. I wanted to back her up in case things for fucky but if she wanted to handle this the nice way, I'll let her do that first. (I think she thought she would confront him, he's say something like "it was worth a try" and hand it back?) An hour. By now it was getting late, was after 12 midnight. We waited until 12:30 when she calls me and says she needs to get some sleep, "let's just write it off."
But I had a feeling. So I told her to leave, to pull out of the complex, circle around, then pull back into the complex and park over where I was parked, then turn off her car.
She does, then comes join me in my car and we have a bit of a stakeout.
Sure enough, my suspicions were confirmed when not 5 minutes later the guys arrive. Her mother told them she was waiting, then told them once she left and it was clear to come home.
I asked her if that was the asshole's car, or the friends. We saw them get out and realized it was the asshole's car.
My plan quickly fell into shape. I told her to go home, get some sleep, I'll take care of this.
See, the car stood out. It was a beater car. It was blue with a silver back fender and back passenger door, replaced from an accident but never painted to match. It was heavily tinted, which is illegal but not really enforced unless police wanted a reason to pull you over. It had a loud system. Every square foot had a dent or a ding. There was a shitty add-on spoiler that was 3 sizes too large, and there were Jamaica flag bumper stickers on it even though he was white as snow. And he had these obnoxiously bright neon license plate frames.
You know the type, instead of buying a decent car wastes tons of money blinging out a piece of shit that constantly breaks down.
So I sit and I wait. 1 am, 2am rolls around. Most house lights in the area have gone out by now, including theirs. Not quite time.
3 am rolls around, 3:30... almost.
3:45, there was not a lick of movement anywhere. Now's the time!
I get out of my car, hunch down (just in case) and slowly work my way to his car. Pull out my screwdriver and quietly remove both the back and the front license plates, replace the frames, head back to my car, and drive home.
You see, the way the parking lot was, walking out of his front door you are looking at the driver side of his car, not the front or the back. And who, honestly, looks to see if there are license plates on your car when you go to get in it?
So it's now late Saturday afternoon, and a posse shows up at my GF's house, including a very large woman threatening to beat the crap out of her. She played it cool, said she had NO idea what they were talking about. They screamed that she stole his license plates because he had stolen her pager, and he even took out the pager and smashed it on the sidewalk as some sort of "revenge"
She laughed and said "I honestly have NO idea what you are talking about.. I don't really care about the pager, we already had the account moved to a new pager, that was was old and ugly anyway", yeah I came by to ask for it back, but it got late so I just got a different one. I don't care enough to make an issue out of it"
They continued to scream at her. Apparently he went out, the cops pulled him over for not having plates on his car, and he had to go to the police station and file a police/theft report in order to get out of a ticket.
She just repeated "I had nothing to do with that, so unless you have proof, you're about to be seeing the police again"
They knew they had nothing, grumbled and weren't sure how to react, so they gave a few more empty threats threats and left.
I let it sit. I gave it about 6-7 weeks, nothing more came of it, and everyone but me apparently moved on with our lives.
I guess they thought that was the end of it.
But I saw that visit and those threats as an escalation, so I reacted in kind.
Late summer I Again went back to his place. Again I found the car (it was really easy to spot), and Again I waited until about 3:45am, and Again I stole his (new) license plates.
Only this time I put his original plates back on.
And because the non-repaired side of the back of his car left a gaping hole in the wheel well, I was able to get my arm up in there and pop out the bulb socket for his left blinker, then I went on my way.
So even if he DID get into the habit of making sure there were plates on the car.. there were. And unless he was paying attention, the numbers would seem natural because he had them for years. But I'm not sure he even looked.
If the internet was a thing back then, hell if SCANNERS were a popular thing back then, I would still have the hard evidence which to this day I'd probably use as my phone's lock screen picture.
A little blurb in the local paper a few days later. A blurb that was proudly cut out and shared amongst friends, but sadly lost to the ages in 25+ years and countless apartment and house moves since then.
A little blurb the "police blotter" section.
About the arrest of a particular young man, who was pulled over for a malfunctioning blinker, on a car that was operating on stolen plates. He was charged with fraudulently filing a false police report, (claiming plates clearly in his possession were stolen) defrauding the Motor Vehicle Commission (a crime in this state) for fraudulently obtaining new plates, possession of controlled substances, and possession of drug paraphernalia, along with a host of traffic violations for having tinted window, failure to maintain vehicle, and a few other tickets. He was remanded pending bail and issued a court date.
Never found out if he posted bail, I'm sure his friend's mother didn't, and he had already been on the outs with his own family.
It was a good 5 months later when we were at the mall again, and she sees the large woman and a couple of the other people that came to her house that day walking towards us. We all noticed each other at the same time, I felt my GF tense up a little bit, but without a word those three just paused a second, turned, and went in a different direction.
Never saw or heard from any of them ever again. I guess my message was received loud and clear.
2023.06.02 19:36 Manonthemon What to do with a stray cat?
 | Earlier today a cat walked into my house, sat down on the sofa and...just stayed. My children are extatic, but I'm not sure what to do. I love cats, but I can't really afford to keep it.... submitted by Manonthemon to sheffield [link] [comments] Is there a place to check if it's been chipped and if it doesn't have an owner (for free)? A place to get it neutered (for free) ? How to go about this? https://preview.redd.it/n6tj6g594n3b1.jpg?width=4608&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=520d55def96d8a44d5583f9ff933485379b42982 |
2023.06.02 19:35 Rose8891 How do you overcome body issues after dating a narcissist
Good day,
For those who have or are on their way to overcoming self-hate and body image issues caused by narcissist or covert narcissist, how did you do it? I need some feel good stories here.
I left my CN years ago. But the gaslighting and covert narcissism was so spectacular that I had no idea that it was happening to me during the course of the relationship.
When I left my ex, it was for the obvious reasons like cheating and outward disrespect. It was only when I was relaying the other things that happened in my relationship (the nuances) to an old friend, that her eyes went wide and she looked concerned and said “It sounds like he was gaslighting you”. I’d never heard the term before. I went to Google and was shocked.
Someone on Reddit suggested I read, “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist” and it’s like the author had sat with my ex and written about him in every chapter. To this day some of my closest friends and family are the flying monkey’s in my life, even years after leaving. They still think he’s awesome and I just made things up. When I left him, I had very little emotional support.
Im happy to be free of him, but as for me, I’m still fighting the damage he did. I had moments in between chapters when I read The Passive Aggressive CN where I had to put the book down and cry or just take it in, because after all these years I feel validated. I was with someone who drained the life out of me.
He would regularly do things like look at me in disgust and when I would call him out on it, he would tell me I was making it up. In those moments I would think, “maybe I was being irrational”. Then he would tell me I was beautiful And shower me with compliments. Then other times it was pure disgust and so on and so on.
My looks are just one thing, there were so many others but I want to zone into self-image for now. I spent the 8 years that I was with him obsessing over my looks and to this day, I still do.
I obsess over how I look because of how much damage that relationship did to me. I never feel like I look good enough. If I see a flaw, I zone in to it. I also constantly sabotage my exercise routine; I could be in the zone, feeling good, starting to see results from exercise and then I will just stop. And then the cycle starts all over again. I can’t take a compliment to save my life, I get embarrassed or think the person complimenting me is making it up.
I hate that it took me so long to realise what happened to me but better late than never right? I desperately want to end this cycle of self-hate and body issues. For those who have done it or are on their way, can you please give me tips.
Thank you in advance.
submitted by Rose8891 to NarcissisticAbuse [link] [comments]
For those who have or are on their way to overcoming self-hate and body image issues caused by narcissist or covert narcissist, how did you do it? I need some feel good stories here.
I left my CN years ago. But the gaslighting and covert narcissism was so spectacular that I had no idea that it was happening to me during the course of the relationship.
When I left my ex, it was for the obvious reasons like cheating and outward disrespect. It was only when I was relaying the other things that happened in my relationship (the nuances) to an old friend, that her eyes went wide and she looked concerned and said “It sounds like he was gaslighting you”. I’d never heard the term before. I went to Google and was shocked.
Someone on Reddit suggested I read, “The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist” and it’s like the author had sat with my ex and written about him in every chapter. To this day some of my closest friends and family are the flying monkey’s in my life, even years after leaving. They still think he’s awesome and I just made things up. When I left him, I had very little emotional support.
Im happy to be free of him, but as for me, I’m still fighting the damage he did. I had moments in between chapters when I read The Passive Aggressive CN where I had to put the book down and cry or just take it in, because after all these years I feel validated. I was with someone who drained the life out of me.
He would regularly do things like look at me in disgust and when I would call him out on it, he would tell me I was making it up. In those moments I would think, “maybe I was being irrational”. Then he would tell me I was beautiful And shower me with compliments. Then other times it was pure disgust and so on and so on.
My looks are just one thing, there were so many others but I want to zone into self-image for now. I spent the 8 years that I was with him obsessing over my looks and to this day, I still do.
I obsess over how I look because of how much damage that relationship did to me. I never feel like I look good enough. If I see a flaw, I zone in to it. I also constantly sabotage my exercise routine; I could be in the zone, feeling good, starting to see results from exercise and then I will just stop. And then the cycle starts all over again. I can’t take a compliment to save my life, I get embarrassed or think the person complimenting me is making it up.
I hate that it took me so long to realise what happened to me but better late than never right? I desperately want to end this cycle of self-hate and body issues. For those who have done it or are on their way, can you please give me tips.
Thank you in advance.
