[Chapter One]
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Late at night, in the back of a warehouse.
Grigory squirmed against his restraints. The rope binding his hands was coarse and too tight, causing his hands to lose feeling. A bored council guard stood nearby, but was mostly ignoring him. He wasn’t going to get far with his hands and feet tied together. It was worse than he had thought possible. They are very much going to kill him tonight. This was even worse than either Stanisk or Aethlina had speculated, and he just knew that they would use his role in this disaster against him in future disagreements. However, he might be overly optimistic worrying about a future that might not include him.
Grigory thought over what he had left in his notebooks, contemplating if it would be enough for someone to continue his work. He wasn't sure. It was a lot more than he started with, but there weren't a lot of qualified scholars looking to follow his footsteps. The best outcomes for a lot of different paths all need him to survive.
Grigory tried not to be distracted by the ropes digging into him, and frantically wracked his mind for any sort of escape plan. He had a single imp totem on him, and they left him with his satchel nearby. That’s something. He would need to be untied to invoke it, and a single perfectly safe imp wouldn’t change the balance of power much. Perhaps if everyone but the four executive members left, he and Stanisk might have a chance to overpower them. Well he could at least be distracting while Stanisk overpowered them. They also hadn’t checked his satchel yet, so maybe he could bribe them with the ten thousand glindi engraved gold bar he brought to pledge his support? Bribes are a type of negotiation, and being tied up while they already had the gold put him in a frustratingly weak position to start negotiations. Not getting executed by the organised crime successor to the Council of Demonologists wasn’t on his list, but he still felt it was important.
Grigory could clearly see and hear the meeting continue in the centre of the warehouse. A small detail that he noticed was just how small the sums were. Robberies of a few hundred glindi? The value of a business protection racket being ten glucks a week? Had the runaway success of his imp-made goods distorted his value of money? Pandemonium Partners profited a few hundred thousand a month, and the big safe in the workshop’s basement held about a million glindi, mostly in heavy gold bars. That was after the expenses, taxes and salaries had been paid. Maybe bribes will work here.
Another trend that emerged was how cheap lives appeared to be. Stole a knife from the boss? Death. Miscounted the take? Death. Didn’t show up to the job? Finger loss. How they attracted or retained any talent at all was its own mystery. On that note, we wonder if he enormously overpaid his people? These goons were killing each other over sums of money close to what he paid each of his security goons a day, which in turn was a fraction of what he was paying his partners. All the people he hired seemed excited when he told them the starting salary, and not a single one asked for a raise. Not the time for that! Focus on the matter at hand! Grigory continued to look for anything that he could use to escape.
All too soon the business part of the meeting was concluded. Two of the Council's guards wheeled out a cask of beer, and a crate of cheap clay mugs. Not great news for plans that require being left alone. In singles and groups the ‘Demonologists’ started to come over to where he was tied up. To drink cheap beer and look upon true evil in his demon summoning face.
“Hullo gentlemen! This is all a silly mistake, I’m sure we can work something out,” Grigory said with a calmness and pleasantness he didn’t feel.
A gangster in a threadbare tunic and patched leather pants started going through his coat, and then his satchel. His notebooks with neatly written titles were thrown on the floor, and the minor spell reagents placed on top of a nearby crate.
“Holy shit!” he exclaimed far too loudly, ensuring everyone saw him pull out the slim gold bar, about the size of a knife handle. “This can’t be real?!” The gangster saw how everyone near him stared, mouths agape at the bar in his open hand. The bar’s engraving of the Royal Mint of Hiruxia glinting in the flickering rushlight.
“Back off! I found it!” He held the gold tight in his fist and drew his dirty, nicked knife from his belt with his free hand. Quicker than a blink of an eye every member had their blades out and the men at arms from the edges moved towards the commotion.
“PUT IT AWAY!” boomed Arcanist Devorio. He reasserted control of the situation with palpable menace. “The prisoner and all his goods are the property of the Council! Put it down on the table, Tricky Tupo!”
The gangsters grudgingly resheathed their weapons, and Tricky Tupo passed the bar to the Arcanist without making eye contact.
“Holy shit, it is actually real gold!” Devorio muttered after inspecting it for a second. “Where the hell did you steal something like this?”
Something in his phrasing crystalized a plan in Grigory’s mind. An insane, reckless, dangerous plan. Grigory tried not to smile when he replied, “Not stolen at all, well not from our plane of reality.”
“You summoned it?” the well dressed head of the council asked incredulously.
“Oh no, not at all! I stole it from the treasury of Hell! You see that’s the point of having a perfectly obedient demon, it does what I say, and not what the Lords of Hell say,” Grigory lied. The Hellplane wasn’t organised like that at all. There was no such thing as a treasury there. He still wasn’t sure how to sell it, but he hoped there was enough ignorance and greed in the room to do the heavy lifting for him.
“Demonologists have never stolen from hell! As far as I know. I think?” The arcanist was in uncertain territory.
“Mostly true! But we steal minor things all the time, like magical energy, or arcane secrets, but the exciting advance I wrote to you about was stealing things like minerals or artefacts and sometimes regular boring gold.” Grigory was hoping he was priming their greed enough. He worried he was being too subtle.
“Well, it looks like you have a new job! You steal Hell gold for us now!” The Arcanist-turned-crime-lord was back in familiar territory of coercing people into giving him what he wanted.
“Oh I couldn’t!" Grigory feigned reluctance. “I don’t have the right equipment, I haven’t done the full balancing equations for today’s planar alignments! I should go home and get what I need, and I’ll be happy to come back tomorrow and we can get a fresh start on this.”
“Not a chance! You’re doing the ritual this instant, or your blood will cover this entire floor!” Davenio countered.
Grigory, aware that excess blood could damage goods, decided against arguing. “Alright, you win, I’ll have my imp steal another dozen gold bars tonight, I guess. But that’s it! I’m leaving after that!”
“Hah! We’ll see about that!” The arcanist cut Grigory’s bonds while staring straight into his eyes.
Grigory rubbed his sore wrists, and looked at the fifty or so people that had gathered around him. Cruel smiles and the stink of cheap beer surrounded him, but he had a plan. “First I’ll need to summon my imp, to help me set up the ritual!” Grigory found himself speaking like a showman at a fair, with exaggerated gestures and in a loud clear voice. The assembled thugs, goons and crime lords backed up to give him some space. Aethlina suggested obscuring the details of invoking a demon, which was a great idea. He slowly and rhythmically chanted in demonic detail how he likes his tea, with lots of hand gestures and steps and ritualistic looking movements. After a few long seconds he pulled out the imp totem from his vest, waved it around like a wand for a bit before doing the quick gesture of invocation to actually invoke the imp. With two small clicks the tiny imp landed on the rough floorboards of the warehouse. Several goons gasped, and one of the lady goons even shrieked a bit. Truly a sad state of affairs when someone calling themselves a demonologist is startled by a tiny perfectly safe imp!
Grigory picked up his notebooks from the floor, and found the one titled ‘Charts, Formulas, and Tables.’. Doing some mental maths, and modifying a few old spells and rituals on the fly, Grigory gave his imp simple directions in demonic. He could have just spoken plainly, but he was aware he was also putting on a show. Keeping everyone’s attention was important for the next part.
“Ahem, is there any furnace ash, or the like? I’ll need to create a circle in ash or wax or sand.” A few people turned to look for what he needed, and Grigory returned to working out the planar alignment in his notebook. They returned with a canvas bag of stove ashes, he looked them over and nodded. “Does anyone have a silvered steel blade I can use? Anyone at all? No matter, I have one!” Grigory pulled out the small pocket knife he used to cut his food with. It actually was silvered steel, since that also came up from time to time in his line of work. Besides it was interesting to learn that was the only silvered steel blade in the room.
Grigory passed the bag of ash to the imp. He gave detailed instructions on the shape, symbols, and spacing of the elements, all crucial to the huge circle taking shape in the middle of the warehouse floor. The assembled crowd of dirty, dangerous, and desperate deviants started to look concerned. What had started as a bit of mean spirited fun was fast turning into the exact thing they knew was evil incarnate. A path to Hell was being built in front of them! A few moved to leave, but the others called them names and threatened their reputations, forcing them to stay and watch. There was a good reason to stay, there was about to be a lot of gold for everyone. In theory.
At last the preparations were complete. Grigory slowly walked the entire outside of his circle to make sure it was unbroken. He had done similar rituals before, but always with hours of double checking, and never with an audience. His hands were sweaty and shaking as he tore a page out of his notebook. Quickly, he scribbled down a final set of instructions in demonic script and handed it to the imp.
“Merp!” it said in agreement.
Grigory turned to address everyone. He saw a very worried Stanisk standing off to the back, and he subtly gestured for him to wait. Steadying his nerves for a second he addressed his gathered kidnappers, “Soon you will see a small tear in reality! Plug your ears, lest the screams of the damned drive you mad!” Grigory looked around, to make sure everyone was properly alarmed, and activated the ritual.
With a crack of thunder and a hurricane blast of dry wind that reeked of hot iron and sulphur Grigory’s surprise appeared in the centre of the circle. A towering rage demon, its black armoured hide covered in dancing hellfire, its wolf-like face filled with jagged fangs, and its shoulders brushing the rafters of the old warehouse. The assembled criminals looked up from the floor and saw the bipedal nightmare towering over them. They stood stalk still, not knowing how to react, nor sure what exactly was happening.
Grigory stood up straight and turned on the crowd, in a commanding bellow he condemned them, “What kind of idiots let a master demonologist do any summoning ritual he wants?! Look upon the true power of hell and despair!! Your petty schemes are –”
Grigory’s gloating was cut short by a foundation shaking roar from the demon. It started grabbing people at random, and biting them in half, throwing hunks of torso against the wall with splattering force. In accordance with the note, Grigory’s imp hopped up on the table, grabbed the bar of gold from where Arcanist Devorio put it, and sprinted figure eights between the demon's legs. With everyone’s fear AND greed now focused in the same area, Grigory took his stuff and ran for the door. Most of the so-called ‘demonologists’ were trying to escape, but a few were focused on the imp running with a gold bar held over its head. That was as much as a labourer would make in a year, and they couldn’t just walk away from that. The massive demon continued to kill and dismember with glee. The sound of tearing meat and snapping bones was even louder than the screams of the dying. As far as distractions go, Grigory was pretty proud of this one.
Grigory started for the door they had entered by. However, it was jammed with people trying to escape. He stopped at the edge of the chaos, trying to gather his thoughts. As he did, a better solution appeared to him. The demon grabbed one of the cutthroats that dove at the imp’s gold, and threw him at the wall with enough force to vaporise him. The impact filled the whole side of the warehouse in a steamy red mist, and sprayed meaty chunks over everything. The demon howled with laughter when he saw how people popped when thrown into walls.
The important part for Grigory was that there was now a second exit. An exit covered in gore and bone fragments, but entirely clear of goons. Signalling Stanisk, he made his way out through the wreckage. Slower than he’d like, and getting blood and worse on everything, but a clear path. The demon had stopped feeding entirely and was just throwing people as hard as he could, first at the floor then at other people. Its roars of rage were now peals of terrifying laughter. The air in the warehouse was thick with a mist of blood from the high energy impacts.
“I assume it knows not to kill us?” Stanisk asked in a ragged voice once he caught up to Grigory.
“Yes, but only not to kill people in purple. So don’t take off your tabard! It was the best I could do!”
They struggled out into the cool night air of the yard, free of the stenches of hell, gore and terror.
Stanisk looked down at his tabard, so soaked in fresh blood that it looked black. He ran even faster to the wagon.
“So this thing is just going to destroy the city until someone slays it then?” Stanisk asked, as they ran to the cart while frantically gesturing for his two guards to turn the wagon around and get it rolling.
“Oh no! Just until midnight” Grigory explained after he dove into the moving wagon. He wiped his blood soaked hands on his blood soaked robes, to no benefit.
Stanisk stared backwards at the destruction unfolding behind them. The demon had brought the warehouse down around himself and was clearly visible from the road. It was still energetically killing and smashing. “That's more than an hour! You reckon it’ll come for us?”
The single horse dragging a cargo wagon with four men on it was maddeningly sluggish
Grigory fumbled around for something to get the blood and bone fragments off his glasses. Finally finding part of his undershirt clean, he wiped them and he replied,“Oh my no,It’s bound to the summoning circle. Within a hundred paces.” They both watched as a few people fled on horseback, and a wagon rattled away at a gallop. Mostly it was a mess of shouting and terror. Knife fights broke out as people tried to commandeer the remaining horses. Horses were panicking and bolting without riders. Some survivors just ran away on foot. With every fresh kill the demon laughed so loud that Grigory felt like it was coming from his own skull.
“What the hell happened in there, sirs?” asked the terrified guard driving the cart.
Grigory turned around to answer, but Stanisk put a hand on his arm and answered instead, “Those filthy witches in there tried to kill us with a demon, but Grigory outsmarted them and turned it on its creators. Keep driving Kedril, we should be safe in an intersection or so.”
“Light preserve us all!” Kedril the driver said. “Is that a real demon Sir?”
Grigory watched the demon grab one of the goons fighting in the yard and threw him in a high arc towards the city centre. The demon’s arm cracked like a whip as it threw. The ragged corpse left a trail of blood mist as it arced far overhead.
Grigory answered calmly, “Yes.”
Grigory pulled out his demon totem from his robes, and devoked the imp, causing a gold bar a block and a half behind them to clatter to the blood soaked warehouse floor and slide into some debris. He was surprised how calm he felt. By all accounts his plan was in shambles and he’d stirred up a dozen hornets nests. Facing certain death and prevailing did wonders for one’s perspective.
Grigory looked over at Stanisk, and he was looking less calm. Which was entirely fair. A lot of uniquely horrific things happened tonight. Stanisk’s mouth was a tight line, face pale and eyes bloodshot. That might have just been blood from before, that got in his eyes.
“We can’t go through town looking like we bathed in the blood of the innocent, take us to the Golden Anchor’s warehouse on Glibstone Street. We own that place, we can clean up and change there,” Stanisk tersely told the driver.
Grigory countered, “First off, the previous owners of this blood were far from innocent, and secondly that’s across town, let's just lay in the bed, throw the rainsheet over us, and go to the main workshop.”
Stanisk groaned and tried to rub the blood off his face while he thought it over, but just smeared it around.
“Fine, Kedril, Remember to do a few triple left turns to make sure we aren’t being followed, like we discussed last month.” Stanisk undid the oilcloth on the side, connected it to the mounting points, and slid underneath.
“I think we need to review our plans!” Grigory whispered.
“Shhhh, cargo don’t talk.” Stanisk whispered back. The soldier cupped his head in one hand, and covered his eyes with the other and tried to get comfortable enough to sleep. Grigory rolled onto his back and stared at the cloth in front of his face. He tried not to dwell on the odd whip crack sound coming from behind them, nor the horrified gasps of the two guards on the driver’s bench while he mentally updated his plans.
****
A few hours later Grigory was bathed, wearing fresh clothes and feeling much better. He sat contemplating at the kitchen table in his workshop. He was troubled by what this was going to mean for his business and for himself. Stanisk was still in the tub cleaning up, and the two guards had been dismissed for the night. It was shortly after midnight now, and that meant more to Grigory than it did other nights. He hoped no one innocent died tonight, but he was also a little surprised how little he was bothered by the destruction he unleashed this evening. Considering it was the first time he took another human’s life, albeit indirectly, he expected a stronger emotional response. Part of this was a clear case of kill or be killed. Another part was these people were awful people. Grigory worried this might mean he had more subconscious bias against the value of the lives of the economically disadvantaged, but that’s probably not it. Being biassed against people that were willing to kill him made more sense, but also he knew the coming years mean that will become the same as willing to kill most of the world.
Grigory put on some fresh tea, and set out another cup for Stanisk when he was done washing. He couldn’t shake the feeling that his worst fear, being mad with power and using that power to violently kill everyone he perceived as an enemy, wasn’t as far-fetched as it was before. These were the goons that might have killed his mentor, Archmage Willoford. Avenging a mentor was a reasonable rationale, at least in songs and plays. Grigory knew that wasn’t his motivation tonight. And besides that was the inquisition from the sounds of it, these ones just celebrated his mentor's execution, which isn’t really moral grounds for demonic dismemberment. He also knew he could have summoned a stench demon or a screaming demon, or just non demon based rituals he could have used to escape without violence. He didn’t even offer to bribe them, just straight to violence. Grigory wasn’t sure he liked finding out who he really was when lives were on the line.
His introspection was interrupted by a sound coming from his workshop door, and he sagged with relief when he saw it was just Aethlina. Relief that was short lived, because the questions started immediately.
“I assume you had something to do with the demonic giant that threw seventeen people into the side of the Cathedral of the Light?” the elv asked, without reproach or scorn.
Grigory took a second to answer. “I had something to do with the presence of that demon in our plane of reality. I had a little to do with either the people it chose to throw. Nothing to do with where it chose to throw them nor its accuracy. Interesting it threw them at the Cathedral, you’d think it would have some kinship with the church? They both love burning people.”
“By all accounts the accuracy at least, was excellent. All the bodies hit Cathedral Square. The Cathedral itself requires extensive repairs to the nave, and two flying buttresses collapsed. At least according to the terrified lady I ran into.” Aethlina paused for a few seconds in case Grigory chose to share more details.
Aethlina asked mildly, “How rude of me. I meant to ask, how did your meeting go tonight?”
Stanisk came out from around the partition wearing fresh clothes. “The fucking witches weren’t even witches! They were just shadow blighted gangsters what stole the demonologists reputation! Broke as shit, and twice as dumb!”
Stanisk grabbed a bottle of whiskey off the shelf and sat down at the table, ignoring the cup and the pot of tea. After drinking right from the bottle he continued, “It hit the actual main Cathedral? The one right in the centre of town? That’s like an hour walk from where we were! A catapult wouldn’t have thrown a person half that far!”
“The one and the same, The Grand Ubrafadter’s residence is in that square, so I assume what follows will be the sort of witch hunt the city has never seen before.” Aethlina turned to Grigory, “May I also assume your reasons for staying in the city are weaker and your reasons for leaving are stronger than they were yesterday?“
“There were definitely survivors, and I was introduced by name. I can’t stay here, probably not in the empire at all. I don’t think they know the name of the company, but Stanisk and I were wearing the company’s sigil, so it might not be long for them to work it out.” Grigory rubbed the bridge of his nose without taking off his glasses. “I guess we should start planning our exit immediately.”
In a rare show of emotion Aethlina smiled for a second, “We are leaving on a ship named the Widow’s Remorse, it’s provisioned for us and departs on the morning tide, in about nine hours. The captain agreed to wait until we were in open water to hear our destination. He and his crew also suffer from a rare medical condition where their memory fades entirely anytime they are given a bag of money. The ship can carry thirty-five passengers, so the guards can bring their families. I’ll describe the places I think we should go, after we are in open waters.”
Grigory was both very impressed and a touch alarmed. “Did you know what would happen at that meeting? Did you know what I was walking into?”
“No, I had mistakenly assumed you were on top of that, and took you on your word about them. The odds of them being what you expected were poor. I also had a detailed plan in case they kidnapped you.”
Stanisk burst out laughing, “Imagine if they kidnapped you, Boss! All trussed up like a rotisserie chicken! Hah! I guess I’ll get packed and meet back here to get everything organised! I’ll miss my townhouse, but I’ve had enough of living in Jagged Cove, it's loud and crowded.”
Stanisk stood up, and turned to leave, but paused mid stride. “Miss Aethlina, how big of an investigation do you reckon it’ll be? Reckon they could keep after us after we leave?”
“Likely.There are cases where the inquisition spent entire centuries on the trail of heretics and their descendents. Those heresies were vocally opposing an aspect of doctrine. This may be the first heresy in which a building-sized demon flung citizens into Cathedral Square. I assume yes, they will be interested in following up.”
“Alright, I’ve got an idea that might buy us some time. Grigory, are there any specific numbers that are significant to demons?”
“Um, not actually, but the older texts are filled with references to threes and eights I guess?” Grigory said with a shrug.
“Perfect!” Stanisks' smile strengthened and he turned to Aethlina. “Can you think of eight nobles, eight businessmen, and eight clergy the city would be better off without? Here, write 'em on this!” He slid her a notebook page when she nodded.
Grigory leaned forward,”I’m not sure what you are going for?”
“In the army, there was a famously clever bird that would trick soldiers, called a red heron. We are going to make a whole flock of ‘em!” Stanisk excitedly explained. “Oh, draw a demon circle on this page, doesn’t have to work or anything, like the one from the warehouse”
Grigory began his sketch. “I don’t think red heron is quite right, but I’m catching your drift.”
While they wrote, Stanisk went to the carved chest where all the imp totems for the workshop were stored, and invoked twenty four of them. Taking Aethlina’s list and Grigory’s sketch, he ordered each imp to sprint across town and use hellfire to scorch the circle into the street in front of the home of a specific name.
After the final imp bounded out of the building and was leaping along the rooflines Stanisk returned to his partners. “Now they’ll have too many leads! Hopefully folk see the imps and hellfire, that’ll be even better!”
“We can just outvoke them in an hour or so, that's easy enough. Great idea, Stanisk!” Grigory said cautiously, still thinking through the plan.
“If your big demon didn’t cause a public panic, I can’t imagine a better way to finish the job.” Aethlina replied.
Stanisk smiled and shrugged. “It wasn’t my good looks alone that kept me alive this long! I’ll send some runners to gather the lads and get this show on the road. Human runners I mean!”
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1. Never use the word “Mormon” in describing anything Mormon. Doing so is a win for Satan.
   
2. Drink no coffee, tea or alcohol.
   
3. Eat meat sparingly. (Actually, scratch that. It’s in the Word of Wisdom, but no one pays attention to it anyway, so bring on the burgers. You’re going to need to keep your strength up for keeping all the other rules.)
   
4. Eat a lot of vegetables and fruits in their season. And, yes, funeral potatoes totally count as a vegetable.
   
5. Go to church every Sunday, even when you’re on vacation. God gives you extra credit for this.
   
6. Accept any callings offered by the bishop. (But see also No. 40.)
   
7. Attend the temple once a month at the very least. Always keep a valid temple recommend.
   
8. Do your monthly visiting teaching/home teaching. Er, ministering.
   
9. Send out a homemade holiday gift and card/letter to neighbors.
   
10. Never use a curse word. If you need a library of faux swear options, watch “Napoleon Dynamite” multiple times and absorb its vocabulary.
    
11. Do family history work (genealogy) for your ancestors.
    
12. Show up for moving other people in and out of your ward. Lift with your legs! And keep plenty of ibuprofen on hand.
    
13. Sign up to bring meals to the sick or otherwise needy. These must be home-cooked. No KFC allowed!
    
14. Feed the missionaries — hefty portions. You don’t want emaciated elders or sisters around.
    
15. Volunteer to clean the church/temple when the sign-up sheet goes around. Remember to wear clothes you can get dirty in. You’re keeping the church clean, not yourself.
    
16. Attend ward activities like the Christmas party, the summer swim party, back-to-school parties, etc.
    
17. Hold a weekly Family Home Evening with your children. No crying allowed, from either parents or children!
    
18. Teach your children to do chores happily. (Good luck with this.)
    
19. Be grateful, even for your trials. Trials are really blessings in disguise. Also, they make great fodder for tearful testimonies in the future.
    
20. Keep a year’s supply of food in your basement, even if you never eat any of it. The family with the most wheat wins.
    
21. Do regular disaster planning with your kids, from fire drills to flood plans. You can never be too prepared for the end of days.
    
22. Know how to make important knots with rope. No one knows why this matters, but it does.
    
23. Learn how to build a fire without a match.
    
24. Know the stories of your pioneer ancestors, if you have them, to tell your children on Pioneer Day. (Don’t worry about the gruesome details — kids will love them!)
    
25. Invite nonmembers to attend church meetings and activities. Repeatedly.
    
26. Read the Sunday school and auxiliary lesson each week, so you can participate in lessons. But don’t monopolize the teacher, even if you’re the only one who prepared.
    
27. Figure out how to use beans in fudge making and wheat in chili-making.
    
28. Help with local fundraising activities for the youths, like allowing them to put a flag in your yard even if they break your sprinkler system.
    
29. God expects you to be happy.
    
30. Play “wholesome” games as a family. (Yes, Monopoly counts. The prophet Ezra Taft Benson taught that capitalism is holy, so it’s best to start ’em young.)
    
31. Donate to Sub for Santa or other Christmas charities as a ward/stake.
    
32. But don’t tell the children that Santa isn’t real.
    
33. Sing in the ward choir, even if you don’t sing well, because you can make a “joyful sound.”
    
34. Do NOT NOT NOT have sex before marriage — no making out, either. In fact, just try not to think about sex at all.
    
35. Root for BYU against the University of Utah — “bleed blue.”
    
36. Get your daughters to babysit for poor ward members for free.
    
37. Go on weekly dates with your spouse.
    
38. Don’t steal from the ward’s library or lost and found. (Return your crayons and chalk, dammit!)
    
39. Repent whenever you accidentally use a swear word, as I just did in violation of Rule No. 38.
    
40. Friends don’t let friends get called into the nursery.
    
41. Toddlers get only Cheerios in sacrament meeting. (No Capn’ Crunch or you’ll make the other toddlers jealous.)
    
42. Submit Primary children’s drawings as art for the ward bulletin, even if you can’t tell what it is.
    
43. Eat “better than sex” chocolate cake.
    
44. Drink sparkle punch.
    
45. Participate in Eagle Scout projects no matter how stupid you think they are.
    
46. Have a favorite church hymn — preferably the same as one of the prophet’s.
    
47. Watch out for Gadianton robbers. Also, MLM schemes.
    
48. Know how to cook a marshmallow properly to make s’mores. They’re practically a Mormon invention.
    
49. Be able to make seven kinds of Jell-O salad, at least one with carrots.
    
50. Save seats in a theateamusement park where it’s not allowed, but do it politely.
    
51. Make sure you know how to make funeral potatoes. (Hint: with cornflakes!)
    
52. Drink root beer or milk if you are ever forced to be in a bar.
    
53. Turn regularly to sugar, in huge quantities, as your only vice.
    
54. Keep all church buildings at refrigerator temperatures year-round because men are in full suits and ties.
    
55. Drive to church no matter how close you live.
    
56. Go on a mission the moment you hit the requisite birthday.
    
57. Don’t go to the grocery store on the Sabbath. If you absolutely must, though, do it in another town so no one from your ward sees you.
    

Women 58. Do feminine crafts like knitting, crocheting and quilting.

1. Learn how to bake bread, cook meals cheaply, and can foods. Bonus points if you grow the foods in your own garden.
   
2. Wear makeup, because even an old barn looks good with a little paint on it.
   
3. Do not nurse at church except in the mother’s lounge in the women’s bathroom, which will also be where children’s dirty diapers are changed and disposed of. But modesty!
   
4. Attend monthly Relief Society meetings.
   
5. Decorate your house with Relief Society kitsch.
   
6. No porn shoulders.
   
7. Don’t slam your purse or talk in a shrill tone.
   
8. Be able to sew pioneer bonnets, dresses, aprons, etc., in bulk at a day’s notice.
   
9. Don’t chew gum in church (according to my mother — it’s not ladylike).
   
10. You can have up to one ear piercing per God’s instructions. Getting double-pierced ears is beyond the pale, so don’t push it.
    

Men 69. Sacrament must be administered and passed by young men in white shirts, only using their right hands. The patterns may vary from ward to ward, but are secret and only for men to know.

1. Do not shed tears in any scenario ever, except during testimony meeting, when it is 100% acceptable for you to cry.
   
2. Don’t abuse your children or your wife — except with dad jokes, which you may pile on freely.
   
3. Do play church ball hard enough to get injured or injure someone else. Unless someone winds up in the hospital, the Spirit hasn’t spoken strongly enough.
   
4. Facial hair was fine for Jesus but not for you. The clean-cut look is definitely the Mormon, er, Latter-day Saint look. Oh, and man buns are flat out.
   

Hi lovely people,
We just came back from our first trip to Japan and it was truly a memorable trip. We spent over 3 weeks in Japan from 07th May until 30th May. WE LOVE JAPAN! Can't wait to come back.
A little bit about us: We are both ~30y olds and enjoy a mix of urban, outdoor and culture during our holidays. We are foodies, but not hard-core as in we don't specifically organize our trips around restaurants. There are so many restaurants in Japan, it is hard to get a bad meal. We enjoy just wandering around neighbourhoods. Mostly low/mid-budget stuff with a splurge once in a while.
Our travel itinerary can be found here
General comments

• Time period of travel: We arrived 7th of May which is the last sunday of Golden week. We specifically wanted to avoid Golden week, as we heard it can be crazy busy due to domestic travels. And we also didn't want to go too late in May because June is rainy season in Japan. We were pretty lucky with the weather overall as we only had a couple of days of rain, most days were sunny and we even had some days of sweltering heat :O
• Like other people suggest, try to get in shape before you go! We are both in average shape. Almost every day we walked around 20.000 steps or more. The only rest days we had were the days where we were switching between cities, i.e. sitting in trains for longer periods of time. No complaints ;). I brought two pair of shoes: water-proof hiking shoes and one pair of light-weight running shoes. Switching between shoes was nice, I didn't have any blisters during my time in Japan luckily. All the walking compensated all the eating though!
• Check whether region specific JR passes might work for you. We decided against getting the nationwide JR passes as they didn't fit our needs and were expensive and instead opted for a regional JR Setouchi area pass. It was perfect for the Shimanami Kaido. We could travel from Osaka to Onomichi -> Hiroshima/Miyajima -> Kyoto. And it also gave us access to Nozomi shinkansen (fastest) and a great ferry ride between Matsuyama and Hiroshima.

Japanguide has a nice overview of all the passes : https://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2357.html

• Be flexible (That's how we like to travel). I mapped out most of the sights beforehand according to must-see's and mapped out what other interesting sights there would be in those areas. The day before or in the morning, we would decide what we would do roughly, sight-see according to neighborhood and just wing it a little bit. We just love to wander around and see what we come across, mixed with some google maps + "explore" function. Some days you are just tired and just want to hang out in a park, or you have temple-fatigue and want to do something entirely else. Same with food/restaurants, we usually just used google maps to see what kind of great restaurants were near us at that moment. We haven't lined up more than twice our whole time there and still ate wonderfully. We do tend to avoid overly hyped stuff anyways. I do keep in mind that everyone has their own ways.
• Buy e-sim if possible, it is the cheapest and easiest way. My partner bought an e-sim and it was so convenient! My phone unfortunately didn't support it and I had to buy a sim. I opted for getting one at BIC camera, which was the cheapest I could find. 10GB for 30 days for 3200 yen.
• Keep plastic bags for trash. Buying food from conbini, and eating it somewhere? say yes to that plastic bag, because you will need it to stash your garbage until you are back at your hotel where you can throw it away or you find a garbage bin at the train station per chance. I read about this a lot on this subreddit, but still I found it astonishing the lack of trash cans. Fascinating how the streets of Japan are so damn clean.
• Try Pokari sweat. :) I tried it for the first time there and I was hooked immediately. It is awesome! Best electrolyte drink ever and it definitely saved me during those hot sweaty days there. CC lemon is also great!
• Go for a haircut or some other beauty/massage treatment. The hospitality is amazing in Japan. You won't regret getting pampered in Japan. They have all kinds of crazy treatments. I got the best haircut of my life for 4400yen.

Trip report

PS. I am not mentioning everything we did in this post. I will just mention highlights. It is still a long read though ;).
D1 - D2 Osaka
We landed at Kansai airport. Before our trip, we also bought train vouchers for Osaka online (https://www.howto-osaka.com/en/ticket/). Best decision ever, because the journey was rough and we were exhausted by the time we landed. We only had to exchange our vouchers at the station and off we went.
Osaka was nice city to start with as it is a more manageable "smaller" city whilst recovering from our jetlag. Despite being smaller, I do think it is worth a visit. Osaka is so iconic at night. We stayed at a spacious Airbnb near Kuromon Ichiban market.

• Takoyaki :) We had our first try of takoyaki at Takotako King instead of one the places at Dotonbori to avoid the crazy lines. You can sit down, have a beer and yes the takoyaki is amazing. It should be crunchy on the outside and deliciously goeey on the inside, doused with sauces and katsuobushi. Man, I wish I could go back and eat it again. It is true, you can't get great takoyaki outside of Osaka, at least I didn't get that same crunchy gooey combo again in other cities.
• Discount sushi from Takashimaya department store. For the budget-minded, this is a no-brainer. Around 7PM, an hour before closing time, you can get delicious fatty tuna maki at discount prices in the basement of takashimaya. Other foods at the department store food floor such as the fresh mochi are delicious also. Takashimaya is my favorite department store for food I think!
• Osaka castle - Our first castle in Japan. The green roof and the golden ornaments are beautiful and unique!
• Dotonbori - iconic :) fun to walk along. The queues are long there. We avoided eating at Dotonbori.
• Shitenno-ji - beautiful pagoda with buddha statues inside. Do pay the fee to go inside and see the garden. You can also go into the pagoda and walk up.
• Huge fan of Shotengai's, Shinsaibashi-Suji Shopping Street. They are so quintessential Japan.
• Ramen Tendo, the first ramen joint that we tried in Japan, so it has a special place in my heart. They specialize in chicken broth with lots of umami katsuoboshi flavor. Noodles were great too, very bouncy. Delicious! Little did I know that this ramen joint was really one of the best we would have this trip. It set the bar high for sure!
• Visit a local grocery store. Maybe it is just me, but I love to browse at local grocery shops (KOHYO namba Minatomachi) and be fascinated by all the different things they sell. It is also a great place to buy food souvenirs, like miso, green tea etc. Lots of pre-cooked meals/ fried stuff. Just a wider selection than your typical conbini. And again discounts if you go ~1hr before closing time.

Skip Shinsekai: We visited during the day and it felt very empty to me. More like a tourist-trap, the eateries didn't look appealing to me. Maybe during the evening this area is more fun.
D3 Nara
We did Nara as a day-trip from Osaka.

• Yes, to feeding the deer. It is touristy, but it is so much fun to be chased by cookie-crazed deer. One more thing: deer's fart a lot. We were wondering where this weird high pitched sound was coming from, those are actually deer farts.
• Todai-ji is very impressive, definitely a must visit.
• Just wander around in Nara park, it's very lush and beautiful and has many more shrines and interesting sights, such as manyo botanical garden. I wish we had one more day to explore Nara but oh well maybe next time :)
• We ate lunch at Magura Koya, a small restaurant run by a lovely elderly couple. Delicious tuna dishes. I had a tuna sashimi bowl and my partner the fried tuna set meal, so fresh!
• We had the best pork bun at Hourokutei at the end of the Higashimuki shopping street. It's a small hole in the wall, but omg the squishy-est juicy-est porkbuns ever.

D4 Onomichi
After staying in Osaka for 3 days, we wear heading west to do the Shimanami Kaido. We decided to stay in Onomichi (Hotel Beacon Onomichi) for the night before we started our two day bike trip. For this part of our trip, we picked up our 7-day Setouchi area pass at Shin-Osaka JR station. I just want to mention that I really love the hospitality of the staff in Japan. The JR office people were so nice and helpful. We reserved our seats for the shinkansen and off we went to Onomichi. Onomichi is a lovely little seaside town to just stroll around and take in the views. I really recommend spending at least half a day here. Don't skip it!

• Senkoji park observatory - we walked up to the observatory (ropeway available), please walk up as there are lots of nice alleyways, shrines and cats along the way :). The view is amazing, especially at sunset.
• Cat alley: honestly, every alley is cat alley.
• Onomichi Shotengai - very retro, lots of cute shops. We bought a nice poster from a little granny there.

D5 & D6 Shimanami Kaido -> Matsuyama
The next day, we picked up our reserved cross bikes from the general bike rental and off we went. Honestly, biking the shimanami kaido was the highlight of our trip. We took two days to bike the whole way, one day would definitely be too rushed for us. We stopped at Ikuchi island (Shimanaido NEST) for our halfway stay.
The sights along the way were great! It was so much fun to go down-hill, the uphills were do-able. We had great weather also, not too hot and no rain. Everything was clearly indicated, we just followed the blue lines. I felt very safe biking in Japan. PS. My butt did hurt from the saddle, so be warned! Bring some cushioned pants if you want to be safe side.