2023.06.02 19:34 HighAir2023 Hard knock life
Hi, i am in the end. In march 2022 I got infected with Covid. I was 14 days positive. Covid turned into post and finally long Covid, including heart attack, air shortness and major depression. Further, I became dots under my skin of which we thought it was cancer but it was not. At my job they lost patience or told I would be playing sick. After couple of weeks I started to feel better, though problems did not move away in my job. So I started looking for a new one. In the meantime the old company got hacked which led to major problems for me since we had to use our private gadgets. After a few more days i got a job offer, accepted the offer, moved into a bigger place and started the new job - though exhausted from the hack. The first 2 months were intense but great. Then,Within 2 months, I got infected again with Covid. This time it was mild. Though afterwards I got weird swellings. The doctors supposed cancer. Turned out it was not cancer 5 weeks later. Then I became weird tooth pain. Doctors could not find anything. After two more weeks I went to emergency due to the tooth pain. They found out they my kidneys were highly infected close to stop functioning. They screened my body for 2 weeks to finde the cause.It turned out that I had a rare autoimmune disease called sarcoidosis. This caused also the swellings of which cancer was thought. I was furthered to death. After 3 more weeks at home I returned to the job just to get kicked out after 3 more weeks. Now I am unemployed since April and totally depressed since march. Everyday is getting worse. I accuse myself for getting sick and therefore losing the job. Getting psychological help and taking mirzapin for sleep. But I don’t feel better.
submitted by HighAir2023 to depression [link] [comments]
2023.06.02 19:34 jayaytchaywai Pivoting Face-first into a Brick Wall - Please Roast
Hello all,
I am in a state of deep burnout both from my current position (Support Specialist for Saas) and the specific company I'm employed at. The latter is a toxic workplace and has gotten quite bad; I need to leave yesterday. However, I'm done with support and low-level admin/operations work and want a role that makes better use of my intelligence and skills, and where I can feel like I'm accomplishing something instead of performing an endless chain of mundane tasks. I would love to be a Project Manager or Scrum Master. I believe I am more than capable of filling either role, and they would fit my personality better than support: I am way more into quality than quantity; love coming up with detailed plans and guidelines; I am a PM tool nerd; I love analyzing team dynamics and structure, etc.
I think my resume is at least competent, as a document - I get fast responses when I apply to support positions, esp. vis-a-vis nonprofit work. But I'm trying to move away from these. I also think places that want to read my resume are nervous about me being overqualified, because I'm considerably more educated than my pedigree indicates. I've been told as much by my two most recent teams.
I believe the problem is that my work history just doesn't entitle me to a job I want, and I need to just quit my current job and address the general life/career stuff before I can move on. I know you're not supposed to quit before having something lined up, but I feel that, in my case, staying with my current job makes finding a suitable job worse than staying. I've got some savings (maybe I can last just under a year?), but I've got a lot of work to do and don't know how long it will take.
Please prove me wrong! If there is anything anyone can point out that might help me find a PM or SM role, or something similar, I'd love your advice. My life and work history is complicated (and I know that's part of the problem here) - feel free to ask me questions.
https://preview.redd.it/jyyho78u3n3b1.png?width=1020&format=png&auto=webp&s=679d63c3c8b3743e8bb1e3b7faaeb3f3fbbc05f2
https://preview.redd.it/ms4c6g8u3n3b1.png?width=1020&format=png&auto=webp&s=b132353c63f3f28026fc7d5cd77f61795d01d8e1
submitted by jayaytchaywai to resumes [link] [comments]
I am in a state of deep burnout both from my current position (Support Specialist for Saas) and the specific company I'm employed at. The latter is a toxic workplace and has gotten quite bad; I need to leave yesterday. However, I'm done with support and low-level admin/operations work and want a role that makes better use of my intelligence and skills, and where I can feel like I'm accomplishing something instead of performing an endless chain of mundane tasks. I would love to be a Project Manager or Scrum Master. I believe I am more than capable of filling either role, and they would fit my personality better than support: I am way more into quality than quantity; love coming up with detailed plans and guidelines; I am a PM tool nerd; I love analyzing team dynamics and structure, etc.
I think my resume is at least competent, as a document - I get fast responses when I apply to support positions, esp. vis-a-vis nonprofit work. But I'm trying to move away from these. I also think places that want to read my resume are nervous about me being overqualified, because I'm considerably more educated than my pedigree indicates. I've been told as much by my two most recent teams.
I believe the problem is that my work history just doesn't entitle me to a job I want, and I need to just quit my current job and address the general life/career stuff before I can move on. I know you're not supposed to quit before having something lined up, but I feel that, in my case, staying with my current job makes finding a suitable job worse than staying. I've got some savings (maybe I can last just under a year?), but I've got a lot of work to do and don't know how long it will take.
Please prove me wrong! If there is anything anyone can point out that might help me find a PM or SM role, or something similar, I'd love your advice. My life and work history is complicated (and I know that's part of the problem here) - feel free to ask me questions.
https://preview.redd.it/jyyho78u3n3b1.png?width=1020&format=png&auto=webp&s=679d63c3c8b3743e8bb1e3b7faaeb3f3fbbc05f2
https://preview.redd.it/ms4c6g8u3n3b1.png?width=1020&format=png&auto=webp&s=b132353c63f3f28026fc7d5cd77f61795d01d8e1
2023.06.02 19:33 killuminati-savage Any local luthier in CR outside of Castle Rock Music?
Nothing wrong with the shop, it's a great place. I wanted to get a bit more hands on though with a modification I need to make to my acoustic. I need to file down the bridge saddle as my action towards the sound hole is pretty massive and I can't adjust the truss rod enough to compensate.
I don't know what I'm doing to make it level/even nor do I have a good equation to decide how much to take off, but I'd love to be a part of the process and learn/work instead of just handing it off. Does anyone do this as a hobby and have the tools to file down the saddle precisely? If you'd be willing, I'd love to have some help! Happy to bring some drinks or smoke to compensate for the time 😅
If all I need is some sandpaper and patience at home, feel free to be honest lol!
submitted by killuminati-savage to CastleRock [link] [comments]
I don't know what I'm doing to make it level/even nor do I have a good equation to decide how much to take off, but I'd love to be a part of the process and learn/work instead of just handing it off. Does anyone do this as a hobby and have the tools to file down the saddle precisely? If you'd be willing, I'd love to have some help! Happy to bring some drinks or smoke to compensate for the time 😅
If all I need is some sandpaper and patience at home, feel free to be honest lol!
2023.06.02 19:33 TiltedWit ICCU, 12V, or other battery issue? This is your thread -- Thread Updated 02 Jun 2023
Alright, a lot of post coming in from people with 12V and ICCU related issues. We've decided to create a megathread about this in order to better organize information for users experience issues.
Individuals posting experiences will be directed to this thread rather than making their own post about the issue.
Form for users with issues
https://forms.gle/NNqrBqp1PGY8LNr8A
Please fill out the above form if you've had any ICCU issues. Please note the responses are public. Being signed into a Google account is required to fill out the form in order to prevent abuse but the email address is not collected or displayed publicly.
Responses can be seen after filling out the form or simply by visiting: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQ4uqDgqzczkc_l9PAY9p2imhhAMDggN47qeJf4vaz5691T3Hk-YrWoxALT6OTvc40q86imlbKx3pks/pubhtml
Edit: You may also want to report the incident to the NHTSA - https://www.nhtsa.gov/vehicle/2022/HYUNDAI/IONIQ%2525205/SUV/
What we know so far12V Battery Dying
Hyundai has acknowledged a 12V drain issue they state resulted from excessive Bluelink access. They limited the API requests available each day in order to ensure this does not affect further users.
ICCU Failure
Hyundai has not, to my knowledge, specifically stated a cause for this failure as of yet. It does appear to be affecting a number of owners and typically seems to happen between the 9 - 15 month mark. There is currently no reason to believe this affects every vehicle and we will need to wait for official analysis in order to determine the likelihood of a specific car being affected.
Are these issues covered under warranty?
Yes
How many people have this issue?
Unfortunately we don't have any information on this yet. There have been a number of posts here on reddit as well as other Ioniq5 specific forums that indicate it surely isn't a one-off problem but being able to say it affects 1% of owners versus 50% is completely unfounded at this point in time.
Can I do anything before I have the issue?
Unfortunately, no. Hyundai is not preemptively replacing components before they go bad. Some people have begun to store a 12V battery jumper in their vehicle in case they experience a 12V issue.
What do I do if this happens to me?
Get your vehicle towed to a dealership. Feel free to let them know it might be an ICCU problem as there have been reports of some dealers being completely in the dark on the issue (there isn't a TSB to point to so unfortunately they'll have to take your word on it for now). From there keep in touch with your dealer about repair procedures and timeline.
Ensure the dealer replaces both the ICCU and the related fuse. Replacement of one or the other has resulted in further problems down the road.
How long does a repair take?
It seems the lead time for the ICCU module and related fuse is somewhere around 3-6 weeks currently. This means you may well be in a rental vehicle for that time frame. Hyundai should either provide a loaner through the dealer or cover the rental costs.
Can I force Hyundai to buyback my vehicle?
Lemon laws vary drastically state to state regarding time frames, reimbursement amount, etc. A decent rule of thumb is if the repair is >30 days or you have taken the vehicle for repair for the same issue >3 times you may well want to contact a lemon law lawyer in your area for a consult. Reddit is not a good place to take legal advice.
I'm scared this will happen to me, what should I do?
Don't panic. There does not appear to be a safety concern here and instead it'll just make for a bad day of dealing with towing and service center employees; it won't end your world but it certainly will be annoying.
Edit: Some reports state this happened while driving and caused the vehicle to slow to a max speed of ~25mph. This could be a safety concern if you're cruising along on the highway.
How many do we know of so far?
Responses to the form can be viewed simply by visiting: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQ4uqDgqzczkc_l9PAY9p2imhhAMDggN47qeJf4vaz5691T3Hk-YrWoxALT6OTvc40q86imlbKx3pks/pubhtml
Edit with additional questions answered:Has this issue affected any 2023 MYs?
None that I know of so far but they are also much newer and this problem appears to show up around the 12 month mark.
Edit: There have been a few users that have reported this with their 2023 but the number is extremely small so far. Hyundai techs seem to believe the 2023 ICCU is being installed into 2022 models to fix the issue which would indicate Hyundai believes the 2023s to not have this problem at this time.
Has there been any reporting a of a repeated failure once the ICCU and fuse have been replaced? Or are we seeing that it is a solid fix?
Unfortunately it is hard to say so far. They could be replacing with the same ICCU which might fail in 12 more months. The hope would be that they've actually identified and fixed the issue but we simply don't know yet.