• First pitstop after the first bridge was Hassakuya. You have to stop here! They have delicious strawberry and citrus daifuku! The citrus had a bitter aftertaste, but they are famous for their citrus so its definitely nice to try.
• Just enjoy the views, stop everywhere to take pictures. There are lots of things to explore along the way.
• Stop at roadside stations such as > tatara shimanami park and yoshiumi iki-iki-kan. Especially before you take on the last bridge just do a little pit stop. It's a nice place to take some pictures of the insanely long bridge and have a citrus/vanilla soft cream.

https://shimanami-cycle.or.jp/ for more info and bike rental
We decided to bike one-way from Onomichi to Imabari and we have no regrets. I liked that we ended the bike trip with the longest bridge (4km!!). Imabari is very industrial, but after the fun long way down from the last bridge and being exhausted from biking you just want to get to the station and stuff yourself with pastries from the bakery at the station and go on to your next destination. Thus, we immediately took the train to Matsuyama. Originally, the plan was to enjoy the famous onsen in Matsuyama, but we didn't have enough time and we were also pretty tired. After checking-in at the hotel, it was already 4, we made our way to Matsuyama castle but unfortunately, we were too late to go in. It was still nice to view it from the outside and walk around the park. We planned to do sightseeing in Hiroshima the next day, so there was no more time to explore Matsuyama further.
D7 Hiroshima -> Miyajima
After Shiminami Kaido, we headed towards Hiroshima/Miyajima. We took an early ferry from Matsuyama. The ferry was included in the setouchi JR pass, so we gladly took advantage of that. It's a nice way to get to Hiroshima, just one last view of the Seto inland sea. One remark: if it is not JR serviced transportation, you do have to obtain separate tickets. Normally, just showing your setouchi JR pass is enough to get onboard the train, but for the ferry you do have to go to the ticket desk and show your JR pass to obtain the ferry tickets.

• Peace memorial museum - a history we must not forget and do not want to repeat
• We tried another Hiroshima speciality for lunch: Hiroshima Tsukemen. This tsukemen is GREAT. One of my favorite dishes. We ate at Tsukemen Karabu Tokaichimachi. The spicy umami dipping sauce is very addicting!

Surprisingly, it was very hard to find affordable good accommodation in Hiroshima. It was the weekend and two weeks before G7, so maybe that was the reason why it was harder to find accommodation. In the end, I found a nice simple hotel on Miyajima island and it was a good decision after all! After a long day in Hiroshima, we made our way to Miyajima to stay two nights. Staying on Miyajima island is lovely especially when all the day-trip tourist leave.
D8 Miyajima
Honestly, Miyajima is truly magical. Another highlight of our trip! We started the day early to get ahead of the crowd and that made it all so much more enjoyable. Seeing shrines and temples without a crowd is truly 1000x better! If you can stay at Miyajima island, do it! You don't have to splurge on expensive ryokan (although it would have been nice). We stayed at Sakuraya, which was very budget-friendly.

• Itsukishima Jinja - Nice but Daishoin and surrounding nature were the highlights for me.
• Daishoin - it is the most beautiful shrine complex I have seen in Japan this trip. I think it's because it was so quaint and it was embedded in the hill, surrounded by lush green nature. There were multiple complexes. There was a pathway studded with Jizo statues, buddist cave, prayer wheels and much more. While we were there, a ceremony with a monk was ongoing and everyone could participate in helping burning the origami peace cranes made by children, to make their wishes come true. We bought a little peace crane made from the ashes to remember this moment.
• Mt. Misen - we hiked up from Dashoin. It was ~2hrs? of steep stair climbing, 500m elevation gain. A challenge for sure but we definitely earned our way going down by ropeway :P. Views are great! go go! There is a bus to the ropeway so you don't have to suffer if you don't want to.
• Momijidani park - If you don't like Momiji trees, you can't be my friend.
• Snack along the Miyajima ometesando street. Crowded, but the cakes are great!

One remark, our hotel didn't include dinner and all the restaurants on the island close quite early. Luckily, with our setouchi JR pass, we could take the ferry for free, so went to the mainland for dinner. Just keep this in mind, when booking your stay.
D9 - D13 Kyoto
We took the early train to Kyoto and checked in at Tokyu stay Sanjo-karasuma. We had 5 days to explore Kyoto and by this time we had lost our FOMO a little bit and also decided to take it a bit more slow. We still ended up walking a lot anyways but at least we were sleeping in.
The day we arrived,15MAY, was supposed to be Aoi matsuri so we headed to Kamo river to see the festival. Unfortunately, the festival was postponed due to the slight rainfall and we had no clue! but we were next to Kyoto botanical garden and we decided to visit that instead!

• Kyoto botanical garden: it is a lovely garden with a huge variety of plants and trees to see. Really well maintained and during our visit there was a great rose garden in bloom. I recommend going there! It has a nice japanese garden section too with momiji trees and moss. A greenhouse with orchids. Lot's to see here. Only 200 yen.
• Arashiyama area - I really loved this area, not just for the bamboo forest. Togetsukyo bridge and Katsura river were the highlights for me. You can walk along the both sides of Katsura riverbank. A nice way to get to the bamboo forest and bypassing the busy beginning at the start of bamboo forest is by walking along the katsura river bank into Kameyama park and following the signs to Okochi sanso garden. You will end up at the backside of bamboo forest, which is the nicest part. We went more north to visit Pottery Tanuki, this area was very nice and quaint to walk around; bamboo, shrines and traditional houses everywhere.
• South kyoto - Fushimi Inari + Uji day trip - We visited fushimi inari around 9am and it was already very busy! If you hike towards up it gets more quite. We decided not to hike to the top, but instead do a little loop and we stumbled upon some lovely fox shrines. After Fushimi Inari we took the train to Uji. If you like matcha, visit Uji. It is a scenic little town with lots of matcha specialized cafes. We ate at Torikiku, famous for their matcha soba and udon. I had the best matcha icecream dessert at Nakamura Tokichi Byodo-in. Again, the riverviews are beautiful! It's a great daytrip from kyoto. On the way back to kyoto, we spontaneously decided to visit the Gekkeikan Sake museum. It's a small museum more about the history of Gekkeikan, but for 500 yen entry fee, you also get 3 small sake tastings. Fun for an hour or so. I wouldn't go all the way here just for the museum, but for us it was a nice stop on the way back to Kyoto.
• Gion - visit Gion in the evening and just wander around the little streets. Hanamikoji street is one of the more famous streets there.
• We ate amazing gyoza lunch at Gyoza-dokoro Sakemasa. Best gyozo of our trip.
• Higashiyama area - Heian jingu shrine, visit the attached garden for a fee, definitely worth it! We ate amazing mazesoba and ramen for lunch at Menya Yamahide. We also visited Kyoto handicraft center in this area where we bought an ukiyo-e painting. There was also a vintage antique market at that day. We just browsed a bit around the market and honestly that was a day worth of exploring :).

I didn't mention everything we did in Kyoto here. We also had so much more planned for Kyoto, but didn't get around to it, which was totally fine! We were also a bit temple-fatigued by that time and needed a slower pace. Hopefully next time, we can visit some of things we skipped. Furthermore, some days were incredibly hot (30 C degrees and humid) or we had whole days of rain. On those days, we decided to go shopping instead.

• Sanjo Meiten-gai shopping arcade , Compasso teramachi. One long shopping street between Omiya and Kyoto-kawaramachi station. My favorite shops were: Standard products, Tokyu hands and Loft.

D14 - D15 Takayama
After spending 5 days in Kyoto, it was time to leave the city and head for the Japanese alps. We took the shinkansen to Nagoya, where we changed to a limited express to Takayama. It took around 3 hours to get to Takayama, but we didn't mind. Train travel = resting time for our legs! Also, the views from the train were great!! I really enjoyed this train trip to Takayama. We arrived around noon and immediately checked in at our hotel (Hotel Kuretakeso Takayama). We had two nights in Takayama to explore the town.

• Hida beef - it's the wagyu of this area and I found my favorite place to eat it: Ajikura Tengoku. We went there twice for lunch, because it was that good. It was our first time in Japan to try yakiniku and sukiyaki. I really do appreciate the taste of wagyu but only in small amounts. I couldn't eat it everyday, because it's really so rich and yes paying for the premium cuts really does make a different in taste and texture of the wagyu beef.
• We really loved Takayama. Again, if you have time, stay overnight and wander around the streets during the evening when all the daytrippers leave. The town has such a nice vibe and it still has a very local feel to it.
• Miyagawa morning market. Fun to stroll around
• Hikaru museum - we stumbled upon this via google maps. It's a mayan temple-inspired building, very unique. You could visit the place just for the architecture itself, really impressive. It has a very nice collection of art. When we reached the top floor, there was a whole exhibition dedicated to a specific religious person. We didn't know beforehand but this museum is connected to a cult. Suddenly, it all made sense why this museum was so unique. We didn't mind, but it definitely puts the whole experience in a different light. It's a 1-hour walk from downtown, there is no direct bus connection unfortunately.
• Hida folk village - Open-air museum with nice re-builds of traditional mountain houses. We spend over half a day there. You can see local craftsmen doing their thing and you can also participate in pottery for example. There is a lovely pond and it is just pleasant to walk around. it's only a ~10 min. busride from Takayama bus station. You can buy combined entryfee+bus combo tickets at the bus station.

D16 Kamikochi -> Matsumoto
After checking out of our hotel in Takayama, we took the 7am bus to Kamikochi. We were only going to spend a day here, and then continue our way to Matsumoto to stay overnight.After ~1 hour of bus, we finally made it to Kamikochi. The Japanese alps are amazing. I wished we stayed longer in this area, but just the bus ride alone to Kamikochi was already a great with the views. We decided to hop off at Taisho pond bus stop and walk along all the major sights in the park. We had no specific plan. Just hike around as far as time allowed. For lunch, we stopped at this cute teishoku restaurant, where we ate katsu curry, a big lunch to fuel our walking. We also saw wild japanese macaques and lots of wildflowers where blooming during our time there.At the local shops, we bought some yummy pastries to snack on. I had the tastiest baumkuchen with cheesecake center and my partner had a chocolate ganache cookie. I really regret not buying more kamikochi pastries to take home while we were there.After spending the day walking around, we hopped on the 4pm bus towards Matsumoto. Checked in at Tabino hotel lit Matsumoto, where I relaxed in the onsen.
Tips:

• We were only carrying backpacks, so we hiked with them until we reached the kamikochi bus terminal, where you can drop off you bag at the storage for a small fee.
• Reservation is mandatory for the bus Kamikochi -> Matsumoto, you can do it online or while you are at the busstation before hiking.
• Transportation in the Japan alps is mostly by bus, do reserve ahead if you go at peak times. Main bus company is Nouhi bus: https://www.nouhibus.co.jp/english/.)

D17 Matsumoto Tokyo
After sleeping in, we did some sightseeing in Matsumoto before we moved on to Tokyo. We really liked wandering around in Matsumoto. Lots of cool shops with local crafts. We didn't know but the biggest national crafts fair is held in Matsumoto. Unfortunately, we were only able to stay for one day, but next time we would love to visit this crafts fair!
Matsumoto Castle - I really like the interior of the castle. It has been renovated, but still contains that castle feel. It is 5 story castle and you are allowed to climb all of it. It also included a pretty extensive gun/weaponry exhibition. Do arrive early because you do have to line-up within the castle to get from one floor to the other. This is due to the steep stairways, on which they allow only one-way traffic at a time.
Matsumoto city art museum - There was a nice exhibition from Yayoi Kusama. We didn't know but Yayoi Kusama was born in Matsumoto. It is a good replacement exhibition if you aren't able to snatch up tickets for Yayoi Kusama museum in Tokyo.
Nakamachi street and Frog street - street with persevered houses with craft shops, cafes, brewerys. What more do you want.
After spending the day in Matsumoto, we took the train to Tokyo, our last destination of our stay. We decided to stay in Ueno (Hotel resol ueno). This hotel was located close to Ueno JR.
D18 - D24 Tokyo
Last 7 days in Tokyo. By this time, we were just enjoying everything at a much slower pace. Tokyo is huge! I am just going to mention some highlights.

• Anmitsu at Anmitsu Mihashi. My favorite dessert! It contains agar jelly, mochi balls, red bean paste, fruit and a scoop of matcha icecream.
• shopping in Ginza - It's nice to go during the weekends when they close of the streets for cars. We liked visiting flagship stores of Muji, Uniqlo. Go to Itoya if you are a stationary freak.
• Ueno park - Museums, shrines, Lotus pond. Have a look at their website, there are almost always events in the park. :)
• Tsukiji market - very busy, but fun to have a look. Lines everywhere. Look for sushi restaurants that open around 11am, line up at one of those places. I don't think it has to be the one with 4.5 rating and 1000 reviews. Why? There are so many good restaurants in Tsukiji area. We went to Tsukiji Kagura Sushi.
• Hamarikyu gardens - Bonsai pine trees pruned to perfection. Ponds filled with sea water, thus there were seabass, little sardines and jellyfish in the water. Very special! You also had a nice skyline view from the park which is a cool contrast! It was nice and quiet.
• Tokyo Skytree - best view :) it also has a great shopping complex attached to it.
• Asakusa area - Senso-ji
• Yanaka Ginza - we went during the weekend and there was live music, little stalls and just very lively in general. Really nice to spend a morning. Largest preserved cemetery, which apparently welcomes visitors a lot for flower viewings. It is a preserved neighborhood with traditional houses and lots of shops selling crafts, gifts, souvenirs, and unique snacks.

That's it!
For 24 days, we spend around ~2500 euro p.p. (excl. 1000,- flights). This amount includes food, transportation, entrancefees and shopping/gifts. so average is ~100 euro/day. We didn't track every cost. Hotel costs were 900,- pp, which ranged from 50,- to 120,- per night accommodations. The conversion yen/euro is also great at the moment, so it might have contributed!
I hope you enjoyed my trip report. Let me know if there are any questions.

The only fruits she eats are bananas, apples (Fuji but I get it), grapes, mandarin and tomatoes. I love fruits and always have them on easy access.
vegetables and others, just potatoes. No beans, no carrots or broccoli or even lettuce, nothing.
But she likes pasta, rice and most, if not all, meat and seafood except for shrimps but loves tuna and chicken. Also funny enough she eats a mix of tofu and mushrooms I make, since we are pescatarians, (I always have chicken for her just in case she doesn’t want what we eat). And she also eats chickpeas “chicken” 😂 and she loves them both.
I try to make food fun, she has those kiddie plates with divisions so I feel them up with different food groups and make them cute. She doesn’t drink any shake so I can’t do them to get the rest of the nutrients in.
Good thing tho is that she actually likes oatmeal’s and other morning creams, farinas, maicenas & harinas de maíz (don’t know how they are called in English in fact I have to buy them in Hispanic stores or import them)
She is not big on junk food so I don’t get it. I’m pretty sure if I get her to just bite it she would change her mind but she is a freaking 3 year old, she is old enough and obviously know more than mommy and daddy (sarcasm). So any advice or tips are more than welcome.
She is going through another growth spur and it’s eating a lot but if she ate what I serve her she wouldn’t be that hungry and would be full for longer.
Our menu example. This is for today
Breakfast Scrambled eggs, cheese and tatter tots in a burrito apple and yogurt.
Lunch We usually eat last night left over, so for today was Creamy garlic cheese pasta with shrimp and yeast bread
For dinner Rice, beans (Puertor Rican beans, they have carrots, potatoes and pumpkin with sofrito) and a simple side salad spinach, lettuce tomato Parmesan cheese.
For snacks 1bag of chips Any fruit, And tuna mayonnaise bread bites
Is not super healthy but I feel that if she just ate this she would be full. She likes eggs but today was like nope and only ate the tatter tot, two spoons of yogurt.
For lunch just ate the pasta at least she ate all of it,
And for dinner she will only eat rice with ketchup🤢. She will eat the tuna with bread maybe a fruit and the bag of chips and she spends the rest of the day cranky and asking for more food.
I was raised to eat what’s on the plate wether a liked it or not, I at least try to find foods and things that are both good for her and that I know she would like if she just ate it. She wouldn’t be hungry and I wouldn’t be throwing away food all the time.
I know it was long but I wanted to get the whole context in.

Been seeing the boys as often as I can since the mid-80's. Saw them with Jerry 30 something times, and the various other iterations at least once a year. Yesterday so many crazy things happened that I was reminded that sometimes the spiritual realm (or whatever you want to call it when things keep happening that feel coincidental but definitely are not) can sometimes be more in focus than it usually is. Once in a while you can get shown the light...
One example:
We were trying to find our daughter a t-shirt over on Shakedown before the show. She wanted something that said GD (Not D&C), tie-dye and with dancing bears. We went to booth after booth, not finding the right one. I'm close to giving up and just going back to the first tent we had come to and getting one that we kinda liked. We stop at one last tent first and there hanging up is a shirt from a concert in Eugene, OR that we went to in 1993. What a fun, random coincidence. Ahh, there we go - hanging right next to it is the perfect shirt for her. If I had more cash I would have picked up the '93 one as well for memorabilia's sake, but we got my daughter hers and moved on.
Next:
My wife and I meet this head while waiting in line and complimented him on his cool shirt, which was a Jerry with sunglasses pic, with the sunglasses having NY Yankees insignias on them. Not for me being from the West, but still cool. It was a custom shirt that has buddy made for him. I asked if he sells his work, but alas no. My wife remarks that she needs to remember this kind of thing for me for my next birthday. I tell her I'll show her the Jerry pic I like most if she wants to chase that idea down someday. Later on in the show, I'm googling images for the one Jerry headshot I like most, but can't find it. Screw it, I'll look later, show is about to start. A few songs in, this guy randomly walks directly up to my wife and hands her a brightly-colored sticker. Of Jerry. The headshot I was trying to find online but couldn't. I hear her say thanks, and the guy wanders off as I ask her what he handed her. Mind boggling... I'm like "Honey that's the picture I was trying to find for you".
One last example:
Like I said, I've been going to shows forever, and there were always two huge Dead songs that everyone knows and loves but which weren't played live in the second half off the GD's lifespan, and therefore which I had never heard live. Saint Stephen & Casey Jones. I know, I know, they're big obvious songs, not exactly deep "oooh you're a real deadhead" tracks. I'm not saying they're my fav songs, as there are some that I like more, but those were always the two that I thought would be amazing to finally hear live some day. Shoot I remember my wife during the 90s shows telling me how she just wants to hear CJ and she'd be happy, and of course they hadn't brought that one out in forever back then, so I would just say "It's never gonna happen sorry babe".
OK so last night as probably the most epic Sugaree I've ever witnessed is winding down, this random dude walks over to me from the next section and says "Hey man". I'm looking around, like "What? Oh you're talking to me? What's up buddy". He says, "They're going to play St. Stephen". I'm like, "Dude if that happens I'll die". He nods and walks off. Sugaree winds down, and a few seconds later I hear those iconic first several notes of SS... my mouth is hanging open, I scan to the right and find the guy who is watching me from his seat maybe 30 feet away. I point to him, show him my mind is blown, raised the roof, I don't know what else. Why did he pick me out and tell me? Clearly there was some connection and some reason he felt he had to tell me that SS was coming.
Wrap up:
I had been telling my wife all night the show definitely had an old school 60's-70's vibe to it, and wow maybe they'll play one of those two elusive songs. The energy was amazing. The solos during even the slowest songs were intense and powerful. But for them to bust out CJ coming out of Wharf Rat (a song which has a lot of meaning as well, but too much to type this time)... I just couldn't believe it.
They killed it. Best show of my life, the best concert of my life. Gonna miss these guys when they're gone. Everyone needs to find a high quality version of this show and give it a listen. You'll thank me later.