-----
Thread updated 02 Jun 2023, original comments/etc can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/Ioniq5/comments/125oyxe/iccu_12v_or_other_battery_issue_this_is_you
submitted by TiltedWit to Ioniq5 [link] [comments]
Individuals posting experiences will be directed to this thread rather than making their own post about the issue.
Form for users with issues
https://forms.gle/NNqrBqp1PGY8LNr8A
Please fill out the above form if you've had any ICCU issues. Please note the responses are public. Being signed into a Google account is required to fill out the form in order to prevent abuse but the email address is not collected or displayed publicly.
Responses can be seen after filling out the form or simply by visiting: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQ4uqDgqzczkc_l9PAY9p2imhhAMDggN47qeJf4vaz5691T3Hk-YrWoxALT6OTvc40q86imlbKx3pks/pubhtml
Edit: You may also want to report the incident to the NHTSA - https://www.nhtsa.gov/vehicle/2022/HYUNDAI/IONIQ%2525205/SUV/
What we know so far12V Battery Dying
Hyundai has acknowledged a 12V drain issue they state resulted from excessive Bluelink access. They limited the API requests available each day in order to ensure this does not affect further users.
ICCU Failure
Hyundai has not, to my knowledge, specifically stated a cause for this failure as of yet. It does appear to be affecting a number of owners and typically seems to happen between the 9 - 15 month mark. There is currently no reason to believe this affects every vehicle and we will need to wait for official analysis in order to determine the likelihood of a specific car being affected.
Are these issues covered under warranty?
Yes
How many people have this issue?
Unfortunately we don't have any information on this yet. There have been a number of posts here on reddit as well as other Ioniq5 specific forums that indicate it surely isn't a one-off problem but being able to say it affects 1% of owners versus 50% is completely unfounded at this point in time.
Can I do anything before I have the issue?
Unfortunately, no. Hyundai is not preemptively replacing components before they go bad. Some people have begun to store a 12V battery jumper in their vehicle in case they experience a 12V issue.
What do I do if this happens to me?
Get your vehicle towed to a dealership. Feel free to let them know it might be an ICCU problem as there have been reports of some dealers being completely in the dark on the issue (there isn't a TSB to point to so unfortunately they'll have to take your word on it for now). From there keep in touch with your dealer about repair procedures and timeline.
Ensure the dealer replaces both the ICCU and the related fuse. Replacement of one or the other has resulted in further problems down the road.
How long does a repair take?
It seems the lead time for the ICCU module and related fuse is somewhere around 3-6 weeks currently. This means you may well be in a rental vehicle for that time frame. Hyundai should either provide a loaner through the dealer or cover the rental costs.
Can I force Hyundai to buyback my vehicle?
Lemon laws vary drastically state to state regarding time frames, reimbursement amount, etc. A decent rule of thumb is if the repair is >30 days or you have taken the vehicle for repair for the same issue >3 times you may well want to contact a lemon law lawyer in your area for a consult. Reddit is not a good place to take legal advice.
I'm scared this will happen to me, what should I do?
Don't panic. There does not appear to be a safety concern here and instead it'll just make for a bad day of dealing with towing and service center employees; it won't end your world but it certainly will be annoying.
Edit: Some reports state this happened while driving and caused the vehicle to slow to a max speed of ~25mph. This could be a safety concern if you're cruising along on the highway.
How many do we know of so far?
Responses to the form can be viewed simply by visiting: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vQ4uqDgqzczkc_l9PAY9p2imhhAMDggN47qeJf4vaz5691T3Hk-YrWoxALT6OTvc40q86imlbKx3pks/pubhtml
Edit with additional questions answered:Has this issue affected any 2023 MYs?
None that I know of so far but they are also much newer and this problem appears to show up around the 12 month mark.
Edit: There have been a few users that have reported this with their 2023 but the number is extremely small so far. Hyundai techs seem to believe the 2023 ICCU is being installed into 2022 models to fix the issue which would indicate Hyundai believes the 2023s to not have this problem at this time.
Has there been any reporting a of a repeated failure once the ICCU and fuse have been replaced? Or are we seeing that it is a solid fix?
Unfortunately it is hard to say so far. They could be replacing with the same ICCU which might fail in 12 more months. The hope would be that they've actually identified and fixed the issue but we simply don't know yet.
-----
Thread updated 02 Jun 2023, original comments/etc can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/Ioniq5/comments/125oyxe/iccu_12v_or_other_battery_issue_this_is_you
2023.06.02 19:33 laundrygladiator Seeking Advice: Best approach and order for home improvements
Hi fellow Redditors,
I'm currently in the midst of planning some home improvements/renovations, and I could really use your valuable input and expertise. I have compiled a list of projects that I'm considering, but I'm unsure about the order in which I should tackle them and the most practical approach for each. I would greatly appreciate any feedback, suggestions, or personal experiences you can share.
Here's the list of home improvements/renovations I have in mind:
New Driveway (ashphalt) Garage Door Front Door with side light Front door patio furniture Dining Table Back Yard patio furniture Finish Basement Security Cameras Renovate backyard (either a deck or replace old cracked patio stones)
So, my main questions are:
In what order would you suggest prioritizing these projects based on their importance and potential impact on my daily life? What practical considerations should I keep in mind for each of these renovations? Are there any potential dependencies or factors I should consider before starting any specific project? I'm looking for advice from anyone who has experience with home renovations or has gone through a similar decision-making process. It would be helpful to hear about any unforeseen challenges you encountered or any tips and tricks you learned along the way.
Feel free to share any additional thoughts or suggestions that come to mind. Your insights will be incredibly valuable to me as I embark on this exciting journey of home improvement.
Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this and for sharing your wisdom. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Note: If there's a more suitable subreddit for this post, please let me know, and I'll be happy to relocate it.
submitted by laundrygladiator to HomeImprovement [link] [comments]
I'm currently in the midst of planning some home improvements/renovations, and I could really use your valuable input and expertise. I have compiled a list of projects that I'm considering, but I'm unsure about the order in which I should tackle them and the most practical approach for each. I would greatly appreciate any feedback, suggestions, or personal experiences you can share.
Here's the list of home improvements/renovations I have in mind:
New Driveway (ashphalt) Garage Door Front Door with side light Front door patio furniture Dining Table Back Yard patio furniture Finish Basement Security Cameras Renovate backyard (either a deck or replace old cracked patio stones)
So, my main questions are:
In what order would you suggest prioritizing these projects based on their importance and potential impact on my daily life? What practical considerations should I keep in mind for each of these renovations? Are there any potential dependencies or factors I should consider before starting any specific project? I'm looking for advice from anyone who has experience with home renovations or has gone through a similar decision-making process. It would be helpful to hear about any unforeseen challenges you encountered or any tips and tricks you learned along the way.
Feel free to share any additional thoughts or suggestions that come to mind. Your insights will be incredibly valuable to me as I embark on this exciting journey of home improvement.
Thank you all in advance for taking the time to read this and for sharing your wisdom. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Note: If there's a more suitable subreddit for this post, please let me know, and I'll be happy to relocate it.
2023.06.02 19:32 SignificantAerie1729 Trigger food has lasted in my place over a week!!
I absolutely looooove cookie butter and any nut butter. Typically they wouldn't last a day or two. I got cookie butter from Trader Joe's and some bagels the week before last and they are still in my place! Therapy has really helped me to not binge! Going on 7 weeks binge free. 🥲
submitted by SignificantAerie1729 to BingeEatingDisorder [link] [comments]
2023.06.02 19:31 josheron Getting sense about how the Fediverse really is
I entered this subreddit looking for alternatives since Apollo is RIP. What I found was a lot of people trash talking about the Fediverse and the moderation they have. A few thigs I want to say before leaving:
1- I think no apps on the Fediverse are funded by Venture Capitalists or Big Tech, you can't compare the resources of Big Social like Meta or Reddit to a project like Mastodon, Calckey or Pixelfed. They are made by groups of people for free mostly or with donations. It feels like when the web started, people doing passionate projects because they want to escape Big Social data collection. They aren't moved by profit.
2- Services like Lemmy, Calckey or Mastodon don't have the best experience yet, but Reddit doesnt either (who uses the Reddit app? wth). And now they are getting the support this website is looking to trash out: third party apps. Mastodon has amazing apps like Ivory, Ice Cubes or Phanpy. Lemmy is getting Mlem soon. And Calckey will be supported by Moshidon too. Pixelfed is right away amazing but Vernissage for iOS is perfect. Reddit and Twitter? not anymore now that Apollo and Tweetbot are dead.
3- About the people there: yes, they are geeky, nerdy and a lot of communities are from minorities. They are looking for safe places to be themselves. Get over it. I you want to say things that can only be described as horrors against humanity, you can be really happy at Twitter. Or here? Idk.
4- Going to the fediverse make me think that I don't have to be angry all the time, and that helped me evaluate my relationship with social media. Even shitposting feels boring, because I did shitpost to scape the reality. Now I made friends online and talk to people, not react to people. And I'm not saying that shitposting or whatever you do here is bad. What I say is maybe what Big Social make you think you like is what is better for them and not for you.
And God, I'm glad I no longer see stupid ads.
Peace out.
submitted by josheron to RedditAlternatives [link] [comments]
1- I think no apps on the Fediverse are funded by Venture Capitalists or Big Tech, you can't compare the resources of Big Social like Meta or Reddit to a project like Mastodon, Calckey or Pixelfed. They are made by groups of people for free mostly or with donations. It feels like when the web started, people doing passionate projects because they want to escape Big Social data collection. They aren't moved by profit.
2- Services like Lemmy, Calckey or Mastodon don't have the best experience yet, but Reddit doesnt either (who uses the Reddit app? wth). And now they are getting the support this website is looking to trash out: third party apps. Mastodon has amazing apps like Ivory, Ice Cubes or Phanpy. Lemmy is getting Mlem soon. And Calckey will be supported by Moshidon too. Pixelfed is right away amazing but Vernissage for iOS is perfect. Reddit and Twitter? not anymore now that Apollo and Tweetbot are dead.
3- About the people there: yes, they are geeky, nerdy and a lot of communities are from minorities. They are looking for safe places to be themselves. Get over it. I you want to say things that can only be described as horrors against humanity, you can be really happy at Twitter. Or here? Idk.
4- Going to the fediverse make me think that I don't have to be angry all the time, and that helped me evaluate my relationship with social media. Even shitposting feels boring, because I did shitpost to scape the reality. Now I made friends online and talk to people, not react to people. And I'm not saying that shitposting or whatever you do here is bad. What I say is maybe what Big Social make you think you like is what is better for them and not for you.
And God, I'm glad I no longer see stupid ads.
Peace out.
2023.06.02 19:31 GirlisNo1 What should I be looking for in terms of the machine used at the clinic?
I have a consultation coming up and am looking for guidance in regards to the equipment. I want to make sure the clinic isn’t using old technology, what should I be looking for? What are the best laser hair removal machines being used right now?
Also, I had one session of laser hair removal years ago in another country. They were using the latest tech at the time, which treated a large area at once by running the laser all over it for 60-90 seconds. Even the one session was very effective. I’m curious if this type of laser is common place now or if most places still use the one that pulses once over a single area the size of the laser?
submitted by GirlisNo1 to LaserHairRemoval [link] [comments]
Also, I had one session of laser hair removal years ago in another country. They were using the latest tech at the time, which treated a large area at once by running the laser all over it for 60-90 seconds. Even the one session was very effective. I’m curious if this type of laser is common place now or if most places still use the one that pulses once over a single area the size of the laser?
2023.06.02 19:30 One_Manufacturer_231 ABOUT ME!!! NEW REDDIT
Heyyy, I am a 20BM Marietta/Kennesaw local. I am very interested in the swinger lifestyle and ready for the opportunity to have my first swinger experience. Throughout my life I have always been somewhat of a prude and a little shy. But, I am finally ready to change that. I am interested to meet with single ladies, hotwives and straight couples. I would love to gain more experience pleasing women. I am also not opposed to a mfm threesome focusing on the lady. Feel free to send me a dm.
Frequently asked questions:
Stats? I am a straight 20yr Black Male 5’7 150lbs with a 6inch somewhat thick bbc
What are u into? I would love a to spend some time with a experienced couple, older Hotwife/stag, or single woman. Id really love to join couples for threesomes where the main focus is pleasuring the woman. I love to please a woman away from or with their man. I am honestly almost down to try everything aside from bi and gay play and one of the things on my bucket list is contributing to a dp so extra points if you can make that happen. I would prefer something long term but if you don’t want to do that I am ok with that too. All races are welcome.
Can you host? I would love too but, unfortunately I am a college student living with my parents. Eventually I do plan on hosting or maybe even renting a hotel room. Although I am definitely down to try carplay.
Are you drug and disease free? Yes, I don’t do drugs and I have never had sex before.
How experienced are you? DISCLAIMER I AM A VIRGIN. I never really gave my self the freedom to try any type of sexual contact other than make out sessions, fingering and a hand job in hs. I want to be up front and honest with y’all. If you are looking for someone who is going to know what they are doing I am the wrong guy lol.
Do u share pics of your cock or face? I will send you a dick pic if you want it for verification. I can also send u a pic of my face through private chats on Reddit or any other place where I can send instant messages. But u will never see my face on here. I might post a dick pick soon, so be on the lookout if your interested.☺️
Are you into bi play? While I am into doubleblowjobs and would love the idea of dp someone, I am not into any form of gay or bi play. Guy on guy or self anal play are a big no no for me. Nothing against people who do that kinda thing it’s, just not me.
Where else can we find you? I don’t normally just give out my personals(due to some previously bad experiences). feel free to shoot me a message on reddit and I’ll give them too u.
I look forward to hearing back from you guys😌.
submitted by One_Manufacturer_231 to u/One_Manufacturer_231 [link] [comments]
Frequently asked questions:
Stats? I am a straight 20yr Black Male 5’7 150lbs with a 6inch somewhat thick bbc
What are u into? I would love a to spend some time with a experienced couple, older Hotwife/stag, or single woman. Id really love to join couples for threesomes where the main focus is pleasuring the woman. I love to please a woman away from or with their man. I am honestly almost down to try everything aside from bi and gay play and one of the things on my bucket list is contributing to a dp so extra points if you can make that happen. I would prefer something long term but if you don’t want to do that I am ok with that too. All races are welcome.
Can you host? I would love too but, unfortunately I am a college student living with my parents. Eventually I do plan on hosting or maybe even renting a hotel room. Although I am definitely down to try carplay.
Are you drug and disease free? Yes, I don’t do drugs and I have never had sex before.
How experienced are you? DISCLAIMER I AM A VIRGIN. I never really gave my self the freedom to try any type of sexual contact other than make out sessions, fingering and a hand job in hs. I want to be up front and honest with y’all. If you are looking for someone who is going to know what they are doing I am the wrong guy lol.
Do u share pics of your cock or face? I will send you a dick pic if you want it for verification. I can also send u a pic of my face through private chats on Reddit or any other place where I can send instant messages. But u will never see my face on here. I might post a dick pick soon, so be on the lookout if your interested.☺️
Are you into bi play? While I am into doubleblowjobs and would love the idea of dp someone, I am not into any form of gay or bi play. Guy on guy or self anal play are a big no no for me. Nothing against people who do that kinda thing it’s, just not me.
Where else can we find you? I don’t normally just give out my personals(due to some previously bad experiences). feel free to shoot me a message on reddit and I’ll give them too u.
I look forward to hearing back from you guys😌.
2023.06.02 19:30 Unable_Pea_6744 OBLIVION RECRUITMENT RSL
OBLIVION RECRUITMENT
CURRENTLY SEEKING T6 - 400K+ PLAYERS WITH NM/BRUTAL HYDRA TEAMS
” Only once you have experienced Oblivion, will you find your salvation. "
-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-
We are one of RSLs largest and most active END GAME clusters, consisting of a total 40 clans. We strive for excellence, improving each of our clans and helping our members grow. This is only matched by our belief, that every single player matters and there is a place for everyone, no matter how you want to play the game. From casual f2p to Kraken.
TOP RANKED CVC TEAM: OBLIVION
PVP TEAM: HEPHAESTOS HAMMERS
CASUAL CVC WITH HYDRA
-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—
☞ Officially 1 year old and 1 of the largest end-game clusters in RSL.
☞ Takeover services available by Galen, Ragnar and Wolfe.
☞ Extremely organized
☞ Only ONE rule for discord - don't be a Pecker!
☞ Sense of HUMOUR, is a must. Leave your egos at the door when entering.
☞ Tier 3 Discord Server.
☞ Mercy counter via custom Discord bot.
☞ 1800+ discord users
☞ All friends welcome, opportunity to bring your whole clan across to the cluster
☞ Extremely active voice comms community
☞ Regular fun events, challenges and giveaways - Gear Cleanses, Demon Lord, Hydra, accounts and play cards.
-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-
Find us
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/groups/835483360531414
RAID: Global channel 461
DISCORD: https://discord.gg/obvcluster
submitted by Unable_Pea_6744 to OblivionGamingRSL [link] [comments]
CURRENTLY SEEKING T6 - 400K+ PLAYERS WITH NM/BRUTAL HYDRA TEAMS
” Only once you have experienced Oblivion, will you find your salvation. "
-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-
We are one of RSLs largest and most active END GAME clusters, consisting of a total 40 clans. We strive for excellence, improving each of our clans and helping our members grow. This is only matched by our belief, that every single player matters and there is a place for everyone, no matter how you want to play the game. From casual f2p to Kraken.
TOP RANKED CVC TEAM: OBLIVION
PVP TEAM: HEPHAESTOS HAMMERS
CASUAL CVC WITH HYDRA
-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—
☞ Officially 1 year old and 1 of the largest end-game clusters in RSL.
☞ Takeover services available by Galen, Ragnar and Wolfe.
☞ Extremely organized
☞ Only ONE rule for discord - don't be a Pecker!
☞ Sense of HUMOUR, is a must. Leave your egos at the door when entering.
☞ Tier 3 Discord Server.
☞ Mercy counter via custom Discord bot.
☞ 1800+ discord users
☞ All friends welcome, opportunity to bring your whole clan across to the cluster
☞ Extremely active voice comms community
☞ Regular fun events, challenges and giveaways - Gear Cleanses, Demon Lord, Hydra, accounts and play cards.
-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-
Find us
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/groups/835483360531414
RAID: Global channel 461
DISCORD: https://discord.gg/obvcluster
2023.06.02 19:30 Asleep-Grapefruit589 Working on not needing my Mother's approval so much
TLDR: I am an early 30s F with a very close but intense and complicated relationship with my mother. For as long as I can remember, I have put a lot of weight on gaining her approval, especially when it comes to my romantic partners, but am at a crossroads now. I've met a partner that I believe has long term potential (despite some valid concerns). She's decided she will never be okay with him and wants no contact with him. I don't know if I just need to work on not needing her approval as much or if my relationship with my partner really is a lost cause.
Buckle up, because this is kind of a long one. I'm in my early 30s and have a very close relationship with my mother. Her house is split into two units, and I rent one side. While I make decent money, I've chosen this arrangement because it is mutually beneficial. I get a very good deal on rent, can help her with the mortgage, and she doesn't have to deal with bringing in strangers as tennants (which can be a complete gamble as anyone who is a DIY landlord can attest to). My father died when I was a teenager and I have no siblings. I'm not particularly close with any of my extended family, so she's the closest family member I have.
For the most part, we get along well. However, for my entire 20s, and now into my early 30s, we've had a lot of friction when it comes to my boyfriends/partners. I'll admit, I have a pretty terrible track record, but I've slowly been improving. One was just really immature and clueless, one was way older than me and had significant financial challenges, the most recent had some kind of personality disorder, was emotionally abusive to me and intentionally disrespectful to my mom. I was love bombed by him and felt trapped but eventually got out.
I did a lot of self work after the last one. Took time to heal, learn the early warning signs of abusive relationships and really work on my self esteem so I could better filter out the "losers" so to speak. I've been with my current boyfriend (mid 30s) for almost a year. He hasn't been abusive towards me at all, we've never had a single fight, he's a good communicator and we're able to work through concerns and challenges in a very civilized manner, we have a bunch of passions and hobbies in common, the physical aspect is great, and we both want to pursue something long term and serious (having kids together).