///11th of June, 2006
“Dad, the moon!” I shouted as I entered the garage. My father was on the floor, under his Bugatti 57SC Atlantic, obsessively removing and re-installing pieces of the car like he always did. He quickly got up, a smile on his grease-stained face.
“Finally!” He said with his beer-breath, grabbing a towel and cleaning most of his face, before running outside as fast as he could. I followed him. I don’t know why I always liked these moments. Any child would find them terribly boring. But I always reveled on them. Maybe it’s because they were the only moments he smiled. He positioned his telescope on our front yard, adjusted the lens, drank a beer can and started looking at the full moon above us.
“Do you see it?” I asked, sitting on the grass next to him.
“Shut up.” He said, still looking. After half an hour of waiting, he started laughing. I opened my mouth to ask if he was seeing it, but I held my voice. Didn’t want to anger him.
“It’s blinking! It’s blinking Johnathan!” He laughed. I smiled. That wasn’t my name, though he called me that. Only several years later I would learn that was the name of his deceased younger brother. Every full moon, we would come look at it with the telescope. And he’d always call me Johnathan. Probably because he was always so drunk. But from always avoiding me or calling me “Brat”, Johnathan was a nice shift.
“Can I see?” I asked, and he lowered the tripod so I could see the moon. There was a small light blinking on it’s surface. It was truly beautiful.
“Fine, my turn again.” My father shoved me back, adjusted the tripod back, and started looking at it again. “It’s blinking so much tonight… Maybe… Brat, get my camera!” He shouted at me. I quickly went inside the house, and looked around for the camera in the living room. There it was, on a little pile of beer cans and empty rythmol boxes in the corner of the room. I hurried back outside, as fast as I could, as I did not want to anger my father.
I stopped on my tracks as soon as I was out of the house. There was a strange being involving my father. It looked like a snake, but I knew it was anything but a snake. There were not snakes that big where I lived. And certainly not with human faces. My father seemed oblivious to it, looking through his telescope, but the thing was all around him, from the bottom of his legs all the way to the top of his head.
“It’s blinking so much…” He said, in awe. The creature looked at me, locking eyes with me, and smiled, revealing several sets of sharp fangs. And then, it disappeared. My father looked at me, he was sweating. “I think… I need to lay down for a bit…” He muttered, before falling on the grass. I spent the entire night trying to wake him up, before my mother found me there crying the following day.
///09th of November 2021
“And that’s why you decided to study astronomy? Really?” Melissa laughed.
“Oh, come on, babe… Don’t make fun of my tragic past.” I said, finishing my waffles. She went to the fridges, grabbed the orange juice, and poured some in our cups.
“Shall we toast?” She asked.
“With orange juice? And what for?”
“Your impending graduation. What else?”
“Impending? Ha! I didn’t even start my capstone thesis.”
“So, what will it be about? Venus, right? Or was it Mars?”
“Nope. Too many people I know will already be working on planets like Venus and Mars. I thought about Neptune, but it’s too far away. So I figured, why not the Moon?”
“Please, don’t tell me this is about your father.”
“Mel, he wasn’t the best dad in the world. But he did left me his collection of vintage cars. This is what paid for my education.”
“He didn’t left it to you, it was divided between you and your mother.”
“Regardless, I feel like I owe him this. Apart from the cars, the moon was the only thing he loved.”
“You owe him nothing, Ezra.”
“I need to know what the blinking lights are! Lunar transient phenomena, it’s how they call them. There’s no scientific explanation to what they are.”
“Just because there’s no known scientific explanation, it doesn’t mean one does not exist. And if there’s one, it’s certainly not creepy snake-man” She laughed.
///04th of September, 2022
The first thing you feel when you start seriously investigating the moon is how mysterious it is. We only went there a handful of times, and then never again. All reasons are given for this, but it never really felt right to me. Maybe what happened to my father always made me feel paranoid about the subject, but I somehow felt there were things about the moon that were hiding on plain sight.
The focus of my research, the lunar transient phenomena, is incredibly unknown. Few studies were done about it, and most of them were never published or were abandoned. The few that were made available were either from little-known universities in third-world countries, in languages that I couldn’t understand and without English translation, or mere compilations of recorded occurrences. I found some theories. The lights were caused by magnetism, or by gasses, or by asteroids, perspective…
But mere hypothesis were not enough for me. I needed to know. I needed to understand. I needed… I needed to confirm it weren’t those lights who killed my father that day.
So, I delved deep into the research. I spent weeks in my bedroom, reading books and more books, entering all sorts of websites, sending emails to experts, looking for anything that could give me more information. But through all my effort, the only thing I could find were theories or hypothesis, all of them with little to no evidence. In my search for answers, I started straying further away from modern science, entering strange websites and reading books that talked about blatant pseudoscience, like astrology or the paranormal.
///17th of February, 2022
“So, what books will you be basing your capstone on?” My orienting professor asked. I could not see his face properly, we were talking through a videocall and he was not very tech savvy, so his eyes and nose were out of the frame.
“Chris, I can only see your mouth!” I laughed.
“Sorry…” He said, adjusting his camera. The framing was not perfect yet, but it was better. "Have you read the books I sent you?"
"They... They were not what I was looking for."
"What were you looking for, Ezra?"
"I told you. Answers. I have been looking for answers, yet I only find questions."
"We will only be able to find real answers when we actually set a lab on the moon. Until then, we will have to live with merely hypothesizing."
"I know, but..."
"Have you tried reading Kulikovsky?Or Hakan Kayal? Non-american studies in general."
"Yes, professor Chris. But... All studies seem to contradict themselves. Some point to studies that I can’t find anywhere, like they don’t exist anymore. Like they were erased by someone…”
“Some texts were never made digital or registered. It’s very unfortunate.”
“Everyone tries to find a logical explanation... What if there isn't one?"
"What is this truly about?"
"What?"
"It's just... You do know you can change your capstone thesis theme, right? Maybe an analysis of something more well-known could work better with your methodology."
"Chris, I will not change my mind. We have discussed this before."
"Well, well... I talked to one of my former colleagues, he is retired now, who also studied the moon, but his research was more focused on gravity. He told me there's a book called "A Study of the Moon with a New Lens" or something like that. Written by one Dr. Karl Hollfern in 1935."
"That is way before LTP was even catalogued."
"Catalogued, yes. Recorded? No. Hollfern studied extensevely the lunar mysteries. Unfortunately, he was executed by the Nazis because he opposed them. But his research lived on. My friend told me they have one of his books in the library. But it's in German."
///18th of February, 2022
I entered the library carrying a bag full of German grammar books and a dictionary. I would not let a little language barrier stop me from getting to the truth.
“Hello, how can I help you?” The librarian asked, barely averting her eyes from her cellphone.
“I’m actually looking for a book that could either be in the astronomy section or in the foreign titles section… Can you help me?”
“Which book?” She was still looking at her phone, seemingly playing one of those generic casual mobile games.
“It’s in German. Old, from the 1930s. Talks about studies of the moon made at the time.”
“Unusual request, but ok…” She put her phone on the counter, and started typing on the computer. “Can’t find it. Do you have the author’s name?”
“Karl Hollfern.”
“Uncanny. It’s unlisted.”
“What?”
“We have it in the library, but it’s not available. We usually do this when books are being cleaned. Usually takes a couple of days… It says it won’t be listed until… Until 2100?
“What? How does this makes sense?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been working here for sixteen years, and have never seen something like this. Regardless, I can’t lend you the book. I can’t even let you access it in library grounds.”
///23rd of February, 2022
I was drinking my Starbucks cappuccino while trying to make myself comfortable on the shopping mall bench, to no avail. I was tense. I had never involved myself with something like this. If my mother or girlfriend knew, they would kill me. An older man made his way out of the crowd and patiently sat down next to me.
“You were supposed to be sitting on the bench next to Nike. But no problem.” He laughed.
“Sorry. I got confused…” I facepalmed.
“I got the book you asked me too. But the price is going to be different in your case.”
“As in more expensive?”
“No. Normally, I charge twenty five grand, or double If the job is hard. In your case, the job was ridiculously easy. I will be charging five grand only.”
“Thanks! I’m transferring to your account right now…” I said as I typed on my phone.
“The book is in your car.”
“How did you… Oh, of course.”
“Pleasure doing business with you.” He got up and left. I immediately went to my car. There it was, Eine Untersuchung des Mondes mit einer neuen Linse.
///28th of February, 2022
“Honey, are you still awake?” Melissa asked me. I was sitting on a pillow in the corner of the room, aggressively doing more and more Duolingo lessons.
“I’m busy, Mel.” I said, without averting my eyes from the green owl.
“Is this about that German book you have been taking everywhere?”
“No…” I blatantly lied.
“Honey, you’ve been up all night. It’s ten to six.”
“What?”
“You are obsessed with this shit, Ezra! Look at you! This is the third time I find you here studying German instead of sleeping!”
“I’m sorry, but you do know I have a capstone thesis to finish, don’t you?!” I screamed back at her.
“Oh. So this is what’s all about, right?”
“Babe, it’s not like that…” Before I could say anything, she stormed out of the apartment. I stood there, frozen, for a minute or two, before I went back to my Duolingo.
///3rd of March, 2022
“Hello Ezra” Chris said, as I adjusted my camera. As usual, I couldn’t see his face properly.
“Good evening, professor Chris.”
“Ezra, are you okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine.” I said vehemently.
“Ezra… I… I have bad news for you.” When he said that, I felt like a hand was smashing my heart. “The university has rejected your intended theme.”
“W-what?”
“You’ll have to pick something else. I’m sorry.”
“What? Why?!”
“Apparently there’s information about Lunar Transient Phenomena that is undisclosed to the general public. The feds were here yesterday, talked with the dean about it. Said that researching the LTP was considered meddling in national security affairs, and that all projects focusing on it were to be halted.”
“Bullshit!”
“I’m sorry. I know how much time you have already invested in this. But we’ll find something else, Ezra. There are more lunar mys…” I interrupted him.
“Why is it so hard to research a simple lunar phenomena?! Every time I advance, everyone tries to block me! They will not stop me from uncovering what happened to my father!” I slammed the table.
“What?”
“This will not stop me.” I muttered, while ending the videocall.
///8th of March, 2022
After some turbulent days, I was finally making progress again. My knowledge of German wasn’t great, but knowing basic grammar, using online dictionaries, and with a little help from online German studying communities, I was making my way through the book.
The book was almost a century old, yet I felt like I was finally making progress. The research by Hollfern was fascinating, but disturbing. He described how the “blinking moonlights” if watched carefully, could be interpreted as having meaning. My German was advancing but far from perfect, so I didn’t have the exact translation, but it said something about the moon speaking in some sort of secret code using the lights.
It also referenced some books, most of which seemed to not exist anymore, but some of them not only existed, I also managed to download their scanned PDFs. It was pretty unorthodox for a scientific study. There was a book on symbols and sigils of different religions, a compilation of theological texts about Gnosticism, a book compiling works by Schopenhauer, and a Hindi scroll explaining Chakras.
I didn’t understood yet how everything connected. Seemed like a strange collection of unrelated weirdness.
///10th of March, 2022
I stumbled upon something I had previously overlooked. There’s an work by Schopenhauer where he discuss reading the Upanishads, which are old Hindi texts. The Hindi text I had downloaded was translated to English, but what if I looked for the original? Maybe there was something I wasn’t shown.
The original had a section that was censored in the English version that talked about a Devas that was corrupted by an evil unknown entity called that attached on it’s solar plexus and made it miserable with overwhelming sadness and pain. A thing described as a floating jester.
///13th of March, 2022
The phone in the living room started ringing. I left it there, unwilling to stop reading the book and trying to translate the contents. The call went to voicemail, and then I heard the caller recording it:
“Hey Ezra, I know you’re going through a bad time, but as your orienting professor, I care for you. You didn't show up for any of your tests. I know you seem to be focused on your research, but this isn't the-" I unplugged the damn thing.
///16th of March, 2022
I got evicted after not paying my rent. Or I was supposed to be at least. I picked up my research stuff and rented a cheap motel room on the outskirts of my town. I could not pay for the rent, and least not for now, I spent most of my money buying books and old magazines during the last weeks. I don’t need a place to call mine for now. I just need to find the truth.
I know the government will come after me. I’m coming too close. But if they want me to stop, they will have to kill me. I’ve already lost everything. This investigation is all I have left.
///18th of March, 2022
There's an old website that I found while researching. A true relic, seems to be from the early 90s. It contains old conspiracies theories, like stuff about the Illuminati and New Age, Satanic Panic, how Ronald Reagan was actually replaced, among other things. But there was something among the insanity that I felt was the last thing missing in my investigation. The true reason why we never returned to the Moon and why the Soviets never even attempted landing on it.
According to that website, during the last moon expedition, in December of 1972, the astronauts were secretly instructed to find out what was causing the Lunar Transient Phenomena, and spent three days on the Taurus-Littrow Valley, the region where the phenomena was more frequent on the previous five years. They were carrying a seismometer, as the most influential theory at the time was that the LTP was being caused by moonquakes cracking the surface of the natural satellite and releasing gasses.
But what the seismometer detected was that there were no such thing as moonquakes. Their equipments revealed humongous structures, seemingly biological or mechanical, moving under the moon surface.
One day before they left, NASA detected an instance of LTP a few kilometers near where they were stationed, so the astronauts went there to check. What they found there was never disclosed, but some theorize they met one of the beings responsible for causing the blinking lights. And that was the reason humanity abandoned all expeditions to the moon. After five missions in three years, we never returned there.
///20th of March, 2022
I woke up feeling like my head was spinning. I was lying on the sofa of my motel room. Once again, I had spent the entire previous night and day reading texts cited by Dr. Hollfern. My tablet was out of battery, so I got up, feeling pain all over my body, and went looking for my charger. It took me a couple of minutes to notice the two men wearing dark suits, black ties and dark sunglasses sitting on my sofa. One of them had a silenced pistol on his hand.
“Good afternoon, Ezra Thornbridge.” The one holding the firearm said, with a voice so ordinary it was scary.
“W-what?!” I blurted, still trying to overcome the pain.
“Oh, don’t mind us. We are just here to recover something.” The other man said, smiling.
“Something that isn’t yours, yet you’re in possession of.” The man with the gun complemented.
“I… Who are you?” I asked.
“Right now, I’m the man pointing the gun at you.” The man with the weapon said, while his partner just shrugged.
“Fine, I’ll return your damn book. But I already know about it. I already put the pieces together."
"Oh, interesting. What do you think you know, Thornbridge?" One of them mocked.
"The Solar Plexus Clown Glider. I have studied them in depth. Or do you prefer to call them like the Gnostic theologians called them back in the day? Archons…”
“Look what we have here, Spencer. Like father like son.” The guy with the gun scoffed.
“I told you we should have just doped him and looked for the damn book while he slept. He is totally gone.” Spencer said.
“I’m not crazy! The Archons are real! They killed my father! They kill people! And you, instead of trying to protect the people, just hide their existence, just lie, just lie and lie and lie!”
“How can you be so smart yet so stupid?” The guy with the gun said.
“The Archons don’t kill people, Ezra. They just make you miserable and drown you in fear and pain.” Spencer said.
“But I saw one kill my father.”
“Your father died of chronic ventricular arrhythmia coupled with excessive alcohol ingestion. The thing you saw was merely an emotional parasite, feeding off his negative emotions and influencing him to indulge on them.” Spencer said.
“Does this mean…”
“Yes. It also infected you that day. That’s why you saw it. It’s been with you ever since. The more you learn about it, the more you dread, the more you obsess, the more you lose… You were feeding it all along.” Spencer explained.
“And why do you think we tried to protect you, dumbass? If the knowledge was harmless, we wouldn’t be around breaking the law and breaking people’s necks to prevent it from spreading.” The guy with the weapon said.
“It’s not too late, Ezra. When your father was alive, there wasn’t much we could do, but now we have technology to make them go away. But it has a cost.” Spencer explained.
“What cost?”
“You will forget your father. You will forget most about the moon and astronomy. Probably the entirety of the last few months. And there are probable side effects, like sporadic short-term amnesia.” Spencer said.
“Or we can just fucking shoot you in the forehead right now to prevent the thing from infecting more people. Your choice.” The guy with the gun said. I just turned around and ran as fast as I can towards the window behind me. I jumped out of it, shattering the glass, and fell on the hard cold concrete of the parking lot. I tried to get up, my body was all cut from the glass, and I felt something warm on my back, even though it was raining.
“Are you stupid?!” I heard the guy with the gun shouting while he and the other agent descended the staircase that led to the parking lot. I finally got up, feeling cold from the rain, and tried to run, but could only limp. Yeah, jumping out of the window like I was in an 80s action movie wasn’t the best idea. I heard another click behind me, and fell to the floor. I could see the agents running towards me, smoke coming out of the gun. There seemed to be snakes around both of them, smiling witch their human faces and several sets of sharp fangs.
I looked towards the sky. Among the raining clouds, I could see the moon above me, full and blooming. Blinking. Blinking so much.

///11th of June, 2006
“Dad, the moon!” I shouted as I entered the garage. My father was on the floor, under his Bugatti 57SC Atlantic, obsessively removing and re-installing pieces of the car like he always did. He quickly got up, a smile on his grease-stained face.
“Finally!” He said with his beer-breath, grabbing a towel and cleaning most of his face, before running outside as fast as he could. I followed him. I don’t know why I always liked these moments. Any child would find them terribly boring. But I always reveled on them. Maybe it’s because they were the only moments he smiled. He positioned his telescope on our front yard, adjusted the lens, drank a beer can and started looking at the full moon above us.
“Do you see it?” I asked, sitting on the grass next to him.
“Shut up.” He said, still looking. After half an hour of waiting, he started laughing. I opened my mouth to ask if he was seeing it, but I held my voice. Didn’t want to anger him.
“It’s blinking! It’s blinking Johnathan!” He laughed. I smiled. That wasn’t my name, though he called me that. Only several years later I would learn that was the name of his deceased younger brother. Every full moon, we would come look at it with the telescope. And he’d always call me Johnathan. Probably because he was always so drunk. But from always avoiding me or calling me “Brat”, Johnathan was a nice shift.
“Can I see?” I asked, and he lowered the tripod so I could see the moon. There was a small light blinking on it’s surface. It was truly beautiful.
“Fine, my turn again.” My father shoved me back, adjusted the tripod back, and started looking at it again. “It’s blinking so much tonight… Maybe… Brat, get my camera!” He shouted at me. I quickly went inside the house, and looked around for the camera in the living room. There it was, on a little pile of beer cans and empty rythmol boxes in the corner of the room. I hurried back outside, as fast as I could, as I did not want to anger my father.
I stopped on my tracks as soon as I was out of the house. There was a strange being involving my father. It looked like a snake, but I knew it was anything but a snake. There were not snakes that big where I lived. And certainly not with human faces. My father seemed oblivious to it, looking through his telescope, but the thing was all around him, from the bottom of his legs all the way to the top of his head.
“It’s blinking so much…” He said, in awe. The creature looked at me, locking eyes with me, and smiled, revealing several sets of sharp fangs. And then, it disappeared. My father looked at me, he was sweating. “I think… I need to lay down for a bit…” He muttered, before falling on the grass. I spent the entire night trying to wake him up, before my mother found me there crying the following day.
///09th of November 2021
“And that’s why you decided to study astronomy? Really?” Melissa laughed.
“Oh, come on, babe… Don’t make fun of my tragic past.” I said, finishing my waffles. She went to the fridges, grabbed the orange juice, and poured some in our cups.
“Shall we toast?” She asked.
“With orange juice? And what for?”
“Your impending graduation. What else?”
“Impending? Ha! I didn’t even start my capstone thesis.”
“So, what will it be about? Venus, right? Or was it Mars?”
“Nope. Too many people I know will already be working on planets like Venus and Mars. I thought about Neptune, but it’s too far away. So I figured, why not the Moon?”
“Please, don’t tell me this is about your father.”
“Mel, he wasn’t the best dad in the world. But he did left me his collection of vintage cars. This is what paid for my education.”
“He didn’t left it to you, it was divided between you and your mother.”
“Regardless, I feel like I owe him this. Apart from the cars, the moon was the only thing he loved.”
“You owe him nothing, Ezra.”
“I need to know what the blinking lights are! Lunar transient phenomena, it’s how they call them. There’s no scientific explanation to what they are.”
“Just because there’s no known scientific explanation, it doesn’t mean one does not exist. And if there’s one, it’s certainly not creepy snake-man” She laughed.
///04th of September, 2022
The first thing you feel when you start seriously investigating the moon is how mysterious it is. We only went there a handful of times, and then never again. All reasons are given for this, but it never really felt right to me. Maybe what happened to my father always made me feel paranoid about the subject, but I somehow felt there were things about the moon that were hiding on plain sight.
The focus of my research, the lunar transient phenomena, is incredibly unknown. Few studies were done about it, and most of them were never published or were abandoned. The few that were made available were either from little-known universities in third-world countries, in languages that I couldn’t understand and without English translation, or mere compilations of recorded occurrences. I found some theories. The lights were caused by magnetism, or by gasses, or by asteroids, perspective…
But mere hypothesis were not enough for me. I needed to know. I needed to understand. I needed… I needed to confirm it weren’t those lights who killed my father that day.
So, I delved deep into the research. I spent weeks in my bedroom, reading books and more books, entering all sorts of websites, sending emails to experts, looking for anything that could give me more information. But through all my effort, the only thing I could find were theories or hypothesis, all of them with little to no evidence. In my search for answers, I started straying further away from modern science, entering strange websites and reading books that talked about blatant pseudoscience, like astrology or the paranormal.
///17th of February, 2022
“So, what books will you be basing your capstone on?” My orienting professor asked. I could not see his face properly, we were talking through a videocall and he was not very tech savvy, so his eyes and nose were out of the frame.
“Chris, I can only see your mouth!” I laughed.
“Sorry…” He said, adjusting his camera. The framing was not perfect yet, but it was better. "Have you read the books I sent you?"
"They... They were not what I was looking for."
"What were you looking for, Ezra?"
"I told you. Answers. I have been looking for answers, yet I only find questions."
"We will only be able to find real answers when we actually set a lab on the moon. Until then, we will have to live with merely hypothesizing."
"I know, but..."
"Have you tried reading Kulikovsky?Or Hakan Kayal? Non-american studies in general."
"Yes, professor Chris. But... All studies seem to contradict themselves. Some point to studies that I can’t find anywhere, like they don’t exist anymore. Like they were erased by someone…”
“Some texts were never made digital or registered. It’s very unfortunate.”
“Everyone tries to find a logical explanation... What if there isn't one?"
"What is this truly about?"
"What?"
"It's just... You do know you can change your capstone thesis theme, right? Maybe an analysis of something more well-known could work better with your methodology."
"Chris, I will not change my mind. We have discussed this before."
"Well, well... I talked to one of my former colleagues, he is retired now, who also studied the moon, but his research was more focused on gravity. He told me there's a book called "A Study of the Moon with a New Lens" or something like that. Written by one Dr. Karl Hollfern in 1935."
"That is way before LTP was even catalogued."
"Catalogued, yes. Recorded? No. Hollfern studied extensevely the lunar mysteries. Unfortunately, he was executed by the Nazis because he opposed them. But his research lived on. My friend told me they have one of his books in the library. But it's in German."
///18th of February, 2022
I entered the library carrying a bag full of German grammar books and a dictionary. I would not let a little language barrier stop me from getting to the truth.
“Hello, how can I help you?” The librarian asked, barely averting her eyes from her cellphone.
“I’m actually looking for a book that could either be in the astronomy section or in the foreign titles section… Can you help me?”
“Which book?” She was still looking at her phone, seemingly playing one of those generic casual mobile games.
“It’s in German. Old, from the 1930s. Talks about studies of the moon made at the time.”
“Unusual request, but ok…” She put her phone on the counter, and started typing on the computer. “Can’t find it. Do you have the author’s name?”
“Karl Hollfern.”
“Uncanny. It’s unlisted.”
“What?”
“We have it in the library, but it’s not available. We usually do this when books are being cleaned. Usually takes a couple of days… It says it won’t be listed until… Until 2100?
“What? How does this makes sense?”
“I don’t know. I’ve been working here for sixteen years, and have never seen something like this. Regardless, I can’t lend you the book. I can’t even let you access it in library grounds.”
///23rd of February, 2022
I was drinking my Starbucks cappuccino while trying to make myself comfortable on the shopping mall bench, to no avail. I was tense. I had never involved myself with something like this. If my mother or girlfriend knew, they would kill me. An older man made his way out of the crowd and patiently sat down next to me.
“You were supposed to be sitting on the bench next to Nike. But no problem.” He laughed.
“Sorry. I got confused…” I facepalmed.
“I got the book you asked me too. But the price is going to be different in your case.”
“As in more expensive?”
“No. Normally, I charge twenty five grand, or double If the job is hard. In your case, the job was ridiculously easy. I will be charging five grand only.”
“Thanks! I’m transferring to your account right now…” I said as I typed on my phone.
“The book is in your car.”
“How did you… Oh, of course.”
“Pleasure doing business with you.” He got up and left. I immediately went to my car. There it was, Eine Untersuchung des Mondes mit einer neuen Linse.
///28th of February, 2022
“Honey, are you still awake?” Melissa asked me. I was sitting on a pillow in the corner of the room, aggressively doing more and more Duolingo lessons.
“I’m busy, Mel.” I said, without averting my eyes from the green owl.
“Is this about that German book you have been taking everywhere?”
“No…” I blatantly lied.
“Honey, you’ve been up all night. It’s ten to six.”
“What?”
“You are obsessed with this shit, Ezra! Look at you! This is the third time I find you here studying German instead of sleeping!”
“I’m sorry, but you do know I have a capstone thesis to finish, don’t you?!” I screamed back at her.
“Oh. So this is what’s all about, right?”
“Babe, it’s not like that…” Before I could say anything, she stormed out of the apartment. I stood there, frozen, for a minute or two, before I went back to my Duolingo.
///3rd of March, 2022
“Hello Ezra” Chris said, as I adjusted my camera. As usual, I couldn’t see his face properly.
“Good evening, professor Chris.”
“Ezra, are you okay? You look tired.”
“I’m fine.” I said vehemently.
“Ezra… I… I have bad news for you.” When he said that, I felt like a hand was smashing my heart. “The university has rejected your intended theme.”
“W-what?”
“You’ll have to pick something else. I’m sorry.”
“What? Why?!”
“Apparently there’s information about Lunar Transient Phenomena that is undisclosed to the general public. The feds were here yesterday, talked with the dean about it. Said that researching the LTP was considered meddling in national security affairs, and that all projects focusing on it were to be halted.”
“Bullshit!”
“I’m sorry. I know how much time you have already invested in this. But we’ll find something else, Ezra. There are more lunar mys…” I interrupted him.
“Why is it so hard to research a simple lunar phenomena?! Every time I advance, everyone tries to block me! They will not stop me from uncovering what happened to my father!” I slammed the table.
“What?”
“This will not stop me.” I muttered, while ending the videocall.
///8th of March, 2022
After some turbulent days, I was finally making progress again. My knowledge of German wasn’t great, but knowing basic grammar, using online dictionaries, and with a little help from online German studying communities, I was making my way through the book.
The book was almost a century old, yet I felt like I was finally making progress. The research by Hollfern was fascinating, but disturbing. He described how the “blinking moonlights” if watched carefully, could be interpreted as having meaning. My German was advancing but far from perfect, so I didn’t have the exact translation, but it said something about the moon speaking in some sort of secret code using the lights.
It also referenced some books, most of which seemed to not exist anymore, but some of them not only existed, I also managed to download their scanned PDFs. It was pretty unorthodox for a scientific study. There was a book on symbols and sigils of different religions, a compilation of theological texts about Gnosticism, a book compiling works by Schopenhauer, and a Hindi scroll explaining Chakras.
I didn’t understood yet how everything connected. Seemed like a strange collection of unrelated weirdness.
///10th of March, 2022
I stumbled upon something I had previously overlooked. There’s an work by Schopenhauer where he discuss reading the Upanishads, which are old Hindi texts. The Hindi text I had downloaded was translated to English, but what if I looked for the original? Maybe there was something I wasn’t shown.
The original had a section that was censored in the English version that talked about a Devas that was corrupted by an evil unknown entity called that attached on it’s solar plexus and made it miserable with overwhelming sadness and pain. A thing described as a floating jester.
///13th of March, 2022
The phone in the living room started ringing. I left it there, unwilling to stop reading the book and trying to translate the contents. The call went to voicemail, and then I heard the caller recording it:
“Hey Ezra, I know you’re going through a bad time, but as your orienting professor, I care for you. You didn't show up for any of your tests. I know you seem to be focused on your research, but this isn't the-" I unplugged the damn thing.
///16th of March, 2022
I got evicted after not paying my rent. Or I was supposed to be at least. I picked up my research stuff and rented a cheap motel room on the outskirts of my town. I could not pay for the rent, and least not for now, I spent most of my money buying books and old magazines during the last weeks. I don’t need a place to call mine for now. I just need to find the truth.
I know the government will come after me. I’m coming too close. But if they want me to stop, they will have to kill me. I’ve already lost everything. This investigation is all I have left.
///18th of March, 2022
There's an old website that I found while researching. A true relic, seems to be from the early 90s. It contains old conspiracies theories, like stuff about the Illuminati and New Age, Satanic Panic, how Ronald Reagan was actually replaced, among other things. But there was something among the insanity that I felt was the last thing missing in my investigation. The true reason why we never returned to the Moon and why the Soviets never even attempted landing on it.
According to that website, during the last moon expedition, in December of 1972, the astronauts were secretly instructed to find out what was causing the Lunar Transient Phenomena, and spent three days on the Taurus-Littrow Valley, the region where the phenomena was more frequent on the previous five years. They were carrying a seismometer, as the most influential theory at the time was that the LTP was being caused by moonquakes cracking the surface of the natural satellite and releasing gasses.
But what the seismometer detected was that there were no such thing as moonquakes. Their equipments revealed humongous structures, seemingly biological or mechanical, moving under the moon surface.
One day before they left, NASA detected an instance of LTP a few kilometers near where they were stationed, so the astronauts went there to check. What they found there was never disclosed, but some theorize they met one of the beings responsible for causing the blinking lights. And that was the reason humanity abandoned all expeditions to the moon. After five missions in three years, we never returned there.
///20th of March, 2022
I woke up feeling like my head was spinning. I was lying on the sofa of my motel room. Once again, I had spent the entire previous night and day reading texts cited by Dr. Hollfern. My tablet was out of battery, so I got up, feeling pain all over my body, and went looking for my charger. It took me a couple of minutes to notice the two men wearing dark suits, black ties and dark sunglasses sitting on my sofa. One of them had a silenced pistol on his hand.
“Good afternoon, Ezra Thornbridge.” The one holding the firearm said, with a voice so ordinary it was scary.
“W-what?!” I blurted, still trying to overcome the pain.
“Oh, don’t mind us. We are just here to recover something.” The other man said, smiling.
“Something that isn’t yours, yet you’re in possession of.” The man with the gun complemented.
“I… Who are you?” I asked.
“Right now, I’m the man pointing the gun at you.” The man with the weapon said, while his partner just shrugged.
“Fine, I’ll return your damn book. But I already know about it. I already put the pieces together."
"Oh, interesting. What do you think you know, Thornbridge?" One of them mocked.
"The Solar Plexus Clown Glider. I have studied them in depth. Or do you prefer to call them like the Gnostic theologians called them back in the day? Archons…”
“Look what we have here, Spencer. Like father like son.” The guy with the gun scoffed.
“I told you we should have just doped him and looked for the damn book while he slept. He is totally gone.” Spencer said.
“I’m not crazy! The Archons are real! They killed my father! They kill people! And you, instead of trying to protect the people, just hide their existence, just lie, just lie and lie and lie!”
“How can you be so smart yet so stupid?” The guy with the gun said.
“The Archons don’t kill people, Ezra. They just make you miserable and drown you in fear and pain.” Spencer said.
“But I saw one kill my father.”
“Your father died of chronic ventricular arrhythmia coupled with excessive alcohol ingestion. The thing you saw was merely an emotional parasite, feeding off his negative emotions and influencing him to indulge on them.” Spencer said.
“Does this mean…”
“Yes. It also infected you that day. That’s why you saw it. It’s been with you ever since. The more you learn about it, the more you dread, the more you obsess, the more you lose… You were feeding it all along.” Spencer explained.
“And why do you think we tried to protect you, dumbass? If the knowledge was harmless, we wouldn’t be around breaking the law and breaking people’s necks to prevent it from spreading.” The guy with the weapon said.
“It’s not too late, Ezra. When your father was alive, there wasn’t much we could do, but now we have technology to make them go away. But it has a cost.” Spencer explained.
“What cost?”
“You will forget your father. You will forget most about the moon and astronomy. Probably the entirety of the last few months. And there are probable side effects, like sporadic short-term amnesia.” Spencer said.
“Or we can just fucking shoot you in the forehead right now to prevent the thing from infecting more people. Your choice.” The guy with the gun said. I just turned around and ran as fast as I can towards the window behind me. I jumped out of it, shattering the glass, and fell on the hard cold concrete of the parking lot. I tried to get up, my body was all cut from the glass, and I felt something warm on my back, even though it was raining.
“Are you stupid?!” I heard the guy with the gun shouting while he and the other agent descended the staircase that led to the parking lot. I finally got up, feeling cold from the rain, and tried to run, but could only limp. Yeah, jumping out of the window like I was in an 80s action movie wasn’t the best idea. I heard another click behind me, and fell to the floor. I could see the agents running towards me, smoke coming out of the gun. There seemed to be snakes around both of them, smiling witch their human faces and several sets of sharp fangs.
I looked towards the sky. Among the raining clouds, I could see the moon above me, full and blooming. Blinking. Blinking so much.