However, it's not without concerns. He was recently separated when we met and the divorce has not yet been finalized. We took things slow early on, about 5 months in, we made things official but the divorce isn't finalized due to self admitted procrastination on his part. It's not messy according to him, no assets need to be divided, they've been separated over a year, and it's just a matter of him biting the bullet and getting it over with. We've addressed that I'm no longer okay with him putting but off, and he needs to take care of it.
He is also paying child support, sees his two kids PT, does not have a running car and is living with his parents for financial reasons. He's put off getting a new car because he likes to walk and bike places, doesn't really need one right now, and again, has self admitted procrastination issues and hasn't gotten around to scrapping the old one and getting a new one. Yes, I know how bad that sounds, and I am fully aware he is not financially ready for the next stage in our relationship. He knows this, I know this. It is exceedingly difficult where we live. It's one of the most expensive places to live in the US, but we were both born and raised here and have a strong desire to stay in the area. I've told him I want him to get things in order, he wants to get things in order, but we both got caught up in the honeymoon phase of things, probably spent too much time and money on dates, and self/financial improvement got pushed to the wayside. We both decided to do something about this and have agreed to work on consciously building something together.
Aside from all of the above, his personality is a bit different than average. (So is mine). It significantly rubs my mom the wrong way. He's been unintentionally standoffish around her and has said a couple of impulsive/insensitive things to other people in her presence. He's never been intentionally hurtful towards her or me but has admitted that sometimes he gets caught up in the moment and says stuff without thinking. I'm not happy about it and not okay with it, but I'm more willing to give people second chances than my mom is. I've addressed this with him, he apologized and agreed to work on improving his demeanor around her.
My mom has a history of abusive relationships and has also done a lot of self work. A large part of that self work is having clear cut boundaries and not giving toxic people second chances. She has recently made a final decision that she is not okay with him, will never be okay with him and does not want to be around him or interact with him at all anymore. She feels he is toxic. I feel he is a good guy deep down that has significant challenges.
I'm not ready to give up on the relationship. I do feel he is genuine in wanting to improve and build something with me. However, I also know that actions speak louder than words and he has to back it up with actions. I want to give things a few more months to allow him to follow though. My mom doesn't believe he is capable of it because, "if he could have done it, he already would have done it". She believes he is unconsciously stringing me along because I'm a "catch" and he likes the comfort and companionship I provide him. I, on the other hand, believe people are capable of significant self improvement and that when partners work together, they can help hold eachother accountable to improve.
One reason I'm hopeful is that despite the fact that I could very tightly afford to get a place with him, he would be less financially stable than me right now, and he doesn't want to enter a living arrangement where he can't feel like a somewhat equal contributor. He doesn't want to take advantage of me financially and is always conscious about paying half or taking turns paying for dates etc. The same can't be said about my ex who did take advantage of me financially.
My mom and I have had a lot of heated talks about this. We both feel the way we feel. But have a fundamental disagreement about this. She would like to see me either end the relationship completely or put the relationship on hold until he can prove he can get his life in order (though she isn't forcing or coercing me to, that's just her ideal scenario). I, on the other hand, want to continue a relationship while he gets his life in order. I also have significant changes to make to improve my life and finances, and I want to do it alongside him. I'm not fooling myself into thinking he will for sure, and if he doesn't back up his words with actions and make a sincere effort, then I'm out.
I'm stuck because I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I'm having a hard time imagining scenarios like getting married and my mom not being at the wedding, having her first grandchild with him and her not wanting to visit if their father is around. Even if he becomes a millionaire years down the road, she still won't be okay with him because of the insensitive comments he's made in the past. I always pictured a nice, happy family where all the in laws get along, and that will never happen if I stay with him. I've thought about ending it with him, know that I could work through the grief, know that I could find someone else, but at the same time, I really don't want to. I love him dearly, more than I ever have any of my exes. It's a strange, deep kind of love I've never really experienced before. I feel like I would regret giving up on the relationship.
I think, if I stay with him long term, I need to do some serious work to not be so hung up on her approval. I'm getting mixed advice from friends, but most are saying to make the decision for me, not for my mom. However, it's hard for me to separate my desires from my mom's desires. For a while, I'll feel confident in my decision to stay with him, then she will air her grievances and I'll start feeling guilty and doubting myself and my decisions.
Anyone have any good advice? Has anyone ever had a satisfying relationship where their parents didn't approve and you somehow made it work? Can couples really work it out and improve together, or am I fooling myself?
submitted by Asleep-Grapefruit589 to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
Buckle up, because this is kind of a long one. I'm in my early 30s and have a very close relationship with my mother. Her house is split into two units, and I rent one side. While I make decent money, I've chosen this arrangement because it is mutually beneficial. I get a very good deal on rent, can help her with the mortgage, and she doesn't have to deal with bringing in strangers as tennants (which can be a complete gamble as anyone who is a DIY landlord can attest to). My father died when I was a teenager and I have no siblings. I'm not particularly close with any of my extended family, so she's the closest family member I have.
For the most part, we get along well. However, for my entire 20s, and now into my early 30s, we've had a lot of friction when it comes to my boyfriends/partners. I'll admit, I have a pretty terrible track record, but I've slowly been improving. One was just really immature and clueless, one was way older than me and had significant financial challenges, the most recent had some kind of personality disorder, was emotionally abusive to me and intentionally disrespectful to my mom. I was love bombed by him and felt trapped but eventually got out.
I did a lot of self work after the last one. Took time to heal, learn the early warning signs of abusive relationships and really work on my self esteem so I could better filter out the "losers" so to speak. I've been with my current boyfriend (mid 30s) for almost a year. He hasn't been abusive towards me at all, we've never had a single fight, he's a good communicator and we're able to work through concerns and challenges in a very civilized manner, we have a bunch of passions and hobbies in common, the physical aspect is great, and we both want to pursue something long term and serious (having kids together).
However, it's not without concerns. He was recently separated when we met and the divorce has not yet been finalized. We took things slow early on, about 5 months in, we made things official but the divorce isn't finalized due to self admitted procrastination on his part. It's not messy according to him, no assets need to be divided, they've been separated over a year, and it's just a matter of him biting the bullet and getting it over with. We've addressed that I'm no longer okay with him putting but off, and he needs to take care of it.
He is also paying child support, sees his two kids PT, does not have a running car and is living with his parents for financial reasons. He's put off getting a new car because he likes to walk and bike places, doesn't really need one right now, and again, has self admitted procrastination issues and hasn't gotten around to scrapping the old one and getting a new one. Yes, I know how bad that sounds, and I am fully aware he is not financially ready for the next stage in our relationship. He knows this, I know this. It is exceedingly difficult where we live. It's one of the most expensive places to live in the US, but we were both born and raised here and have a strong desire to stay in the area. I've told him I want him to get things in order, he wants to get things in order, but we both got caught up in the honeymoon phase of things, probably spent too much time and money on dates, and self/financial improvement got pushed to the wayside. We both decided to do something about this and have agreed to work on consciously building something together.
Aside from all of the above, his personality is a bit different than average. (So is mine). It significantly rubs my mom the wrong way. He's been unintentionally standoffish around her and has said a couple of impulsive/insensitive things to other people in her presence. He's never been intentionally hurtful towards her or me but has admitted that sometimes he gets caught up in the moment and says stuff without thinking. I'm not happy about it and not okay with it, but I'm more willing to give people second chances than my mom is. I've addressed this with him, he apologized and agreed to work on improving his demeanor around her.
My mom has a history of abusive relationships and has also done a lot of self work. A large part of that self work is having clear cut boundaries and not giving toxic people second chances. She has recently made a final decision that she is not okay with him, will never be okay with him and does not want to be around him or interact with him at all anymore. She feels he is toxic. I feel he is a good guy deep down that has significant challenges.
I'm not ready to give up on the relationship. I do feel he is genuine in wanting to improve and build something with me. However, I also know that actions speak louder than words and he has to back it up with actions. I want to give things a few more months to allow him to follow though. My mom doesn't believe he is capable of it because, "if he could have done it, he already would have done it". She believes he is unconsciously stringing me along because I'm a "catch" and he likes the comfort and companionship I provide him. I, on the other hand, believe people are capable of significant self improvement and that when partners work together, they can help hold eachother accountable to improve.
One reason I'm hopeful is that despite the fact that I could very tightly afford to get a place with him, he would be less financially stable than me right now, and he doesn't want to enter a living arrangement where he can't feel like a somewhat equal contributor. He doesn't want to take advantage of me financially and is always conscious about paying half or taking turns paying for dates etc. The same can't be said about my ex who did take advantage of me financially.
My mom and I have had a lot of heated talks about this. We both feel the way we feel. But have a fundamental disagreement about this. She would like to see me either end the relationship completely or put the relationship on hold until he can prove he can get his life in order (though she isn't forcing or coercing me to, that's just her ideal scenario). I, on the other hand, want to continue a relationship while he gets his life in order. I also have significant changes to make to improve my life and finances, and I want to do it alongside him. I'm not fooling myself into thinking he will for sure, and if he doesn't back up his words with actions and make a sincere effort, then I'm out.
I'm stuck because I don't know if I'm making the right decision. I'm having a hard time imagining scenarios like getting married and my mom not being at the wedding, having her first grandchild with him and her not wanting to visit if their father is around. Even if he becomes a millionaire years down the road, she still won't be okay with him because of the insensitive comments he's made in the past. I always pictured a nice, happy family where all the in laws get along, and that will never happen if I stay with him. I've thought about ending it with him, know that I could work through the grief, know that I could find someone else, but at the same time, I really don't want to. I love him dearly, more than I ever have any of my exes. It's a strange, deep kind of love I've never really experienced before. I feel like I would regret giving up on the relationship.
I think, if I stay with him long term, I need to do some serious work to not be so hung up on her approval. I'm getting mixed advice from friends, but most are saying to make the decision for me, not for my mom. However, it's hard for me to separate my desires from my mom's desires. For a while, I'll feel confident in my decision to stay with him, then she will air her grievances and I'll start feeling guilty and doubting myself and my decisions.