Is there a place where I can rent our party items for a day or two?
I am trying to organize a party for friends of my uni, and I have a big garden so I want to bring things like bean bags, maybe some outdoor games, a beer tap and things like that. Do any of you know if it's possible to rent these objects from somewhere/someone?
I would appreciate some help! Thanks :)

First Previous Next
Chapter 26 - Rest for the Righteous
Last Time: Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn - under the employ of Arcadia - executed a daring plan to rescue Oxcard from the clutches of the crime boss Daisy. They managed to get to his room without trouble, but leaving proved to be much more difficult. Laran was cornered and forced to fight several thugs after being seen while skulking around Daisy’s compound. The rest of the party found him and made sure he won the fight but were unable to prevent one of the thugs from alerting the entire building to their presence. What followed was a harrowing flight from Daisy’s forces and Daisy herself. With Leor’s assistance, everyone was able to clear the building and run off into the night, but not without sustaining several injuries. The party made good their getaway however with their client and target in tow and, determined to stay ahead of Daisy’s reprisal, left the city of Tripit behind.
Daisy clutched my throat, the slashes across her face leaking crimson blood that pooled in her snarled teeth. She looked like a wild thing and had me both lifted and pinned to a wall as if I weighed almost nothing. I struggled to breath, kicking my legs feebly, until I suddenly woke up.
Laran was staring down at me. He looked very concerned and more than a little frightened. It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to our surroundings and fully shake off the nightmare.
All of us were arrayed around a clearing underneath hastily constructed tents. I could see Oriwyn crouched beside Ox, who was laying out in the middle of the clearing. Oriwyn’s nose was swollen and her green skin was mottled purple around it - her face looked a little crooked in general, but she seemed to be moving fine enough. Arcadia stood next to the pair, holding a fan and waving it at Oxcard’s face. Groaning, I sat up. Leor sat on a tree stump and glanced at me with a tired grin. Brams lay curled up by her feet, and every once in a while I noticed she would reach down and scratch his head while Oriwyn busied herself with Oxcard.
As I sat up, Laran’s concerned expression broke into a relieved smile so genuine that it made my heart hurt. I wasn’t even injured, yet here he was acting like I’d just gotten up off my death bed. My head still felt fuzzy, so when he held a canteen out to me I took it gladly and took a big drink of water. I granted myself a few moments of silence before getting down to the business of trying to lead again.
“Where exactly are we again? I remember slumping down on the road when Arcadia’s golem gave out, but I don’t really remember anything after that.”
Laran smiled and nodded. The sun shone down on his jade-green skin and helped burn away the remaining damp from the night before. Laran sat back and seemed to finally properly relax. As he did, I couldn’t stop my attention from being wholly drawn to him.
In that moment he was really, really good to look at. And listen to. And be around.
“Ain’t surprised you don’t remember much - we had a time a’ things for sure. Last night - g’morning by the way - a teamster named Alex found us and dragged our sorry hides to this clearin’ off the road. They didn’t ask much about us, though they seemed to get the impression we were in need a’ help something fierce. Right now they’re headed back to Tripit to get our stuff from the Sable Sky - I worked out a price to make it worth their time and delay, then they only accepted half o’ it - and we’re patching everyone up.”
I nodded thoughtfully and took another swig of water. As I swished it in my mouth I realized my throat felt raw as if I’d been yelling or screaming - I hoped I hadn’t been and that the raw feeling in my throat had been solely caused by stress. My mind flicked through a few things to say - I figured I was the Commander, and as bad as we all looked and felt we had still won - before I landed on a sardonic tone. It was time to celebrate with the troops.
“Well everyone, good work. Sorry for sleeping in - I need my beauty sleep much more than the rest of you!” I grinned in what I hoped was a confident way. Oriwyn laughed a bit - it sounded like it hurt her a little to laugh unfortunately - while Leor just snorted. My tone and face shifted to sincerity as I continued.
“More seriously everyone, I think we did it. I think we won despite the odds. How is Oxcard doing?”
I glanced at Arcadia. Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell she was furiously blinking them back.
“Ox is okay, or stable at least. He keeps on breathing and Ori thinks she’s finally managed to fully stem the bleeding.” Arcadia looked down, worried, at her brother. Oriwyn smiled up at her and stood, wiping her slightly bloody hands on a cloth she had on her person. The goblin-mouse reached over and patted the taller woman’s shoulder.
“He’ll be right as rain, especially when he wakes up I think. He’s really quite deft with a needle - I’ve seen sloppier stitch work on people’s pants than he managed to do to himself.”
The ghost of a smile touched Arcadia’s lips as she gazed down at the sleeping Oxcard.
“Yes, he’s always been good with needle and thread. He was the one who kept our clothes in good repair when we were growing up, and unfortunately this isn’t his first improvised surgery. Ox is a survivor. He’ll pull through.”
I noticed, but obviously chose not to comment on, the quiver in her voice when she said that her brother would pull through. I looked him over myself - he seemed to be breathing evenly, and there were some bandages tied around his whole torso that were yet to be spotted with blood, so that seemed like a good sign at least. Satisfied, I turned back to address the group as a whole.
“Can I get a status report from everyone? How are we all doing?”
Laran immediately answered.
“I thought you might want to know! For injuries, I’ve received a small cut on my torso. Arcadia has some pretty bad gashes on her left palm and right forearm. Oriwyn is bruised and her nose was broken - Leor snapped it back in place a few hours ago when Ori started having some trouble breathing, so it looks pretty nasty. Speaking of Leor, she has some burns on her hands from her stunt with the lightning, but Ori managed to find some weird plant I’d never heard of that’s been helping with the pain. Finally, Brams got something of a cut, but it isn’t very deep. It is on his wing though, so as it is healing he will need to be careful about moving too much.”
I nodded and thanked Laran for his report. He looked pleased with himself, and I resolved to thank him privately later for helping me lead the team. All in all, we had gotten off relatively okay. All of us were alive and we had managed to achieve our objective. I took a moment to savor the victory before my mind stumbled into the next inevitable question.
What now?
I sighed as I began to contemplate the question. We likely couldn’t go back to Tripit since Daisy knew what we looked like. Leor might be able to chance it since she’d been outside the whole time, but even then I didn’t think any of us were in a hurry to test that theory out. As another consideration, Arcadia had been through a lot with us, and I felt like I needed to address that fact before too awful long.
“Arcadia, what’s your plan? Or what was your plan? Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we don’t want to go back to Tripit any time soon.” I said it with a laugh, but Arcadia looked anxious. I suddenly realized what I said could come across as accusatory. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We knew what we were signing up for and we all did it willingly.”
“You shouldn’t have. Glad you did though.”
The voice was scratchy and strained, husky and rough. We all whipped around to see Ox’s head slightly raised. He had a hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. As we stared at the newly awakened orc, Arcadia sank to her knees and started crying what I could only assume were happy tears. Oxcard grinned thinly and shuffled back, bracing himself against the pillow that had been jammed under his head in an attempt to sit up a little straighter.
“Come on Arcay, get over here.”
Arcadia shuffled over to Ox, nearly crawling. She wrapped him in a gentle hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. He raised his arms and wrapped the human-shadeling in a hug. Her head nestled against his shoulder and she whispered something. The rest of us tried to give them what space we could. When Arcadia broke off the hug and sat back on her haunches, the white spots of skin on her face near her eyes were splotched red with tears. She turned to the rest of us.
“I cannot thank you enough. You all did what no one else was willing to.” It looked like she was searching for more words, but was having a hard time coming up with them. “We cannot thank you enough.”
Ox nodded low in an approximation of a bow.
“Assuming we’ve put enough distance between ourselves and the city, I think we’re safe for the moment. I should be ready to move on by nightfall.”
Oriwyn made a sound like someone lightly stepping on a chicken, a sort of strangled squawk with a burbling undercurrent thanks to her nose.
“Nightfall? As in nightfall tonight?!? As in you’re going to get up and walk tonight?” Her tone was incredulous, and I inclined to agree with her. Oxcard was clearly still not okay, and even if he could walk I didn’t think it would do his stitching any favors. Arcadia just smiled and stood up.
“Okay, we can get moving tonight if everyone else is okay to move. I’ve got a few golems here, and this time someone will be awake enough they won’t rip themselves open trying to get away from someone who is trying to help them.”
It was amazing how quickly her tone changed. She had just been tearfully hugging him, and now she sounded wry and sarcastic at her brother’s antics like he was a six year old who had brought her a mud pie or something. I shook my head in wonder - none of the rest of us in the party had siblings as we all were only children. Obviously Arcadia and Oxcard had not been born to the same mother - my rudimentary knowledge of how the birds and bees worked with the ancestries in Tala indicated as much - but still, they acted like how I thought siblings acted, and they obviously shared a deep bond. It felt good to have that dynamic around, as if it were something the rest of us might have been missing as a group. Shaking myself out of my reverie, I decided to make an announcement.
“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to offer the two of you a chance to join our group.” I looked around at the existing members of the party, and they all nodded happily. Oriwyn nodded so aggressively she winced as the movement jostled her injured nose. Arcadia and Oxcard looked at each other. I hastened on to add more.
“You don’t need to decide now of course. Actually, if you’ll have us, I was going to ask if we could accompany you to wherever you planned to go Arcadia. We should be safer in a group if any part of the road is likely to be treacherous, plus new company is always a good thing.”
Oxcard said a few quiet things to Arcadia, who said a few quiet things back. I tried not to listen in despite my burning curiosity. Oxcard shrugged and said something else, and then Arcadia turned back to us all.
“My plan was to go to Diareen. It’s a trade city out towards the northern edge of the province. It’s not as big as Tripit, but I figured it would be big enough that we could find something to do.” Arcadia’s face fell a bit as she continued. “Also, I figured that having the river boats as well as the roads would make it easier to escape if Daisy caught up with us.”
The mood in the clearing soured as Daisy’s name was uttered, but after a few seconds Leor did her best to break the tension.
“Diareen, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard of it before, but it sounds like as good a plan as any. I vote that we follow along with Arcadia.”
There was a quick chorus of agreement as the rest of the party also expressed their support of the plan. We hadn’t spent long in Tripit, but we hoped this would also work well for us - we figured we could look for work as guards for a river boat or something. The only thing I was certain of was that it would be a long time before I accepted another rescue mission unless I absolutely couldn’t avoid it. I still felt a little nervous and jittery from the night before, and despite feeling mostly better the memory of the nightmare hung around in the back of my mind like the aftertaste of a bitter plant.
With our path being decided, I perked up and pushed down the previous night’s terrors. I felt a trickle of energy flow into my limbs and looked around the campground properly.
“Okay! With that being said, let’s make preparations for travel. How long is it to Diareen, Arcadia?”
Arcadia stayed kneeled next to Ox. As she spoke I noticed that she looked very tired - this whole ordeal had taken a huge toll on her, and it was beginning to show. I hoped I could convince her to take it easy for a bit. Regardless, she thought for a moment before giving me an estimate.
“About three weeks unfortunately, unless we get very lucky and the teamster is headed that way. Also at some point the road will go by the river so we could try and catch a river boat - they aren’t fast, especially since they’d be headed upstream instead of down, and we would need to pay our way, but we wouldn’t need to walk!”
I nodded, not particularly relishing the idea of that long spent traveling but resolved to its necessity. Leor spoke up with a question.
“Are there towns on the way? I don’t know how we’re doing with money exactly, but three weeks is a long time. We will definitely want lodging and we may even need to stop to take on work.”
Ox answered as Arcadia was trying to remember the route.
“Though Arcadia and I haven’t left Tripit much, I’m aware of some of the routes and where they lead. By my reckoning we have four or five small villages and two places big enough I’d call ‘em towns. Could be worse.”
I nodded, relieved. If the places that Ox had mentioned were spread out relatively evenly, that would be a village every few days - that felt a lot better than the ten day trek from Eightside to Tripit. With a grin, I stood and stretched.
“Well, I’ve been asleep too long today as it stands. Let’s get things prepared around here so we can head out tonight!”
There was a flurry of activity afterwards. With much protest, we managed to convince Arcadia to lay down for some rest. Despite her repeated insistence that she wasn’t tired, she was asleep within a minute of laying down and slept almost until nightfall. Oxcard also lounged, drifting into fitful bouts of sleep. As they rested, the rest of us tried to get things shifted around and packed as best we could. Most of our stuff had been at the Sable Sky since stealth had been so paramount to our mission, so we would need to wait for the teamster - Alex - to get back to actually be fully ready to go.
In addition to packing and resting, Oxcard, Oriwyn, and Laran took another go at closing Oxcard’s wound. I made the mistake of watching them remove the old stitching and had to stumble away to get sick in a bush. Eventually, I got the all-clear from Laran and came back into the clearing. Oriwyn had a bucket full of bloody rags that she was going to take to a river and wash. Leor volunteered to go with her, and the two of them left. Meanwhile Oxcard was sitting propped up fully after some time to recover and looked a little better, though redoing the stitches had obviously caused him pain. By the time Alex returned, Oxcard looked like he might actually be healthy enough to walk.
We still didn’t let him of course.
I talked with Alex a bit, thanking them for their help and making good on the price that they had haggled down from Laran the night previous. They offered to give us a ride, which we gladly accepted, and helped us pack our bags up as well. In return for their kindness I offered whatever services we could render to make their journey more comfortable. They accepted, though both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do to help. We learned that Alex would be able to take us as far as Squat’s Hollow - about a third of the total journey - before needing to attend to their own business, which was about as lucky as we could reasonably hope to be. As night began to fall, we had everything loaded on the teamster’s wagon, including Oxcard. Just in case, Oriwyn went ahead of the impromptu caravan to check for any of Daisy’s goons, but seeing no one, we made our way out to the road and started on the next stage of our journey.
Elsewhere: The large man was on his tiptoes trying to reach the top of a shelf, straining to get the can of beans down. Frustrated, he rocked his weight back down onto his heels and glared at the beans disdainfully. With a sigh, he called for his wife to help him out, hoping she wasn’t busy with customers. As his wife opened the door, he reflected on how lucky he had been to find her - she was kind, warm, smart, had a great way when dealing with people, and was taller than him by at least half a head. The man didn’t know why he liked tall women, but he knew he certainly did and fate had seen fit to imbue this lovely giantess with everything else he had been looking for in a partner. She immediately saw the offending can and got it down for him, taking a quick moment to give the man a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. A goofy smile spread across his face as she turned back and closed the storeroom door, returning to the desk at the front of the building. After all, Yada’s combination inn, bath-house, and general store was the only thing in the woods for miles, and someone would always show up eventually.
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First Previous Next

First Previous Next
Chapter 26 - Rest for the Righteous
Last Time: Aiden, Laran, Leor, and Oriwyn - under the employ of Arcadia - executed a daring plan to rescue Oxcard from the clutches of the crime boss Daisy. They managed to get to his room without trouble, but leaving proved to be much more difficult. Laran was cornered and forced to fight several thugs after being seen while skulking around Daisy’s compound. The rest of the party found him and made sure he won the fight but were unable to prevent one of the thugs from alerting the entire building to their presence. What followed was a harrowing flight from Daisy’s forces and Daisy herself. With Leor’s assistance, everyone was able to clear the building and run off into the night, but not without sustaining several injuries. The party made good their getaway however with their client and target in tow and, determined to stay ahead of Daisy’s reprisal, left the city of Tripit behind.
Daisy clutched my throat, the slashes across her face leaking crimson blood that pooled in her snarled teeth. She looked like a wild thing and had me both lifted and pinned to a wall as if I weighed almost nothing. I struggled to breath, kicking my legs feebly, until I suddenly woke up.
Laran was staring down at me. He looked very concerned and more than a little frightened. It took my brain another few seconds to adjust to our surroundings and fully shake off the nightmare.
All of us were arrayed around a clearing underneath hastily constructed tents. I could see Oriwyn crouched beside Ox, who was laying out in the middle of the clearing. Oriwyn’s nose was swollen and her green skin was mottled purple around it - her face looked a little crooked in general, but she seemed to be moving fine enough. Arcadia stood next to the pair, holding a fan and waving it at Oxcard’s face. Groaning, I sat up. Leor sat on a tree stump and glanced at me with a tired grin. Brams lay curled up by her feet, and every once in a while I noticed she would reach down and scratch his head while Oriwyn busied herself with Oxcard.
As I sat up, Laran’s concerned expression broke into a relieved smile so genuine that it made my heart hurt. I wasn’t even injured, yet here he was acting like I’d just gotten up off my death bed. My head still felt fuzzy, so when he held a canteen out to me I took it gladly and took a big drink of water. I granted myself a few moments of silence before getting down to the business of trying to lead again.
“Where exactly are we again? I remember slumping down on the road when Arcadia’s golem gave out, but I don’t really remember anything after that.”
Laran smiled and nodded. The sun shone down on his jade-green skin and helped burn away the remaining damp from the night before. Laran sat back and seemed to finally properly relax. As he did, I couldn’t stop my attention from being wholly drawn to him.
In that moment he was really, really good to look at. And listen to. And be around.
“Ain’t surprised you don’t remember much - we had a time a’ things for sure. Last night - g’morning by the way - a teamster named Alex found us and dragged our sorry hides to this clearin’ off the road. They didn’t ask much about us, though they seemed to get the impression we were in need a’ help something fierce. Right now they’re headed back to Tripit to get our stuff from the Sable Sky - I worked out a price to make it worth their time and delay, then they only accepted half o’ it - and we’re patching everyone up.”
I nodded thoughtfully and took another swig of water. As I swished it in my mouth I realized my throat felt raw as if I’d been yelling or screaming - I hoped I hadn’t been and that the raw feeling in my throat had been solely caused by stress. My mind flicked through a few things to say - I figured I was the Commander, and as bad as we all looked and felt we had still won - before I landed on a sardonic tone. It was time to celebrate with the troops.
“Well everyone, good work. Sorry for sleeping in - I need my beauty sleep much more than the rest of you!” I grinned in what I hoped was a confident way. Oriwyn laughed a bit - it sounded like it hurt her a little to laugh unfortunately - while Leor just snorted. My tone and face shifted to sincerity as I continued.
“More seriously everyone, I think we did it. I think we won despite the odds. How is Oxcard doing?”
I glanced at Arcadia. Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell she was furiously blinking them back.
“Ox is okay, or stable at least. He keeps on breathing and Ori thinks she’s finally managed to fully stem the bleeding.” Arcadia looked down, worried, at her brother. Oriwyn smiled up at her and stood, wiping her slightly bloody hands on a cloth she had on her person. The goblin-mouse reached over and patted the taller woman’s shoulder.
“He’ll be right as rain, especially when he wakes up I think. He’s really quite deft with a needle - I’ve seen sloppier stitch work on people’s pants than he managed to do to himself.”
The ghost of a smile touched Arcadia’s lips as she gazed down at the sleeping Oxcard.
“Yes, he’s always been good with needle and thread. He was the one who kept our clothes in good repair when we were growing up, and unfortunately this isn’t his first improvised surgery. Ox is a survivor. He’ll pull through.”
I noticed, but obviously chose not to comment on, the quiver in her voice when she said that her brother would pull through. I looked him over myself - he seemed to be breathing evenly, and there were some bandages tied around his whole torso that were yet to be spotted with blood, so that seemed like a good sign at least. Satisfied, I turned back to address the group as a whole.
“Can I get a status report from everyone? How are we all doing?”
Laran immediately answered.
“I thought you might want to know! For injuries, I’ve received a small cut on my torso. Arcadia has some pretty bad gashes on her left palm and right forearm. Oriwyn is bruised and her nose was broken - Leor snapped it back in place a few hours ago when Ori started having some trouble breathing, so it looks pretty nasty. Speaking of Leor, she has some burns on her hands from her stunt with the lightning, but Ori managed to find some weird plant I’d never heard of that’s been helping with the pain. Finally, Brams got something of a cut, but it isn’t very deep. It is on his wing though, so as it is healing he will need to be careful about moving too much.”
I nodded and thanked Laran for his report. He looked pleased with himself, and I resolved to thank him privately later for helping me lead the team. All in all, we had gotten off relatively okay. All of us were alive and we had managed to achieve our objective. I took a moment to savor the victory before my mind stumbled into the next inevitable question.
What now?
I sighed as I began to contemplate the question. We likely couldn’t go back to Tripit since Daisy knew what we looked like. Leor might be able to chance it since she’d been outside the whole time, but even then I didn’t think any of us were in a hurry to test that theory out. As another consideration, Arcadia had been through a lot with us, and I felt like I needed to address that fact before too awful long.
“Arcadia, what’s your plan? Or what was your plan? Because I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we don’t want to go back to Tripit any time soon.” I said it with a laugh, but Arcadia looked anxious. I suddenly realized what I said could come across as accusatory. “Hey, it’s not your fault. We knew what we were signing up for and we all did it willingly.”
“You shouldn’t have. Glad you did though.”
The voice was scratchy and strained, husky and rough. We all whipped around to see Ox’s head slightly raised. He had a hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. As we stared at the newly awakened orc, Arcadia sank to her knees and started crying what I could only assume were happy tears. Oxcard grinned thinly and shuffled back, bracing himself against the pillow that had been jammed under his head in an attempt to sit up a little straighter.
“Come on Arcay, get over here.”
Arcadia shuffled over to Ox, nearly crawling. She wrapped him in a gentle hug, careful not to disturb his wounds. He raised his arms and wrapped the human-shadeling in a hug. Her head nestled against his shoulder and she whispered something. The rest of us tried to give them what space we could. When Arcadia broke off the hug and sat back on her haunches, the white spots of skin on her face near her eyes were splotched red with tears. She turned to the rest of us.
“I cannot thank you enough. You all did what no one else was willing to.” It looked like she was searching for more words, but was having a hard time coming up with them. “We cannot thank you enough.”
Ox nodded low in an approximation of a bow.
“Assuming we’ve put enough distance between ourselves and the city, I think we’re safe for the moment. I should be ready to move on by nightfall.”
Oriwyn made a sound like someone lightly stepping on a chicken, a sort of strangled squawk with a burbling undercurrent thanks to her nose.
“Nightfall? As in nightfall tonight?!? As in you’re going to get up and walk tonight?” Her tone was incredulous, and I inclined to agree with her. Oxcard was clearly still not okay, and even if he could walk I didn’t think it would do his stitching any favors. Arcadia just smiled and stood up.
“Okay, we can get moving tonight if everyone else is okay to move. I’ve got a few golems here, and this time someone will be awake enough they won’t rip themselves open trying to get away from someone who is trying to help them.”
It was amazing how quickly her tone changed. She had just been tearfully hugging him, and now she sounded wry and sarcastic at her brother’s antics like he was a six year old who had brought her a mud pie or something. I shook my head in wonder - none of the rest of us in the party had siblings as we all were only children. Obviously Arcadia and Oxcard had not been born to the same mother - my rudimentary knowledge of how the birds and bees worked with the ancestries in Tala indicated as much - but still, they acted like how I thought siblings acted, and they obviously shared a deep bond. It felt good to have that dynamic around, as if it were something the rest of us might have been missing as a group. Shaking myself out of my reverie, I decided to make an announcement.
“I’ve been thinking, and I wanted to offer the two of you a chance to join our group.” I looked around at the existing members of the party, and they all nodded happily. Oriwyn nodded so aggressively she winced as the movement jostled her injured nose. Arcadia and Oxcard looked at each other. I hastened on to add more.
“You don’t need to decide now of course. Actually, if you’ll have us, I was going to ask if we could accompany you to wherever you planned to go Arcadia. We should be safer in a group if any part of the road is likely to be treacherous, plus new company is always a good thing.”
Oxcard said a few quiet things to Arcadia, who said a few quiet things back. I tried not to listen in despite my burning curiosity. Oxcard shrugged and said something else, and then Arcadia turned back to us all.
“My plan was to go to Diareen. It’s a trade city out towards the northern edge of the province. It’s not as big as Tripit, but I figured it would be big enough that we could find something to do.” Arcadia’s face fell a bit as she continued. “Also, I figured that having the river boats as well as the roads would make it easier to escape if Daisy caught up with us.”
The mood in the clearing soured as Daisy’s name was uttered, but after a few seconds Leor did her best to break the tension.
“Diareen, huh? Can’t say I’ve heard of it before, but it sounds like as good a plan as any. I vote that we follow along with Arcadia.”
There was a quick chorus of agreement as the rest of the party also expressed their support of the plan. We hadn’t spent long in Tripit, but we hoped this would also work well for us - we figured we could look for work as guards for a river boat or something. The only thing I was certain of was that it would be a long time before I accepted another rescue mission unless I absolutely couldn’t avoid it. I still felt a little nervous and jittery from the night before, and despite feeling mostly better the memory of the nightmare hung around in the back of my mind like the aftertaste of a bitter plant.
With our path being decided, I perked up and pushed down the previous night’s terrors. I felt a trickle of energy flow into my limbs and looked around the campground properly.
“Okay! With that being said, let’s make preparations for travel. How long is it to Diareen, Arcadia?”
Arcadia stayed kneeled next to Ox. As she spoke I noticed that she looked very tired - this whole ordeal had taken a huge toll on her, and it was beginning to show. I hoped I could convince her to take it easy for a bit. Regardless, she thought for a moment before giving me an estimate.
“About three weeks unfortunately, unless we get very lucky and the teamster is headed that way. Also at some point the road will go by the river so we could try and catch a river boat - they aren’t fast, especially since they’d be headed upstream instead of down, and we would need to pay our way, but we wouldn’t need to walk!”
I nodded, not particularly relishing the idea of that long spent traveling but resolved to its necessity. Leor spoke up with a question.
“Are there towns on the way? I don’t know how we’re doing with money exactly, but three weeks is a long time. We will definitely want lodging and we may even need to stop to take on work.”
Ox answered as Arcadia was trying to remember the route.
“Though Arcadia and I haven’t left Tripit much, I’m aware of some of the routes and where they lead. By my reckoning we have four or five small villages and two places big enough I’d call ‘em towns. Could be worse.”
I nodded, relieved. If the places that Ox had mentioned were spread out relatively evenly, that would be a village every few days - that felt a lot better than the ten day trek from Eightside to Tripit. With a grin, I stood and stretched.
“Well, I’ve been asleep too long today as it stands. Let’s get things prepared around here so we can head out tonight!”
There was a flurry of activity afterwards. With much protest, we managed to convince Arcadia to lay down for some rest. Despite her repeated insistence that she wasn’t tired, she was asleep within a minute of laying down and slept almost until nightfall. Oxcard also lounged, drifting into fitful bouts of sleep. As they rested, the rest of us tried to get things shifted around and packed as best we could. Most of our stuff had been at the Sable Sky since stealth had been so paramount to our mission, so we would need to wait for the teamster - Alex - to get back to actually be fully ready to go.
In addition to packing and resting, Oxcard, Oriwyn, and Laran took another go at closing Oxcard’s wound. I made the mistake of watching them remove the old stitching and had to stumble away to get sick in a bush. Eventually, I got the all-clear from Laran and came back into the clearing. Oriwyn had a bucket full of bloody rags that she was going to take to a river and wash. Leor volunteered to go with her, and the two of them left. Meanwhile Oxcard was sitting propped up fully after some time to recover and looked a little better, though redoing the stitches had obviously caused him pain. By the time Alex returned, Oxcard looked like he might actually be healthy enough to walk.
We still didn’t let him of course.
I talked with Alex a bit, thanking them for their help and making good on the price that they had haggled down from Laran the night previous. They offered to give us a ride, which we gladly accepted, and helped us pack our bags up as well. In return for their kindness I offered whatever services we could render to make their journey more comfortable. They accepted, though both of us knew there wasn’t much we could do to help. We learned that Alex would be able to take us as far as Squat’s Hollow - about a third of the total journey - before needing to attend to their own business, which was about as lucky as we could reasonably hope to be. As night began to fall, we had everything loaded on the teamster’s wagon, including Oxcard. Just in case, Oriwyn went ahead of the impromptu caravan to check for any of Daisy’s goons, but seeing no one, we made our way out to the road and started on the next stage of our journey.
Elsewhere: The large man was on his tiptoes trying to reach the top of a shelf, straining to get the can of beans down. Frustrated, he rocked his weight back down onto his heels and glared at the beans disdainfully. With a sigh, he called for his wife to help him out, hoping she wasn’t busy with customers. As his wife opened the door, he reflected on how lucky he had been to find her - she was kind, warm, smart, had a great way when dealing with people, and was taller than him by at least half a head. The man didn’t know why he liked tall women, but he knew he certainly did and fate had seen fit to imbue this lovely giantess with everything else he had been looking for in a partner. She immediately saw the offending can and got it down for him, taking a quick moment to give the man a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. A goofy smile spread across his face as she turned back and closed the storeroom door, returning to the desk at the front of the building. After all, Yada’s combination inn, bath-house, and general store was the only thing in the woods for miles, and someone would always show up eventually.
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Can some one mark this creative writing did it in exam conditions thanks, I didn't get to finish so I don't know if that will make me lose marks
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Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense. Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings, which made drills. He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck, although he did have a very large mustache. Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck, which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time craning over garden fences, spying on the neighbors. The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley and in their opinion there was no finer boy anywhere. The Dursleys had everything they wanted, but they also had a secret, and their greatest fear was that somebody would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters. Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister, because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband were as unDursleyish as it was possible to be. The Dursleys shuddered to think what the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street. The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that. When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, gray Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work, and Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair. None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window. At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, 2 because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. "Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive. It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar -- a cat reading a map. For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen -- then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light. Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive -- no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs. Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day. But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks. Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes -- the getups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak! The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt -- these people were obviously collecting for something... yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on and a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills. Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swoop ing past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open- mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime. Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more. He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery. 3 He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed them angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy. This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying. "The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard yes, their son, Harry" Mr. Dursley stopped dead. Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it. He dashed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking... no, he was being stupid. Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. Or Harold. There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her -- if he'd had a sister like that... but all the same, those people in cloaks... He found it a lot harder to concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door. "Sorry," he grunted, as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seconds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passersby stare, "Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!" And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle and walked off. Mr. Dursley stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was. He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping 4 he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination. As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw -- and it didn't improve his mood -- was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes. "Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly. The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look. Was this normal cat behavior? Mr. Dursley wondered. Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the house. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife. Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word ("Won't!"). Mr. Dursley tried to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news: "And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Although owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight, there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?" "Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early -- it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight." Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about the Potters... Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er -- Petunia, dear -- you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?" 5 As he had expected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister. "No," she said sharply. "Why?" "Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking people in town today..." "So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley. "Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd." Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard the name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son -- he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?" "I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly. "What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?" "Harry. Nasty, common name, if you ask me." "Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree." He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom window and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something. Was he imagining things? Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of -- well, he didn't think he could bear it. The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about 6 them and their kind.... He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on -- he yawned and turned over -- it couldn't affect them.... How very wrong he was. Mr. Dursley might have been drifting into an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all. A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground. The cat's tail twitched and its eyes narrowed. Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a purple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice. This man's name was Albus Dumbledore. Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he was being watched, because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known." He found what he was looking for in his inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. He clicked it again -- the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, until the only lights left on the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down 7 on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it. "Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall." He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, too, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled. "How did you know it was me?" she asked. "My dear Professor, I 've never seen a cat sit so stiffly." "You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall. "All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here." Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily. "Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right," she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no -- even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls... shooting stars.... Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent -- I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense." "You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to celebrate for eleven years." "I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumors." She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day YouKnow-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he 8 really has gone, Dumbledore?" "It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a lemon drop?" "A what?" "A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of" "No, thank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for lemon drops. "As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -" "My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this 'You- Know-Who' nonsense -- for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort." Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name. "I know you haven 't, said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of." "You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have." "Only because you're too -- well -- noble to use them." "It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs." Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?" It seemed that Professor McGonagall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until 9 Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer. "What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are -- are -- that they're -- dead. " Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped. "Lily and James... I can't believe it... I didn't want to believe it... Oh, Albus..." Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know... I know..." he said heavily. Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But -- he couldn't. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke -- and that's why he's gone. Dumbledore nodded glumly. "It's -- it's true?" faltered Professor McGonagall. "After all he's done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?" "We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never know." Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers; instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?" "Yes," said Professor McGonagall. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?" "I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now." 10 "You don't mean -- you can't mean the people who live here?" cried Professor McGonagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore -- you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son -- I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!" "It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter." "A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous -- a legend -- I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future -- there will be books written about Harry -- every child in our world will know his name!" "Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can walk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! CarA you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?" Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and then said, "Yes -- yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?" She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it. "Hagrid's bringing him." "You think it -- wise -- to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?" I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore. "I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to -- what was that?" A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a 11 headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky -- and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them. If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets. "Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get that motorcycle?" "Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sit," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir." "No problems, were there?" "No, sir -- house was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol." Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning. "Is that where -?" whispered Professor McGonagall. "Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever." "Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?" "Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground. Well -- give him here, Hagrid -- we'd better get this over with." Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursleys' house. "Could I -- could I say good-bye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid. He bent his 12 great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog. "Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall, "you'll wake the Muggles!" "S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it -- Lily an' James dead -- an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -" "Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Professor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out. "Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations." "Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back. G'night, Professor McGonagall -- Professor Dumbledore, sir." Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night. "I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall," said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply. Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once, and twelve balls of light sped back to their street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four. "Good luck, Harry," he murmured. He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone. 13 A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen.

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Spice & Herb Origins

You are a chef, spice and herb expert and culinary Master. I want you to list, organize and explain every spice and herb in existence Categorically based on location of origin. Including rare and exotic spices and herbs as well as common house hold versions. I want this list to contain every spice and herb in existence with a 2 sentence explanation about the herb and spices
2 / 2
ChatGPT
As an AI text-based model, I can certainly provide you with a comprehensive list of spices and herbs based on their location of origin, along with brief explanations. However, please note that it's virtually impossible to capture every single spice and herb in existence in a single list, as new ones are discovered or created over time. Nevertheless, I will include a wide range of common, rare, and exotic spices and herbs for your reference. Here is the list organized by location:
Indian Subcontinent:
Turmeric: A vibrant yellow spice with a warm and earthy flavor, commonly used in curries and known for its anti-inflammatory properties.
Cardamom: A fragrant spice with a sweet and citrusy taste, used in both sweet and savory dishes, known for its digestive benefits.
Cumin: A pungent spice with a warm and nutty flavor, widely used in Indian and Middle Eastern cuisines, and known for its aid in digestion.
Mediterranean:
Oregano: A robust herb with a peppery and slightly bitter taste, often used in Italian and Greek dishes, particularly in tomato-based sauces and on pizza.
Rosemary: A fragrant herb with a pine-like aroma and a slightly bitter flavor, commonly used in Mediterranean cuisine, especially with roasted meats and potatoes.
Saffron: A highly prized spice derived from the dried stigmas of crocus flowers, it has a distinct floral aroma and imparts a rich golden color to dishes, often used in paella and risotto.
East Asia:
Ginger: A zesty and aromatic root with a warm and slightly spicy flavor, widely used in Asian cuisines, known for its digestive and anti-inflammatory properties.
Star anise: A star-shaped spice with a licorice-like flavor, used in Chinese cuisine and commonly found in five-spice powder and various soups and braised dishes.
Lemongrass: A citrusy and refreshing herb with a delicate flavor, commonly used in Thai and Vietnamese cuisines, especially in soups, curries, and teas.
Middle East:
Sumac: A tangy and slightly fruity spice with a deep red color, often used in Middle Eastern cuisine as a flavor enhancer for salads, meats, and rice dishes.
Za'atar: A blend of dried herbs including thyme, oregano, and sumac, mixed with sesame seeds and salt, commonly used in Middle Eastern cooking as a seasoning for bread, meats, and vegetables.
Baharat: A spice blend consisting of warm spices like black pepper, cinnamon, cardamom, and cloves, used in Middle Eastern dishes, particularly in meat preparations and rice dishes.
South America:
Aji amarillo: A bright yellow chili pepper with a fruity and slightly floral flavor, commonly used in Peruvian cuisine to add heat and depth to various dishes, such as ceviche and sauces.
Cilantro: An herb with a distinct and refreshing flavor, often used in Mexican and Latin American cuisines, particularly in salsas, guacamole, and as a garnish.
Annatto: A reddish-orange spice derived from the seeds of the achiote tree, used in Latin American cuisines for its vibrant color and mild peppery flavor, commonly found in dishes like rice, stews, and marinades.
Africa:
Harissa: A fiery chili paste made from roasted red peppers, spices, and herbs, commonly used in North African cuisine as a condiment or flavoring agent for soups, stews, and grilled meats.
Berbere: An aromatic spice blend containing chili peppers, ginger, garlic, and various other spices, widely used in Ethiopian and Eritrean cuisines to flavor stews and sauces.
Grains of paradise: A peppery and slightly citrusy spice similar to black pepper, native to West Africa, used to season meats, soups, and spice blends.
Please note that this list is by no means exhaustive, but it provides a glimpse into the diverse array of spices and herbs found across different regions.