Anyone have any good advice? Has anyone ever had a satisfying relationship where their parents didn't approve and you somehow made it work? Can couples really work it out and improve together, or am I fooling myself?
2023.06.02 19:30 OtakuDrawGirl No diagnosis due to too little symptoms during childhood
First of all, I'm not sure if this post is allowed due to rule 3, so feel free to delete if it is not allowed here. If it is allowed however, I would like to know what other people think of my situation. Also, at the moment I am 20 years old, and I am AFAB non-binary, which might be relevant.
I was diagnosed with autism when I was 16, due to me reading about it and really seeing myself in all the symptoms, which lead to me being refered to a specialized psychologist who diagnosed me. This diagnosis was confirmed multiple times by other psychologists and psychiatrists.
However, I always felt like more was going on than just autism. Since the beginning of my teens, I've dealt with severe mental health issues, like mood problems, an eating disorder (around my 18th), self harm and alcoholism (around my 19th). It just really felt like more was going on than was diagnosed.
I've always seen myself in the diagnostic criteria of ADHD, but always subconsciously dismissed it due to me not fitting the stereotypic criteria (like a hyperactive child who cannot sit still in class, you know what I'm talking about), and thinking the things I recognized were just normal issues that most people deal with. However, when I met my boyfriend (who was diagnosed with autism and ADHD when he was a young child) I started to think more might be going on than just normal human issues.
I've always really easily been distracted, always picked up hobbies and got tired of them in no time, never was able to keep a clean room for more than like a day, any subject in school that did not interest me I barely studied for and either failed or barely passed while getting high grades for subjects that did interest me etc. I also always have the tendency to talk a lot but actively surpress it, and my brain feels like there are a 1000 thoughts going on at once. However, as a child I never had big issues with attention (which I think is mainly due to primary school being very easy for me and me finding subjects in secondary school very interesting - again, the subjects I didnt find interesting I all failed or barely passed due to not being able to focus on them at all). Any time I started reading about something I thought was interesting I could keep going for hours, but I originally chalked that up to autism (and before that diagnosis on just "me being me").
So, due to me recognizing these symptoms, I tried to get into a diagnostic process, but at all my previous mental health places, I never was able to start one (usually either "we don't have time" or "we are not specialized in it"). In this time, I did start bupropion, and it does really help with my mood problems, but not with focus.
At the place I'm currently receiving mental healthcare, I was able to start a diagnostic process, and I got an interview and everything. Last week, the psychologist told me the conclusion, and it was as follows:
Currently, my symptoms fall way above the minimum criteria for an ADHD diagnosis, both in the inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive sections of the DSM-V. However, she cannot diagnose me with ADHD, as I just barely do not meet the childhood criteria for a diagnosis. She mentioned that it could very well be due to my "intelligence" allowing me to cover up my symptoms (just like I did with all my autism symptoms during childhood) or my mom (who got diagnosed only a few years ago) learning me how to deal with the symptoms that she learned her whole life to deal with. She however cannot diagnose me, due to the DSM requiring concrete descriptions of symptoms in childhood, which she cannot do due to the mentioned reasons.
This honestly feels like not being diagnosed due to masking too well in childhood, and a diagnosis would explain a lot of my current difficulties, which is why it hurts so much that I am just barely not being diagnosed.
What do you all think of this?
submitted by OtakuDrawGirl to ADHD [link] [comments]
I was diagnosed with autism when I was 16, due to me reading about it and really seeing myself in all the symptoms, which lead to me being refered to a specialized psychologist who diagnosed me. This diagnosis was confirmed multiple times by other psychologists and psychiatrists.
However, I always felt like more was going on than just autism. Since the beginning of my teens, I've dealt with severe mental health issues, like mood problems, an eating disorder (around my 18th), self harm and alcoholism (around my 19th). It just really felt like more was going on than was diagnosed.
I've always seen myself in the diagnostic criteria of ADHD, but always subconsciously dismissed it due to me not fitting the stereotypic criteria (like a hyperactive child who cannot sit still in class, you know what I'm talking about), and thinking the things I recognized were just normal issues that most people deal with. However, when I met my boyfriend (who was diagnosed with autism and ADHD when he was a young child) I started to think more might be going on than just normal human issues.
I've always really easily been distracted, always picked up hobbies and got tired of them in no time, never was able to keep a clean room for more than like a day, any subject in school that did not interest me I barely studied for and either failed or barely passed while getting high grades for subjects that did interest me etc. I also always have the tendency to talk a lot but actively surpress it, and my brain feels like there are a 1000 thoughts going on at once. However, as a child I never had big issues with attention (which I think is mainly due to primary school being very easy for me and me finding subjects in secondary school very interesting - again, the subjects I didnt find interesting I all failed or barely passed due to not being able to focus on them at all). Any time I started reading about something I thought was interesting I could keep going for hours, but I originally chalked that up to autism (and before that diagnosis on just "me being me").
So, due to me recognizing these symptoms, I tried to get into a diagnostic process, but at all my previous mental health places, I never was able to start one (usually either "we don't have time" or "we are not specialized in it"). In this time, I did start bupropion, and it does really help with my mood problems, but not with focus.
At the place I'm currently receiving mental healthcare, I was able to start a diagnostic process, and I got an interview and everything. Last week, the psychologist told me the conclusion, and it was as follows:
Currently, my symptoms fall way above the minimum criteria for an ADHD diagnosis, both in the inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive sections of the DSM-V. However, she cannot diagnose me with ADHD, as I just barely do not meet the childhood criteria for a diagnosis. She mentioned that it could very well be due to my "intelligence" allowing me to cover up my symptoms (just like I did with all my autism symptoms during childhood) or my mom (who got diagnosed only a few years ago) learning me how to deal with the symptoms that she learned her whole life to deal with. She however cannot diagnose me, due to the DSM requiring concrete descriptions of symptoms in childhood, which she cannot do due to the mentioned reasons.
This honestly feels like not being diagnosed due to masking too well in childhood, and a diagnosis would explain a lot of my current difficulties, which is why it hurts so much that I am just barely not being diagnosed.
What do you all think of this?
2023.06.02 19:30 CrazyGiank Join the Winter Clan! - Daily Events 13k+ Members Sherpas PvE & PvP activities
Join the Winter Clan!
Hey gamers! Are you looking for a friendly and active community to join? Do you want to play with other like-minded people who share your passion for gaming? If you answered yes, then you should check out Winter Clan!Winter Clan is a mature and casual gaming clan that welcomes players of all skill levels and backgrounds. We have over 13,000 members across various platforms and games, such as Destiny 2 (4k+), Call of Duty, Apex Legends, and more. We also host regular events, tournaments, and giveaways for our members. Winter counts with a dedicated leadership team, and it's a great place to meet new friends and improve your skills.
As a member of Winter, you'll have access to our active Discord server, where you can chat with fellow gamers, join voice channels for games, and participate in community events. We also have a website at www.winterclan.net, where you can find information about our various divisions and upcoming events.
Winter Clan is more than just a clan, it's a family. We value respect, teamwork, and fun above all else. We have a zero-tolerance policy for toxicity, drama, and harassment. We support each other and help each other grow as gamers.
Whether you're a casual player or a hardcore raider, there's a place for you in Winter. Join us today and experience the camaraderie and fun of being part of a great gaming community.
To join Winter
Head to our Winter Clan Discord Server, and our leadership team will warmly welcome and guide you through it. Our Discord server is the hub of our community, and it's always active.Requirements
- An active Discord account
- 16+ years old
- To have a working mic
About Us
Winter Clan was established in 1998 by a group of friends who love gaming. Our Destiny community is part of a larger gaming community with over 13K members across all platforms. We are dedicated to a fun & enjoyable atmosphere where players of all skill levels are welcome! We schedule regular learning & experienced raids every week, bringing along as many members as possible. Hateful or derogatory speech, including attacks on one’s gender, religion, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, is NOT permitted.
2023.06.02 19:30 CrazyGiank Join the Winter Clan! - Daily Events 13k+ Members Sherpas PvE & PvP activities
Join the Winter Clan!
Hey gamers! Are you looking for a friendly and active community to join? Do you want to play with other like-minded people who share your passion for gaming? If you answered yes, then you should check out Winter Clan!Winter Clan is a mature and casual gaming clan that welcomes players of all skill levels and backgrounds. We have over 13,000 members across various platforms and games, such as Destiny 2 (4k+), Call of Duty, Apex Legends, and more. We also host regular events, tournaments, and giveaways for our members. Winter counts with a dedicated leadership team, and it's a great place to meet new friends and improve your skills.
As a member of Winter, you'll have access to our active Discord server, where you can chat with fellow gamers, join voice channels for games, and participate in community events. We also have a website at www.winterclan.net, where you can find information about our various divisions and upcoming events.
Winter Clan is more than just a clan, it's a family. We value respect, teamwork, and fun above all else. We have a zero-tolerance policy for toxicity, drama, and harassment. We support each other and help each other grow as gamers.
Whether you're a casual player or a hardcore raider, there's a place for you in Winter. Join us today and experience the camaraderie and fun of being part of a great gaming community.
To join Winter
Head to our Winter Clan Discord Server, and our leadership team will warmly welcome and guide you through it. Our Discord server is the hub of our community, and it's always active.Requirements
- An active Discord account
- 16+ years old
- To have a working mic
About Us
Winter Clan was established in 1998 by a group of friends who love gaming. Our Destiny community is part of a larger gaming community with over 13K members across all platforms. We are dedicated to a fun & enjoyable atmosphere where players of all skill levels are welcome! We schedule regular learning & experienced raids every week, bringing along as many members as possible. Hateful or derogatory speech, including attacks on one’s gender, religion, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, is NOT permitted.
2023.06.02 19:30 CrazyGiank Join the Winter Clan! - Daily Events 13k+ Members Sherpas PvE & PvP activities
 | Join the Winter Clan!Hey gamers! Are you looking for a friendly and active community to join? Do you want to play with other like-minded people who share your passion for gaming? If you answered yes, then you should check out Winter Clan!Winter Clan is a mature and casual gaming clan that welcomes players of all skill levels and backgrounds. We have over 13,000 members across various platforms and games, such as Destiny 2 (4k+), Call of Duty, Apex Legends, and more. We also host regular events, tournaments, and giveaways for our members. Winter counts with a dedicated leadership team, and it's a great place to meet new friends and improve your skills. As a member of Winter, you'll have access to our active Discord server, where you can chat with fellow gamers, join voice channels for games, and participate in community events. We also have a website at www.winterclan.net, where you can find information about our various divisions and upcoming events. Winter Clan is more than just a clan, it's a family. We value respect, teamwork, and fun above all else. We have a zero-tolerance policy for toxicity, drama, and harassment. We support each other and help each other grow as gamers. Whether you're a casual player or a hardcore raider, there's a place for you in Winter. Join us today and experience the camaraderie and fun of being part of a great gaming community. To join WinterHead to our Winter Clan Discord Server, and our leadership team will warmly welcome and guide you through it. Our Discord server is the hub of our community, and it's always active.Requirements
About UsWinter Clan was established in 1998 by a group of friends who love gaming. Our Destiny community is part of a larger gaming community with over 13K members across all platforms. We are dedicated to a fun & enjoyable atmosphere where players of all skill levels are welcome! We schedule regular learning & experienced raids every week, bringing along as many members as possible. Hateful or derogatory speech, including attacks on one’s gender, religion, race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation, is NOT permitted. |
2023.06.02 19:30 Crowbar1115 The Place it plugin is amazing for VO!! And it is free.
https://getsoundly.com/tools/
I do a lot of Escape Room gigs. They're really fun and involve occasional Sound Design aspects.
The most recent brief I was sent mentioned wanting every line to sound like it is playing through a speaker. No problem, right? I'll just load up my go-to Megaphone setting and...oh wait...I'm also doing announcements that were recorded through a speaker then that audio is being played through another speaker??!! AND I'm doing a speaker phone call that was recorded then also played through a speaker??? Oh sh!t.
That doesn't sound too complicated until you realize most of our go-to presets don't account for variations like speaker sizes, locations and mic emulations. Stacking the same mic/speaker setting on top of themselves won't sound right. You just get double of the thing you already had instead of two distinct speakers in a recognizable space.
Place it is a plugin that is just for Places and Speakers!! It is a game changer for Voice Acting!
Need to sound like you are on speaker phone in an elevator?? Done.
Need to sound like you are a Radio Ad playing in a office?? Easy.
Need to sound like the Neighbor's TV is up too loud?? That's literally a preset!
No joke, solving the problems of that gig actually became fun. I wasn't crafting sounds with EQ, IRs and Distortion and hoping for the best. I was choosing locations and types of speakers then moving on with my life.
This is the review the Client sent this morning: "Magic work! Amazing job! I am overjoyed! Thanks a lot!"
submitted by Crowbar1115 to VoiceActing [link] [comments]
I do a lot of Escape Room gigs. They're really fun and involve occasional Sound Design aspects.
The most recent brief I was sent mentioned wanting every line to sound like it is playing through a speaker. No problem, right? I'll just load up my go-to Megaphone setting and...oh wait...I'm also doing announcements that were recorded through a speaker then that audio is being played through another speaker??!! AND I'm doing a speaker phone call that was recorded then also played through a speaker??? Oh sh!t.
That doesn't sound too complicated until you realize most of our go-to presets don't account for variations like speaker sizes, locations and mic emulations. Stacking the same mic/speaker setting on top of themselves won't sound right. You just get double of the thing you already had instead of two distinct speakers in a recognizable space.
Place it is a plugin that is just for Places and Speakers!! It is a game changer for Voice Acting!
Need to sound like you are on speaker phone in an elevator?? Done.
Need to sound like you are a Radio Ad playing in a office?? Easy.
Need to sound like the Neighbor's TV is up too loud?? That's literally a preset!
No joke, solving the problems of that gig actually became fun. I wasn't crafting sounds with EQ, IRs and Distortion and hoping for the best. I was choosing locations and types of speakers then moving on with my life.
This is the review the Client sent this morning: "Magic work! Amazing job! I am overjoyed! Thanks a lot!"
2023.06.02 19:30 xNeyNounex I dropped my brother off at the 28 day program this morning
I am new here. I have never reached out to any al-anon. I just heard of it from my boss, who has had experience in loving someone with a sobriety issue. He told me that it would be a good place for support for me.
I almost lost my brother 15 days ago. Today is day 15 of his recovery. This is the first time he has gone through it willingly (before he got sober via jail). He reached out to me just over 2 weeks ago, saying he wanted to change. That he wanted his life to be different. That he knew he had a problem with alcohol and he wanted his life back.
He has been homeless for the last 2 years. I didn't exactly know the extent of his living situation. Whenever I would ask, he would be kind of dodgy about the answer. I am beating myself up for not being more pushy in getting info from him. I was under the impression he was staying with friends / family / girlfriend through that period.
I told him that I was willing to help him if he was serious about wanting to be sober. I have 2 kids now, and I cant bring someone who is struggling like that into my kids lives. it would hurt too much. He totally agreed. He met my daughter when she was a baby, but they haven't seen each other since. She is 6 now, and I have a 3 year old son who reminds me so much of my brother.
He said he was serious. We talked about it more and made a plan for me to drive the hour to get him.
He said he was waiting outside, but by the time I got there he had stopped responding. It was late and dark out. I thought he was at a friends house, probably fell asleep on the couch. So I went back home to wait for him to text me the next day.
He did. He said he fell asleep. We arranged for me to come back, not that night, but the next morning. We texted all day, and I left about 10 am to pick him up the next morning.
When I got there, I knew something was wrong. I'm sure you can guess what was going on, but I had no idea. I asked him if he was drunk, and I believed him when he said *no*. I couldn't smell alcohol. He had been homeless for 2 years and I don't know when he had taken a bath last...
I got him in my car, and he started to fall asleep. I thought.
By the time I got home, he was unresponsive. I called the ambulance. I tried to get him to come around. He would open his eyes and stare right through the top of his eyelids past me. i will never forget that. I have never seen him like that. His skin was reddish purple, his eyes were bugging out. He looked like a zombie. Going in and out of consciousness.
The EMT arrived, and said his BAC was off the chart. I didn't find out the details till later. His serum levels were over 800 when he was in my car. When they finally got him settled in the ER after the car ride and took another serum several hours later, he was still well over 400. It took almost 24 hours for him to be lucid enough to understand what was going on and where he was and how he ended up there.
They told me if I had not found him, he would have died in that clearing he crawled out of when I picked him up. It was a 10x10 foot space of trees and uncut bushes hidden behind a library. No one could see him when he was in there. He would have died in there...
We had some hard conversations in the hospital,. This is when I found out the extent of his homelessness and alcohol abuse. He agreed to go through detox there. He has seizures, which may be from withdrawal, they are unsure. But it was not safe for him to detox in my apartment. He was there for 4 nights detoxing.
Then he has been on my couch since he left the hospital. He has been coming with me to work. We are talking about training him to run a printer here when he gets out of the 28 day program. I have made it very clear to him that he can not work with me or live with me if he is not 100% sober, and told him the arrangements I would make for him if he didn't stay sober. (I will get him a tent and drop him off at a place that is safe for him to setup camp, and I will stay in touch with him to make sure he has food and clean clothes every week, and whatever else I can reasonably do for him, but he wont be allowed in my house or at my work not sober). He hasn't had any alcohol since I picked him up. He has had the opportunity to leave to get it if he wanted (except my apartment is clean, I just don't drink so we don't have anything).
I was able to get him a bed at a local Behavioral Change Center for 28 days. We are both super nervous about it. Some of the beds there, like his, is paid for by public funding and some of them are paid for by insurance. Since he was homeless and hasn't had a job for a month or so (he got fired for being drunk at work) they are providing him a bed for the program.
I know hes nervous about the program even though he doesn't talk a ton. He hated being in jail, and he is afraid it will be very similar (i have heard this place kind of is, except he is obviously free to quit at any time). And also the religious aspect of the program is off-putting. We spent some time last night looking up resources for agnostic and atheist people going through AA and these kinds of programs. We have religious trauma (Christianity) from when we were growing up. So we were trying to ease some worries by reframing the situation to make him (and me honestly) more comfortable.
I don't know exactly why I am typing this or what I am expecting. I guess I am just here for support and to share what is going on. We only have each other (I am no contact with our entire family except him, and he is now realizing that being in contact with them may not be good for his sobriety as well). I am just going through some emotions that I abandoned him. I know he felt alone for the last two years while he was struggling. He told me he would wish for the seizures to finally kill him, so he would just not wake up anymore. I don't know what I would do if that happened. So, I just don't want him to feel like I abandoned him at this sobriety-jail and that he is still alone. he cant have visitors or his phone. He can make calls in his "free time." There are just so many unknowns about this program at this point, I am panicking. He has been safe on my couch for the past couple of weeks, and i know its not my job to protect him, and he is taking such big steps on his own with this. I know he can do it, I'm just afraid.
I almost lost my brother. And that is some trauma I am going to have to carry for a while.
submitted by xNeyNounex to AlAnon [link] [comments]
I almost lost my brother 15 days ago. Today is day 15 of his recovery. This is the first time he has gone through it willingly (before he got sober via jail). He reached out to me just over 2 weeks ago, saying he wanted to change. That he wanted his life to be different. That he knew he had a problem with alcohol and he wanted his life back.
He has been homeless for the last 2 years. I didn't exactly know the extent of his living situation. Whenever I would ask, he would be kind of dodgy about the answer. I am beating myself up for not being more pushy in getting info from him. I was under the impression he was staying with friends / family / girlfriend through that period.
I told him that I was willing to help him if he was serious about wanting to be sober. I have 2 kids now, and I cant bring someone who is struggling like that into my kids lives. it would hurt too much. He totally agreed. He met my daughter when she was a baby, but they haven't seen each other since. She is 6 now, and I have a 3 year old son who reminds me so much of my brother.
He said he was serious. We talked about it more and made a plan for me to drive the hour to get him.
He said he was waiting outside, but by the time I got there he had stopped responding. It was late and dark out. I thought he was at a friends house, probably fell asleep on the couch. So I went back home to wait for him to text me the next day.