I want this to be an exhaustive list of all known spices and herbs including rare and expensive ingredients. Do not spare a single detail, and use all your resources to compile this list.
ChatGPT
I apologize for the confusion, but compiling an exhaustive list of all known spices and herbs, including rare and expensive ingredients, would be an enormous task that goes beyond the scope of this text-based conversation. There are thousands of spices and herbs used in various culinary traditions worldwide, and the knowledge of such ingredients is continually expanding and evolving.
Additionally, it's important to note that spices and herbs can vary in their availability depending on factors such as seasonality, cultivation, and regional accessibility. Some rare and expensive ingredients may be difficult to source or may only be found in specific regions or markets.
However, I can provide you with a more comprehensive list of spices and herbs from various regions to broaden your understanding of the vast range of culinary ingredients. Please let me know if you'd like me to proceed with that approach.

Lidt at least 150 rare spices and herbs including and not limited to house hold varieties as well as lesser known herbs and spices
ChatGPT
Certainly! Here is a list of 150 rare spices and herbs, including both household varieties and lesser-known ingredients:
Grains of Paradise: A peppery spice with citrusy undertones, resembling black pepper.
Ajowan: A pungent spice with a thyme-like flavor, commonly used in Indian and Middle Eastern cuisines.
Asafoetida: A strong-smelling spice with a savory flavor, used as a flavor enhancer in Indian and Middle Eastern cooking.
Epazote: A Mexican herb with a strong, earthy flavor, often used in bean dishes and salsas.
Long Pepper: A spice resembling black peppercorns but with a more complex and subtle flavor.
Mace: The dried outer covering of nutmeg, with a warm and aromatic flavor used in both sweet and savory dishes.
Cubeb Pepper: A spice with a peppery and slightly sweet flavor, often used in Indonesian and North African cuisines.
Grains of Selim: An African spice with a smoky and slightly bitter flavor, used in West African dishes.
Sarawak Pepper: A high-quality black pepper variety from Malaysia, known for its strong aroma and fruity undertones.
Juniper Berries: Small, blue berries with a pine-like flavor, commonly used in Scandinavian and Northern European cuisines.
Shiso: A Japanese herb with a unique flavor profile that combines mint, basil, and citrus notes.
Nigella Seeds: Tiny black seeds with a nutty and slightly bitter taste, often used in Indian and Middle Eastern cooking.
Lovage: A perennial herb with a flavor reminiscent of celery and parsley, used as a seasoning and in soups.
Sichuan Pepper: A spice with a citrusy and numbing effect, commonly used in Chinese cuisine, particularly in Sichuan dishes.
Epice du Cru: A French spice blend consisting of various aromatic herbs and spices, often used in French cooking.
Grains of Heaven: A spice similar to cardamom but with a more pungent and resinous flavor, native to West Africa.
Kaffir Lime Leaves: Fragrant leaves with a citrusy flavor, commonly used in Thai and Southeast Asian cuisines.
Anise Hyssop: A herb with a licorice-like flavor, often used in teas, desserts, and savory dishes.
Mahlab: Ground cherry pits with a sweet and nutty flavor, used in Middle Eastern baked goods.
Voatsiperifery Pepper: A rare and wild pepper variety from Madagascar, known for its complex and fruity taste.
Saffron Crocus: The flower stigmas used to produce saffron, one of the most expensive spices in the world, prized for its vibrant color and delicate flavor.
Schinus Molle: Also known as Pink Peppercorns, these berries have a sweet and mildly spicy flavor, often used in gourmet dishes.
Chervil: A delicate herb with a mild anise-like flavor, used in French cuisine, particularly in salads and egg dishes.
Tasmanian Pepperberry: Native to Australia, these berries have a unique, fruity, and spicy flavor, often used in spice blends and marinades.
Grains of Selim: A spice with a smoky and mildly hot flavor, used in West African cuisine to season meats, soups, and stews.
Angelica: A fragrant herb with a musky and bitter flavor, commonly used in Scandinavian and Eastern European cuisines.
Pandan Leaves: Fragrant leaves used in Southeast Asian cooking to add aroma and flavor to desserts and rice dishes.
Black Garlic: Fermented garlic with a soft and sweet flavor, often used as a gourmet ingredient in various cuisines.
Vietnamese Balm: An herb with a citrusy and minty flavor, commonly used in Vietnamese cooking in salads and soups.
Japanese Knotweed: A tart and tangy herb used in jams, pies, and sauces, resembling the flavor of rhubarb.
Perilla: A herb with a unique flavor profile, combining mint, basil, and anise notes, commonly used in Korean and Japanese cuisines.
Tasmanian Pepperleaf: The leaves of this native Australian plant have a spicy and peppery flavor, used to season meats and seafood.
Sweet Cicely: An herb with a sweet and anise-like flavor, often used in desserts and as a natural sweetener.
Grains of Paradise: A West African spice with a warm and peppery flavor, commonly used in spiced beers and ales.
Lemon Verbena: A fragrant herb with a strong lemon flavor, used to add citrusy notes to teas, desserts, and sauces.
Culantro: An herb with a pungent and strong flavor, often used in Latin American and Caribbean cuisines.
Black Salt: Also known as Kala Namak, this Indian salt has a sulfurous and eggy flavor, used in vegan dishes to mimic the taste of eggs.
Sweet Woodruff: An herb with a sweet and earthy flavor, often used to flavor drinks, desserts, and jellies.
Peruvian Black Mint: An herb with a strong and minty flavor, commonly used in Peruvian cooking, especially in ceviche.
Blue Fenugreek: A spice with a smoky and slightly bitter flavor, used in Georgian cuisine to season meats and stews.
Chinese Five Spice: A blend of five spices—star anise, cloves, Chinese cinnamon, Sichuan pepper, and fennel seeds—used in Chinese cuisine for a balanced flavor.
Hyssop: An aromatic herb with a minty and slightly bitter taste, often used in teas, liqueurs, and Mediterranean dishes.
Sansho Pepper: A Japanese spice with a citrusy and numbing effect, commonly used in Japanese cuisine, particularly in grilled dishes and noodles.
Barberry: Tangy berries used as a souring agent in Iranian and Middle Eastern cuisines, often added to rice dishes and stews.
Sichuan Button: A flower bud with a tingling and numbing sensation, used to add a unique sensory experience to dishes and cocktails.
Galangal: A rhizome with a spicy and citrusy flavor, commonly used in Southeast Asian cooking, particularly in curries and stir-fries.
Elderflower: Fragrant flowers used to add a floral aroma to drinks, desserts, and syrups.
Lovage Seeds: Seeds with a strong flavor reminiscent of celery and anise, used to season soups, stews, and pickles.
Wattleseed: Ground seeds of Australian Acacia plants, with a nutty and roasted flavor, often used in baked goods and sauces.
Curry Leaves: Fragrant leaves used in South Indian and Sri Lankan cuisines to add aroma and flavor to curries and rice dishes.
Lemon Myrtle: An Australian herb with a strong lemon flavor, commonly used in desserts, sauces, and seafood dishes.
Tarragon: An herb with a subtle anise-like flavor, commonly used in French cuisine to season sauces, dressings, and poultry.
Vietnamese Mint: An herb with a peppery and citrusy flavor, often used in Vietnamese cuisine in salads, soups, and spring rolls.
Rau Ram: A Vietnamese herb with a pungent and minty taste, used in salads, soups, and noodle dishes.
Sweetgrass: An herb with a sweet and vanilla-like aroma, often used in Native American cuisine for flavoring teas, desserts, and smudging ceremonies.
Peruvian Pink Salt: A gourmet salt with a delicate flavor and a blush-pink hue, often used as a finishing salt for enhancing the taste of dishes.
Red Shiso: A Japanese herb with a tangy and slightly spicy taste, commonly used to pickle plums and season sushi rice.
Lemon Balm: A herb with a lemony and minty flavor, often used in teas, desserts, and salads.
Thai Basil: An herb with a strong and slightly sweet flavor, commonly used in Thai cuisine, particularly in stir-fries, curries, and soups.
Salicornia: A sea vegetable with a crunchy texture and a salty flavor, often used in salads and seafood dishes.
Lemon Thyme: A herb with a citrusy and herbal flavor, commonly used as a seasoning for poultry, seafood, and vegetables.
Lovage Root: The root of the lovage plant, with a strong and aromatic flavor, used in soups, stews, and pickles.
Dragon's Breath: A chili pepper claimed to be one of the spiciest in the world, with an intense and long-lasting heat.
Carob: A sweet and chocolatey substitute for cocoa powder, often used in desserts and as a coffee substitute.
Chameleon Plant: An edible plant with a tart and slightly tangy taste, used in salads and stir-fries.
Epazote: A Mexican herb with a pungent and earthy flavor, often used in bean dishes, soups, and tamales.
Lemon Basil: An herb with a strong lemon flavor and aroma, often used in teas, desserts, and seafood dishes.
Chinese Mugwort: An herb used in traditional Chinese medicine and cooking for its aromatic and bitter properties.
Szechuan Peppercorn Oil: An oil infused with Szechuan peppercorns, used to add a numbing and spicy flavor to dishes.
Chinese Red Dates: Sweet and chewy dates used in Chinese cuisine for their natural sweetness and health benefits.
Rat Tail Radish: An Asian vegetable with long, slender pods that have a spicy and radish-like flavor, often used in stir-fries.
Black Cumin: Small black seeds with a smoky and nutty flavor, used in Indian, Middle Eastern, and North African cuisines.
Mexican Marigold: An herb with a pungent and floral flavor, often used in Mexican cooking, particularly in moles and stews.
Fingerroot: A ginger-like rhizome with a citrusy and spicy flavor, commonly used in Southeast Asian cuisines.
Longevity Spinach: A leafy green vegetable with a mild and slightly tangy taste, used in soups, stir-fries, and salads.
Cuban Oregano: An herb with a strong and pungent flavor, often used in Caribbean and Latin American cuisines.
Fish Mint: An herb with a strong fishy aroma and flavor, used in Vietnamese and Southeast Asian cuisines in salads and soups.
Black Sesame Seeds: Small seeds with a rich and nutty flavor, often used in Asian desserts, breads, and as a topping.
Blue Tansy: A flower with a herbal and slightly fruity aroma, used in herbal teas and as a natural coloring agent.
Red Bayberry: Small berries with a tart and sweet flavor, commonly used in Chinese and Taiwanese cuisines for jams and sauces.
Cuban Oregano: An herb with a pungent and savory flavor, commonly used in Caribbean and Latin American cuisines.
Wasabi Leaves: The leaves of the wasabi plant, with a similar flavor to wasabi root, often used in salads, sushi, and pickles.
Wild Fennel Pollen: The pollen of wild fennel flowers, with a sweet and aromatic flavor, used as a gourmet seasoning.
Mitsuba: A Japanese herb with a parsley-like flavor and a hint of celery, used in soups, salads, and as a garnish.
Samphire: A coastal plant with a salty and crispy texture, often used in salads, seafood dishes, and pickles.
Makhana: Also known as Fox Nuts, these are seeds with a light and crunchy texture, used in Indian sweets and snacks.
Chinese Artichoke: A root vegetable with a nutty and sweet flavor, often used in stir-fries, salads, and pickles.
Wintergreen: A minty herb with a cooling and refreshing flavor, often used in candies, gums, and herbal teas.
Mountain Pepper: Native to Australia, these berries have a hot and spicy flavor, often used in spice blends and sauces.
White Turmeric: A rhizome with a peppery and earthy flavor, used in Indonesian and Thai cuisines for curries and soups.
Thai Eggplant: Small eggplants with a slightly bitter and tangy taste, commonly used in Thai curries and stir-fries.
Chayote: A fruit with a mild and crisp texture, often used in salads, stir-fries, and soups.
Marjoram: An herb with a delicate and sweet flavor, often used in Mediterranean and Middle Eastern cuisines.
Burdock Root: A root vegetable with a mild and earthy flavor, often used in stir-fries, soups, and teas.
Brazilian Peppertree: A plant with small red berries that have a spicy and peppery flavor, commonly used in Brazilian cuisine.
Tahitian Vanilla: Vanilla beans with a floral and fruity flavor, often used in desserts, baked goods, and beverages.
Grains of Paradise: A spice with a zesty and peppery flavor, commonly used in Scandinavian and African cuisines.
Vietnamese Coriander: An herb with a spicy and citrusy flavor, commonly used in Vietnamese and Southeast Asian cuisines.
Salal Berry: Small berries with a tart and slightly sweet flavor, often used in jams, pies, and desserts.
Jungle Pepper: A wild pepper variety from the Amazon rainforest, known for its hot and fruity taste.
Java Pepper: A rare and aromatic pepper variety from Indonesia, used to add a unique flavor to various dishes.
Red Perilla: A herb with a spicy and cinnamon-like flavor, often used in Korean and Japanese cuisines.
Ratanhia Root: A root used in herbal medicine and as a natural dye, with a bitter and astringent taste.
Honshimeji Mushroom: A delicate and flavorful mushroom used in Asian cuisines in soups, stir-fries, and hot pots.
Persian Cumin: A variety of cumin with a distinct aroma and flavor, commonly used in Persian and Middle Eastern cuisines.
Vietnamese Cinnamon: A type of cinnamon with a sweet and spicy flavor, commonly used in baking and desserts.
Ajwain Leaves: The leaves of the ajwain plant, with a pungent and thyme-like flavor, often used in Indian cooking.
Yamatoimo: A variety of Japanese yam with a slimy and starchy texture, commonly used in soups, stews, and pickles.
Black Cardamom: Larger and smokier than green cardamom, with a bold and aromatic flavor, often used in savory dishes and spice blends.
Japanese Pepper: A spice with a citrusy and peppery taste, commonly used in Japanese cuisine to season grilled meats and soups.
Moringa Leaves: Nutrient-rich leaves with a mild and slightly earthy flavor, often used in salads, soups, and smoothies.
Vietnamese Mint: An herb with a peppery and citrusy flavor, commonly used in Vietnamese cuisine in salads, soups, and spring rolls.
Japanese Mustard Greens: Leafy greens with a sharp and spicy flavor, often used in Japanese cuisine for pickling and stir-fries.
Wasabi Arugula: A leafy green with a peppery and wasabi-like taste, used in salads, sandwiches, and as a garnish.
Tasmanian Pepperleaf: The leaves of this native Australian plant have a spicy and peppery flavor, used to season meats and seafood.
Spanish Saffron: The stigmas of the saffron crocus, with a deep and floral flavor, often used in paella and risotto.
Stone Flower: A dried flower bud with a woody and earthy flavor, commonly used in Indian cuisine to add complexity to curries and biryanis.
Vietnamese Star Anise: A variety of star anise with a stronger and more pungent flavor, commonly used in Vietnamese dishes.
Hyssop: An aromatic herb with a minty and slightly bitter taste, often used in teas, liqueurs, and Mediterranean dishes.
Ajwain Seeds: Small seeds with a strong and pungent flavor, commonly used in Indian cooking to add a distinctive taste to breads and snacks.
White Sage: An herb with a strong and savory flavor, often used in Native American smudging ceremonies and as a culinary seasoning.
Karapulko: A South African herb with a bitter and medicinal taste, commonly used in traditional African dishes and teas.
Nance: Small yellow fruits with a tangy and tropical flavor, often used in Latin American desserts, sauces, and drinks.
Thyme-Scented Geranium: A geranium variety with a thyme-like fragrance, commonly used in teas, desserts, and potpourri.
Sarsaparilla: A root with a sweet and herbal flavor, commonly used in beverages and traditional herbal remedies.
Japanese Green Shiso: An herb with a minty and basil-like flavor, commonly used in Japanese cooking to season rice, sushi, and soups.
Voatsiperifery Pepper: A rare and wild pepper variety from Madagascar, known for its complex and fruity taste.
Quassia: A bitter herb used in herbal medicine and as a flavoring agent in bitters and liqueurs.
Lemon Ironbark: An Australian tree with leaves used to brew a lemony and herbal tea.
Fenugreek Leaves: Dried leaves with a slightly bitter and nutty flavor, commonly used in Indian and Middle Eastern cooking.
Calendula: Edible flowers with a mild and slightly spicy flavor, used in salads, soups, and as a natural food coloring.
Sichuan Peppercorn Oil: An oil infused with Sichuan peppercorns, used to add a numbing and spicy flavor to dishes.
Sawtooth Coriander: An herb with a cilantro-like taste but with a stronger and more citrusy flavor, commonly used in Southeast Asian cuisine.
Borage: Edible flowers and leaves with a cucumber-like flavor, often used in salads, teas, and cocktails.
Kudzu: A root starch with a mild and starchy taste, often used as a thickening agent in Asian cooking.
Herbes de Provence: A blend of dried herbs including thyme, lavender, rosemary, and oregano, commonly used in French cuisine.
Quinoa: A nutrient-rich pseudocereal with a nutty and slightly bitter flavor, commonly used as a rice substitute or in salads.
Wild Rice: A type of grass seed with a nutty and chewy texture, commonly used in pilafs, soups, and salads.
Cardamom Pods: Pods containing small black seeds with a sweet and floral flavor, often used in Indian and Middle Eastern cuisines.
Juniper Berries: Small berries with a piney and slightly citrusy flavor, commonly used in gin production and as a seasoning for game meat.
Camu Camu: A fruit with a tart and tangy taste, known for its high vitamin C content, often used in beverages and desserts.
Shiso Leaves: A herb with a distinctive flavor, combining mint, basil, and citrus notes, commonly used in Japanese and Korean cuisines.
Chervil: An herb with a delicate and slightly anise-like flavor, often used in French cooking as a garnish or in sauces.
Cubeb Pepper: Small berries with a spicy and peppery flavor, commonly used in Indonesian and North African cuisines.
Achiote: Also known as annatto, these seeds have a mild and earthy flavor, often used as a natural food coloring and in spice blends.
Ashwagandha: A medicinal herb with a slightly bitter and earthy taste, often used in traditional Ayurvedic medicine.
Dill Pollen: The pollen of the dill flower, with a strong and aromatic flavor, used as a gourmet seasoning.
Nigella Seeds: Small black seeds with a nutty and peppery flavor, commonly used in Middle Eastern and Indian cuisines.
Aleppo Pepper: A mild and fruity pepper variety, commonly used in Middle Eastern and Mediterranean cuisines.
Indian Bay Leaf: A leaf with a strong and spicy aroma, used in Indian and South Asian cooking for its fragrance and flavor.
Please note that this list is not exhaustive, and there are many more rare spices and herbs available.
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