He did. He said he fell asleep. We arranged for me to come back, not that night, but the next morning. We texted all day, and I left about 10 am to pick him up the next morning.
When I got there, I knew something was wrong. I'm sure you can guess what was going on, but I had no idea. I asked him if he was drunk, and I believed him when he said *no*. I couldn't smell alcohol. He had been homeless for 2 years and I don't know when he had taken a bath last...
I got him in my car, and he started to fall asleep. I thought.
By the time I got home, he was unresponsive. I called the ambulance. I tried to get him to come around. He would open his eyes and stare right through the top of his eyelids past me. i will never forget that. I have never seen him like that. His skin was reddish purple, his eyes were bugging out. He looked like a zombie. Going in and out of consciousness.
The EMT arrived, and said his BAC was off the chart. I didn't find out the details till later. His serum levels were over 800 when he was in my car. When they finally got him settled in the ER after the car ride and took another serum several hours later, he was still well over 400. It took almost 24 hours for him to be lucid enough to understand what was going on and where he was and how he ended up there.
They told me if I had not found him, he would have died in that clearing he crawled out of when I picked him up. It was a 10x10 foot space of trees and uncut bushes hidden behind a library. No one could see him when he was in there. He would have died in there...
We had some hard conversations in the hospital,. This is when I found out the extent of his homelessness and alcohol abuse. He agreed to go through detox there. He has seizures, which may be from withdrawal, they are unsure. But it was not safe for him to detox in my apartment. He was there for 4 nights detoxing.
Then he has been on my couch since he left the hospital. He has been coming with me to work. We are talking about training him to run a printer here when he gets out of the 28 day program. I have made it very clear to him that he can not work with me or live with me if he is not 100% sober, and told him the arrangements I would make for him if he didn't stay sober. (I will get him a tent and drop him off at a place that is safe for him to setup camp, and I will stay in touch with him to make sure he has food and clean clothes every week, and whatever else I can reasonably do for him, but he wont be allowed in my house or at my work not sober). He hasn't had any alcohol since I picked him up. He has had the opportunity to leave to get it if he wanted (except my apartment is clean, I just don't drink so we don't have anything).
I was able to get him a bed at a local Behavioral Change Center for 28 days. We are both super nervous about it. Some of the beds there, like his, is paid for by public funding and some of them are paid for by insurance. Since he was homeless and hasn't had a job for a month or so (he got fired for being drunk at work) they are providing him a bed for the program.
I know hes nervous about the program even though he doesn't talk a ton. He hated being in jail, and he is afraid it will be very similar (i have heard this place kind of is, except he is obviously free to quit at any time). And also the religious aspect of the program is off-putting. We spent some time last night looking up resources for agnostic and atheist people going through AA and these kinds of programs. We have religious trauma (Christianity) from when we were growing up. So we were trying to ease some worries by reframing the situation to make him (and me honestly) more comfortable.
I don't know exactly why I am typing this or what I am expecting. I guess I am just here for support and to share what is going on. We only have each other (I am no contact with our entire family except him, and he is now realizing that being in contact with them may not be good for his sobriety as well). I am just going through some emotions that I abandoned him. I know he felt alone for the last two years while he was struggling. He told me he would wish for the seizures to finally kill him, so he would just not wake up anymore. I don't know what I would do if that happened. So, I just don't want him to feel like I abandoned him at this sobriety-jail and that he is still alone. he cant have visitors or his phone. He can make calls in his "free time." There are just so many unknowns about this program at this point, I am panicking. He has been safe on my couch for the past couple of weeks, and i know its not my job to protect him, and he is taking such big steps on his own with this. I know he can do it, I'm just afraid.
I almost lost my brother. And that is some trauma I am going to have to carry for a while.
2023.06.02 19:30 keebninja [US-SC] [H] Palmetto 60, Klippe S, Sirius 60, MT3 Dasher, MT3 BoW [W] Paypal
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2023.06.02 19:29 peppaspiggies In a bad place right now and struggling with low Iman. Help appreciated <3
Bismillah,
Just here for some advice and support. This may be a little long.
I've been going through a pretty hard time lately. For the past two years I've been trying (and failing) to pray consistently, but this year, I finally succeeded and I had been in a really good place spiritually. I was even praying the optional prayers because I was enjoying it so much.
I'm a university student and I study in a pretty difficult subject (Comp Sci) so I've been constantly making duaa for good grades whatever chance I got. I went to Umrah, made duaa for good grades. I prayed tahajjud and made duaa for good grades. Prayed Qiyam and made duaa for good grades. Made duaa for good grades during and after regular Salah as well. During Ramadan, I didn't miss an opportunity during a single one of the last 10 nights to make duaa for it. After Ramadan, I continued doing what I was doing before. I even had others make duaa for me.
Spoiler Alert: I didn't get good grades. In fact, I got worse grades than I ever have before. It's actually caused a major setback for me now. When I first saw the grades, my heart dropped. I couldn't eat, sleep- nothing. I couldn't do anything except freak out. The reason this was especially bad is because I have a difficult home life. My grades are literally my lifeline. My parents are already quite abusive and get 100x worse if I bring back bad grades. I constantly get threatened to be pulled out of university and be used as a maid for everyone else in my family (which is quite comedic lol but they're dead serious) or sent back to our country. The threats have been going on since I was 10 years old- I'm now 19. I can go more into detail about the abuse I've endured throughout my life but that may have to be a separate (and equally long) post lol.
Every time my mother asked, I couldn't bring myself to tell her about the grades. I hoped she would just forget (which is soooooo naive now that I think about it). I hadn't given up on Salah at this point even though I was quite dejected, so I continued and I made even more duaas- new ones, that involved my parents not finding out haha.
Unfortunately, they did. My home life has become even more difficult for me now. When I told my mom about how I constantly studied and made duaa but didn't succeed, I also said it must be because I'm going to be rewarded with something better (which is how I comforted myself and came to terms with everything) but she belittled me over it. I'm constantly on edge. I've always been anxious but it's become way way way worse now.
What I'm struggling to cope with the most, is that nothing I made duaa for came true. Not even the small duaas I made. I feel so disconnected from Allah right now. I kept up my salat for a little longer but eventually became lax with them again. I'm starting to lose faith a little bit. It's so hard to keep going. I don't know what to do, I feel very abandoned. I'm in a very dark place. I keep wondering if I'd only be at peace the day I die (a bit dramatic ngl but it's been on my mind as I'm exhausted by my family's antics).
I've read multiple sources saying that Allah tests those who are close to him the most. But I genuinely feel like I'm being tested beyond my limits. Not one thing in my life is going right. Not a single thing. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I constantly have to remind myself that I don't have it as so bad. At the end of the day, I don't live in poverty, I have shelter and warm food every day. Things aren't so bleak. But it's hard to stay objective and not constantly think about how bad this all is. I feel like my situation will get worse as well and I'm not ready to face it.
If you've read this far, thank you. And if anyone has advice or a motivating story or anything you feel would help me, it would be much appreciated, Jazak'Allah Khair. <3
submitted by peppaspiggies to islam [link] [comments]
Just here for some advice and support. This may be a little long.
I've been going through a pretty hard time lately. For the past two years I've been trying (and failing) to pray consistently, but this year, I finally succeeded and I had been in a really good place spiritually. I was even praying the optional prayers because I was enjoying it so much.
I'm a university student and I study in a pretty difficult subject (Comp Sci) so I've been constantly making duaa for good grades whatever chance I got. I went to Umrah, made duaa for good grades. I prayed tahajjud and made duaa for good grades. Prayed Qiyam and made duaa for good grades. Made duaa for good grades during and after regular Salah as well. During Ramadan, I didn't miss an opportunity during a single one of the last 10 nights to make duaa for it. After Ramadan, I continued doing what I was doing before. I even had others make duaa for me.
Spoiler Alert: I didn't get good grades. In fact, I got worse grades than I ever have before. It's actually caused a major setback for me now. When I first saw the grades, my heart dropped. I couldn't eat, sleep- nothing. I couldn't do anything except freak out. The reason this was especially bad is because I have a difficult home life. My grades are literally my lifeline. My parents are already quite abusive and get 100x worse if I bring back bad grades. I constantly get threatened to be pulled out of university and be used as a maid for everyone else in my family (which is quite comedic lol but they're dead serious) or sent back to our country. The threats have been going on since I was 10 years old- I'm now 19. I can go more into detail about the abuse I've endured throughout my life but that may have to be a separate (and equally long) post lol.
Every time my mother asked, I couldn't bring myself to tell her about the grades. I hoped she would just forget (which is soooooo naive now that I think about it). I hadn't given up on Salah at this point even though I was quite dejected, so I continued and I made even more duaas- new ones, that involved my parents not finding out haha.
Unfortunately, they did. My home life has become even more difficult for me now. When I told my mom about how I constantly studied and made duaa but didn't succeed, I also said it must be because I'm going to be rewarded with something better (which is how I comforted myself and came to terms with everything) but she belittled me over it. I'm constantly on edge. I've always been anxious but it's become way way way worse now.
What I'm struggling to cope with the most, is that nothing I made duaa for came true. Not even the small duaas I made. I feel so disconnected from Allah right now. I kept up my salat for a little longer but eventually became lax with them again. I'm starting to lose faith a little bit. It's so hard to keep going. I don't know what to do, I feel very abandoned. I'm in a very dark place. I keep wondering if I'd only be at peace the day I die (a bit dramatic ngl but it's been on my mind as I'm exhausted by my family's antics).
I've read multiple sources saying that Allah tests those who are close to him the most. But I genuinely feel like I'm being tested beyond my limits. Not one thing in my life is going right. Not a single thing. I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I constantly have to remind myself that I don't have it as so bad. At the end of the day, I don't live in poverty, I have shelter and warm food every day. Things aren't so bleak. But it's hard to stay objective and not constantly think about how bad this all is. I feel like my situation will get worse as well and I'm not ready to face it.
If you've read this far, thank you. And if anyone has advice or a motivating story or anything you feel would help me, it would be much appreciated, Jazak'Allah Khair. <3